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 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 208
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Sounds like he's stuck with that endless courtship syndrome.

I'd start throttling back on the money being spent.

She may only be looking for a companion for romantic rendezvous at his expense.

Perhaps try explaining to her that you're looking for more then dinners out twice a week with nookie?

Unless that is in fact what you're looking for as well?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 209
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Posted: 1/2/2016 2:47:31 PM

I find it odd that the lady in question in post # 1 is "old fashioned" in that she doesn't think she should have to pay for a meal or treat him to a meal and this early in the "relationship" (10 dates) but is not "old fashioned" enough to hold off on having sex. It would seem that it's fine to be "old fashioned" when it's convenient and is purely selective.

Yes, that is hypocritical, but also, to be fair -- so is applying "old fashioned" when one's a working self-sufficient woman, and not just wants but ("Well I Never!") demands to be paid for at all times, treated as an equal Adult, etc. Or a gal who brings up going out on a date with a guy, chooses the place, but expects him to pay due to being "old fashioned" when things weren't old-fashioned when the gal was the main one generating the date. Or to call things still in "courtship" when it's not -- as you are what you do, not what you'd like it to be to get what you want.

Sounds like he's stuck with that endless courtship syndrome.

Good phrase. I think the hypocracy is that it's truly Not courtship anymore, but wants to call it that to frame things as if it's perpetually Date #3 (so as to not pay). However, I think in her mind she never really has thought about it... it's "just the way things are" and came up with a bad on-the-fly "reason". He could counter with "Okay, no, I understand. This is just courtship. That's great, I got the bills, as these are just intro-to-know-ya dates. We aren't datING. Great. I can take out Susan and Barbie, too, as those are just many weeks of dates, and Sleep with them as I with you, because, the bottom line is it's still just the intro. Sweet! I'll pay for that!" ;)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 210
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Posted: 1/2/2016 5:09:39 PM

showboatsupreme
Sounds like he's stuck with that endless courtship syndrome.

I'd start throttling back on the money being spent.

She may only be looking for a companion for romantic rendezvous at his expense.


Dating is expensive, I'll give you that. I had mid-day / afternoon date today.

Lunch at Pappadeux Seafood Kitchen (chain restaurant, sort of mid-scale like Olive Garden, which many here look down on).

$66 with tip.

Afternoon matinee at the movies, two tickets $18, and then $23 at snack bar. I always get a large popcorn and a bottled water and offer to share, but she wanted a bag of M&Ms and a Sprite.

Two drinks (one each) after the movie, $15 with tip.

$66 + 18 + 23 + 15 = $122, and I was at back at home by 5:30 p.m.

There's something wrong with this picture, I spent $122 on a date today, and I'm sitting at home alone on Saturday night. I may have to rethink this ...
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 211
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Posted: 1/2/2016 5:36:49 PM
Here's why I don't put out for M&M's, no matter how much they cost:

When I was a child I remember feeling awkward because someone had given me a gift, and I didn't have one to give in exchange. My mother (poor Mama - you all know way too much about her by now) explained that giving is not about an exchange. What I took from that was that you can accept a gift without feeling indebted, and that you give without expect anything in return.

I suppose it's different if two parties both view sex/love as things that can be exchanged in business transactions. Then it might very well work out quite nicely, come to think of it.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 212
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Posted: 1/2/2016 5:56:18 PM
what was the gift?
everything except GCs can be exchanged.. I am waiting to see what the the trade off is
I mean is one BJ worth a dinner at a chain place? If she cooks you dinner ought you service both her and her car?
I bought an old man coffee the other day - gosh I hope I get a pony
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 213
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Posted: 1/2/2016 6:01:01 PM
I am with showboatsupreme

If the woman in question decides she wont be having nooky if he is not paying out, then he cam move on to a woman who does not feel that she has to be paid for all along the line . "old fashioned values" is a load of crock as she is having casual sex with a man she is not committed to.

Of course the fact that she is "gorgeous" is the reason that he has paid out for so much, so far.

He is an attractive man from what I see and hopefully he will move on and find a woman that does not equate sex with paid dates.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 214
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Posted: 1/2/2016 6:32:13 PM

There's something wrong with this picture, I spent $122 on a date today, and I'm sitting at home alone on Saturday night. I may have to rethink this ...


Did she offer to pay for the tip? The after-movie drinks? Anything?
 nightryder111
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 215
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Posted: 1/2/2016 6:37:57 PM
$122.00? Even at $80.00 x 10 dates is $800.00, plus gas and a few sundries. Somewhere in here the guy in post #1 should get treated to breakfast or lunch, I don't care how old fashioned a person is. Who pays for condoms, the guy or the woman?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 216
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Posted: 1/2/2016 7:15:12 PM
boy, I guess i'm a cheap SOB. not to compare what's right or wrong, but just some thoughts on a date:

Lunch or dinner w/ my female friends tend to run under $40--no appetizers, little interest in seafood or steak that we could cook at home. I don't drink, and for whatever reason people around don't either even tho i'm not giving them the evil eye or anything. I think they're just following lead, b/c they usually mention they don't like drinking, yet I think its how they're bfs get lucky :). maybe i'm totally shooting myself in the foot there.

I think b/c we're usually on the way to do something else (today was trying out a consignment shop, bought a bunch of clothes and goodies for a mere $50), so eating is not the main thing to do, just something along the way. In the warmer months, I can pick up the local newspapers that come out on Thursday and find events to do, or parks to visit. For movies, there are local colleges that list documentaries or foreign films or classics on the big screen.

but hey, I don't have women swarming over me, so maybe i'm way off base :) I won't be offended if a bunch of ladies reading this speak up and give their view. y'know, that would be a good thread, ladies tell what they think a good date would be.

as for not putting out for M&M's, I might if they were the almond ones. Never did find out what the W's and E's on some of them stood for.
 Dannydodge
Joined: 12/20/2015
Msg: 217
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Posted: 1/2/2016 7:56:37 PM

Again I advise OP to ball up and be honest about how he feels about her….a gold digging hypocrite he never respected from the beginning.


Without a doubt one of the biggest man haters to ever troll these forums. Don't worry sugar Piano will be along shortly to pet those ruffled feathers.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 218
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Posted: 1/2/2016 8:40:45 PM
GTO...


...so eating is not the main thing to do, just something along the way


Eating should NEVER be the main thing to do.
 choppermonkie
Joined: 4/26/2014
Msg: 219
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Posted: 1/2/2016 9:44:38 PM

I want him to call her a hypocrite to her face and explain why right before their next sexual encounter. He won’t because he’s using her for sex and calling HER a hypocrite. It doesn’t get much stupider than that. :/


I didn't get the impression he was USING her for sex. If he was actively avoiding paying for dinners and still demanding action, then sure he'd be using her. But I guess if him taking her out on dates qualifies as using her (strange definition), then by accepting the dates she's using him for free dinners. In that case they're both getting what they want, so everybody wins! :)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 220
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Posted: 1/2/2016 9:54:39 PM

Eating should NEVER be the main thing to do


Think of it as harm reduction.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 221
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Posted: 1/2/2016 11:27:01 PM
2ufo...

Eating should NEVER be the main thing to do.



"Eating" is usually foreplay for the main course...
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 222
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Posted: 1/3/2016 8:20:24 AM
Cooldog

Maybe I should have said 'eating food'?

*remembering a night of shrimp and whipped cream -- at different locations*

Nope, that doesn't work either.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 223
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Posted: 1/3/2016 9:54:31 AM
I'm amazed at the fact that people still end up talking about this in terms of being equal or fair, the exchange rate, etc.

For me...and I think that it's this way for many others but they just don't see it consciously...it's all about your motivations or intentions for being on a first date with someone, or your views on the genders and how they should relate to one another (as in some form of female chauvinism, for example), not financial equality or fairness. You should only be on a first date with me because you were interested in me and looking at the possibility of how we may go together, etc. That undermines any logic or ritual which involves one person paying for the other. If you accepted a date request from me, and it wasn't because you had this interest, then you've committed a major offense. If you weren't interested but still "giving me a chance", that doesn't change anything - that's your choice, and I shouldn't owe you something because of that. If you think that I should pay for you just because I asked you on the date, then again you are still a liar in some way.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 224
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Posted: 1/3/2016 10:21:40 AM
"If you think that I should pay for you just because I asked you on the date, then again you are still a liar in some way."


How so, Mr. Drinks?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 225
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Posted: 1/3/2016 11:05:23 AM
What is this? Another one bytes the dust?

"showboatsupreme", aka CooneysTutor, is gone, for a second time?

I'm really getting tired of this. I mean really, really tired of it.

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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 226
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Posted: 1/3/2016 1:12:07 PM

I want him to call her a hypocrite to her face and explain why right before their next sexual encounter.

Although harsh, I agree. If you're already sleeping together, one can't play the "old fashioned values" card as if you're perpetually on the 2nd or 3rd date.

He won’t because he’s using her for sex and calling HER a hypocrite. It doesn’t get much stupider than that. :/

He's using her for sex because they're having sex? Paying for dates should have no bearing on whether or not the two people are each (enjoying) each other having sex.

If he was actively avoiding paying for dinners and still demanding action, then sure he'd be using her.

I disagree. Since when are women prostitutes where the money is exchanged in dinners?? :) IMO, having that playing a role can not only be insulting to women, but also would allude to using someone for sex. Sex is a Mutual exchange, mutual enjoyment. It's not one-way. Now, if the guy demanded BJs in his car on the way from one place to another, that would be 1-way and completely different.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 227
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Posted: 1/3/2016 3:32:00 PM

There's something wrong with this picture, I spent $122 on a date today,


There's something wrong alright.

They see you guys coming.

For that kind of money, it better be lunch or dinner with a REAL queen, like Elizabeth II.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 228
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Posted: 1/3/2016 3:40:05 PM
^ How 'bout a drag queen? There's a guy on these threads that can't seem to stop talking about cross dressing. And he's kinda perdy.
 50ThousandAnd1
Joined: 12/28/2015
Msg: 229
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Posted: 1/3/2016 3:48:38 PM
If a man can't afford a cheap $20 date & a woman can't deal w/ the fact that men like & want sex, neither should be dating, PERIOD.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 230
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Posted: 1/3/2016 5:32:59 PM
Drinkthesunwithmyface:


you think that I should pay for you just because I asked you on the date


YES!!
It doesn't matter WHO asked, on the FIRST DATE the man (YOU) should pay, that is the appropriate thing a MAN should do, choose an affordable date (coffee then a free museum, ice cream while walking around the park, etc.) Be realistic..neither person should suggest a date where you expect to empty out your bank account obviously.. paying for the woman you are interested in is a nice gesture and being a gentleman will not cause you to lose your masculinity. You are making a positive first impression and she will genuinely appreciate you for it.

Happy New Year 2016...
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 231
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Posted: 1/3/2016 5:37:05 PM

If a man can't afford a cheap $20 date & a woman can't deal w/ the fact that men like & want sex, neither should be dating, PERIOD.

What is it with sex being a part of an equation about dinner or paying for dinner?? You're treating it like sex is a 1-way street only for the guy! lol :)

Sex is a 2-way street, a Mutually Enjoyable endeavor (assuming done right). I know I wouldn't want to have sex with a gal who's just sitting there reading a magazine, yawning, occasionally saying "You done yet? .... You know, the dinner was only $20, champ..."
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 232
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Posted: 1/3/2016 5:43:19 PM
^ Oh, and I suppose she shouldn't be talking on the phone during sex, either? You sound a bit high maintenance, my friend.
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