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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do "fat" women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them      Home login  
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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 508
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?Page 23 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)

Funny; I would put being 'superficial' as INSIDE the bounds of natural/normal/expected because those are 'personal judgement calls'.

When it comes to baseline natural attraction, I wouldn't call those personal judgment calls, hence, that's why I wouldn't put the superficial label on them. A personal judgment call -- well, personal taste call really -- is their tastes putting way too much stock in "big booty" or "super twiggy" or something. Going outside the baseline of natural attraction.

IF you read my original post I clearly stated I have no problem with someone having preferences....

But you said they're superficial and that's their problem if they're not attracted to you. When someone thinks/feels/says that -- Yes, they have a problem with said folks not being attracted to them! :)

but I'm so much more than that if someone who is not superficial takes the time to find out...

See, here's the thing. You aren't "Oh, I got no problem with it," to it's fullest extent. If you truly full-circle had no problem with it -- you wouldn't be calling someone superficial for not being attracted to you. I think you think you don't have a problem, but you do have one. I think it's that it's a problem with you that you deal with and expect and try to let it roll over your shoulder.

An example of superficial is someone who is only interested in how they and others look.

Yes, but that's Not the same as someone who can have Disinterest based on looks. What that says is they are Only interested in one's looks. Like, the gal will have attractive looks -- and bam, that's all he needs. That's Not the same as walking past with disinterest of a girl who doesn't look attractive. It's superficial to have it be the ONLY thing that ever matters. It doesn't need to be the ONLY thing that ever matters to walk away from a guy or gal because they're not good looking enough.

Just the same as, say, voice. It'd be superficial for me to ONLY like a girl based on her voice and that's it. But it's not superficial for me to Not be interested in a gal because of her wacky/weird voice. Difference between one facet turning you off overall VS one facet being everything overall to you. Make sense?
 missrightright
Joined: 4/23/2016
Msg: 509
Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 5/31/2016 6:22:42 PM
Since I am the one doing the choosing for me, I can want or not want whatever I see fit in a partner. I would expect nothing different from men. It's their choice to not date fat women. It's no concern of mine.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 510
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/2/2016 10:02:43 PM
Actually, most people are wrong about what "superficial" should mean...because using some knee-jerk cliché or thinking with the word "superficial" is really a way to hide and side-step, or cover an insecurity.

For superficial to refer to "looks" or "only caring about looks"...wouldn't make any linguistic sense. And this matters because it's all about how people think about these things. Misusing words like this show incorrect thinking. And misusing words like this causes incorrect thinking, if it didn't previously exist.

Someone cares about whatever they care about. And that's it. You can't label a certain category of people's 'likes' with the word "superficial". That just doesn't apply. That just doesn't make any sense.

And using the etymology or bare definition of the word would just be an "etymological fallacy", and doesn't get us anywhere.

Instead, the only thing that "superficial" (or "shallow") could denote here is maybe how you judge one quality of a person based on another quality. For example...if you decide that someone is a great cool person just because they are physically attractive, that would be shallow or superficial. Or conversely, if you decide that someone who you haven't seen yet must be physically attractive just because of what they write in messaging or how their voice sounds, that would be shallow or superficial.

If they don't care about what they look like and don't make assumptions about it, but only like them based on who they are "inside" or what they write...different story. If they don't care about what kind of person they are but only like them because of their "looks", and don't make assumptions of who they are "inside"...different story.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 511
Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/3/2016 8:43:14 PM

Instead, the only thing that "superficial" (or "shallow") could denote here is maybe how you judge one quality of a person based on another quality. For example...if you decide that someone is a great cool person just because they are physically attractive, that would be shallow or superficial. Or conversely, if you decide that someone who you haven't seen yet must be physically attractive just because of what they write in messaging or how their voice sounds, that would be shallow or superficial.


I think you are saying the same thing that others are in a different way. If I decided a woman is marriage or relationship material just because she is physically attractive, then I would be superficial. I'm not taking into account other things like personality or intelligence.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 512
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/3/2016 9:10:25 PM
^ But if all you cared about was 'looks', I don't think that could be called superficial or shallow.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 513
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/4/2016 12:36:49 PM

You can't label a certain category of people's 'likes' with the word "superficial". That just doesn't apply.

It can, though. Being superficial is judging something based on just it's surface. It's not superficial to be sexually attracted to a hot girl across the room if that's all you're feeling, because that is all you know... so the surface is the 'whole' to all that you're referring to. You're not judging her as a person or compatibility as a match (but may be hoping it's great!). But when you feel based off her looks that she's this-that-and-the-other-thing -- and assessing her as a Person -- then it's superficial, because you're judging her as a 'whole' based on just the looks.

Superficiality comes into play when we have stuff that bears little weight bear too much weight about them as a person, and how they are as a person in accordance with you, compatibility, etc that plays no role. We are influenced in judging based on surface stuff, because our sexual desires (which don't require thoughts of actually Having sex in our heads at the time), can make us think higher of someone than they actually are... or lower than they actually are when we find them specifically anti-attractive.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 514
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/4/2016 7:25:01 PM

Being superficial is judging something based on just it's surface. It's not superficial to be sexually attracted to a hot girl across the room if that's all you're feeling, because that is all you know... so the surface is the 'whole' to all that you're referring to. You're not judging her as a person or compatibility as a match (but may be hoping it's great!). But when you feel based off her looks that she's this-that-and-the-other-thing -- and assessing her as a Person -- then it's superficial, because you're judging her as a 'whole' based on just the looks.

I think that's what I said earlier. Same thing.


Superficiality comes into play when we have stuff that bears little weight bear too much weight about them as a person, and how they are as a person in accordance with you, compatibility, etc that plays no role. We are influenced in judging based on surface stuff, because our sexual desires (which don't require thoughts of actually Having sex in our heads at the time), can make us think higher of someone than they actually are... or lower than they actually are when we find them specifically anti-attractive.

But with this, I think that we're entering the territory of what prejudice and racism is...concerning definitions and what words apply. Not that this stuff is racism-oriented...racism falls under the umbrella of prejudice...but what you're describing is prejudice - pre judging, which is in effect basically judging character traits based simply on what you can see visually...it's more than that, but that's the jest as far as it concerns what I'm saying here. Using the word superficial for this and in this way just doesn't seem appropriate. Superficial is an adjective referring to the 'surface' in some way...but a person can't "be" superficial. If so, then it'd mean something completely different still - if a person were superficial, that would mean that their personality...on the surface...is deceptive and doesn't reflect who they really are.

But to describe a person as superficial because they only care about someone's looks...seems weird. What's really happening is that word is used for scorning the trait of caring about looks.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 515
Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/4/2016 9:27:03 PM

But to describe a person as superficial because they only care about someone's looks...seems weird. What's really happening is that word is used for scorning the trait of caring about looks.


I pretty much agree with this. I do think physical appearance is more important to some people than to others---however, I'd never judge a person as being "superficial" just because (s)he placed more importance on physical appearance than I.

There may be certain other characteristics that are more important to me than to other people. We all like what we like. To each his own, I say.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 516
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/5/2016 4:31:37 PM
The 1965 Ford Falcon and the 1965 Ford Mustang were built on the same chassis and had the same engine. The only difference: "looks and shape of the body of the car. Guess which one the public liked better?

When purchasing a car most want a car that is somewhat nice to look at. Something to be proud of. After finding a 1) decent looking model car people begin checking out 2) performance capabilities and then 3) reliability factors (kicking tires). All three of these come into play. I can't ever remember buying a car on it's body design alone. I have passed buying certain models because they looked like an ugly boat.

If anyone here was out looking for a used car and found a 1965 Ford Mustang and a 1965 Ford Falcon at similar prices and condition sitting in someones front yard (little old grandma selling cars that had been sitting in her barn for 30 years) which one would you purchase?

Dating has similar attracting characteristics when compared to sales:

1. Product attractiveness (are we attractive to others and/or are others attractive to us)
2. Product Performance (do we match others preferences, do they match our preferences)
3. Product Reliability (do we possess the character traits others want, do others have the character traits that we want)

Most people want to be attracted to a possible romance partner. Number 1 of the above 3 is always first on the list. However, problems in numbers 2 or 3 can be a red or yellow flag regarding a LTR.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 517
Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/5/2016 4:54:50 PM
Golly, my fav subject, and i'm going to have to pass it over :) As for the 1-2-3, I believe the first one gets a proverbial foot in the door. its the difference between a friend and a lover.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 518
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/5/2016 10:03:07 PM
Hey, an old poster returns! Dave, where have you been? I remember you from the old days, back when the forums were much livelier!

Back in the day, I owned a 1965 Falcon convertible. It was a pretty nice car, and my first convertible. Which was when I first learned, if you drive around in a convertible with the top down, you don't have to wave at the girls, they will wave at you!
 tryinagaintoo
Joined: 5/30/2013
Msg: 519
Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:49:41 PM
thanks for that honest reality . I get rejected quite often by the ones I show an interest in. im realistic! I know im not everyone's "cup of tea" and im never offended. im 5-8 and 155lbs and am VERY athletic (muscular) and im very picky about body types I respond back to. one problem I run across quite often is the women that identify themselves as "average" I bite my tongue when I want to respond back with "oh stop it! you passed average 30 pounds ago. just own it at least say "a few extra pounds"
I don't believe im being any more shallow than the women who are looking for "college degreed", professionally employed" or my favorite "financially secure"
when I don't get a response, I just move on.
one other issue I see having developed here is that some appear to be lifers here. I disappear for a year or three then, a relationship ends and I want to know love again so I come back here and often see the same profiles from years ago. you just KNOW they have visited dozens of profiles of perfectly acceptable, compatible men. (I know, because im one of them)
 softwinds45
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 520
Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/17/2016 7:55:26 PM
^^^ Is it worse to be a "lifer" or someone who can't maintain a relationship longer than a year or two? Just wondering.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 521
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Do fat women REALLY get offended when men respond back telling them they aren't interested?
Posted: 6/17/2016 8:40:12 PM
Let me simplify what Dave said (and it has to be mutual of course):
1. How they look.
2. What they do.
3. How they are.

Now all three have to be fulfilled to make it to a relationship. Just 1 can suffice for sex, just 2 for a hobby buddy and just 3 for a friend. Let's further simplify the evaluation as 'no', 'maybe' and 'yeah'. The big difference between those criteria? 1 is immediately visible. Ok, real life may vary, but let's assume the pics are representative. 2 can be found out from reading the profile and 3 takes a while. Since they are connected via logical AND, any 'no' terminates the interest. Why would anybody look into 2 or 3 if 1 is a 'no'? I cannot fathom being with someone who I find unattractive. Granted, some people gain and some lose as you get to know them, but it has to start from a 'maybe'.

It is not at all superficial to reject someone based on looks. Or if those pass, to reject based on smoking or other things in category 2. How high you set the bar and what criteria you apply is your choice. It could even be subconscious.

Lastly, tastes differ. Someone may be into big girls but hate scars or disfigurements. I don't mind scars but don't do well with big girls. Some women like well-endowed men, others like brainiacs. Sometimes you may get two or more good traits in one person. But if anything is a 'no', it stops right there. No need to hurl insults or get your panties in a bunch.

I would generally prefer to decline without pointing out details. It's rude and only makes the other feel bad. It's sufficient to say 'not a match' or 'not attracted'. That's my 2 cents...
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