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 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1301
Too cheap to pay attentionPage 53 of 58    (18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58)
opps wrong thread
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1302
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 4:28:46 PM

NG, none of this applies to me. Over the course of my lifetime, I have not gone out to dinner week after week.

You're applying it to All guys & gays as a social rule of right & wrong. You applied to the OP -- which does Not fit the only dating situation. What You tend to do, again, I don't disagree with you-- if you're cooking for the guy all the time and you two rarely go out where he Would be expected to pay... and if anything else it's one-sided in your direction (which you welcome) by buying & cooking everything. I disagree on what you think should be a Universal rule, regardless of anything -- that a guy Pays when going out no matter what the circumstances between them, and the gal never should, because, she's the lady.

I don't want a cheap guy, because he's not going to want to go [on fabulous vacations], even though he would just be paying for himself.

Sure the cheap ones won't on any -- but that's a totally different concept though. Cheap ones won't want to go out, either -- so one could complain about either end. The issue is that it's common for guy & gal to go out for dates for various things frequently to semi-frequently... and lesser so if/when they become a couple. How much varies between people A Lot in what's done, how much, etc etc. Hence, it's childish to say there Should be A Universal Rule No-Matter-Their-Circumstances, that a guy-always-pays-100% when going out.

As you pointed out, "none of this" applies to you -- hence it's Silly to have some universal rule for All, when So Much you've never experienced.

But who has the right to label someone miserly, selfish or greedy if they DO NOT offer?

Bingo. Even ones who don't go out much -- refusing under Any circumstances, and hissing at the concept of gals even chipping in when going out a lot with a guy -- if that's not being miserly & selfish, I don't know what is. :)

So a man that all paid for all of the previous dates ( regardless of activity ) is now cheap because a woman paid for 1 date?

I think you mean asking/wanting her to cover a date or part of a date's expenses, after he paid for a set of dates -- yeah. He's the cheap one -- not her when she doesn not want to do so. She's just being Traditional. ;)

Or a man that paid for most of the date is cheap because a woman paid for the tip or bought him a drink / dessert?

The gal that OP was dating -- she went Off that her daughter took her BF out for his birthday and covered the bill. How cheap of him! ;)

If a guy doesn't want to pay for a date he asks a woman out on, that is cheap

If he asked to Take her out -- yeah, there's cheapness there, but the underlying problem is bigger than that. It's a red flag and weird because he said one thing and then another.

Asking her if she wanted to do something this [Fri] isn't asking to Take her out. It's no more asking her out than she texting him and seeing if he wants to do something this [Sat]. So if one wants to apply the generic "asked out" card = pays ... then you'd have a Lot of women, traditional or not, in the same boat as "cheap" if they're not willing to pay the WHOLE date when they brought the idea up first (falsely = "asking out", by some).
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 1303
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 7:07:38 PM

If a guy doesn't want to pay for a date he asks a woman out on, that is cheap, and most probably he's miserly.


I'm just speaking from my perspective.


A different perspective:

What if he asked her out on a FREE date?

Free concert
Free artwalk (with free food)
Free museum
Free hiking trail
Free beach

Is he cheap, frugal, or smart for coming up with fun dates that don't use up savings unnecessarily?
Or all of the above?


put money aside for old age? Are you going to hang on to it to line your coffin?


Do you know exactly when you're going to die?
It used to be that when people turned 65, their number one fear was dying.
Now, according to financial advisors, their number 1 fear is living....and living.....and OUTliving their money.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1304
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 8:07:28 PM
NG, if a guy decides he wants to do dinner, that's his decision and his choice. He's picking a place that he finds affordable. I don't ask to go to dinner, never have. There are a ton of free things to do that are fun and interesting. Just don't ask me to go on a mall walk on a first date, that's just horrendous! If a guy is interested in a woman, he wants to "experience" things with her.

I hate to reference fullmoonguy, but he listed a few things that would be great to do that don't have to cost anything. I'd rather not be doing a walking thing on a first date, because I'd like to speak face to face looking at a person, but there are so many things that don't cost money. Is the guy cheap to suggest them, no, I don't think so. Why does a date always have to involve money? To add to the list, other things near me that are free are the Ballard Locks (watch salmon go upstream, see the boats go thru the locks), WA Arboretum, Gas Works Park (watch seaplanes take off and land), Foster Island (bring binoculars to watch ducks), Jetty Island (take a cute free ferry for a small island walk), Pike Market, wine tastings, Discovery Park (walk the bluffs and below), Point Defiance (rose garden & waterfront walk), Bonsai Garden Collection (it's amazing!), Nisqually Wildlife Refuge (see coyote, raptors), Brown's Point Lighthouse, my lawn at midnight to watch meteor showers & have drinks, drives to small towns, the list goes on and they're all free. Things listed below by fullmoon, but I don't know where you get free food at an artwalk, lol:

Free concert
Free artwalk (with free food)
Free museum
Free hiking trail
Free beach

I never thought about routinely paying for dates, since I entertain at home. I'm not always making dinner, most times it's watching tv or watching a movie with snacks. I can't speak for women that want dinner all the time. I would feel uncomfortable with a guy going on dates that cost money with any frequency, but that's up to him. If a woman suggests something, perhaps a guy should say, hey, that's a little expensive, see what she has to say with the intention of her kicking in. It sure would curb her asking for expensive dates. I have yearly paid passes to parks and most times drive, so I've got that covered.

What do you think about a guy wanting a woman to wear a dress or skirt? Is he a **stard for having a traditional idea of what a woman should look like? Is he unreasonable to want that?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1305
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 10:13:00 PM

In short, the world does not appreciate them and their esoteric qualities, because everyone is shallow and can't see their "inner beauty." ... Sadly, these types are rarely possessed of any lovable or compelling internal character traits (not to mention outward attractiveness).

If these type of victims never get dates, how the hell would anyone know if the have any character traits at all? By the writing style of their profile? That's lousy speculation at best. People flee from negativity like they just got bitten by a zombie. There's no one hanging around to figure out why.


So, the world keeps turning and victims keep whinging.

I normally don't turn comments this way, but- read your own profile. Just... wow.

There's nothing evil about having good things - provided you didn't have to commit a crime to get them. There are dozens of people out there who have wealth, but live graciously and share their gifts without pretense.

My stink about living humbly and not needing fancy stuff beyond my means is because so many out there BELIEVE having excess is a necessary part of a new relationship. The pretense is there; about as subtle as the Great Wall of China.


A person determines for themselves if they are successful. Everyone has their own standard.

And herein lies the rub. Women ARE successful and independent. They have professional and trained positions in society that make really good money. They have found ways to maintain a household on their own income.

My Mom was a Registered Nurse her whole life. I have seen the course of work that it has taken to get where she is today. The job title has grown and improved immensely in the last few decades - both in terms of status AND pay. There are a lot of single women in my neighborhood that are nurses. The jobs sometimes stink, are very demanding, don't get a lot of free time and work ungodly hours - but they make GOOD money. Most make more than I ever will. I have no problem with that. God bless anyone who has found a way to make ends meet and be successful.

My question is - why does someone who progressive, intelligent and modern - and is doing much better than I am - still feel fully justified to revert to ancient courtship rules like, "He who plans, pays."? It's hypocrisy at it's best. Even a dim bulb on the bottom branch of the Christmas tree can smell that B.S.

What really gets stupid is this constant need for an 'upgrade'. Women can't be happy or satisfied with what they already have. The insecurity thing still rears it's head - even at the highest levels of success. They don't want an equal - they STILL want a guy who is dominant over them - superior in confidence, toys, pocketbook, life achievements, you name it. They fall for some 'Alpha' douchebag, again and again - some dunderhead with a shiny toy who talks up a good game - and stick around for the abuse a little too long because they feel their 'improved' status is worth that loss of dignity.

This disconnect over how people SHOULD be in real life is directly related to our own emotions and expectations - facts be damned. If we feel we deserve the best of the best - then we will make it so, at any cost. THAT is where people get stupid. Instead of using patience and respect to earn a chance at a great relationship through time and shared experiences, we try to buy our way into it - by using the Express Lane and hooking up with an upgrade. So how's that working out for you?

Thought so.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1306
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/29/2017 10:58:40 PM
Everyone tends to be a product of how they were raised. So many women are still raised to be submissive, doesn't matter if they're in jobs where they are leaders and making good salaries. They come home and what do they do, they cook and clean while their husbands may do traditional male things. How many times have you heard a guy describe himself as a "typical guy"? You never said anything about the guys that want a woman in traditional dresses and skirts????

It really does seem like you're always saying all women are the same and it's never in a good way. Anyone who has ever been in a hospital knows nurses are the backbone of the medical field. Doctors come in and do their rounds, while nurses are in the trenches with you giving care 24/7. Becoming a nurse isn't easy, and they deserve every penny they make. They are the classic caregivers with that female personality trait, which is.....a traditional role among women.

I hope you're not addressing me by saying how is that working out for you. I don't need a man for anything. Men do try to whore themselves out by saying in their profiles how they can fix everything around the house, and since I can see some live in apts, they must be pandering to women that own homes, so they're prostituting themselves. One guy recently quoted me that line about if you can't be handsome, be handy. Other acts of low self esteem by men would be pics of material things they own to get a woman's attention. Why are men so insecure?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1307
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/30/2017 7:19:00 AM

I think you mean asking/wanting her to cover a date or part of a date's expenses, after he paid for a set of dates -- yeah. He's the cheap one -- not her when she doesn not want to do so. She's just being Traditional. ;)


Yes. That was one of my points.


What do you think about a guy wanting a woman to wear a dress or skirt? Is he a **stard for having a traditional idea of what a woman should look like? Is he unreasonable to want that?


I wouldn't agree with a man that thinks like this. If a woman asked for my opinion about what she would wear, I would tell her. But I wouldn't insist that she should wear a certain outfit.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1308
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/30/2017 9:16:31 AM

Other acts of low self esteem by men would be pics of material things they own to get a woman's attention.

If that's an act of low self-esteem, then what does that say about the women that actually go for those things? Guys post their toys online because IT WORKS. If it wasn't working, they'd post something else. Same goes for being handy. There are plenty of urban princesses out there that believe changing a light bulb is a scary experience.


One guy recently quoted me that line about if you can't be handsome, be handy.

That's from the TV Show Red Green - it's been his closing remark for the last 25 years - 15 years on the CBC show, and the comedy tours they have been doing since then.

I've NEVER required a woman to dress up for a date. If anything, I've requested the opposite. Keep it casual. I don't want a painted face and things tucked and pulled into a facade that only really exists a handful of evenings a year. Show me your jeans, show me your true height, show me what you look like with no makeup on. If you have the courage to present yourself in that every-day, Saturday morning type of 'vulnerable' state, you have the courage to do a great many things required to be in a relationship. Putting on a show never has been a request of mine. That pressure comes from elsewhere - and frankly, I'm tired of getting blamed for it. I want the real deal.


It really does seem like you're always saying all women are the same and it's never in a good way.

You've made a lot of blanket assumptions with your statements as well.

All women are not the same. There are plenty of women who are successful without being pretentious. There are women out there well grounded in who they are and what they believe life has to offer. Trouble, is, most men have been seeking them out for decades - and a lot of them are already taken. These women have also realized who they got CAN work - and stay and adapt to them. The remainder that exist, and feel the need to turn to online dating to help them find a mate, are generally very bad at finding their own way.

I'm tired of having to carry enough confidence for two people, yet be criticized for being arrogant and blamed for what others have done. I'm tired of being compelled to come up with more and more elaborate plans to impress total strangers before they even give me the time of day, and then flake out with no warning. A lot of guys have resorted to lying and false advertising in here not just to exploit women, but as insecurities have grown with each relationship failure - the mere expectation of what should be 'average' has grown completely obtuse.

I myself just stop trying from time to time, as other men have also admitted in here. Just going to a random bar and striking up a conversation with anyone gets me further along the relationship ladder than anything that happens online. I don't like drinking, and I hate drunks - but I still go out because THAT is what works for me. People in here constantly, endlessly b*tching about why the other gender doesn't stick to their plan, or why something that worked once isn't working still - it's because they are either stubborn or afraid to change and adapt to the game. 'Settling' is not some sort of capitol crime - it's a REQUIREMENT to stay happy.

My whole rant in here - all of these words I've been typing - is to call attention to your OWN ignorance, your OWN inability to adapt and just be happy. The rest of the world is NOT the problem.

I haven't had a lot of dating failures. Most people that get to know me like what I am. What I can't do online - is even get something started. I don't even get the CHANCE to be noticed. I don't hate women. I hate the ignorance.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1309
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/30/2017 10:33:43 AM
South City, we all want what we want, but of course it's going to limit the dating pool:)

Dan, you seem so disgruntled all the time. I wish happiness for you, we all deserve that.

You can't make this about women when men try to lure them with things. Who said women are responding, because I don't see it. A guy can show off what he loves, but then they will list them too, so that speaks to desperation. I don't have a picture of myself next to my car, why is that, lol? I think it would attract men too.

I had a guy try to push himself on me with wanting to help me all the time. It's nice to have a helpful partner, but when you don't need the help, it's more about him than the woman. As for women and makeup, makeup is not a woman's friend as she ages. Some men will specifically write they want the woman to wear makeup. Some men like the look of it being plastered on with a trowel, lol. About being older and dating, sure, people will tend to have more baggage from past relationships. It doesn't serve anyone well to carry that forward with them and is counterproductive.

I hope your statement about your OWN ignorance and inability to adapt and be happy is not pointed at me. It doesn't apply to me. I'm a generally happy person. I have no problem dating. Being online just extends one's options for who you can date. I meet men when I'm out and about, but did meet men here also. I just did a stint in a 15 year marriage, so I have been occupied. Also, dating is not the most important thing to me in my life. I don't know why you can't meet women online, but there are a lot of reasons having to do with online dating itself, and then there's the attitude that you project, so that's on you. It sounds like you want a down to earth type of gal and life is full of them. I'm one of those women myself and see them all around me.
 FrothingShooter
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1310
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/30/2017 11:25:10 AM
^^^
Female entitlement on steroids.
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 6/30/2017 6:18:20 PM
^^^
Gets woody for women he can't afford.
 FrothingShooter
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1312
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 4:22:52 AM
^^^
HSkies setting bait

Or that wimpy attorney bf posing again

Predictable old farts
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 9:40:54 AM
^^^
Fantasy starring Karma wearing off. Time to fixate on new "victim."

... Prob stars attorney ...
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1314
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 9:55:15 AM
After viewing so many comments on this thread, it appears that many women are tight with their money and expect a man to pay for the dates and will judge men for being tight fisted, if they don't cover the cheque...double standards in dating and double standards in societies mentality towards the dating process, between men and women.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 1315
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 10:33:33 AM
^^^But if a woman ends up paying for part or all of the date, it might cut into her budget when it comes to her weekly trip to the mall, to get a new outfit, or a new pair of shoes, a new purse, or some super expensive make-up that has a Hollywood star's name on the label.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 1316
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 11:33:18 AM
?LOL "a woman".

With regards to all of the above? ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Not bloody likely!
Malls are closing down, I have to think real hard to remember the last "outfit" I bought, now shoes I admit are my downfall, actually prefer boots, and the last pair (last year) were black Harley boots, I f'n hate purses, and last but not least, I think I spend maybe fifty bucks a year, on make-up. You forgot money spent for "the hair". That's probably 400 smackaroos a year.

Oh yah! BIG BUCKS!

BF makes more than twice my income. Yah, he can afford dinner at Texas Corral. Easy!

IF. IF .IF you want a woman to look plain, dress plain, go barefoot, carry an old purse, and wear no make-up, Hollywood star name on the label or not, I can direct you to a self supporting religious institution, in Tennessee.

News Flash. Not ALL women, not ALL men are alike.
IF your experience has been as stated, it seems you are shopping in the wrong market!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1317
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 12:03:25 PM
Lady In Red, I also do not do pocketbooks. My blush is a few years old, mascara lasts forever, as does lipstick. I can't even imagine slathering on foundation. That's just disgusting!
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 1318
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 12:06:31 PM

My blush is a few years old, mascara lasts forever, as does lipstick.

That made me feel ill. Please educate yourself. This ^^ is not true.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 1319
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 12:15:15 PM
Yes someone who is covered in war paint in their profile photos, claims that she does not spend much on makeup, but a Circus clown wears less makeup, than her and she is wearing far too much blusher LMAO
Can someone give her some makeup tips????:))))
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 1320
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 12:22:34 PM
Roflmao mascara lasts 3-6 months and the rest max 2 years how sad a women doesn't even know about her own stuff. lol
 FrothingShooter
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 1321
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 12:46:59 PM
It would appear that NY58 uses expired chemicals on her face.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1322
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 2:17:04 PM

NG, if a guy decides he wants to do dinner, that's his decision and his choice. He's picking a place that he finds affordable. I don't ask to go to dinner, never have.

Point is -- not everything's Asking To. If Sally & John click well after a few dates, it can Easily go along something like this which is Common, Not in any way a rarity as some exception, after Sally comes over to John's place on a Saturday afternoon, having some conversation in the living room:

John: So my friend Bob and some folks are going over to BW3 tonight to watch the game and play some trivia. Barb likes that stuff, and I think so do you...
Sally: Okay, yeah... and my friends Marcie, Leslie, and Frank are going a wine bar at some point tonight, which I always wanted to try out.
John: Cool. Yeah, I'm up for anything. The ball game ends around 10PM, so what do you think?
Sally: The gals aren't getting to the wine bar 'till after 9PM anyway, so we could meet up with them afterwards.
John: Alright, sounds like a plan.
(... time passes as they watched a movie on the couch and such ...)
John: Yeah, I'm a little hungry, what are you thinking? Applebees? Run to the grocery store and cook something up? Chinese takeout -- I know you like that...
Sally: I'm up for anything, but how about [A-Choice-From-Above]? Haven't done that in a while.
John: Yeah, sounds good to me.
Sally: Sweet. I'll go powder my nose...

Point is: There is no asking-someone-out. Switch roles of who says what with John & Sally -- your POV of who-pays doesn't change, if they're not at female's place where she's cooking, it's that it's not just for You -- but for Everyone -- that the proper way to do it, no matter what your situations is that the guy-always pays (unless at her place and she's cooking something).

Just don't ask me to go on a mall walk on a first date, that's just horrendous!

I don't think it's so common for a guy to suggest doing mall-walking on any early dates, so I think you got nothing to worry about. :) If anything, I think that's something that guys would be worried about. A walk in the park or thru downtown and such -- yeah. One could definitely replace that with watching a movie at his place in my example above, if they haven't solidly done so already in their first few dates.
 2ufo2
Joined: 8/29/2016
Msg: 1323
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 3:03:02 PM
Tossing mascara is suggested around 3-6 months because it can gather bacteria - not because it no longer works.
Again the expiration date on most makeup isn't because the makeup is no longer effective but because it is no longer as sanitary as it was when new.
However, that also depends on how and how often it is used.

Personally, I toss mine out every so often simply so I can try a different brand or a different color.

As for


^^^But if a woman ends up paying for part or all of the date, it might cut into her budget when it comes to her weekly trip to the mall, to get a new outfit, or a new pair of shoes, a new purse, or some super expensive make-up that has a Hollywood star's name on the label.


My expenditures for the past 365 days in the categories of mall trips/new outfit/new shoes/new purse/make-up would be under $200.
That includes manicures, pedicures, massages, haircuts and bonbons.
However, I am going to splurge next month... those bonbons sound scrumptious and I simply must have some blue mascara.

As for the topic...
Apparently some women do and some women don't offer to pay.
Apparently some men do and some men don't have a thing about paying the entire bill.
Apparently some people let their bad experiences define their lives.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 1324
Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 3:18:12 PM
Lipstick and gloss should be tossed if you have a cold.. they carry the germs. I am with Spot, make up doesn't last forever.
I saw a man with lash extensions - cute actually :) And I like dark nail polish on some guys.. hate it on myself. Polish that is
who buys a bag at the Mall? meh
Still hoping someone will get me the new Vuitton bag pls and ty
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1325
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Too cheap to pay attention
Posted: 7/1/2017 4:06:44 PM
If the woman is not reciprocating with dinners at home, then I would say she has to put her hand in her pocket if they go out and especially if she suggests something. I would be happy to get take out and pay for it, but I never have since I cook.

You should try looking at some of the profiles of the men and you will see what the women are dealing with, at least with these online men. Most of them don't even suggest a date and believe me when I say there are plenty of them that want to take you for a walk like you are a dog and many times it's to the mall. This is why in my profile under First Dates I say that this is really a first date and make it count which means you are not walking me around a mall or going on a coffee meet and greet, its a date. That's why it's called a first date. Make it something interesting or fun, doesn't have to be dinner or any kind of a big money spent. This is not a one-sided thing where the woman is dictating where they will go, the man has input so no one here is being taken advantage of. I know your concern is for the men, but you really don't have to be concerned about grown adult men.
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