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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1196
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NG, you are still doing the petty thing and focusing on money too much.

No I'm not at all. I think you want to believe that, because that's easier to deal with. :) I focus on not having things unnecessarily Titled SO far one way or the other (even guys included in uncommon dating-scene scenarios). Because it happens A Lot -- that's just the plain truth, whether it should or shouldn't be so.

People think I am, but I am not, because I am not looking to be taken out and have money spent on me with what my interests are.

And I'm not conveying you are at all If in fact every dating scenario you're in is how you describe. In fact, I'll say kudos to you in the dept of avoiding off-balanced sides which Does happen too much in the dating scene. I just say -- realize that your landscape is not a common dating landscape at all. Hence, you can't base a guy-always-pays universal rule for Everyone because in your world, guys-always-crashing-at-my-place-where-I-cook-him-dinner-all-the-time-as-our-time-spent-together. :)

Absolutely nothing wrong if a couple wants to go to high-end restaurants or have any other kinds of expensive dates.

Never implied they shouldn't. Having an expensive date within one's means once in a while is a good thing -- assuming it's not a strip club ("No babe, you said you wanted an Expensive date, so here we are! Here, I'm giving you the dollar bills -- stuff 'em in Bambi's g-string! It's on my dime, so appreciate!"). :)

I don't expect someone to be cheap, because those people are very uncomfortable to be with when they're always looking at every penny being spent and sometimes they even look at the money you spend in your life.

Sure. But the point is, it is Commonly one-sided, like it or not. As a side note: Having an actual BF/GF is being Outside the "dating scene" for the most part, tho. The dating scene is pretty much the "preseason" of being an established Couple. People tend to go Out a lot -- or even at each other's places a lot, too -- getting takeout, cooking things up (guy and/or gal), thrown in there down the line.

If it gets to counting pennies -- then it's roughly "even" enough where there Is Nothing to complain about by anyone. But, one's not counting pennies when 8-9 out of 10 times, the guy's taking her out to the restaurant, bar, concert, hotel, and getting the take-out, etc -- and 1-2 out of 10 times she'll cook something up on her dime & time or getting a ticket to a little concert She likes (Sorry Bob, you have to endure Barbara Streisand!). It's When it's off-balanced like that And it's Not due to her financial means, but "Because I'm a lady" -- that it raises an eyebrow... and is no penny counting. It's blatantly one-sided.

The focus is always on women using men, but there are a whole lot of men that want to use women for various reasons and no one wants to talk about that.

Because the dating scene "ritual" to accept, like it or not for optimal success, including gals of his type/match, is the guy to At Least pay/cover a majority of stuff out there.

But yes, there Are situations where the guy's mooching off the gal -- he can't get a job, she figured he would, etc. Yeah, that should be bashed, and guys bash that. But the reason that's not drummed up is because there is no Defense of it. There is no "I'm the man, I'm going to be at your place all the time, I'm not going to pay for anything -- that's how it should be!" that goes around as some cultural "way". :)
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 1197
who pays
Posted: 6/22/2017 1:16:58 PM

DAMN YOU ONLINE DATING !

DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL !

( pounds the sand on a beach before half a demolished statue of online dating liberty )

Somewhere, Charlton Heston is smiling...
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 1198
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/22/2017 3:38:41 PM

I'm also old (as is fullmoonguy )


HEYYYY!

The proper term is "chronologically challenged".


We didn't have no stinking money!


Or stinking badges.


Somewhere, Charlton Heston is smiling...


Did anyone ever pry the gun out of his cold, dead hands?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1199
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who pays
Posted: 6/22/2017 8:10:37 PM
NG, in your world, maybe you care to add up how many dates you pay for or the concept of paid for dates outside the home vs. ones inside the home. Not everyone does. You can't put a price on someone inviting you over for dinner and waiting on you. Some guys are thrilled with that and would not want a dollar to balance out what they spend and it can't be balanced out, as it comes down to being petty again. As long as it works for two people, that's all that matters. I hope you're just talking here and don't do this in real life, lol:)

Halcyon, that's actually my point, if it works for you and who you are with, that's all that counts. Let me say, I don't think a guy should disrespect you or think less of you if you want to ask someone out, but some may. And yes, if they do, they're not for you. As for myself, I had a working mom, my dad was at home. He was sick with a heart condition, so he mostly raised me. When I married a student, I supported him, it was not an issue for me.
 bart1963
Joined: 12/25/2013
Msg: 1200
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History
who pays
Posted: 6/22/2017 8:49:01 PM
when she moves in to your paid for house charge her higher rent
 tutnosedjack
Joined: 6/19/2017
Msg: 1201
who pays
Posted: 6/22/2017 11:57:07 PM

in your world, maybe you care to add up how many dates you pay for or the concept of paid for dates outside the home vs. ones inside the home. Not everyone does.


When you never pay then of course you aren't going to be counting. When someone always pays they can't help but count because no matter what the score actually is on the board for them it is always zero for you. Cheap azz people are always cheap azz people no matter what. Cheap don't have a gender assigned to it. Old school is just a cop out and an excuse for you to be cheap. Just saying.

For me in all practicality I don't mind always paying. What I mind is the intent and the expectation to be the one always paying. As in every time the bill comes you are in the restroom or got alligator arms. I've had the bill paid already and had a waitress bring over a fake bill while I pretended to go to the restroom just to see a reaction and the intent of a woman. If she never even attempts to pick it up I wouldn't go out with her again. Hell I've really f^cked with some saying "hey I left my wallet at home let's sneak out on the check". Gave me entertainment and gave me what I was looking for.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1202
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who pays
Posted: 6/23/2017 12:16:18 AM

NG, in your world, maybe you care to add up how many dates you pay for or the concept of paid for dates outside the home vs. ones inside the home. Not everyone does.

I'm stepping outside and looking at the dating scene as a whole -- which You are Also attributing some Rule to -- and no, it's not your world of guy crashes-at-gals-place-after-date-3-thereonin-and-gets-dinner-as-time-spent-together-as-most-dates. You KNOW this. You Know that among other things happens, but that's not how it works as the norm -- but you still want to instill a "rule" that the guy-always-pays when going out, because you can't let go of it.

In Many cases, when the gal is Not treating & cooking for the guy always at her place, as you describe yours -- do you Not agree (or are you afraid to answer the question?) that if they go out all the time, that it takes NO adding up, NO calculator, nor anyone above the age of 5 to see a blatant indifference? Some gals believe in said Clear indifference that can occur, but still believe in it being on the guy's shoulders. At least they're being Honest.

As I said (read what I wrote) -- when it comes to take Zero math skillz -- but guy paying for virtually all dates, whether or not you see that as the small minority or the majority -- in those cases, do you see that as kosher? Of course you do. You said that a guy-always-pays. :) It Does fit the mold you Describe, when they don't go out much, and he's always at her place with her cooking on her own time & dime -- or not, or quite the opposite. But when it's Clearly not -- say it's "rare" -- where it takes no "adding up" to realize a clear imbalance, that it's Not cool?

You're wanting to say "Oh, geez -- you're trying to count pennies. You're trying to add things up, and who cares?" No, I'm not. Not when it's Clearly one-sided. You know that.

And guess what? You want to point out who's whipping out a calculator? When the guy & gal on a date goes to a lounge after the restaurant, and the guy says he has to go to the bathroom, and "Get me a Miller Lite" -- where the gal gasps offended. If that's not being a petty calculator, I don't know what is. :)
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 1203
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who pays
Posted: 6/23/2017 5:56:01 AM
NewYorker58


As for myself, I had a working mom, my dad was at home. He was sick with a heart condition, so he mostly raised me. When I married a student, I supported him, it was not an issue for me.


Bingo! Now all her threads make sense!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 1204
who pays
Posted: 6/23/2017 6:40:50 AM
Meanest kid in Grade 4 was a short kid.. that boy tormented me for weeks. Then of course I repaid him. His last name rhymed with runt :) Saw him at a high school meet later.. he was still tiny and still mean as cat pee.

As a tall child and adult always aware of height and weigh. Now kids are taller.

We also have unicorns in Canada, just sayin
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1205
Mike Hunt will pay
Posted: 6/23/2017 8:16:09 AM
I think women should at least pay the utilities in a cohabiting thingy

None of this exchanging sex for shelter crap
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 1206
Mike Hunt will pay
Posted: 6/23/2017 9:01:22 AM
I think most people skate blissfully along not caring who pays
until something happens...and the not paying becomes a retalitory
tool.

If you go on a date with someone, and your expectations aren't
met...why do you continue dating them? If you test them by waiting
to see if they pay, and they don't...just stop calling them. If they
never offer to pay, why bother explaining to them why they should?

If you set the standard, ie, pay all the time, never ask for help with
groceries or utilities, you can't blame the other person for thinking
that's the norm. That's like marriages that break up because so and
so did something for 15 YEARS and you didn't speak up in year 1.

I gots no pity or empathy for youse guys.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 1207
who pays
Posted: 6/23/2017 10:22:42 AM

Halcyon, that's actually my point, if it works for you and who you are with, that's all that counts. Let me say, I don't think a guy should disrespect you or think less of you if you want to ask someone out, but some may. And yes, if they do, they're not for you.


That is NOT what you expressed before. Now you're back-pedaling. For the last time, I don't care if some man in my past thought less of me because I asked him out and paid for the date. Men who were secure in their masculinity did not feel threatened by women asking them out and picking up the tab---they were flattered. Those were the only men who were worth my time.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1208
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History
Mike Hunt will pay
Posted: 6/23/2017 11:17:43 AM

If you set the standard, i.e., pay all the time, never ask for help with groceries or utilities, you can't blame the other person for thinking that's the norm.

A lot of times it is NOT the standard of the NEW date people get hung up on - it's the standard stuck in their head from past relationships and experiences. If their last guy was abusive or gal was unstable, they glean that behavior onto the new partner, regardless of if it exists or not. People are miserable creatures of habit - and these stupid rules-that-must-not-be-named are NOT helping us connect better.


Men who were secure in their masculinity did not feel threatened by women asking them out and picking up the tab---they were flattered.

Exactly. Add to that - suggesting dates, planning trips, finding time to share ideas creatively. Dating is not exclusively a tit-for-tat relationship. We are on the journey together - not taking turns performing for each other.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1209
who pays
Posted: 6/23/2017 12:36:51 PM

I don't care if some man in my past thought less of me because I asked him out and paid for the date.
Very thoughtful lady, who believes in fairness and equality, springs to mind, when I read this...You are very rare indeed

It is flattering when a woman pays and vise - versa...taking it in turns can be a lot of fun and neither has to change the venue...I never did with my ex...She paid for me on our first date, because it was my birthday and after that...we took it in turns to pay...I used to take food over to her place,when I stayed and she cooked, because she wanted to cook...it was her kitchen and her rules...on birthdays...one would treat the other...we brought each other gifts sometimes...used to bring her chocolates or flowers and she never expected them, but she did like the thought
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1210
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History
Mike Hunt will pay
Posted: 6/23/2017 5:57:57 PM
Brown Eyes, people become emotionally attached and don't want to be alone. That doesn't happen to me. Emotional ties are cut when someone is doing something I don't like. Then there's no begging to come back.


NG, to sum this up, as long as a couple are happy with their situation, whatever it is, that's all that counts. Every couple has a different thing going on. No one is being forced to do anything and stay with someone they don't want to be with.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 1211
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/24/2017 5:32:45 AM
Boo - you stop making sense right this minute!
No, men complain because the women they dated for awhile didn't lead to much of anything - hence the moaning.
Simply tell your date first time what you expect re paying. Prepare a spread sheet.. factor in things like if she is over to your place and uses the washroom, charge her for water usage and of course the bargain brand tissue you use :)

And they say romance is dead!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 1212
poor Mike, he took such a beating
Posted: 6/24/2017 6:23:18 AM
"I think most people skate blissfully long...until something happens"

>>>good point, BEB. If I'm paying for a magazine subscription and get what I paid for, its all good, and when things change, its all WTF. whether its the monkey pushing the button for the cocaine, or a dummy paying a golddigger and not getting anything back, or a woman who isn't getting love but gives "it up too soon"....we're all just pleasure-seeking animals at heart.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1213
poor Mike, he took such a beating
Posted: 6/24/2017 6:26:57 AM

whether its the monkey pushing the button for the cocaine, or a dummy paying a golddigger and not getting anything back,
LMAO
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1214
poor Mike, he took such a beating
Posted: 6/24/2017 9:00:53 AM
Someone that can break emotional ties easily isn't capable of empathy and most likely terrible in bed
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1215
poor Mike, he took such a beating
Posted: 6/24/2017 10:43:06 AM

If you go on a date with someone, and your expectations aren't
met...why do you continue dating them? If you test them by waiting
to see if they pay, and they don't...just stop calling them. If they
never offer to pay, why bother explaining to them why they should?

If you set the standard, ie, pay all the time, never ask for help with
groceries or utilities, you can't blame the other person for thinking
that's the norm. That's like marriages that break up because so and
so did something for 15 YEARS and you didn't speak up in year 1.


The standard can also be set up what happened in previous relationships. If a woman's ex always paid for dates, then she might think a man that she is currently dating will pay for all the dates as well. For the record, a woman not offering to pay on the first date / meeting isn't a dealbreaker.

But if she hasn't offered to pay anything by the 3rd date, I would say something like "I got this bill and you can pay the next time" and see what her reaction is. If she gets upset, suddenly claims that we're not a match, or doesn't respond to any of my attempts to contact her after the date, then chances are she wanted a man to pay all the time.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1216
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History
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:13:58 AM
Ouiji, all good points, and because I insist on paying my fair share, I only date men that have everything in their house metered. Some women don't get it, TP and water are not free!!! If we go out to dinner, his invite, and I forget to bring cash, I simply tell him, please, eat my dinner too! I mapquest where we are going to know mileage to then pay my part for gas. I'm so generous, I'll throw in a can of oil:) You have to show a guy you're thankful!

I think my best date was when the guy took out his calculator, even though he was an engineer, to calculate that tip to the penny on hamburgers, and minus pennies because the waiter didn't bring him mustard fast enough. You've got to love a guy that's a hardass with his waiter! I know that's what I look for! Filling his water bottle from a jug he has in his trunk before going into a movie theater where he's using free coupons, he's my hero!!!!

Mustang Guy, money well spent is still well spent after something is consumed. I never regretted supporting my student husband. It was my joy to offer him a better life and have him live as well as I did. My generosity did not stop him from trying to attach my savings and investments when we divorced. Yes, men do look to take money from women when they divorce, it's not an anomaly.

All of this talk about being fair is making me take a closer look at my dog. She's cost me a fortune! I love her, but what do I get from her? Maybe one of the guys here can show me how they place a value on love, devotion and companionship. I just spent thousands on her for an MRI and surgery. Hmmm, probably should have dumped her for a dog that didn't need that much money spent on her.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 1217
Mike Hunt will pay
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:22:38 AM
Sorry Mr Daniel. We all set our own standards. Either by saying or showing what we expect our by acquiescing to the demands of others.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1218
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:23:55 AM
Money, money, money

That's all she talks about

 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 1219
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:26:08 AM
Throws cheetos and cheap wine at Mr clooney
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1220
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/24/2017 11:39:32 AM

Money, money, money

That's all she talks about


Many women on here seem to do that? maybe it's like an epidemic? I'm hiding my wallet now lol
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