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 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 48
Let him know we are not a good matchPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)


Of course.....

I mean really, who would want to let the other person know what they found so off-putting?

That guy doesn't deserve to improve "himself", or, improve his "first impression".

Every woman he talks to should just blow him off with nary a word. That'll teach him.

Perhaps if someone would have told him 20 "first conversations" ago that he was talking way too much, he wouldn't be doing that now. Perhaps that's why he got so pissed....BECAUSE NONE OF THOSE 20 WOMAN EVER TOLD HIM THAT, they just blew him off, and it happens over and over again because he just doesn't know.

Yet if the man conforms to fit the idea of every woman--is he being true to himself--so now he goes out and doesn't talk and then ends up in a relationship where he doesn't talk and he is secretly angry he cant talk..and then resentful etc...

Isn't it better to find someone you are a match with --someone who might appreciate you as you are vs you changing to become what some other woman might want you to be?

What's wrong with just being yourself and if you find someone you work or match with you know it's real vs all this bullshit where you find another person only to find out they were pretending to be someone they aren't to increase their odds of finding someone they would like...that's worse than a dog chasing his tail...he catches it and now doesn't have a clue what to do with it...you find someone and they don't like who you really are!
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 49
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/13/2016 4:54:05 AM

Perhaps if someone would have told him 20 "first conversations" ago that he was talking way too much, he wouldn't be doing that now. Perhaps that's why he got so pissed....BECAUSE NONE OF THOSE 20 WOMAN EVER TOLD HIM THAT, they just blew him off, and it happens over and over again because he just doesn't know.


Women...not woman. So...it was the responsibility of these twenty women to point out his flaw(s)? Why is it necessary to give an explanation as to why someone isn't interested in another. Why force someone into a uncomfortable position by making them divulge the reason why? Is it so you can call them shallow or other names? Argue with them about how wrong they are when they say the reason why? What's going to make you believe they're telling the truth if they do tell you?
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 50
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/13/2016 5:48:24 AM


Perhaps if someone would have told him 20 "first conversations" ago that he was talking way too much,


It's not anybody's job on a first meet to give him guidance. He should be pissed at himself for not seeking professional help with his issue so he can come to that ****ing conclusion on his own,
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 51
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/13/2016 10:51:47 AM

This is my take. Very simple.
Originally I would respond with a polite "I'm not interested but I'm sure you'll find someone great soon".

The bad replies you'd get, although unwarranted, were because, well, it's a canned line. It's something you'd tell a kid or someone younger -- someone you look down upon but are being nice, when just left like that. We don't mean to be negative in any way at all, quite the opposite -- But it comes naturally, because in the back of our minds, they aren't "as good" of a catch. Best not to respond at all. Or IRL, simply & politely say "Sorry, I'm not interested."

To be fair though, the OP was in a different situation. She moved past the chit-chat... there was interest. And it moved to the next level of a phone call with an implied date-to-be-had around the corner. She found the convo interesting, But not until After the conversation was finished did she notice he rambled on hogging it. So understandably he's going to be ticked, as it obviously couldn't win any awards for being Way out in left field, since it took After the phone call for her to realize his flow was a turn-off. Not to say His response to her was warranted either though - lol.


I also dated a man who went on these hour long monologues and just stared at me if I dared to say a word.

Well, better than him turning away from you when you talked, right? I would hope he'd zero in on you when you'd talk, if he was otherwise hogging the conversation! :)

He droned on and on about people I didn't know until I thought I'd lose my mind.
I thought maybe he was nervous and took a second phone call.

The cool thing with a lot of people who talk too much is that many of them don't mind being interrupted. Many of them expect that, hence, them not "getting it" that they talk too much -- and they'll think the other person talks too little. People who talk too much (especially in pre-date or early date situations) don't want dead air. If the other person isn't quick to start talking, they'll (hastily) start saying something else after a few seconds of dead air.

What I would have done at some point well in the 1st phone call -- or Very Early in the 2nd -- is to interrupt them to Let Them Know they're talking way too Continually, and that they need to relax, as you're throwing me for a loop! If you let it go on and on, you're only going to drive yourself crazy!
 UnKnownNYMale
Joined: 6/24/2014
Msg: 52
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/15/2016 11:48:28 AM

He should be pissed at himself for not seeking professional help with his issue so he can


For issues he has no clue about?
 UnKnownNYMale
Joined: 6/24/2014
Msg: 53
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/15/2016 11:49:22 AM

Yet if the man conforms to fit the idea of every woman--is he being true to himself--so now he goes out and doesn't talk and then ends up in a relationship where he doesn't talk and he is secretly angry he cant talk..and then resentful etc...


But why was he talking that much in the first place? Is that how he always is?...or is it just a reaction to talking with someone the first time?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 54
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/15/2016 1:57:59 PM
norwegianguy, I'm not a big talker so don't mind if someone is more talkative than myself.
" I also dated a man who went on these hour long monologues and just stared at me if I dared to say a word."
He would look at me and then just say Sooo, blah, blah, blah making it quite clear I had interrupted him. Totally disregarded anything I had to add to the conversation and clearly wasn't interested.
"He droned on and on about people I didn't know until I thought I'd lose my mind.
I thought maybe he was nervous and took a second phone call."

Both times I tried to be a part of the conversation and both times they clearly weren't interested in a conversation, they just wanted someone to listen to them, an audience. One time the man I was dating, his best friends wife called me and it was the same thing. Talked for over an hour and I couldn't even get a second to say I was busy and had to go.
Some people just want to run off at the mouth and hold others hostage listening to it.
I don't believe any adult hasn't been told at least once that they are guilty of this. I certainly am not going to point out mens bad habits or try to change them, especially after 40.
Common sense should tell you to act interested in the potential date, heck even someone you work with. Nervous or not it's rude.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 55
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/15/2016 9:53:17 PM

The cool thing with a lot of people who talk too much is that many of them don't mind being interrupted.


No, the uncool thing with a lot of people who talk too much is that many of them hate being interrupted, offer only a perfunctory acknowledgement of what you've just said, and then continue along their rambling ways.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 56
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/16/2016 10:46:01 AM
I would not reject a stranger openly; you don't know them, they could react poorly, as this man did. Always better to stay on the safe side and just disappear.

You should have stuck to the old, intuitive you. Don't fix it if it's not broken.
 flayounglady
Joined: 6/15/2010
Msg: 57
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/16/2016 12:49:57 PM
You did the right thing. It's best to be open and upfront with someone right from the start. He obviously has a very difficult time with handling rejection. He's obviously a bitter person. No one in their right mind would want to have a relationship with a person like that. You were right to move on. You're much better off without him!
 lil0607
Joined: 2/2/2016
Msg: 58
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/23/2016 5:20:24 AM
"we are not a good match" is just what I say, simply, when I can see just that, and I have had similar violent responses. I just chalk it up to a sensitive ego and consider myself ahead of matters for having wasted that much less time on someone with no potential.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 59
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/23/2016 8:38:08 AM

He would look at me and then just say Sooo, blah, blah, blah making it quite clear I had interrupted him. ...... Both times I tried to be a part of the conversation and both times they clearly weren't interested in a conversation, they just wanted someone to listen to them, an audience.

Whether they go on for an hour straight or go on for 5 minutes straight -- the real problem is that they don't want to hear what you have to say. Which sucks.

I don't believe any adult hasn't been told at least once that they are guilty of this. I certainly am not going to point out mens bad habits or try to change them, especially after 40.

I'd bet $100 they're not aware of how they're coming across. You wouldn't have to tell them, as you could send them a video/audio tape of it all -- but that's not so feasible. :) I think people don't say anything because of fear of confrontation. My thing is, if one's going out on another date or interaction with them, they should bring it up (in the right way) if said person doesn't want to listen to what they want to hear + rambling on. It's not about being a part of a guy's habit-changing-plan or something. It's that he knows what's up. I guess that's the feel-good part of me in terms of contributing to society -- or shall I say other gals who may end up landing a date with him, to take a lesser blow. :)
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 60
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/23/2016 4:48:41 PM
YOU did a excellent job right there. WE are NOT a good match but I do wish you luck with your search. GOOD BYE.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 61
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/23/2016 5:04:30 PM
MACE
Long ago stopped saying we not a match as the replies were pathesad
Then they rejoin with a diff User name
I ignore
Works hot damn
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 62
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/23/2016 6:49:27 PM
A few days ago on another site I met a woman who seemed in a rush to meet. Duh! At least she was up front about lying about her age. I told her she was misrepresenting a material fact and and that I would not date her. I had sensed this might be the case but she was a "local" and meeting her was no inconvenience. She took the rejection pretty hard. Hello! A lie is not a way to start a relationship.
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 11/29/2015
Msg: 63
Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/24/2016 9:03:09 AM
Mace- lol... Just don't leave it in your car on a sweltering day. I had one explode, and I couldn't drive my car for quite a while. Shooting it straight is always the best bet whether or not others can handle it. Good for you OP.
 onecountingstars
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 64
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 2/24/2016 3:20:17 PM
ha ha! you are looking for the one size fits all answer to this question. A verbal abuser is probably going to do that anyway...no matter how you did it. In fact, it's not a bad idea to irritate someone a little to see how they handle it..by that I mean be yourself, don't hide your flaws...if you constantly interrupt don't pay special attention to this to hide it, to be a good date. Let him see the REAL you! So you can see the real man.
However rule of thumb....is handle it the way you would want it handled if the roles were reversed.

This guy gets rejected a lot so you were last in a long line of rejections and he lost composure. You dodged a bullet!
Color yourself lucky.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 65
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 3/10/2016 4:07:00 AM
Chromis and Here Comes The Sun: Both your comments made me laugh. I've combined them into this:

You don't know when to STFU....every word you speak feels like a needle in my brain. I don't like people who hurt my brain. May you fry in hell. That is all. Goodbye."
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 66
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Let him know we are not a good match
Posted: 3/10/2016 11:29:01 AM

However rule of thumb....is handle it the way you would want it handled if the roles were reversed.

I agree. But most people won't handle situations like that. They tend to do what's best for them (in the present). :)
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