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 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 60
Why is it so hard to meet someone?Page 3 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Ok, a little over the top, but ok...
 a_djentleman
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 61
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/16/2016 11:13:11 AM
Looking at Hawking, the OP, and myself to an extent (I haven't had a date in well over two years now), I guess having varied interests, dynamic personalities, and above average intelligence is the kiss of ****ing death in dating.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 62
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 3:00:45 AM

conversing with 8000 women is not the same as meeting with them.


Where did I make the claim that it was?



How many have you met in the flesh?


Never counted, but not likely over 100'



Some people are better off alone and more suited to that.


Yes, some prefer to be alone



Not really interested in marriage and commitment and so keep making excuses not to link up.


Excuses huh? So it is necessary to actually meet before making a decision about compatibility in your estimation apparently?



You may well be one of them.


I am going to keep a loaded unlocked hand gun beside our bed if we marry, care to meet me?

I am a States Militiamen. Care to meet me?

I am pro life and consider abortion to be premeditated murder. Care to meet me?

I believe in spare the rod spoil the child. Care to meet me?

I believe men should be head of household. Care to meet me?

I do not own cologne. Care to meet me?

I do not drink for all practical purposes, maybe 2 beers a year. Care to meet me?

I've got a thousand bucks to bet you wouldn't dream of meeting a man such as me, even if I were a hunk. Do you still think it is necessary to meet before deciding compatibility.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 63
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 3:19:29 AM

Looking at Hawking, the OP, and myself to an extent (I haven't had a date in well over two years now), I guess having varied interests, dynamic personalities, and above average intelligence is the kiss of ****ing death in dating.


No, it isn't. The impossible standards and unyielding preferences for the perfect person with the perfect look and age that are obstacles in meeting quality and interesting people.

If you have preferences, expect your prospective date to have a set of their own.
 a_djentleman
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 64
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 3:47:45 AM

No, it isn't. The impossible standards and unyielding preferences for the perfect person with the perfect look and age that are obstacles in meeting quality and interesting people.


I don't see where ANY of us demonstrated "unyielding preferences for the perfect person" ... quite the opposite actually. Hawking seems extremely humble in his prospective outlook. Granted, I'm looking for lifestyle compatibility and [hopefully] some mutual appreciation for interests and pastimes, but I've got no preferences so far as race, height, hair color, education, income, etc., etc. go.

I'll let the OP speak for herself...
 a_djentleman
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 65
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 4:47:03 AM



I am going to keep a loaded unlocked hand gun beside our bed if we marry, care to meet me?

I am a States Militiamen. Care to meet me?

I am pro life and consider abortion to be premeditated murder. Care to meet me?

I believe in spare the rod spoil the child. Care to meet me?

I believe men should be head of household. Care to meet me?

I do not own cologne. Care to meet me?

I do not drink for all practical purposes, maybe 2 beers a year. Care to meet me?

I've got a thousand bucks to bet you wouldn't dream of meeting a man such as me, even if I were a hunk. Do you still think it is necessary to meet before deciding compatibility.


The Down's syndrome kid Sarah Palin shit out should be up for grabs soon. Sounds like a match made in... um, heaven, which you both probably think is a real place. Have fun playing '50s together. Let me know what address to send the Woolworth's gift certificate to.
 a_djentleman
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 66
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 6:03:14 AM

This is what worked for my former SO. "Didn't give a s h I t" doesn't mean that he was rude or mean or condescending. It means that he spoke HIS truth instead of trying to guess what would work for me and then parrot that to me.

I guess another way to say it was he was (or appeared to me) to be authentic.


Yeah, I've been doing that as long as I can remember. The whole thinking for yourself, speaking your mind and going your own way isn't any selling point in the dating world.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 67
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 6:46:44 AM

"The Down's syndrome kid Sarah Palin shit out should be up for grabs soon. Sounds like a match made in... um, heaven, which you both probably think is a real place."


Mademoiselles, please share your honest opinions. If a man was tall, handsome, wealthy, and your age preference, would YOU want to date him if he wrote or said something like that?

If yes, what if the guy was average looking and kinda poor?
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 7:20:06 AM
These forums often give a better idea of what a person may be like if you were to meet in person compared to just reading their profile.
The upside is if you don't get along with them, you never have to have face to face time. The downside is, if they are a great match for you... they could be so far away.

Benartflick ..
If a man makes a controversial comment that goes against my basic character, values or outlook on life - I couldn't care less what he looked like or what was in his wallet. Handsome, average.. doesn't matter. I could probably have an intelligent conversation. Maybe even smile at him. But dating would not be an option because it would be pointless. Wouldn't be a match. And he wouldn't want to date me either :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 8:03:45 AM

The impossible standards and unyielding preferences for the perfect person with the perfect look and age that are obstacles in meeting quality and interesting people.


I think I'll wait until scientists come up with a 3D printer that can replicate people, and I can order up the perfect human partner. Scientists are working on manipulating genetics on embryos so that people can have designer babies that are perfect in every way, so why not have designer spouses/partners?
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 8:16:45 AM
maleman999
You reminded me of the movie THE STEPFORD WIVES. Not the old one, but the one with Nicole Kidman
Made to order spouses - not just wives. Women could make a perfect mate also.
I guess he would have to have some flaws. Too perfect would drive me nuts :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 71
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 8:59:42 AM

This is what worked for my former SO. "Didn't give a s h I t" doesn't mean that he was rude or mean or condescending. It means that he spoke HIS truth instead of trying to guess what would work for me and then parrot that to me.

I guess another way to say it was he was (or appeared to me) to be authentic.

Love this. It's the way I try to be also. I don't want someone to guess what I want to hear and try to feed it to me. I want someone to be who they are and honest about their feelings even if it might deter me - because that would mean we're not a match. And that's perfectly fine. Life goes on.
 gfe0787
Joined: 12/17/2015
Msg: 72
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 10:39:06 AM
I don't think you're alone- many people possibly have the same thoughts as you do. However, it's always wise to remember that it's best to be alone than in bad company. =) Many people rush into things with the wrong person because they don't want to be alone. Meeting that 'special someone' as many people say...is not easy that's why the individual is special. It's okay to not make connections with everyone and for people not to want to make a connection in return- we don't all have to be compatible- it's a normal part of life. As far as being not attractive, that's def not an issue for you. You are a very attractive woman. Besides, Everyone has different tastes and what is not attractive to some will be very attractive to others. I know a couple that have been married for 20 yrs- he is 5'4 and she has a very large nose. They were both rejected immediately by the opposite sex due to their flaws when they were single until they found each other. If this guy had been wanting to date supermodels....he'd possibly still be single and vice versa for her.
Everyone eventually finds the right someone....as long as the person's 'picker' is accepting and realistic. Just my $0.02. lol.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 73
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 11:22:43 AM
If one enjoys their varied interests, amongst a population that tries to follow the herd with cookie-cutter interests, then yes...they won't find they have that in common with the average people who are among the average. Above-average intelligence? if its beyond the average, its not going to fit in.

dynamic personally, holy cats...last night I was a free Vince Neil concert. behind me is a 40-something woman who most would label a 6 out of a 10...above average in looks, but a little overweight. HOWEVER, she had the attention of every single average-looking male in the area of the crowd I was sandwiched into. How? she was having fun. she was engaging. energized. willing to talk to strangers. F'Pete's sake, she rubbed MY bald head a few times to get me to smile. OK, part of that was the general mood of the crowd, and the fact that the empty Rockstar can she was using to drum a tune on my shoulder with was (according to her) formerly filled with tequila.

Still, one could imagine dating her would be fun. no games, no drama, and she would be enjoyable at parties. not a stumbling drunk, not a loud one, just a fun, engaging person. Had I been the only fellow she was talking to, or if she had stuck around, I would have tried my best to ask out her. Can't remember how many years its been since a woman's been that playful with me (and not standing next to her husband). Its just rare as the proverbial hen's teeth. But i'm sure for some guys, they'd be put off by her looks or maybe the fact she wasn't an ice queen to overcome, or they just couldn't handle a woman who wasn't shy like many seem to be (or, likely, they only want to talk to the guys they are interested in--again, this lady wasn't flirting with me, she was just engaging). I don't look down on the ladies who won't talk to me b/c i'm not good looking enough. I get it, and I get why it is. they have their standards, I have mine. i'll lament that I don't fit those standards, but hey, life can't be perfect either.

but, if one is unique from the crowd, and doesn't want to "Dumb down" their uniqueness...its hard to find someone else who isn't average. and I don't mean "average" in a bad sense. If you are a big fan of Taylor Swift, for example...its not hard to find another fan to accompany you to a concert on a date. If you get your clothing style from stores in a mall, you likely can find someone in the same safe "uniform". But for me to tell some lass, "I have an extra ticket to a Within Temptation concert, you'd love it, you wanna go?"....she isn't going to go just to see if she likes the music. she's going to go, likely b/c she's interested enough in me that she wants to see what my interests are, in order to get to know me better. and that, naturally, brings us back to physical appearance.

at the apartment complex I used to live at, a guy living upstairs looked into the Mustang I was driving, saw what was in there, and concocted a story about me (Which he told me later), that I was a jock back in school and was the BMOC and was book smart and all this. I mentioned it to my female friend, and her comment was, "wow, some women do that for a guy they think is hot--brew up some background story about how neat a fellow he is."

if we are looking to do more than just get laid, looks won't overcome a toxic personality. But if stranger isn't good looking...what do we care about them? they're just another person walking down the street, and there's another ton of them is coming around the corner.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/17/2016 1:51:35 PM
“The impossible standards and unyielding preferences for the perfect person with the perfect look and age that are obstacles in meeting quality and interesting people.”

So, really, it is my preferences that have doomed me. It is *my* own preferences that led to my profile getting zero unsolicited views in a 6 month period and only 1 or 2 every 3 months before and since. So it is because of what *I* want in a partner that no woman will even *look* at my profile. Praytell me exactly how it is that these women figured out my preferences without looking at my profile. Which I should point out has absolutely no preferences, no requirements, no deal breakers – NOTHING telling any woman on earth not to message me. And yet, no messages since 2013.

Certainly it is true that I have mostly messaged women I find attractive, but seriously, would you want to be the recipient of a message from a man who did not find you attractive? I have done so far too many times and taken it to its bitter end. Regardless, I’ve messaged over 10,000 women. Does that really sound like somebody whose preferences are too narrow? How many men have you messaged in all the years you’ve been on here? Yeah, I haven’t messaged too many obese women (of course, I’ve long been one of the fittest persons on earth – I just hiked the Rio Grande valley – how many obese women are going to be doing that with me?). I haven’t messaged too many women 14 years older than me (they don’t seem to like that too much). I haven’t messaged too many women 6 inches taller than me (they don’t seem to like that too much). I haven’t messaged too many women with children (of course people that hate children probably shouldn’t be hanging around them). I have messaged an astounding number of high school dropouts despite my advanced education and impressive IQ scores. But I guess if you want to hold all those others against me, you can – maybe I’ll hit up a few extra BBWs with a half dozen kids and see how much I screw up their lives. But perhaps in the meanwhile you can enlighten us with your messaging and response history, just so we can see how “yielding” your own preferences are.


At some point the Pollyannas are going to have to join the rest of us in the real world, before they completely lose their grasp on reality. In the real world, there are people that nobody wants, and sometimes those reasons are completely beyond their control. In the real world, there are also people that everybody wants, and sometimes those reasons are completely beyond their control. In the real world, there is not “someone for everyone” – in the real world, that is statistically impossible as well as completely contrary to evolutionary science, and hundreds of thousands of adults die every year without ever being loved or even desired. As big of a failure as I am, I’ve accomplished more than one of my aunts did. All she ever wanted in life was a husband and children. She died a few years ago at 80 without ever having gone on a single date or even having been kissed, because she never met a man that was attracted to her (it is undoubtedly not meaningless that we’re blood relatives). Was it her own fault? Was she too picky? Did she have too many preferences? Or is that not possible with women, that it had to be the men who were too picky that led to her circumstances?

I am a smart man, which means I’m smart enough to know that cheating evolution is a fool’s errand; I am but one simple organism in this vast universe and to think that I’m going to break a 4 billion-year-old machine of overwhelming success is pure madness. I am the fish with no fins, the snake with no tongue, the falcon with no wings, and soon my DNA will be erased from history, just like all my negatively mutated brothers.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 75
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/18/2016 2:17:16 PM

I am a smart man, which means I’m smart enough to know that cheating evolution is a fool’s errand;


One thing we really learn from evolution is that the fittest does not win, nor does the strongest, or even the best at something, or even the smarter creature. The winner of the evolution game is simple. The most adaptable wins. Period.

If you try something and it does not work. You do not give up. You do not repeat the same. You adapt your approach.
The single most effective way to learn something completely new is through the most amazing of things: FAILURE.

When you win, you go home, celebrate, rest on your laurels and stop trying something new. But when you fail, you ponder, you question, and you maneuver into something new. The big problem is when we let failure condition ourself to an identity of failure, instead of a launching pad for success. It's something that many here have talked about and how you create elements of success, preferably in other areas of your life so they build the confidence so when you fail, it doesn't take you down, but see it for what it is, a path. Once you start to string together these events, this little failures, and small victories you can develop a repeatable path.

Like you, when I started I sent a kazelion emails to women. Most of them didn't even sent me a no thanks email. The ignored me, or even blocked me. Then I learned the PUA technique of Negging women. I tried it. I got a ton of responses, but they ALL lead down hill. So I realize they do not work, but they have something of value. What is of value is that you are willing to say something different. So what if you did not negg, but you did not blow smoke up the woman's skirt, but still say something different. What started to work for me, was to be cryptic. To send emails that only the recipient would understand and she would be so eager to respond. Many, still led nowhere, but every single successful email that evolved into a date started this way.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 76
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/18/2016 2:40:45 PM



This is what worked for my former SO. "Didn't give a s h I t" doesn't mean that he was rude or mean or condescending. It means that he spoke HIS truth instead of trying to guess what would work for me and then parrot that to me.

I guess another way to say it was he was (or appeared to me) to be authentic.

Yeah, I've been doing that as long as I can remember. The whole thinking for yourself, speaking your mind and going your own way isn't any selling point in the dating world.

I wonder about such an unequivocal statement when it immediately follows a quote that said it's exactly the thing that worked "in the dating world."
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 77
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/18/2016 3:19:27 PM

Looking at Hawking, the OP, and myself to an extent (I haven't had a date in well over two years now), I guess having varied interests, dynamic personalities, and above average intelligence is the kiss of ****ing death in dating.



The Down's syndrome kid Sarah Palin shit out should be up for grabs soon.


Oh yeah….you sound like a real winner.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 78
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/18/2016 6:04:43 PM
patchjoker- Well, I didn't predict this, did I? :D
This OP and I not only share being strong, we are also smart.
Uh oh, now I went and did it, I said two things about myself that are positive (in my book).
God, I am SO arrogant.
See, patch, attitudes like yours are exactly what I'm talking about.
HOW many times do people on here get advised to be confident?
Men can do it, but a woman, nope, I should just shut up, right?
I'm done here.
If the OP comes back, I'll reply to her, or if anyone addresses me specifically (other than someone stuck in 1950), other wise, it's just not worth it.
I know what and who I am.
I spent 21 years of my life trying to be meek, faking it to make it, NO more. Just NO MORE. :(
 a_djentleman
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 79
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/19/2016 2:55:58 AM

...last night I was a free Vince Neil concert. behind me is a 40-something woman who most would label a 6 out of a 10...above average in looks, but a little overweight. HOWEVER, she had the attention of every single average-looking male in the area of the crowd I was sandwiched into. How? she was having fun. she was engaging. energized. willing to talk to strangers. F'Pete's sake, she rubbed MY bald head a few times to get me to smile. OK, part of that was the general mood of the crowd, and the fact that the empty Rockstar can she was using to drum a tune on my shoulder with was (according to her) formerly filled with tequila.


That's a situation that I would literally... I mean literally... blow my head off with a .40 S&W before being in. Shit, "I was a free Vince Neil concert" has me suicidal already.


Oh yeah….you sound like a real winner.


Yeah, yeah... my bad... Palin is the freaking second coming of Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla. Hold on concepts of reality... she's gonna blow your mind. Hockey mom!!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 80
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/19/2016 6:06:43 AM

One thing we really learn from evolution is that the fittest does not win, nor does the strongest, or even the best at something, or even the smarter creature. The winner of the evolution game is simple. The most adaptable wins. Period.

If you try something and it does not work. You do not give up. You do not repeat the same. You adapt your approach.
The single most effective way to learn something completely new is through the most amazing of things: FAILURE.

When you win, you go home, celebrate, rest on your laurels and stop trying something new. But when you fail, you ponder, you question, and you maneuver into something new. The big problem is when we let failure condition ourself to an identity of failure, instead of a launching pad for success. It's something that many here have talked about and how you create elements of success, preferably in other areas of your life so they build the confidence so when you fail, it doesn't take you down, but see it for what it is, a path. Once you start to string together these events, this little failures, and small victories you can develop a repeatable path.

Quoted in agreement. Let's hope SOMEONE here on this site writes this down and actually follows it. It's good advice. No one and I mean NO ONE is born knowing how to do things the way that works FOR THEM, but we all learn what works for us by learning what DOES NOT work. We try, we fail, we regroup, we try again.

To no one in particular: If you say you can't - well, you're right. That will get you nowhere. The only thing that can be said then is, is that what you want? If not then change something. If so then quit yer ****in'. Don't do the same thing over and over and fail and expect everyone to want to hear about it. Sorry.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/19/2016 6:52:48 AM
“One thing we really learn from evolution is that the fittest does not win, nor does the strongest, or even the best at something, or even the smarter creature. The winner of the evolution game is simple. The most adaptable wins. Period.”

“Adaptation” is a misnomer in evolutionary theory. “Adaptation” is not a conscious effort or a learned process by any organism. When evolutionists refer to “adaptation,” they mean the end result of a positive mutation brought about by random chance. If an environment suddenly becomes too arid for an organism, it doesn’t say to itself, “Man, I better develop a mutation that will help me survive on less water.” Rather, the organisms that already have such a mutation survive to pass on that mutation and the ones without it die. It’s pretty rare that conditions change and a DNA replication mistake or DNA alteration caused by radiation that benefit the organism for that changing condition happens to occur shortly thereafter, and even if it does, it’s still the result of pure random chance – it is not a direct reaction to the changing conditions.

The type of “adaptation” you are referring to is another definition entirely and is only tangentially related to evolutionary theory. If an environment becomes too arid for an organism, then it might seek a wetter climate in order to survive, which is an “adaptation” of sorts, but it is not an evolutionary adaptation, unless you take into consideration the organism being smart enough to make that “adaptation,” which might be an inheritable trait that will benefit successive generations (the definition of evolution).

Oddly, that would be a negative mutation. An organism that’s otherwise so badly mutated that it should not survive until reproduction that somehow outsmarts evolution and reproduces ends up poisoning the gene pool and those negative traits will resurface at some point and create a burden or a bottleneck on the otherwise healthy population. We see this all the time with genetic diseases and other negative genetic conditions.

So for the betterment of humanity, negative mutants should not be outsmarting evolution and reproducing. Quite frankly, I would not wish my life on my worst enemy, much less my own flesh and blood.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 82
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/19/2016 7:06:05 AM
^^^ You need to happy up :) Come now, no one can be so glum all the time. You just did the film festival - that was a good time right?
 8inscrew
Joined: 11/17/2014
Msg: 83
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/19/2016 7:21:07 AM
I see what you're saying (I think....)

Your self worth is so low you think the world is better off without your dna in it?
But you are wrong. We could use more mental muscle around the joint.

Not sure but you might address this before resuming your tenacious search for love.
You know.. gotta love yourself before you can love another..


Also agree with gorilla. Why go to such great lengths to continue to do what doesn't work?
Ammo for your repetitive rants and self loathing?

Beginning to resemble a trucker or something....
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 84
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 1/19/2016 8:31:07 AM
IF one actually takes the time to read these Forums...

For years and years now, there have been thousands in the Forums in various threads claiming to have had "some success". Certainly no one would claim that they are ALL lying?

Many of these folks would seem to have "far less on the ball" than other folks on the site who would seem to have it all together or have far more to offer.

FACT: Many animals can sense fear.

FACT: Even trees can talk to each other.

FACT: Most Humans have forgotten all but the MOST OBVIOUS cues of body language. We simply don't need to be able to read it as well as in the past before we learned to communicate through speech. Pick up and read most any decent book on body language and so much of the physical things/stances we see in others make perfect sense. We might have "forgotten" how to read them but "bad" body language probably still sets off alarms in us.

It's highly likely that a poor ATTITUDE coupled with "bad" body language is what is holding back many people when F2F or when merely typing.

People with CLOSED MINDS feeling that their weight/body size/height or any other physical attribute automatically dooms them to failure have NO BUSINESS DOING OLD.

Go sit on any park bench in any park or watch even a hundred people walk by in any mall and open your eyes and SEE all the odd couples.

There is nothing at all odd about odd couples. They are simply people w/o poor attitudes and/or CLOSED MINDS.
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