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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1246
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Too cheap to pay attentionPage 50 of 58    (18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58)

NG, I know the kind of person I am, so I don't need validation from anyone.

Everyone's going to to say the first part. How many say "I don't know what kind of person I am!"? :) I wasn't thinking you were feeling the need for validation about anything from anyone. Although... one is a better person when they check what they see as "the way" about a certain thing that comes into question by different people of different sub-cultures/groups, and objectively look to validate or tweak their POV.

I found a crisp $20 bill in my grocery store yesterday and turned it in. I would love to see how many people (men) here would turn it in.

This isn't a discussion about snagging free movies online or something, to defend oneself from being thought of as a stealer. That's not the discussion. Your POV was that the guy is Expected & Supposed to pay no-matter-what Every time going out, regardless of ANY setup between the guy & gal, by default. And regardless of the situation between them, he's Cheap if he doesn't, Every. Single. Time. (a) That's actually NOT the Expected setup culturally for dating in general -- not to that degree. (b) It doesn't matter how often one would return a dropped wallet VS the person next to them, having that POV is quite selfish. Many traditionalists will agree that it is, when you factor in the common culture & dating scenarios.

I'm more concerned that he doesn't want to immediately squat at my home and never do anything again and thinks he can treat my house like it was a restaurant. There's a lot of that going on.

I think you should, sure. You should also realize you're in a unique setup. Your POV should be "If a woman is having a guy crash at her place after a few intro dates, and most their 'dates' are him at her house where she cooks for him, Yeah, THEN, heck yes, he should pay when they Do go out." I don't think anyone would disagree with ya there; I certainly don't. The thing is -- that's not at all an accurate description of how dating flows for the population. :)

I have yet to meet these elusive men that are asking women to restaurants every weekend. That's not my world and something I have to address.

It's not an elusive scenario. Read the OP's situation. They cook at each other's place, and they do go out. Look in other forum threads or observe society. Your experiences of "almost always at female's place where she buys & cooks everything" -- isn't The way, at all. Thus not a valid basis to base "rules" of who-pays when going out, for society.

He's dating a woman with kids, and now after starting a sexual relationship with her, he wants her to give him money towards dinner.

He has offspring too, but yeah, she has a younger kid -- but no babysitters needed due to some of her own older offspring.

And no, he's not wanting her to give Him money. He's looking for her to chip in once the initial dates were out of the way, and they started seeing each other. It's chipping in to the event/restaurant/bar/theater/place. Is a guy paying for your dinner date giving YOU money? LOL. Wow, just wow. You realize you just exposed how Blindly 1-sided you see things, right?

He said she works, but didn't say she has a good job. He's pretty pathetic.

Wow, you're quite biased here. Affordability wasn't the issue here. He didn't say she has some great job, but that doesn't At All Imply she cannot support herself. He didn't say she has a bad job, he also didn't say she barely got anything or gets anything from the divorce. This wasn't a 1st date -- he got to know her for crying out loud. It's NOT about affordability on her part.

She was Embarrassed that her 25 year old (gasp) took her boyfriend out for dinner, thus paying the check that time. Who's the "pathetic" one, if one were going to start applying that label to someone in this scenario? :)

If he wants money for dinner dates he asks women out on

It's not HIM getting money. Otherwise, you're throwing egg on your face -- because you're then saying he's paying YOU (not the restaurant), when he pays the bill, just as you would be paying HIM if even chipping in. They money goes to the restaurant, not the person you're with.

He said he took her out on 10 dates that weren't expensive in 5 weeks, boo hoo, get my violin out

You certainly Boo Hoo and whip out the violin if a gal is asked to chip in. Man, you must be crying for a gal's daughter (gasp) paying for a BF's birthday dinner! It's the low-self-esteem folks who will refuse to pay even anything. Or be shy about it. Speaking of which, OP's last statement:

We went to dinner on Saturday. We had to wait for a table, so I asked if she wanted a drink. She said yes and sheepishly handed me a twenty. I think she was embarrassed to give the money to the bartender herself, but at least she paid.

The gal he dated -- it was her tradition conditioning, she's not used to it. But at least she realized that yeah, once you're datING, and things are lopsided so much, yeah, ya get some drinks. Baby steps to maturity. Baby steps. :)
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1247
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/26/2017 8:19:56 PM
Just open your wallet up and pay for all the dates...nothing will change until, peoples attitudes change...just go with society and be puppets
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1248
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History
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 1:50:27 AM
NG, none of this applies to me. Over the course of my lifetime, I have not gone out to dinner week after week. I'm not interested in blowing my money on food at a restaurant, and don't want a guy that wants to do that either. I would rather do outdoor things and save the bucks for spectacular vacations, and I have gone on vacations some would only dream of. I don't want a cheap guy, because he's not going to want to go, even though he would just be paying for himself. Misers are miserable people.
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 1249
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 3:23:37 AM

Misers are miserable people

THIS!

Gawd, if I ever had to put myself out there again, I would be such a b1tch...

I had stomach surgeries--last time I went out to eat it was w/ a female friend b4 a concert- I ordered an appetizer-wings & was only able to eat 4 of them- got a "doggy bag" + I had ice tea. With tax & 25-30% tip= $15

It won't kill me to spend that, nor some random man trying to woo a woman.

Miser is a good DESCRIPTIVE word-mean spirited, stingy w their money people won't make a kind loving partner.

I'm too old for selfish people, period.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 1250
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 8:19:08 AM
But where do you draw the line between a miser and someone who is frugal? If a purchase isn't necessary to your survival or happiness, it's a luxury. Eating out and going to concerts can be considered luxuries. So can vacations. This is where individual comfort levels come into play. Someone who goes through their s/o's money like it's water isn't going to make a kind, loving partner, either.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1251
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 8:28:58 AM
It come's down to being careful with your money vs allowing someone to use you, for your money
Tight is mean, miser is mean, gold digger is mean
splitting costs down the middle is fair
paying everytime is unfair
taking it in turns to pay is fair
equality = paying half = 50/50 = fair
inequality = pay for everything = 100% vs nothing = unfair
What make's more sense 50/50 or 100% and nothing?
I know the answer:)))
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 1252
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 8:38:18 AM

I'm too old for selfish people, period.


In other words, you still expect to get a free ride in life at a man's expense. So much for women's equal rights and all of that other hoopla.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1253
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History
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 10:45:42 AM
Halcyon, I see a miser as unwilling to spend money, where a frugal person wants a good value. I see myself as "modified" frugal and would be okay with a guy like that or a generous guy if he had a bigger income than I do. When I had more money than my spouse, I shared. When I spend money, I will never buy anything cheap and enjoy putting money behind what's important to me.

A guy who has a water bottle that he refills from a jug in his car trunk is a miser, because it's not about plastic in the environment, it's about not spending a dime when out and about. That's intolerable to me. I dated a guy like that, he said he only drinks water (maybe to cover up being a miser), so I made sure I had enough spring water for him when he came over for diner. Funny, but he did not want the water, but kept going into my refrigerator to fill up on soda, and then saw wine in there and asked to drink that too, LOL!!!!
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1254
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 12:45:24 PM
^^^

This broad is about the money.

I bet you can't even boil water.
 meowzing
Joined: 4/27/2017
Msg: 1255
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 1:09:04 PM
Life is too short not to have a good time. Its not about what we choose to share, but how we choose to share it :)
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 1256
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 2:28:30 PM

I'm too old for selfish people, period.
____________________________________
In other words, you still expect to get a free ride in life at a man's expense. So much for women's equal rights and all of that other hoopla.

No, I am re-married & we share everything. Neither one of us is a cheapskate or a gold-digger.

You sound like a selfish misogynist.

Can I recommend a $1 Banquet TV Dinner from The Dollar Tree + a $1 tube of lube, plus free porn on the internet?
You won't even have to dress up, bathe, groom yourself or put gas in your car...and if your hand is real good, throw in a $1 dessert for being so special!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1257
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History
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 3:35:03 PM
You know who pays? Whoever wants to pay. Why? Because God gave us free will. We're all adults and no one has the right to tell anyone how to spend their money, on who or what. No one has the right to dictate if someone accepts generosity from their date or spouse, whether they are a man or a woman accepting it.

I think the real issue here are people being so selfish, and so miserly, they get upset at seeing others having fun and enjoying life. That's what this is really about, unhappy people with no life making judgments and being keyboard warriors.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1258
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 3:37:23 PM

had stomach surgeries--last time I went out to eat it was w/ a female friend b4 a concert- I ordered an appetizer-wings & was only able to eat 4 of them- got a "doggy bag" + I had ice tea. With tax & 25-30% tip= $15

So you got a doggy bag and yet you complain about misers...LMAO


Miser is a good DESCRIPTIVE word-mean spirited, stingy w their money people won't make a kind loving partner.

Maybe someone, who takes a doggy bag on dates
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 1259
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 6:46:37 PM
^^you have been following me on the 4ums & negging me

SHUT UR PIE-HOLE!

ps- you cannot even read/comprehend- going out w/ a female friend (whilst married to a male) not a date & hell yes, I paid for 10 wings & ate only 4---gonna take the other 6 home

STOP FOLLOWING ME ON THIS 4UM
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1260
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/28/2017 10:13:24 PM

I think the real issue here are people being so selfish, and so miserly, they get upset at seeing others having fun and enjoying life. That's what this is really about, unhappy people with no life making judgments and being keyboard warriors.

Living the single life is great. I'm doing better on my own financially than I ever was with my Ex. I don't make $100,000 a year because I don't NEED to do it to be happy. Nice thrift store clothes that fit me well will always be bought over new stuff that costs 10x as much. I don't need to make payments on a new car because I take care of what I already own, and don't really give a damn if it doesn't have auto-navigation or ejector seats. I love the wind in my face pedaling a bike at 20 miles per hour and don't need a $30,000 Harley to give me a sense of freedom. Being in a rented canoe or kayak amongst nature in a seldom traveled riverbed appeals to me a helluva lot more than dodging a few hundred other drunken boaters doing 40 knots and running over each other on a crowded lake that everyone has peed into in the last 24 hours.


No one has the right to dictate if someone accepts generosity from their date or spouse, whether they are a man or a woman accepting it.

But who has the right to label someone miserly, selfish or greedy if they DO NOT offer?

Does going to church and paying 10% get you a guaranteed trip to heaven, even if you are a racist or classist pig the rest of the week? Do you believe someone in hand-me-down clothes can save your life one day with the Heimlich Maneuver? I find it ironic how people refuse to be generous in other ways, such as time or effort - believe that paying the tab - makes them better as a person. Even if you agree who pays - refusing to listen on a date, refusing to change your mind from that first impression, refusing to believe people can learn and adapt to each others' style with grace, refusing to give the time to try and see if it can get better - that is ALL selfish greed. That's being miserly with your time and ideas.

People don't need to spend 35% of their income on outward appearances to be successful. People don't need to earn 50% above average incomes to be financially solvent. People don't need luxury toys to have an enjoyable past time. And yet, people seek out that kind of crap ALL THE TIME - like it's a requirement to date them. How is wanting that stuff selfish or ignorant? -Wishing for the moon has never been a crime, right? It's because of how many people you step on, or step over - to get there. Ignoring 95% of the potentials in here doesn't make you elite, or special - it makes you greedy. Ignoring even anything statistically below average makes you somewhat selfish with your love and attention, and we are ALL guilty of this crime in one way or another.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1261
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History
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 12:25:01 AM
Dan, Thrift store shopping is actually in vogue. Are you a hipster, LOL, j/k:) You mentioned having evaporated milk as a child (I think that's what you said). Was that a monetary issue? I would guess then that's why you value a dollar. Funny thing about clothes, most of us get caught up in styles, so we discard clothes way before we have to. It's crazy when you think about it to discard perfectly good clothes because money making clothes manufacturers, style designers, tell us what to wear.

Do women really want guys with Harleys? I had a bike. I do not, and will not, ride on the back of anyone's bike. It's no fun to be a passive passenger, while you're risking your life. It's different if you're operating the bike.

If a guy doesn't want to pay for a date he asks a woman out on, that is cheap, and most probably he's miserly. I'm just speaking from my perspective. I've never been in the position to accept dates being paid for week after week. Lets say a guy wanted to go to dinner every weekend, I'd have to say if he wants to do that, he should pay. It's not my thing to go out to dinner so frequently, why should I be forced to spend money on that? Maybe these women seeking this should do a kind thing and buy a dinner, but I still don't think it has to be 50/50. Good relationships are rarely 50/50 for anything. I've seen relationships at extreme ends of the pendulum. I've seen men who don't let their s/o's feet touch the ground, and I've seen women wait on their s/o like they were children, so really beyond spoiled for both men and women. One would look at these couples and think the spoiled men and women are taking advantage, but really they're not and they're very happy and successful relationships.

Times are a changing. I see people are looking for baby clothes that don't denote the sex of a child. Perhaps female and male traits are being blended and blurred. Ya know what, those men who have been raised with women being more feminine, if they're divorced in 20 years, when they look to date, they're going to naturally seek out women who are more feminine. In 20 years, if a guy writes in his profile that he wants a feminine women, people are going to be calling him all sorts of names and saying he's sexist or demeaning with how he thinks about women, when he's just a product of his time. I see it already, men state they want someone feminine, some even say they like a woman to wear a dress sometimes. Along with those old-fashioned times comes other traditions and etiquette and moral values.

Personally, I'm not demeaning anyone who has little money, but for myself, I would like a guy who is doing okay, because I like to travel and would like that in a partner, which would naturally mean he has to either be good with money he makes or has a decent income to travel. I still don't think there's anything evil about someone having something like a jetski or snowmobile or a 4-wheeler/dune buggy. These are really not expensive things and they can be a whole lot of fun. I've had a motorcycle and that was a tremendous amount of fun and there's nothing like riding a bike. There's a feeling you get that is like no other. What does one do with one's money after you pay the bills and have put money aside for old age? Are you going to hang on to it to line your coffin? Money is to be spent and enjoyed with what you can buy with it to the extent that it makes one happy. You don't have to have a job where you step over anyone to afford these things.

A person determines for themselves if they are successful. Everyone has their own standard. If a person can provide themselves with what they need and want in life, they're successful. Thing is, everyone has a different idea of what makes themselves successful and if it means having "stuff", if they can provide that for themselves, nothing wrong with that. Sure, there's more to life than just money, there's character, but no one enjoys struggling financially and most people enjoy niceties in life.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 1262
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 6:17:44 AM
I enjoy the irony Dan - you make fun of a guy for buying new shoes often, then whinge about ppl making judgements of ppl who shop thrift.

Just find someone who enjoys the same things without putting down others who have stuff you seem to envy
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1263
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 7:09:05 AM

Does going to church and paying 10% get you a guaranteed trip to heaven, even if you are a racist or classist pig the rest of the week? Do you believe someone in hand-me-down clothes can save your life one day with the Heimlich Maneuver? I find it ironic how people refuse to be generous in other ways, such as time or effort - believe that paying the tab - makes them better as a person. Even if you agree who pays - refusing to listen on a date, refusing to change your mind from that first impression, refusing to believe people can learn and adapt to each others' style with grace, refusing to give the time to try and see if it can get better - that is ALL selfish greed. That's being miserly with your time and ideas.

People don't need to spend 35% of their income on outward appearances to be successful. People don't need to earn 50% above average incomes to be financially solvent. People don't need luxury toys to have an enjoyable past time. And yet, people seek out that kind of crap ALL THE TIME - like it's a requirement to date them. How is wanting that stuff selfish or ignorant? -Wishing for the moon has never been a crime, right? It's because of how many people you step on, or step over - to get there. Ignoring 95% of the potentials in here doesn't make you elite, or special - it makes you greedy. Ignoring even anything statistically below average makes you somewhat selfish with your love and attention, and we are ALL guilty of this crime in one way or another.


This...Dan is the man...you nailed it mate
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 8:00:56 AM
There is nothing wrong with railing against the cult of Materialism, however, it does not automatically make one a better person because they claim to eschew higher wages by choice (Ref. Pee Wee Herman - "I meant to do that" ).

Unfortunately, many people who lack material success seldom make up for it in their personality, by developing attractive character traits. They choose, instead, to adopt a victim mentality that essentially blames the world (e.g. labeling women "criminals" for rejecting them based on a first impression), and coming up with seemingly endless rationales for their infinite dating failures. Usually, so that they can explain to family and friends why they are perpetually unable to get a second (or first) date. In short, the world does not appreciate them and their esoteric qualities, because everyone is shallow and can't see their "inner beauty."

Sadly, these types are rarely possessed of any lovable or compelling internal character traits (not to mention outward attractiveness).

So, the world keeps turning and victims keep whinging.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 1265
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History
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 8:36:49 AM
There are thousands of males and females that fit every description. We can tick off all the necessary boxes on what we expect in a Partner. Tens of millions of singles find each other and form a couple.

If I couldnt find a suitable partner, I'd be looking in the mirror. There's about 135 thousand single adult males in my city. . There is now one less because I found my guy. There are thousands of females that will split a dinner bill, ride on the back of a motorcycle, etc. It's not me or thousands of others...but this still leaves thousands who will.

So...why arent the whiners dating these women? Why cant they get a second date when they do get a first? All of these thousands of women have some negative trait, attitude, etc? I found my guy after a few other meets...the other men were nice and will make good partners. My guy found me after a couple of other meets. We are the most special people in the world to each other, however others might not see us as being so special.

So... cant get a date or second date? It has ZERO to do with who pays for dinner. Zero. It's all to do with 'you' . However, most already know that his but need to mask the failure and insecuity by projecting the fault elsewhere. As the message above points out...victimhood..
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1266
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 9:06:21 AM

If a guy doesn't want to pay for a date he asks a woman out on, that is cheap, and most probably he's miserly. I'm just speaking from my perspective.


So a man that all paid for all of the previous dates ( regardless of activity ) is now cheap because a woman paid for 1 date? Or a man that paid for most of the date is cheap because a woman paid for the tip or bought him a drink / dessert? Or perhaps most importantly is a woman that asked a man out cheap because she didn't pay for the entire bill? There have been instances when a woman did ask me out. Only one of them paid the entire bill for that particular reason. It didn't bother me.


So... cant get a date or second date? It has ZERO to do with who pays for dinner. Zero. It's all to do with 'you' .


I don't think who pays on a date is the biggest reason why the most first dates / meetings don't lead to a relationship or even a second date. Most of the time there isn't going to be instant mutual chemistry with 2 people that are virtual strangers on a first date / meeting. That doesn't necessarily mean either person did anything wrong. That's the nature of online dating.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1267
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 11:02:26 AM
I think it's safe to say that Danimal and NY58 aren't compatible
 sandwater
Joined: 4/2/2017
Msg: 1268
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 1:17:38 PM

If a guy doesn't want to pay for a date he asks a woman out on, that is cheap, and most probably he's miserly. I'm just speaking from my perspective.


To each their own. I think there is way more to it besides who asks. I don't necessarily consider a man to be cheap and miserly just because a woman paid. Like I said before, I have paid for dates when he had a much longer drive than I did. I didn't think it was fair for a man to pay for a date when he had already spent more time and money on gas driving there. I also paid for dates when I needed to reschedule a few hours before the scheduled time of the date and he was understanding about it.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1269
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 4:08:42 PM
opps wrong thread
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1270
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History
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 4:28:46 PM

NG, none of this applies to me. Over the course of my lifetime, I have not gone out to dinner week after week.

You're applying it to All guys & gays as a social rule of right & wrong. You applied to the OP -- which does Not fit the only dating situation. What You tend to do, again, I don't disagree with you-- if you're cooking for the guy all the time and you two rarely go out where he Would be expected to pay... and if anything else it's one-sided in your direction (which you welcome) by buying & cooking everything. I disagree on what you think should be a Universal rule, regardless of anything -- that a guy Pays when going out no matter what the circumstances between them, and the gal never should, because, she's the lady.

I don't want a cheap guy, because he's not going to want to go [on fabulous vacations], even though he would just be paying for himself.

Sure the cheap ones won't on any -- but that's a totally different concept though. Cheap ones won't want to go out, either -- so one could complain about either end. The issue is that it's common for guy & gal to go out for dates for various things frequently to semi-frequently... and lesser so if/when they become a couple. How much varies between people A Lot in what's done, how much, etc etc. Hence, it's childish to say there Should be A Universal Rule No-Matter-Their-Circumstances, that a guy-always-pays-100% when going out.

As you pointed out, "none of this" applies to you -- hence it's Silly to have some universal rule for All, when So Much you've never experienced.

But who has the right to label someone miserly, selfish or greedy if they DO NOT offer?

Bingo. Even ones who don't go out much -- refusing under Any circumstances, and hissing at the concept of gals even chipping in when going out a lot with a guy -- if that's not being miserly & selfish, I don't know what is. :)

So a man that all paid for all of the previous dates ( regardless of activity ) is now cheap because a woman paid for 1 date?

I think you mean asking/wanting her to cover a date or part of a date's expenses, after he paid for a set of dates -- yeah. He's the cheap one -- not her when she doesn not want to do so. She's just being Traditional. ;)

Or a man that paid for most of the date is cheap because a woman paid for the tip or bought him a drink / dessert?

The gal that OP was dating -- she went Off that her daughter took her BF out for his birthday and covered the bill. How cheap of him! ;)

If a guy doesn't want to pay for a date he asks a woman out on, that is cheap

If he asked to Take her out -- yeah, there's cheapness there, but the underlying problem is bigger than that. It's a red flag and weird because he said one thing and then another.

Asking her if she wanted to do something this [Fri] isn't asking to Take her out. It's no more asking her out than she texting him and seeing if he wants to do something this [Sat]. So if one wants to apply the generic "asked out" card = pays ... then you'd have a Lot of women, traditional or not, in the same boat as "cheap" if they're not willing to pay the WHOLE date when they brought the idea up first (falsely = "asking out", by some).
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