Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 134
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...Page 6 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
HawkingJr. A couple of random thoughts.

If you MSGed 10,000 women, perhaps you have MSGed most available women within easy driving distance. Maybe that's the reason for no views.

I had often felt like I didn't want to poison the well by overexposing my profile. It might be fanciful thinking, but I did feel that way.

Many who want to date delete their profile and create a new one with slightly different pics, thus getting into the new users list.

An old profile maybe a plus in the forums, but on the dating side, I would tend to think an old POF profile might mean a serial dater that can't commit, or someone no one else found desirable. I can't see anything positive on the dating side about a very old profile.

LiliMarleen To be fair, Hawkings wasn't complaining about his teeth so much as explaining to chromis1 why his smile doesn't show a lot of teeth. He does smile a lot, just closed mouth about it. It might make a little difference, if it were me I wouldn't lose any sleep over it and I doubt it's a major factor.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 135
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 12:51:00 PM

He does smile a lot, just closed mouth about it. It might make a little difference, if it were me I wouldn't lose any sleep over it and I doubt it's a major factor.


I disagree, Dragon. I think it's a major factor. But, that's why we have forums. To discuss differences of opinion. :)
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 136
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 1:00:12 PM

making a terrible profile


Actually, Coma, except for missing the "interests" field and the lack of teeth, his profile, to me, is a good read. Well written, engaging. IMHO. But the photos are killing him. For my reasons aforesaid.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 137
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 1:02:42 PM
I'm kind of a great smile person myself.
I love them.
It's hard to laugh and smile without opening
your mouth...I wonder how people master it.

I'm sometimes hesitant to smile after eating
an everything bagel or a spanakopita, but mostly
because my friends think it's hilarious when you've
got chives in your teeth...and they'd rather laugh
about it than tell you.

I sometimes do that myself.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 138
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 1:29:35 PM

I disagree, Dragon. I think it's a major factor. But, that's why we have forums. To discuss differences of opinion. :)


I think he said there was a gap between his front teeth, that can be fixed with veneers for 300-800 per tooth, likely you need two teeth.

Maybe that would also boost his confidence, which IMO attitude and confidence are more important.

For instance, many of us have noticed women find us more attractive when we have a steady partner. IMO that's because men are more relaxed and relate better when they feel romantically secure.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 139
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 1:31:59 PM
Hawkings; I haven't read the wall of text, you've covered this topic many times over in the past few years. I believe you when you state your experience that dating has been extremely difficult for you - height, race, wealth, teeth - I don't really know what the reason are. Probably a little of all of it.

I do think that even if you ticked off all the external datable variables - you would still have difficulty with conventional women. You are not a conventional guy! You remind me so much of a Toronto film maker Alan Zweig, two of my favourite films he made are I, Curmudgeon and Lovable. Alan, is this 'curmudgeon" a smart, sardonic Larry David, Christopher Hitchens, Woody Allan intellectual/creative type rascal.

In the past 25 years, I have had relationships with 3 men - all annoying (but lovable) curmudgeons. I live in Toronto and all of these guys were born in New York and have the direct, tell it like it is style that New Yorkers have. The upside to being with a curmudgeon is that things are never dull, everything is 'intense' and in the moment! The downside to being with a curmudgeon is that things are never dull, everything is 'intense' and in the moment!

While making Lovable - a film about not finding love at mid-life - Zwieg ended up falling in love with someone! Just random, out of the blue.....it happens!
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 140
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 1:59:06 PM
“Spamming emails and making a terrible profile isn't ‘investing thousands of hours or direct effort’. It's wasting time.”

Tell me exactly how my profile is “terrible.” I haven’t seen you give one bit of advice to me on my profile. And I could tell you that I’m not “spamming” women’s accounts, but you obviously would not believe me and there’s no way I could prove it to you. But I can promise you, I have not sent out 10,000 “What’s up babe” emails. Really, you can read my posts in these forums and believe I’m capable of such a thing? (On the other hand, I’m also not sending them “War and Peace” as Michelin suggested either – I’ve followed the advice of most here with one-to-two brief sentences calling attention to something I read in the woman’s profile. Well, the ones that actually fill out a profile. Which if you were actually down in the trenches like me, you’d know is becoming rare in the smartphone era.) Also, 10,000 emails over 9 years really isn’t a lot per session. That’s an average of 3 emails a day.

“First, why are you focusing the majority of your time on online dating if it's not getting you the results you want? Second, why are you opposed to actually taking advice from people that are successful?”

YOU haven’t given me any advice. Unless you count "You need to figure out what you're doing wrong and don't do that anymore." As for the first, I already explained that: I almost never meet single dateable females in real life situations.

“They probably get more views because updating it bumps it higher in the list of local profiles so more people see it.”

I change little things about my profile all the time for that very reason. It’s been a long time since I made a major overhaul to my profile because you seem to be alone in the opinion that it’s “terrible.”

“Name one thing you've done in an effort to become a person that's self amused and no longer outcome dependent.”

That’s just WIP psychobabble. But what have I done to make myself more appealing to women? All the research and women’s own words to me pointed to them overwhelmingly preferring muscular athletic men. So I became one of the strongest men on earth (by weight class). All the research and women’s own words pointed toward a strong preference for stylish men. So sometimes I let my very fashion-conscious best friend dress me. All the research and women’s own words pointed toward a strong preference for smart, successful men. So I was high school valedictorian, National Merit Finalist, UF honors graduate, research director, profitable and award-winning filmmaker. The dancing and musician thing didn’t really work out, but I tried. The funny guy thing didn’t work out as well as I would have liked – I’m pretty good with the written word (wrote one award-winning comedy film), but in person my personality is just not Kevin Hart or Will Ferrell, and that’s just how it is. You can’t really determine your personality any more than you can control who you are attracted to – you can make yourself less hostile or more open-minded or whatever but making yourself funny or making yourself charismatic... these are traits that you’re either born with or subconsciously develop during childhood. You don’t suddenly in your 30s say, “Hey, I’m going to be a funny guy instead of a serious guy” and after a couple of classes and some research, you’re on your way to “Saturday Night Live.” Anyway, my female friends seem to like my personality well enough. KJ didn’t think I had a godawful personality. Not so sure about Belle.

“Your teeth are fvked up?”

I never said that. Fvkep up is what Will Ferrell’s got going on. Closest comparison to me is probably Anna Paquin. KJ’s seen me talk in real life. How distracting is that gap? I’m sure Belle’s hanging around somewhere, too, with a strong opinion on my mouth. Once a dentist did ask if I wanted to get it fixed, but it's not covered under insurance and when you're investing all your money in films, you really can't be splurging on stuff like that. Heck, I haven't bought a new car since 2005 and I'm getting to the point of absolutely NEEDING a new one of those (230,000 miles!) -- because all my money is tied up in films.

“Actually, Coma, except for missing the ‘interests’ field and the lack of teeth, his profile, to me, is a good read. Well written, engaging.”

Thanks. I’m pretty sure Coma didn’t even read my profile. 90% of what he has said in this thread has been platitudes he believes can be applied to any situation and he’s proven several times that he didn’t read something I said... which, yeah, is a lot, but when he quotes me and then ignores what he quoted, that says something.

I started leaving off the interests field after using them for like 8 years because POF changed its formatting so they were completely vertical and I didn’t like the way that pushed my body text all the way down to the bottom, which is a big issue with cellphones (lots of annoying scrolling). That said, I don’t actually have the app on my phone and I’m just assuming the interest field is included on the app version of profiles, but I don’t know that for sure. Regardless, I liked the horizontal interests formatting a lot more.

“If you MSGed 10,000 women, perhaps you have MSGed most available women within easy driving distance.”

We’re talking about 10,000 women over the course of 9 years. Many thousands sign up and delete over the course of a year – there are usually around 25,000 women on POF within 25 miles of me at any point in time (although the majority usually aren’t active). It’s not even possible to email every woman in a large metro – trust me, in years past I tried! But at the site’s 40 maximum allowed per day, you could barely get 1000 in a month, by which time there will be hundreds of more sign-ups, in addition to the thousands you never got to.

“An old profile maybe a plus in the forums, but on the dating side, I would tend to think an old POF profile might mean a serial dater that can't commit, or someone no one else found desirable. I can't see anything positive on the dating side about a very old profile.”

People on the dating side can’t tell how old your profile is – at least not without some detective work. If you start over with a new profile, the members who are familiar old profile will just think the new profile is your old profile, and still believe you to be a “serial dater,” if that was their conclusion. The only known advantage of having a new profile is that you’ll end up in a new profile search. Anything else is just speculation. I do suspect there is a strong advantage to having an old profile these days, both on the dating side and the forums side: truly active ones like mine (unlike most forum regulars with really old profile) have probably built up a lot of immunity from automatic deletion, because the block-deletion and report-deletion thresholds have to be percentages instead of raw numbers. Let’s say the threshold for blocks is 5%. I’ve sent out 10,000 emails and I’ve been blocked by let’s say 200, which is 2%. I’m still good for 300 more blocks, but of course so long as I keep sending out emails with a 2% block rate, that goal post will continue to stay the same distance. Compare that to a brand new profile: out of the first hundred women I contact, 6 might hate me, and already my profile is gone. So I’d really rather take my chances with my old profile until I get the boot.

As for your other post, I have no doubt the biggest difference between us is the beginning. Growing up in a small, remote, backwoods region of Alabama with no diversity and no dating options at all while being continuously bullied by everyone and treated like a leper by all the girls... that messes you up a little. I then wasn't able to find a clique to fit into at college, and next thing you know I'm in the real world with not only no dating history but also no friends -- I've had no contact with anyone I grew up with that I wasn't blood-related to and only know a couple of people from my college days. If I had grown up in modern times at a big school in a big city, it seems much more likely I would have developed normally even with all my dating negatives and probably would have ended up with some relationships just from my social circle (see: my inappropriate ex-girlfriend -- I haven't mentioned this much, but besides being my co-worker, she was also my closest male friend's sister's best friend, so she was arguably part of my social circle and not just my co-worker). But I moved to this city having to start completely from scratch socially with no prior normal social experiences.... I suspect your circumstances were a little different.

Flaneur: Thanks. Maybe one day something will come from all these "distractions" I've made for myself to get by.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 141
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:11:04 PM

That’s just WIP psychobabble. But what have I done to make myself more appealing to women? All the research and women’s own words to me pointed to them overwhelmingly preferring muscular athletic men. So I became one of the strongest men on earth (by weight class). All the research and women’s own words pointed toward a strong preference for stylish men. So sometimes I let my very fashion-conscious best friend dress me. All the research and women’s own words pointed toward a strong preference for smart, successful men. So I was high school valedictorian, National Merit Finalist, UF honors graduate, research director, profitable and award-winning filmmaker. The dancing and musician thing didn’t really work out, but I tried. The funny guy thing didn’t work out as well as I would have liked – I’m pretty good with the written word (wrote one award-winning comedy film), but in person my personality is just not Kevin Hart or Will Ferrell, and that’s just how it is. You can’t really determine your personality any more than you can control who you are attracted to – you can make yourself less hostile or more open-minded or whatever but making yourself funny or making yourself charismatic... these are traits that you’re either born with or subconsciously develop during childhood. You don’t suddenly in your 30s say, “Hey, I’m going to be a funny guy instead of a serious guy” and after a couple of classes and some research, you’re on your way to “Saturday Night Live.” Anyway, my female friends seem to like my personality well enough. KJ didn’t think I had a godawful personality. Not so sure about Belle.


You keep proving over and over that you're not open to listening to advice, and then you ask people what to do. Why would they waste their time giving you detailed instructions if you're only going to make excuses and brush it off as "psychobabble"? That's just as stupid as giving someone job training after they tell you they intend to quit your stupid job as soon as the training is over. People will be more willing to give you advice if you appreciate it instead of making fun of it. It's your attitude that's the problem. You're not teachable. I've already told you that you're outcome dependent and instead of accepting that and changing it, you deny it and call it nonsense. Instead of fighting the people that are helping you, maybe you should take the advice and apply it. Outcome dependent means that you're not enjoying the process, you get good emotions from a positive outcome and bad emotions from a negative outcome. Sorry dude, but if you don't want to learn and you shun free advice from people going out of their way to help, you're broadcasting that you're not teachable and you don't want to improve, you want to complain.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 142
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:17:19 PM
Coma:
You keep proving over and over that you're not open to listening to advice, ...


Coma, I haven't read through the 6 pages of text....did Hawkings ask for 'advise' or was he describing his situation and folks piled on 'advise'.?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 143
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:20:03 PM

Coma, I haven't read through the 6 pages of text....did Hawkings ask for 'advise' or was he describing his situation and folks piled on 'advise'.?


He kept saying that women won't give him a chance because of his height or appearance, which isn't true. It's his attitude but he won't believe anyone if you tell him that.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 144
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:27:43 PM
Coma: I noticed you skipped over the fact that Chromis said my profile was good... the only "review" of my profile in this entire thread. Why don't you explain to Chromis why you think my profile is terrible?

In fact, I entertain any and all criticism of my profile. Yes, I know it's not the profile review forum. But here is where we are.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 145
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:30:49 PM
Coma, I have followed your threads, mostly on profile review, and you have a history of being very thoughtful, and constructive in your feedback. Most people on profile review 'ask' for help and so they welcome your feedback.

What I think is happening (IF HAWKINGS DIDN"T ACTUALLY ASK FOR HELP) is that he is describing a very difficult situation he is in. This doesn't mean that he is asking for 'advise'.

I have an extremely difficult job. I'm often in a situation that is ugly and I count on a number of external variables to roll out for me to then act on the situation. Sometimes, when I'm in the middle of the 'roll out' I express my frustrations, fears, concerns to colleagues.....sometimes their response is to PROBLEM SOLVE my situation. I don't need problem solving, (I'm an expert in my field...I know what to do) what I might need is empathy, release of frustration etc. Maybe, Hawkings doesn't need "ADVISE" maybe he simply needs attuned empathy, compassion, support....
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 146
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:31:10 PM

Coma: I noticed you skipped over the fact that Chromis said my profile was good... the only "review" of my profile in this entire thread. Why don't you explain to Chromis why you think my profile is terrible?

In fact, I entertain any and all criticism of my profile. Yes, I know it's not the profile review forum. But here is where we are.


I already said that I will give advice when you show you are teachable. You can tweak your profile here and there, but I think offline dating will get better results. You skipped over the part where you called my advice psychobabble. How does that show a willingness to learn from others?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 147
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 9:32:53 PM

Coma, I have followed your threads, mostly on profile review, and you have a history of being very thoughtful, and constructive in your feedback. Most people on profile review 'ask' for help and so they welcome your feedback.

What I think is happening (IF HAWKINGS DIDN"T ACTUALLY ASK FOR HELP) is that he is describing a very difficult situation he is in. This doesn't mean that he is asking for 'advise'.

I have an extremely difficult job. I'm often in a situation that is ugly and I count on a number of external variables to roll out for me to then act on the situation. Sometimes, when I'm in the middle of the 'roll out' I express my frustrations, fears, concerns to colleagues.....sometimes their response is to PROBLEM SOLVE my situation. I don't need problem solving, (I'm an expert in my field...I know what to do) what I might need is empathy, release of frustration etc. Maybe, Hawkings doesn't need "ADVISE" maybe he simply needs attuned empathy, compassion, support...


I understand what you're trying to say. It's just hard not to say something when I can clearly see what people are doing wrong because I've done it before. It's like seeing someone trying to boil water on the stove without turning the element on and then calling you crazy when you tell them to turn on the element. People are under false assumptions that they have to be born a certain way or they won't get dates. The reason they are failing is because they are outcoming dependent and they don't enjoy the process. In fact, they complain about the process and don't even believe in these basic concepts. Being outcome dependent means that you're communicating things like insecurity, scarcity, and other negative attributes to women. The bottom line is that attraction isn't a choice, it's not logical, even if it has very simple and predictable triggers. A man can be the "alpha male" in the room if he let's go of his approval seeking ego and makes things happen instead of being a bystander. He is the cause, not the effect. That's why men that aren't 6 feet tall like me can get more dates than tall guys that are shy. That's fine if people don't want help, but it's incorrect to claim that being tall or having certain features is the golden ticket to getting dates. I'm only 5'8 and I've consistently had more dates than friends of mine that were 6 foot or muscular friends in the army. People are letting their negative and know-it-all attitudes hold them back and they are finding excuses instead of using these experiences as opportunities to learn and grow.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 148
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/19/2016 11:28:33 PM

Posted By:kj521;
Okay! I can't help but tease you! But I am hoping that one day soon....you'll just leap without thinking. Overthinking is a defense mechanism you employ for self protection. You, actually, utilize many defense mechanisms to create your own self-fulfilling prophecy. 'Tis true. But you're still adorable. :)

And....I'm not gonna argue with you about this cause I know what I know. And one thing I know.....You can't change what you don't first acknowledge. :)


As Kim is the only one posting about hawking jr, that knows Him IRL, I'll go with this.....
Plus, I've thought the same thing, from reading his many posts, here.....
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 149
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 5:03:49 AM
Coma: Well, over 12 hours later, you still haven’t explained to anyone why you called my profile “terrible.” You really expect me to “learn” from someone who’s just randomly spitting vitriol at every poster whose opinion doesn’t fit his narrative without even investigating the claims? Admit it – you never even looked at my profile before someone called you on it, because now that you have, you’re like, uh, uh, well, “You can tweak your profile here and there” – a TERRIBLE profile doesn’t need “tweaking,” it needs to burned to the ground and restarted from the beginning. You just assumed I was a certain type of POF poster based on the fact that I was disagreeing with you on this topic -- if you're guessing wrong about my profile, how many other false assumptions have you been making about me here? You’re a lazy fraud and one of most unimpressive debating opponents I’ve ever had here. Even NDTFan wouldn’t box herself into a corner like this.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 150
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 5:48:45 AM
SpringWalk / Derek

So how goes the search?

You seem well traveled, work often in front of people and easy going, do you meet many women from your work? Have you tried asking them out?

I would tend to search for women at 5.7 and under, with 5.5 and under being more desirable.

You are the only one of 3 short men on this thread, I would be curious about your experiences, either here or in your life.

ciao
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 151
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 11:42:54 AM

Coma: Well, over 12 hours later, you still haven’t explained to anyone why you called my profile “terrible.” You really expect me to “learn” from someone who’s just randomly spitting vitriol at every poster whose opinion doesn’t fit his narrative without even investigating the claims? Admit it – you never even looked at my profile before someone called you on it, because now that you have, you’re like, uh, uh, well, “You can tweak your profile here and there” – a TERRIBLE profile doesn’t need “tweaking,” it needs to burned to the ground and restarted from the beginning. You just assumed I was a certain type of POF poster based on the fact that I was disagreeing with you on this topic -- if you're guessing wrong about my profile, how many other false assumptions have you been making about me here? You’re a lazy fraud and one of most unimpressive debating opponents I’ve ever had here. Even NDTFan wouldn’t box herself into a corner like this.


That's why people don't help you. You resort to name calling and you call them "unimpressive debating opponents" while using logical fallacies. Of course I don't want to help someone with such a terrible attitude. I didn't assume anything, I read your profile. I'll continue to help people in the profile review section because they actually want to improve. You're frantically trying to find something "wrong" with what I said because you don't want to change or accept new ideas. In doing so, you keep overlooking the mistakes you are making. You were incorrect about being outcome dependent. Man up to it and change that if you want to improve. People already told you to change your main picture and you won't.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 152
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 12:25:53 PM
I'm not "frantically" trying to prove you wrong: you called my profile "terrible," when it's clearly not.

Plus, I don't recall asking for help (not counting my sarcastic request for a "profile review" after you called my profile terrible). This was just a round robin debate about this topic that we both started throwing personal experience stories into in order to bolster our sides of the debate.
 Llove2laughtoo
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 153
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 12:26:53 PM

Msg: 147
it's incorrect to claim that being tall or having certain features is the golden ticket to getting dates. I'm only 5'8 and I've consistently had more dates than friends of mine that were 6 foot or muscular friends in the army. People are letting their negative and know-it-all attitudes hold them back and they are finding excuses instead of using these experiences as opportunities to learn and grow.


I agree 100%. Sometimes some people negativity torpedo their own success.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 154
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 12:40:25 PM
Seriously!! Take a look at this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3QezBvN1BE and then smack yourself upside the head. Maybe actually take the time to read some of his stuff and see if you're still whine worthy.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 156
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 12:53:35 PM

Do you and that other guy from Norway write messages to women along the same lines as how you post on here?

That's a really silly question and basically setting up a straw-man argument. Nobody writes someone on a personals site the same way they talk about controversies. Well, no reasonable person. Guys talking while out fishing aren't going to say the same things or in the same way when approaching a girl at a bar or online. It'd be really weird to assume one would.

Lol! Mr. Hawking is not. He is adorable in real life....

He's adorable -- like a cute little teddy bear, huh? :) I think your not-so-Freudian-slip only bolsters his negative view of the dating world with his height. :)

In fact, I remember one of them, a gorgeous 5’9” woman from Texas I think, was accused of being a troll by most of the women here because they refused to believe she had a STRONG preference for much shorter men.

Although that is possible -- as anything is (some people like to smell dirty feet, too) -- as we both know, the stand-out forum posts should never be litmus tests to what fruitfully exists IRL. :)

but most likely the first examples that pop into any woman’s mind upon considering that combination is Webster or Gary Coleman.

I don't think it's a black + short-guy combo -- it's just the short-guy thing. A red-headed guy at 5'4" is not going to have any more advantages than a black guy at 5'4", if they're both in diverse arenas. Although being a "black guy" in general will give some (white) women pause in engaging/dating, it still also has a more masculine overtone to it to go along with that stereotype -- which IMO, only helps one who's notably short. As when you're short, there's a feeling of "less of a man" by (too many) gals.

I want the money [$10 million briefcase prize] because it would allow me to distract myself from my status.

It'd force you to shift gears whether you wanted to or not. You would worry less about how negative your view is -- it'd be tackled in a different way. Not so much a distraction (although yes, I guess it would be), but more of a shift from one from one frame to another. You'd aim to maximize your success in picking up a gal (especially with the option to have 1 month of pickup-training that wouldn't count if you did pick up a gal in that timeframe). You'd want to shift gears and have a different game, because, well, it's a totally different ballgame.

That's why I say when it comes to anything about doing one's best or going the best route in something -- if you're not doing what you would be doing if there was a $10 million briefcase prize, you're not doing your best. Nor should we be expected to do our Actual BEST all the time. It'd be too exhausting and we'd be worn out. But when it comes to something very important and one's been in a rut for a long time (like with work, girls/dating, etc) -- one does need to do the Actual Best... the same as if there's a $10 million briefcase. Otherwise, what they say Actually Is the case in their life -- is Not totally True.

and I’m suggesting I be like my director to accomplish more because what he’s done works for him

But what you've done hasn't worked for you. Although rolling someone else's way may not either, at least it's something different. What's holding you back is your POV. In a nutshell, you need to sit back and say "Okay. Fine. I'll humor and entertain this ridiculous notion, by taking another POV seriously, with patience too. It feels like someone telling me that the KKK thinks I'm a real cool guy -- but hey, fine. I'll be/act/think different, and change gears and get in the mindset to, because, well, there's nothing to lose."

Again, you'll bat barely making .100, where in this baseball comparison, the average batter's going to bat around .265. But there's a Bigger difference when it comes to life experiences when batting .001 vs .100, and .100 vs .265. You'll at least get hits batting .100. I know it's not dreamy to aim for / shoot for, because, well, it's batting merely .100 - lol. But again, unlike baseball, once you get a great hit -- that's all you need.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 157
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 1:23:43 PM
"He's adorable"

Oh goodness! I am so...so....sorry, Mr. Norwegian.

If you and I had shared a fantastic Summer's eve out on the town...I am sure I would think you were adorable, too! :D
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 158
view profile
History
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 2:22:40 PM
Chameleonf: I knew that was going to be about Nick. I’ve been in no less than half dozen debates on this site in which that guy has been interjected. I’ll say the same things I said about him all the previous times: he’s considered extremely handsome by most women, he’s rich and famous (met his wife after he became such) and they’re both religious freaks, who operate on a different plane when it comes to disabilities and whatnot. If I had those 3 things going for me, we wouldn’t be having this discussion right now. (Not that I consider being a "religious freak" a positive attribute, but if I *was* a religious freak, there's no doubt I could find a somewhat attractive religious freak woman that would overlook my negative physical characteristics, because that's just the way religious freaks are. As should be obvious by now, I'm extremely anti-religious.)

“Even the most physically unattractive guy can find someone. I find it hard to believe that out of ALL the women on pof and in his every day life a guy cannot find SOMEONE. My guess is while he's complaining that women are too picky/all about looks etc etc he's being just as selective.”

I’m just going to repeat this from the other thread:

Certainly it is true that I have mostly messaged women I find attractive, but seriously, would you want to be the recipient of a message from a man who did not find you attractive? I have done so far too many times and taken it to its bitter end. Regardless, I’ve messaged over 10,000 women. Does that really sound like somebody whose preferences are too narrow? How many men have you messaged in all the years you’ve been on here? Yeah, I haven’t messaged too many obese women (of course, I’ve long been one of the fittest persons on earth – I just hiked the Rio Grande valley – how many obese women are going to be doing that with me?). I haven’t messaged too many women 14 years older than me (they don’t seem to like that too much). I haven’t messaged too many women 6 inches taller than me (they don’t seem to like that too much). I haven’t messaged too many women with children (of course people that hate children probably shouldn’t be hanging around them). I have messaged an astounding number of high school dropouts despite my advanced education and impressive IQ scores. But I guess if you want to hold all those others against me, you can – maybe I’ll hit up a few extra BBWs with a half dozen kids and see how much I screw up their lives.

Just to dovetail on that: I already pointed out earlier in this thread how I almost ruined a young woman’s life by just “finding SOMEONE.” These aren’t games, woman. These are people’s lives we’re talking about. Out of desperation when I was younger, I dated a number of women I didn’t want to date and made them miserable. I’m trying to be a better human being because I know how it feels when someone I think likes me but breaks my heart and makes me miserable. Most women would rather be alone than be with a man who makes them miserable; I’d rather be alone than make a woman miserable. Though it’s not all altruistic: I really just can’t pretend to like any more BBWs – I just can’t do it. And I shouldn’t have to because I worked so hard to make myself attractive to fit women who are attracted to fit men.

Regardless, I will again point out: I haven't received an unsolicited first contact email on this site in 3 years (and have no disqualifiers in my profile), so it's not like I'm rejecting anybody. So you might want to get off that high-and-mighty horse of yours.

“A red-headed guy at 5'4 is not going to have any more advantages than a black guy at 5'4, if they're both in diverse arenas.”

I’m pretty sure Seth Green conjures up much more positive connotations among most women than Webster or Gary Coleman.

“and I’m suggesting I be like my director to accomplish more because what he’s done works for him”/”But what you've done hasn't worked for you.”

I only made that comparison to Coma to make a point. Attempting to imitate my director is not going to make me as successful with women as him. That’s absurd. He and I look nothing alike, therefore what works for him will most definitely not work for me. (What works for him? NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER -- most women I know consider him one of the most attractive men on earth and all he does on dating sites is throw up a couple of non-smiling pictures and he can barely handle the volume. So if Coma's friends are as attractive as this guy and failing with women, then they are shooting themselves in the foot. Again, most of my closest friends are female -- I'm out with them all the time, and they just react to physical attractiveness [including long before the guys even notice them, if they ever do], until the guy screws up, and react negatively to guys they don't find physically attractive, regardless of whatever B.S. they're trying to sell. Unless, they are really, really drunk. Coming full circle to my original post in this thread.)
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 159
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/20/2016 3:00:37 PM

Chameleonf: I knew that was going to be about Nick. I’ve been in no less than half dozen debates on this site in which that guy has been interjected. I’ll say the same things I said about him all the previous times: he’s considered extremely handsome by most women, he’s rich and famous (met his wife after he became such) and they’re both religious freaks, who operate on a different plane when it comes to disabilities and whatnot. If I had those 3 things going for me, we wouldn’t be having this discussion right now. (Not that I consider being a "religious freak" a positive attribute, but if I *was* a religious freak, there's no doubt I could find a somewhat attractive religious freak woman that would overlook my negative physical characteristics, because that's just the way religious freaks are. As should be obvious by now, I'm extremely anti-religious.)


Oh, I see. You still haven't got the message that Nick is attempting to get across to people like you, even though it's been brought up at least 1/2 a dozen times to you and you've had ample time to get that it has nothing to do with your physical attributes but with your personality. You don't see a glass half empty or half full - you prefer to see it as bone dry with self-loathing dust floating around in it.

What will your excuse be for men who aren't religious, aren't handsome and aren't rich who have had plenty of girlfriends and are now married. A friend of my daughter's comes to mind. You've got him beat by well over a foot. He's not religious, certainly not rich, definitely not good looking and he finally stopped dating around like most young guys eventually do when they stop soughing their wild oats, got married and now has two kids. His wife is 5'9". He has an abundance of personality, even though he's had his stature to deal from the day he became aware that he was never going to grow tall.

You say you have many female friends and you likely make good company as a friend but you also probably show a side of you that allows them to only be just a friend. I know plenty of people who I get along with as a friend but wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them because I couldn't stand being around 24/7 belly aching about whatever it is they always eventually get around to belly aching about. An analogy would be like being able to appreciate someone's toddler and interact with them but not wanting them as a steady diet because of the drawbacks which may be associated with them. In your case, you're making your life a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >