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 AUTHOR
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
or maybe lobsterPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
not sure I can wait 30 days, break out the paprika and spices. I'll eat my way thru.
 50ThousandAnd1
Joined: 12/28/2015
Msg: 26
or maybe lobster
Posted: 1/3/2016 12:57:09 PM
op if you met & dated women from IRL, this would not happen would it?
 BlackOnyx48
Joined: 12/6/2015
Msg: 28
Etiquette
Posted: 1/4/2016 4:10:04 PM
OMG, you euro guys kill me the way you run in circles over any woman that farts in your direction, no date is valid without confirmation...be a fcck n man...set a deadline and stick to it, no reply...let it die...simple.
 Long_Shot_Kick_D_Bucket
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 29
Etiquette
Posted: 1/4/2016 8:52:24 PM
Be lucky they ghosted on the phone over a no show at the place!!! The Holidays are a bit busy to find time for a date, but no answer no confirmation equals no date. This is why you plan something simple and quick over extravagance and time consuming. For me, the time is already set aside, so I go with or without. I may be surprised if I go out over staying home asking why.
 CecillyAnn
Joined: 2/2/2016
Msg: 30
Etiquette
Posted: 2/7/2016 10:47:47 AM
Yes, it's bad manners and, unfortunately, it's common on dating sites. Unless the person is unconscious, they should at least contact you to let you know they can't or don't want to keep the scheduled date. I've experienced it a couple times and just take it as a good sign that I didn't have to waste my time with someone ill-mannered and unreliable.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Etiquette
Posted: 2/7/2016 4:42:16 PM
It is bad manners and it may be normal behaviour for some. That they have not met you, they feel they can act in a casual cavalier manner as you are not "real".

Have you actually heard her voice, seen a moving image?? I would be confirming the upcoming meet for sure. If no answer, move on. Sometimes people will confirm a couple of hours ahead for instance, and still not show. So don't travel too far to meet and ideally not for a meal on the first meet.

Expect anything and everything.

You need a strong sense of self for this online caper where you will experience the inevitable rejections that all or most men do. Good luck.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 32
or maybe lobster
Posted: 2/8/2016 8:49:19 AM
Once a date is set, I need no further communication. I might send a message confirming the date the day before or on the same day, but I have no need for communication in between the time we agreed to the date and when it takes place.

If they keep contact with me, I will respond, however I do not initiate any communication, because I'm a woman of my word. If I agree to something, it goes on my calendar, and they are solid plans until they aren't, lol.

Maybe you are smothering her with communication and she was turned off, it has happened to me. If someone makes it a point to communicate daily (when we have a date scheduled but haven't met yet), the constant communication will cause for me to lose interest. I expect men to be detached until they meet me, because well after all, they don't know if I exist, if I am the person whose pictures I post (they could easily be my twin sister's pics for all anyone cares), there is nothing until we meet, so keep your emotions in check.

Don't get wrapped up in anyone, take it as it presents itself, don't go ahead of yourself and ahead of feelings that haven't had a chance to develop. If she is good looking, guess what? Other people maybe even more interesting than you are messaging her and proposing better dates than you, and she's gonna go for it......I would.

I will drop a coffee/tea/drinks meet over dinner in a heartbeat, no matter who the heck it was or even if I liked him. He who shows me they are about something real, and about spending time with me, and showing me a good time, gets the date and continues to get dates.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 33
or maybe lobster
Posted: 2/8/2016 2:23:04 PM

Once a date is set, I need no further communication. I might send a message confirming the date the day before or on the same day, but I have no need for communication in between the time we agreed to the date and when it takes place.


I would say this is right on the money. Have their phone number, but really, leave the talking to when you're in person. That is the time when your words carry maximum attraction. If you waste them on the phone before you meet, you cannot repeat them in person.
 SweetTSmilesNC
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 34
Ettiquette
Posted: 3/2/2016 6:17:21 PM
The name of this thread is Ettiquette....that seems to no longer exist.

I'm still a bit put off by someone that I only talked to on occasion; I found him attractive but didn't want to come on strong....at least be friends, ya know. He blocked me recently....the jerk....anyway, I'd be curious, ladies, if any of you have met him, or if he is just a shy troll.....Looks 2691
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Ettiquette
Posted: 3/2/2016 7:05:03 PM
It should be called netiquette lol!

Naming and shaming is just not on. You just need to be mature and rise above it and move on. You don't know who the guy really is and that you found him attractive without meeting is just your fantasy and wishful thinking at play unless you actually Skyped or at least heard his voice.

He may be in gaol, married, a psychopath, a school boy or any manner of being. People are blocked and are blocking all the time. Part of the game.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 36
or maybe lobster
Posted: 3/3/2016 3:27:06 AM

Once a date is set, I need no further communication. I might send a message confirming the date the day before or on the same day, but I have no need for communication in between the time we agreed to the date and when it takes place.

If they keep contact with me, I will respond, however I do not initiate any communication, because I'm a woman of my word. If I agree to something, it goes on my calendar, and they are solid plans until they aren't, lol.


Excellent points.

This filter also weeds out those excessive communicators who talk and never set up a date.


Maybe you are smothering her with communication and she was turned off, it has happened to me. If someone makes it a point to communicate daily (when we have a date scheduled but haven't met yet), the constant communication will cause for me to lose interest.


Yes, because it's a date without meeting. It's silly (and cheap). If you are going to spend your time with somebody, it should be in person and doing something your enjoy.


I will drop a coffee/tea/drinks meet over dinner in a heartbeat, no matter who the heck it was or even if I liked him. He who shows me they are about something real, and about spending time with me, and showing me a good time, gets the date and continues to get dates.


+1
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 37
Etiquette
Posted: 3/3/2016 8:42:29 AM
Well...It should be etiquette but we are talking on line dating here.
You're right she owes you nothing....I would send one more message or text/ call(if she gave you her number) to confirm.
I had a meet with someone that didn't get back to me...after I sent a few messages....I didn't show up.
Not wasting my time....because of the disappearing acts that people do...don't show up without confirmation....ever!!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 38
view profile
History
or maybe lobster
Posted: 3/3/2016 2:37:11 PM

Once a date is set, I need no further communication. .... I have no need for communication in between the time we agreed to the date and when it takes place.

So if due to conflicting schedules, one sets a date with another 2 weeks in advance, after an initial conversation, they should cease communication until then, aside from a change or confirmation of said plans? I would disagree. Why? Because of this to a significant degree, if all you had was equivalent to a single convo then tons of dead air time before meeting:

I expect men to be detached until they meet me, because well after all, they don't know if I exist, if I am the person whose pictures I post (they could easily be my twin sister's pics for all anyone cares), there is nothing until we meet.

... it's going to have a high liklihood of not panning out. Maybe not so much for guys online hitting up a girl -- but in an online environment where there's tons of girls, "there is nothing until we meet" as you say. And her mailbox is kicking in that meantime with cute (and non-cute) sausages knocking on her inbox. :) I've been there, done that. Low date-actually-happening % when there's a a sizable amount of dead air days strung together until meeting.

I'm not saying have fruitful conversations every day until then, no. And if you made the date Wed evening for Friday evening, you don't have to chit-chat Thurs. Just a whats-up confirmation early Friday that it's still on, is all. But a string of many days in-between, and "there is nothing until you meet"? It's good to have at least bits of casual banter in-between to keep those wheels churning.

In regards to the OP, I agree you shouldn't pester them in terms of trying to generate conversation all the time, no. But you do want to at least "keep the garage light on" if it's going to be a while. In his case, after she didn't respond, I'd wait until the day before the date (or real early day of) -- and msg or text her if she's still up for it, and that I wrote ya a day or so ago and didn't hear anything... and if I don't hear from ya by X'oclock, I'll assume the date's not on.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 39
or maybe lobster
Posted: 3/4/2016 1:07:36 PM
My etiquette is very simple (how I like things), treat everyone the way you'd like them to treat you. It's an iteration of the golden rule, but it IS golden.
 Dallasroadie
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 40
or maybe lobster
Posted: 3/4/2016 1:12:24 PM
^^^^ How true. I learned that at a very young age. Its actually a world wide saying of sorts. And it works every time and is so simple.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 41
view profile
History
or maybe lobster
Posted: 3/4/2016 2:09:57 PM

My etiquette is very simple (how I like things), treat everyone the way you'd like them to treat you. It's an iteration of the golden rule, but it IS golden.


Bbbbbbutt it's the internet, nothing is real on the internet, there are no feelings on the internet, we're all just machines, communicating through machines, etiquette what the hell is that?

I agree, what I worry about is bad behavior being enabled and getting rewarded constantly, we say "That's just the way it is" when we wouldn't put up with the shit offline but we sit there and eat it, we constantly eat shit until we become shit ourselves. So we all eat it and the person screwing us over says with their actions "You will eat shit! Eat it!" and then we all say "Yea, you're right, I'm going to eat shit, I have no one to blame but myself for communicating with you" and then it's a never ending cycle of eating shit over and over again.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 42
Etiquette
Posted: 3/4/2016 4:49:10 PM
I'm wondering if the dude ever got the date or no? This was posted on Christmas Eve. A lot can happen. Maybe they are married now.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 43
Etiquette
Posted: 3/5/2016 9:46:32 AM


My etiquette is very simple (how I like things), treat everyone the way you'd like them to treat you. It's an iteration of the golden rule, but it IS golden.


My problem is expecting folks to treat me the same.

I'm constantly disappointed.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 44
Etiquette
Posted: 3/5/2016 2:15:50 PM
"My problem is expecting folks to treat me the same.

I'm constantly disappointed."

You make a very valid point. I TRY my best not to expect really anything, if I know I've treated them well and they don't return it, that's on them I won't continue if they do that. So there is a limited window where I'll be patient and kind, if they don't treat me well, then they get dropped like a bad habit.

Life's too short to deal with toxic people.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Etiquette
Posted: 3/18/2016 8:17:21 AM
If she's not responding I'd take that as meaning she's lost interest, for whatever reason. Very inconsiderate of her to drop you like that, but it does seem to happen.

Generally, I've found that people seem to be ruder over the internet. For some reason it seems to free some from any restraint, whether that be of what is typically considered to be good manners or common courtesy, or of general decorum. I think it's the idea that they can be free from taking responsibility for their words; that they are anonymous, for the most part. It's really revealing what people will do and say when they think they can 'get away' with it. Over the years in various forums and sites (mostly not even dating sites) it's made me more cynical about people in general; humanity is not humane, for the most part. Sad.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 46
Etiquette
Posted: 3/18/2016 12:51:06 PM
Not one to spread rumors (ahem) but I suspect there is an unknown black hole that people mysteriously fall through never to be seen or heard from again. It has to be, people disappear off here so often and so quickly the FBI wouldn't be able to keep up.
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