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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?      Home login  
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 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 26
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
^^^^^^

"Waiter? Check, please ...."
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 27
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/31/2016 6:49:42 PM
Thats an easy one to answers!

Because its on his mind!

Hey, why you so insecure? Let them talk, man!

I usually get them going on there spouses.
I wanna know all I can.
At least in your case, he liked her.
Not all divorces are mutual.

Another thing I can't understand is all of the peeps on here that
want someone with no baggage, or very little.
Sheesh! Some of us are 60+, we didn't live in a cocoon!
 showboatsupreme
Joined: 1/25/2016
Msg: 28
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/31/2016 7:13:36 PM
I've ran into a FEW women that are guilty as charged.

They mention their ex's occupations, as if they are capable of landing high income men.

My response is always the same.

And how did that work out for you?
 10_million
Joined: 1/28/2016
Msg: 29
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/31/2016 7:23:19 PM
vanity cases, perhaps?

My Corvette, my beaucoup bucks, my hot ex, bla bla bla


And how did that work out for you?


priceless!
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 30
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/31/2016 7:58:55 PM
Lol at least your not a nurse.... I get to hear about their bowel problems within the first 15.

---

OMG, yes! I get everything from a variety of health symptoms to hitting me up for Xanax or opioids. Crazy.
 JaiNai2
Joined: 5/30/2015
Msg: 31
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/2/2016 7:52:24 AM
I think sometimes people, men and women, think that bragging about former relationships makes them seem desirable. As thought the fact that someone at some point, wanted them, will make you see them as a good catch.

I dated a man like that once. He really got on my nerves! After the second date, I decided "No more!!". We all have different ideas on what makes someone attractive to us. I'm not impressed by any other relationships they may have had.
 Joseph7949
Joined: 12/30/2015
Msg: 32
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/2/2016 6:40:16 PM
ANY bragging about an ex on a date is a red flag! They are not over the person they're bragging about. Run far, run fast!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 33
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/2/2016 6:49:40 PM
daynadaze

As usual you have hit the nail on the head. These men are really trying to impress with their tales of previous conquests. That OP should feel privileged he deigned to arrange to meet her. etc, etc.... It is offputting to most women on a first meet and I would be saying so. It really shows monumental insecurity and he may actually be lying.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 34
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/2/2016 7:00:58 PM
Steve,

How many people do carry around photos of their ex anyway? It would indicate to me that they are not so "ex".
Almost as sad as the married guy carrying around the pic of him and his wife in embrace many years ago when now they can barely be civil to each other. Just don't get it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 35
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/3/2016 12:26:52 AM
Didn't someone bring this question up recently? (scratching head)

having them go on for a length of time about the woman/women they previously dated or lived with that they were so attractive, so successful, made so much money, had such a beautiful house, were crazy about them , etc.

I'm sure you'll run into it to a certain degree, but if it's Every Guy (not every guy you like, but Every Guy) -- then it's something you're instigating. As an obvious wider example: If every guy you even agree to go out on a date with brags about his motorcycle and seems obsessed with it -- well, you're attracting and/or only going for those types of guys.

But first, as you ask -- what is it with a guy doing this? Well, depends on how things unfold. Just don't focus on your disdain when they talk about it. Sometimes we ourselves draw the conversation in that direction (without so much thinking about it), then roll our eyes at the person going on about it. If that happens with virtually every guy, then it's outside the norm in any demographic... OR an extreme sensitivity and it Feels like they drone on about it when really they may mention something and you see a look in their eye or something.

At least Part of what you describe is due to projecting that they get real catches. If the girls (or guys) the other person gets are great catches, that means they are a good catch. If they said all their ex-GFs were ugly who could never work -- that would certainly make one question him, right? And rightfully so. So you'll get some guys, like telling a fishing story, saying things exaggerated by what they have had. A great Past in general, which, usually includes a partner at one time (and emphasis on them being a good catch; thus they themselves). And hey -- I was crazy about that great catch, so don't get me wrong -- I don't take women for granted. See my angle?

Make sure you avoid asking about what they've had -- or letting the conversation flow in that direction. You're probably a bit sensitive to it for good (or overly-sensitive) reasons at this point! :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 36
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/3/2016 7:48:42 AM

JaiNai2
I think sometimes people, men and women, think that bragging about former relationships makes them seem desirable. As thought the fact that someone at some point, wanted them, will make you see them as a good catch.

+1

norwegianguy456
At least Part of what you describe is due to projecting that they get real catches. If the girls (or guys) the other person gets are great catches, that means they are a good catch. If they said all their ex-GFs were ugly who could never work -- that would certainly make one question him, right? And rightfully so. So you'll get some guys, like telling a fishing story, saying things exaggerated by what they have had. A great Past in general, which, usually includes a partner at one time (and emphasis on them being a good catch; thus they themselves). And hey -- I was crazy about that great catch, so don't get me wrong -- I don't take women for granted. See my angle?

And another +1.

Yes, people are impressed if you’re dating a hottie. Or someone with great social standing, someone known in the community, or a doctor, or a judge, or someone who’s on local TV. But once you’re no longer dating that hottie, don’t mention it to the next one!

Another similar problem that I have run into, on initial meetings women will ask me how long I’ve been online, and if I’ve had any luck. The answer (correct answer) to that one is rather tricky.

Saying “Yes, I’ve had great luck, and dated many different women” is going to sink your ship right there. Equally bad would be saying, “No, online dating is terrible, I can’t get anyone to answer me, and when they do, they don’t look like their pictures anyway.” I mean, seriously, you’re on an initial meet and you’re complaining that all of your initial meets are bad?

A better answer, “I have met several women, and I’ve actually been lucky enough to have 2 real relationships. Neither of them stood the test of time, but they were good while they lasted.”
 10_million
Joined: 1/28/2016
Msg: 37
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/3/2016 8:15:04 AM

A better answer, “I have met several women, and I’ve actually been lucky enough to have 2 real relationships. Neither of them stood the test of time, but they were good while they lasted.”

Smart, yet honest.

Have you considered writing a book for men doing OLD?
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 38
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/3/2016 10:24:48 AM
1. They brag because you allow it.

2. They brag because they are egomaniacs and they think it's impressive

3. They brag because they are idiots.

back to number 1... learn how to change the subject... like "Eh where did you get those shoes? "
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 39
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/3/2016 12:29:06 PM

ANY bragging about an ex on a date is a red flag! They are not over the person they're bragging about. Run far, run fast!


I concur.
 ANGELSMIRK
Joined: 6/7/2015
Msg: 40
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/4/2016 8:43:11 PM
I met someone on here in October and the same thing happened. At first I thought he was just nervous (he was) and he went on about his different ex- girlfriends and an ex-wife. I asked him, "And why are you giving me all this information?" wanting to mess with him. He told me he thought I wanted to know all about his past. The second and third date we spent together he still brought them up, how beautiful, smart, fun, etc, they were. So I asked him why wasn't he with one of them. He shut up for a minute! He said that they had left him for another man. I asked him to please not make the entire conversation about his ex's. At our age we have baggage, but let's focus on the future and fun. It seems that he was very wary of an attractive woman who he felt was out of his league. This was why he talked so much about previous relationships. He had been hurt before and was afraid that a relationship with me would bring him pain. Being a very open person, I let him know that the person in front of him is the person I am. Not too dressed up, not much make-up. I told him if he liked me for what he saw now, which is the real me, then we'll get along great. I also did not do my best behavior thing that usually lasts the first 6 months. I said, "Everything you see about me is real. No guessing, cuz if if you don't like me like this I would rather not waste both our time. It hasn;t been long, but we have spent everyday together and he is such a wonderful man. I say, Let him know on the first date. If he can't respect that, then no second one!!!!!
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 41
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/5/2016 9:22:14 AM
Bringing up exes, especially pointing out that they were "crazy" or "bitter" or any other negative remarks are a huge red flag to me. First of all, if they were really this "crazy", why did they get involved with them in the first place. If they were normal at first and the "suddenly" turned "crazy".....something happened to make them crazy. A lot of cluster B personality disordered types use exes to triangulate their new victims. It's part of their manipulation. Run the other way, fast.
 seadog242
Joined: 1/29/2016
Msg: 42
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/5/2016 10:45:38 AM
The Broken Hearts section and other threads are full of posts about the "crazy" ex or he was a narcissist or no one told me she was bi polar or every excuse in the book as to why and how someone got tangled up with a loser. Its far easier to blame it on the other person, especially if you add a tag line of the other person had some sort of malady. Some folks can't accept their own choices is dates, mates or lovers, especially when it turns out to be a bad choice. And on it goes.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 43
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/5/2016 2:15:05 PM

A better answer, “I have met several women, and I’ve actually been lucky enough to have 2 real relationships. Neither of them stood the test of time, but they were good while they lasted.”

Some gals Do want to know more than just "Yeah, I've been married / been in x LTRs," to get a feel for your experience and how you roll when it comes to LTRs... by getting a gauge on how you feel coming from it and looking forward. If/When they do that, they shouldn't be complaining about a guy propping up his resume -- ie talking about the positives of it all (and positives of the gals), and many guys are going to let one thing lead to another in it when thinking back and not handle it in the Best light. After all, said woman inquired a bit more than other gals.

Sometimes gals will talk about it themselves and like what the OP is complaining about guys doing, the gals won't know they got the ball rolling by what they were saying about their past situations. The guy just Understandably retorts about his own, but then also lets it roll too much. So shared blame, but blame a gal in that situation for setting it up if she did. Obviously this isn't always what happens. But one angle in which it's not a rarity.

Saying “Yes, I’ve had great luck, and dated many different women” is going to sink your ship right there.

But how is that going to SINK the ship, when saying "I have met several women, and I’ve actually been lucky enough to have 2 real relationships. Neither of them stood the test of time, but they were good while they lasted.”? I don't see those as all THAT different.
 CecillyAnn
Joined: 2/2/2016
Msg: 44
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/7/2016 3:39:12 PM
I've experienced this on dates, too, and find it ill-mannered. But these people are only hindering their chances of getting a second date with anyone if they're going to do this. At least they revealed themselves early on and I didn't have to waste my time beyond the first coffee.
 dpn4u
Joined: 5/20/2015
Msg: 45
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/25/2016 4:21:40 PM
To answer the question in the subject.... I have no idea. That's about the worst thing you can talk about on a date.
 skoalmate
Joined: 2/22/2016
Msg: 46
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/25/2016 6:10:08 PM
It's rude. If he did this on a first date, it would be our last date.
 Strider324
Joined: 2/17/2016
Msg: 47
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 2/28/2016 1:38:39 PM
Bragging about an ex is certainly not a good thing, but for myself, I want a date to talk about their ex(es). Why would I avoid learning about the most important people in their lives - the people who have shaped their experience and world view? It would be like not wanting to hear about their parents or children. Seems odd and a bit insecure to treat the discussion of an ex like it's anathema. jmo.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 48
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 3/15/2016 11:25:07 AM
why not?
probably spent a lot of time with her.
she prob wasnt all bad.


i agree, strider.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 49
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 3/15/2016 3:07:15 PM
I am going to reword slightly to make these easier to follow. First 2 quotes from my post in msg 38:


stmt #1
Saying “Yes, I’ve had great luck, and dated many different women” is going to sink your ship right there.



stmt #2
A better answer, “I have met several women, and I’ve actually been lucky enough to have 2 real relationships. Neither of them stood the test of time, but they were good while they lasted.”


Now, to paraphrase norwegianguy456 in msg 45:


But how is that (stmt #1) going to SINK the ship, when stmt #2 is not all that different?


The two statements are similar. But women are going to hear a different message, an entirely different meaning, between the two statements. #1 makes you sound like a player, while #2 makes you sound like someone who has the necessary social skills to meet women AND someone who is looking for a relationship.

Subtle differences, not glaring, but women HEAR entirely different meanings. One of the reasons it’s so hard for men and women to communicate.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 50
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 3/15/2016 3:29:46 PM
There's nothing the matter with some back story from either person and I wouldn't consider it "bragging". I see it only becoming a problem if every second comment revolves around an ex or exes and more especially if it's done in some macho man bragging sort of way...it somehow emphasizes the opposite as being the actual truth.
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