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 AUTHOR
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 1121
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I've seen women's profiles that list traveling as an interest. Sometimes they'll elaborate by saying where they have traveled to and/or say where they wish to go. Is the translation: "I want to find a guy who will pay for both of us to travel to destination(s) XYZ", or is it "I want to travel to destination(s) XYZ, and wish to find a guy who wants to do the same, and we will both cover all of our own expenses"?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1122
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 8:10:11 AM

Yep no diner dates...casual meet and greet...at a pub/bar/café...glass of juice, wine, a coffee...chit chat...


I'm not opposed to having dinner on a first date / meeting. However it would be a casual restaurant where a person could finish a meal within 45-60 minutes. Depending on where you go and what you order, it may not be much more expensive than 2 people having a couple of drinks at a bar.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1123
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 8:24:40 AM
Cooldog, I don't look at links people post, I don't want viruses, but did read the first one. Yeah, it's common for friends to take out friends using their expense account, doesn't have to be men taking out women. Women take out their friends and men do the same with their expense accounts. Typically it's for partying. Really, not a big deal. The guys this woman mentions know she's saying lets go out on your expense account. Nothing devious here at all.

To me, it's not about men worrying women want them for food, it's about being cheap, because firstly, a date does not have to be dinner, secondly, it doesn't have to be expensive food. If I was a guy, I would have a list of some places that are inexpensive but good, like Mexican, Chinese and I have a cheap go-to pasta place. I'm not into sitting down for expensive dinners, so this whole scenario does not apply to me. I'm too frugal to enjoy spending so much money on dining out. I'd rather do something else and invite a guy over for dinner.

South City, smart thinking on your part. Drinks are expensive and to me, a waste of money to be sucking down drinks all night, but some guys want to do that. I like happy hour for the appetizers, not drinks, but if I was a guy, I would be a little concerned about a date kicking back drinks for happy hour.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1124
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 8:37:28 AM
^^^

So...you're frugal but won't date a cheap guy?

Women are frugal and men are cheap?

You can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig.

Pathetic
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 1125
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 8:41:26 AM
" "I want to find a guy who will pay for both of us to travel to destination(s) XYZ", or is it "I want to travel to destination(s) XYZ, and wish to find a guy who wants to do the same, and we will both cover all of our own expenses"?"

I have a winter home in the Caribbean. Approx. 1/2 the messages I receive here ask if the man can travel to and stay at my home. Should I accept it as an ice breaker, or believe they are looking to sponge of me for the winter. I just ignore remarks like that. Can't understand why men would't do the same.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 1126
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 8:47:22 AM
From site to sight,

LOL I listed "traveling" as an interest in my profile when I was looking to date. I grew up "going places". It could have been 25 miles, to a thousand miles or more.
My parents placed a priority on "going places". We never had a new car, fancy house, fancy clothes, but by the time I was 19 I had been to 37 states, Canada and Mexico. Lived in 9 different states and 20 towns.
More often than not, we were camping along the way.
LOL Never stayed in a fancy motel in my life, until my BF took me to Chicago for New Years.

My 2nd husband led me to believe he enjoyed "going places" while we were dating. Later I learned that only applied to going north to go fly fishing.We argued for a year over a planned vacation / camping in Virginia. I worked a full time job and part time job, to cover vacation expenses. He declared vacations were a waste of money.

Yes, "Traveling" was and is, a very important aspect to who I am. I am only compatible with a man who travels, (BF traveled the world in the military), and together we enjoy seeing / smelling / feeling the sights, of wherever the road takes us, on his bike.

"Traveling," can mean many things, to a person listing this in their profile. I would never assume, what they mean, by saying that. I would ask them. And, "who pays?" Again................... do not assume.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1127
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 9:28:15 AM
I love to travel, whether it's around my state or out of state or the country. I love camping and have done a lot of tent camping where I live in WA state. I used to have a popup camper and that was so much fun!!!! My family didn't travel a lot, but as soon as I hit 18 and started working full time, I hit the road. My first trips were taking my ex on vacation to Hawaii and CA. I love that drive up the coast and have done it a few times in both directions. For me, nothing renews the spirit like a good road trip. I just love exploring. I'm always surprised at people who haven't even left their town, never mind the state.

I've gone camping with my motorcycle when I had it. It's so much fun to travel around WA on a bike. You're guaranteed to get on the ferry, even when there are waiting times during the summer. Bikes get on first and they're first to exit the ferry after walk ons and bicycles. I had a Yamaha Virago.

When I see a guy write he likes to travel and wants to do more of it, I don't take it to means he wants to pay for his partner to go with him. If a woman writes she likes to travel, I hope she's prepared to pay for herself.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1128
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 12:18:09 PM

When I see a guy write he likes to travel and wants to do more of it, I don't take it to means he wants to pay for his partner to go with him. If a woman writes she likes to travel, I hope she's prepared to pay for herself.
Yes the lies you tell

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16626339.aspx
Msg: 3
Gold digger/serial dater/liar...This one won't even pay for her own meal, so you can bet she would, expect a guy to pay for everything...beware this one is after a guy, to use him for his money and nothing more
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1129
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 12:20:32 PM
^^^
She also claims to be frugal yet won't date cheap men.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1130
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 1:59:26 PM
The person who consumes, pays. I pay for my crap, you pay for yours. If one person insists on paying, be appreciative and don't have a sense of entitlement. If you cannot afford to pay for your own meal, drink, movie ticket, whatever - then don't go.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1131
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 2:56:57 PM

The person who consumes, pays. I pay for my crap, you pay for yours. If one person insists on paying, be appreciative and don't have a sense of entitlement. If you cannot afford to pay for your own meal, drink, movie ticket, whatever - then don't go.
Great attitude you have and may a say top notch profile too...your a winner...stick around and maybe others can learn from you
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1132
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 5:32:13 PM

If one person insists on paying, be appreciative and don't have a sense of entitlement.

I agree, but unfortunately, but with the ability to fall-back on some elders' "values" of guy-should-always-pay -- good luck having much of society Not resulting in taking it for granted, let alone even a passive Entitlement feeling about it.

If you cannot afford to pay for your own meal, drink, movie ticket, whatever - then don't go.

I wouldn't necessarily say that -- but I would say when asked if they'd like to go out sometime by a guy -- to make that clear they're not in financial shape to go out on the town in general. I've had this mentioned to me, and I was fine with it. That aside tho, IMO, unless a guy's clearly asking to Take her out (which is common for many 1st dates; not so much for ones after) -- I agree.

she shouldn't even have a minor "mark down" on a guy, if he's going to go by the "I-got-this-one/you-got-next" or "I'll get the dinner bill/you get the drinks" sorta thing. Gals who frown up on this have a lowered dating value -- usually without knowing it, due to sub-cultural conditioning and Not wanting to see the Clear Imbalance of things they go by (no penny counting by any means required).

Are there really women who date for dinners?

Yeah. Not all that common explicitly for that, but more commonly when a gal lacks interest in the guy, but will go out with him and say Yes, if he's paying. One can get away with that for a 1st date if there TRULY is some Potential interest at least or he's chasing her and just-wants-a-shot -- but unfortunately many will lie to themselves and actually have No interest (but hey, he's paying), and go out on a 2nd or 3rd date with him "giving it a try".

A woman could buy a Costco chicken for $4.99 and eat that for 4 days

Yeah, it's about the cheapest bang-for-the-buck out there in the food market. Costco loses $30-$40 million a year on them. But it's not 4 days worth of calories for a single individual -- more like 1 day's worth, if that Pre-Cooked Costco rotisserie chicken is the only thing that 1 individual will consume in a day. But certainly a great price VS going out anywhere. But if your "return" for a guy, IF/when you're starting to be datIng, to occasionally do that -- and let's say it's $10 for everything cooked & served -- that's less than half the cost at an inexpensive restaurant outing. Add a few alcoholic drinks when going out on weekends (or occasional weeknight) -- which ain't counting pennies -- makes the gap even more.

Women are using men for $2 and men feel used because they think they saved a women from making her own dinner?

No, that's not the mindset. It's that she's eating for free. And it's not at all going to be a Pre-Cooked Costco chicken that has the trophy of the best-bang-for-buck she'll be eating if she wasn't going out on a date -- although yes, less expensive. You mine as well be saying "Guys feel used because they think they saved a woman from staying home renting a movie VS going out to one?"

So no, that's not it. :) The guy's mentality is that he's paying for her outing each and every time, and she feels she's Entitled to it. That's the problem. Again, imagine two single good friends going out a lot on the town, but one pays for the other Every Time for a couple months, and the payer brings it up. Do you think the mooch would have an argument saying "You feel used because you think you saved me $$ from staying at home watching TBS and drinking the cheapest 6-pack from the store?" That'd be a Laughable argument in return.

Your POV is that you're a woman, and you're Entitled to have a guy pay Every time you two go out... but hey, you're willing to cook him dinner once in a while (at possible Pre-Cooked Costco special prices) IF/when dating. Hey, if in the end you Didn't Like going out much -- and what you would cook and do Would be in the ballpark range of what he did contribute-- starting after the 1st date or so, that'd end up being fine. But when it's Not even in the ballpark range -- that's not counting change. And if it were, you should have no problem grabbing the bill for an outing. The reason it'd make you think "Well, I Never!", and why some folks' "tradition" wants a guy to pay all the time going out and the woman cooking dinner IF/when dating -- is because it's NOT counting pennies. It's original intention IS for the guy to financially support her in such endeavors.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1133
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 7:30:39 PM
norwegianguy456, You sure know your stuff man...a debater of debater's...You make a lot of sense and you got her snookered...I think you won this frame, hands down....will the session resume, or have you got yourself a century break?
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 1134
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 8:27:49 PM

Serious on what level though?


someone who you can see as long-term girlfriend or even wife material.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 1135
who pays
Posted: 6/18/2017 11:39:00 PM

Halcyon, Didn't you say your bf pays for all of your outings?


Nope. We live together and share expenses equally. I'm not dependent on his income---I have my own money.
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 1136
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 1:55:28 AM
Whether someone pays or not is usually defined more by people's personality than anything. Being ENTJ type personality my natural comfort is to take the lead right from the start of dating and relationships, as such I take full responsibility for the date if it dont go as planned. I get millions of things going through my head from why did I even ask that person, to where exactly did it go wrong at the end. I lead it's what I do and have always done, but do it with knowledge and respect of others provided I have their input.

If a women says I like to do stuff for myself it becomes part of the night's discussion, and we figure things out together as we go. But at the same time she has to be willing to listen to me when I tell her I prefer to pay for the first date, as if it goes well enough she will have all kinds of time to pay on other dates. We work and discuss things on what best benefits both sides that is how you find out who pays. With open communication and respect for each other, not a clear this is the way it is to damn bad thought process. Or the other refusing to talk and force their will upon the other person, you have mouths use them.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1137
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 5:36:59 AM
No ring yet?

She works hard for the money!

Hahahahha
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 1138
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 6:30:11 AM
No turned out she only wanted sex big surprise there I am totally shocked. NOT
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 1139
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 7:34:08 AM
Message 1169: No one has to work as hard as you do to pay off your mortgage, alimony, child-support, and student loans. It's no wonder that you can't hold on to your women.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1140
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 8:45:47 AM
Hair extensions and lipstick on da teeth
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 1141
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 10:21:05 AM
Balding, missing front tooth, and out of style eyeglasses. Too embarrassed to show your pic?

 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1142
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 10:25:32 AM
halcyon_skies, Gorgeous smile you have....lovely teeth and mouth...just saying
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 1143
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 11:01:36 AM
The thing is, in general, women control the market in most dating spheres. Women are the limiting factor. If you look at singles, divorced singles, hookup market, married looking for affairs, those looking for threesomes, group, swingers, etc. etc., etc......there are ALWAYS more hangin' d*cks out there than women available. If you look at the various websites dedicated to those in these groups there are ALWAYS many many more men than women. This disparity in numbers gives women power to exercise what they wish. If they want a man to pay for dates, men paying for dates will be more likely what will be happening in real life. That's why there are "Ladies' nights" out there, and no "Men's Nights" (except for gay).

To enjoy the presence of a woman, or women (as in a bar's ladies' nightr) whether on a date, or attract them to clubs, gotta pay up, guys. The market is tilted against you.

Not to mention women have a much easier time meeting men than vice versa. An average looking woman could go to the local intersection wearing a sandwich board that says "F*CK Me!" and be picked up within the first few minutes. An average looking guy? Who knows...probably hours, getting offers from other men, lol..... till he got tired of it, and just decides to go behind the nearest shrub to wackit. The ease with which women can meet men gives women an enormous advantage in dating. If women want men to pay up, they will likely find a man who will. Those guys who bellyache...well, get a better job, or just move on and quitchur****in about something that is basically a force of nature. Or just date men.

And the "Cyndi Lauper rule" (Girls just wanna have fun) comes into play here. Gotta have some $$ to have fun, unless you're imaginative.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1144
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 3:15:00 PM
Halcyon, I'm sorry if I mistook you for someone else here, but I could swear you said your s/o accepted no money from you and he paid for everything, like vacations you go on. You give him money towards them? I'm not saying to pay or not to pay, none of my business, but I'm just saying something because of your statements about paying.

Norwegian Guy, women entertain at their home all the time, much more so than being taken out. So who is the "user" here? If a guy offers to take a woman out on a date occasionally, he should pay for it. Women pay when the guys are at their home 24/7. If men want to nitpick with me about splitting a bill, it's going to cost them if I start adding up costs from them eating, watching rented movies and hanging out at my place.

When I cook, I use the best ingredients. I don't currently have a Costco membership at the moment, and would not be buying a rotisserie chicken all the time for dinner to share, LOL, but it's still shopping, buying, serving and still cooking veggies to go with it, and finally cleaning up after him. If a woman does all of this for you, be appreciative.

This is too much nitpicking over money for me. Things I do don't cost anything most times. I pay for the yearly passes to natural areas I go to. The entry fees, parking pass, are not cheap, but I have that covered. All a guy has to do is show up. If a guy wants to buy me a slice of pizza afterwards, no, I am not offering him $1 to split the $2 cost, LOL. If I offered, I'm sure they would think I'm crazy, because I don't date freeloaders or losers, or at least not after I find out that's what they are or maybe you like the word Gold Digger more. There are the guys that come over and just want to raid your refrigerator, eat your food, drink your wine, tea, soda, and lounge in a cleaner environment than their home. Don't you just hate men that are FREELOADERS and GOLD DIGGERS????
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 1145
who pays
Posted: 6/19/2017 9:44:07 PM

Halcyon, I'm sorry if I mistook you for someone else here, but I could swear you said your s/o accepted no money from you and he paid for everything, like vacations you go on. You give him money towards them? I'm not saying to pay or not to pay, none of my business, but I'm just saying something because of your statements about paying.


Please show me where I ever stated that my s/o paid for everything--including our vacations, which I never mentioned. For the record, we split the cost of the trips we take together. I suspect that you have confused me with another blonde female poster.

During the time that my s/o and I were still in the courting stage, I always contributed to our dating expenses by buying us a round of drinks, or getting the tip. As I mentioned before, we went Dutch on the first meet. In turn, when I asked him out on a date (which was often), it was always my treat. We've always shared in the expenses of dating---and that rule has served us well to this day.
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