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 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 212
Why is it so hard to meet someone?Page 9 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

I've known women of a certain maturity who see a hot guy, and on their own, they start weaving a story of his awesomeness.

Really? Most women I know (including me) do not trust hot guys and assume them to be jerks.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 213
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 7:49:48 AM
LOL, it's not uncommon for guys to weave a fantasy about a hot woman..to think because she has a beautiful face and/or hot body, she must be intelligent and have an awesome personality, and be an all around great person..without knowing anything about her..I've even heard guys fantasize out loud about marrying her and having a brood of perfect children and a perfect life..and then she walks on down the street without him having said "hello".. the halo effect lives on.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 214
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Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 10:22:41 AM

caballerosiempre
LOL, it's not uncommon for guys to weave a fantasy about a hot woman..to think because she has a beautiful face and/or hot body, she must be intelligent and have an awesome personality, and be an all around great person..without knowing anything about her..

You are correct, sir, this is an equal opportunity fantasy. Both men and women are equally guilty.


NJgirl116
Most women I know (including me) do not trust hot guys and assume them to be jerks.

This has not been true, not in my experience / observations. Women tend to feel that way about “hot guys’ who act arrogant, yes. But remove the arrogance, and it’s an entirely different story.


ClooneysTutor
Lubriderm and wine.

My hands smell great and the bank account is soooo healthy.

This dog ain't chasing its tail.

I do “chase tail”, and I freely admit it. But not my own tail, thank you! (smile)
 DinVermont
Joined: 3/3/2016
Msg: 215
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 12:09:03 PM
And some of us live in really small populated areas. Has nothing to do with "hot guys". How about a guy that doesn't make you scream when you see his picture? Or a fellow that is capable of carrying on a good conversation?

This is my second time in 4 years attempting to try OLD. I got rid of my info in my profile recently and now mostly lurk around the forums. You guys are an interesting, and sometimes, funny lot of individuals!
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 216
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Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 2:19:28 PM

Has nothing to do with "hot guys". How about a guy that doesn't make you scream when you see his picture?


You know, they're people. Anyway, hat sentence is why you're not finding a guy. They're there, you just for some reason think you're out of their league.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 217
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 4:25:31 PM

You guys are an interesting, and sometimes, funny lot of individuals!

Welcome back DinVermont, For the most part, someone's growl, here and there is the worst you'll see in the Forums, although there have been a few heads bitten clean off!

I looked up your lovely smalltown, hometown.
As of the census of 2000, there were 12,005 people,
"Some of us live in really small populated areas."
Yes, indeed! I know very well about small towns. We have 2 traffic lights. One downtown, (I use that term very loosely) and one out by a private university.
Keep your head above water, look beyond the fence line, and ignore the growlers!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 218
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 4:33:20 PM

They're there, you just for some reason think you're out of their league.


Or they put themselves out of my 'league'.

If they mention how religious they are... next
If they mention being a sports fanatic... next
If they mention preferring thin, slender, H/WP or a woman that 'takes care of herself' (which appears to be manspeak for skinny)... next
If they mention how terrible their ex- was... next
If they don't mention anything except 'Ask me anything' in their profile... next
If they mention they do drugs... next
If they mention how wonderful they are and how privileged I should be to date them... eye-roll and next.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 219
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Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 6:27:18 PM
And you deserve to not have to compromise on a single thing because...?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 220
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 6:44:16 PM
"Most women I know (including me) do not trust hot guys and assume them to be jerks."

>>>I suspect that observation comes not from afar, but from dating them and finding out for sure:) Some attractive people are unattractive on the inside (ie, jerks). If they have an unhealthy attitude, they will likely be attracted to like-minded people
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 221
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/20/2016 7:15:19 PM

And you deserve to not have to compromise on a single thing because...?


It's not something to deserve.
It's something to choose.

And, maybe you don't see it, but there's a lot of leeway for compromise.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 222
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/21/2016 8:04:06 AM

"Most women I know (including me) do not trust hot guys and assume them to be jerks."

I agree with this whole heartedly......I would rephrase it as in..The ones that perceive themselves as hot because again....what one
person thinks is "hot" is totally different than the next person.

As I mature, I would be more cautious of a man/woman who has had people falling at their feet...their whole life.
My experience is they have slid by in life because of their "looks" and haven't had to face other challenges or don't do it well.
At the first sign of any adversity...they are out of there. Why not? It's been easy to find another to warm the bed.
YMMV.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 223
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/21/2016 8:16:41 AM

NJgirl116
Most women I know (including me) do not trust hot guys and assume them to be jerks.

This has not been true, not in my experience / observations. Women tend to feel that way about “hot guys’ who act arrogant, yes. But remove the arrogance, and it’s an entirely different story.


I think NJ and OHenry are BOTH right. What I have seen is that attractive women first want that hot looking guy, until she realizes that the only game he knows is pump and dump, so they become jaded and do not trust the attractive looking guys at all.

Now as Ohenry says about remove the arrogance... I've seen this work only once. ONe of my wingmen was this incredibly gorgeous guy. He would attract the women to the group, they would start talking to him, they would realize that he really was not that good of a conversationalist, and they would switch to someone in the group. The guy was so nice, he couldn't get laid if his life depended on it. Then he met an attractive girl at some conference. I would say she would fit the "Doris Day" of today. They dated long distance for 8 months. Then got married and now have 3 kids. He is perhaps the most honorable guy you would ever meet, and I would put money on that he would never ever would cheat on his wife. But more often than not, guys like him are the exception to the rule.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 224
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/21/2016 8:47:22 AM
"The ones who perceive themselves as hot (Are jerks)...they have slid by in life because of their "looks" and haven't had to face other challenges"

>>>I'll agree to that, and not b/c I posted before about people cruising thru life on the breaks their looks give them :) I think some hotties tend to focus on their outer appearance, finding its their best quality to offer, and thus...they become superficial in life. They think looks are everything. By being so superficial...their behavior can definitely be defined as, "Acting like a jerk". And then, of course, there are the narcissists. Heck, i'm a guy seeking a woman, and yet if I saw some dude strutting around like a peacock, thinking he's "all that and a bag of chips", I wouldn't trust him either.

sometimes in life, we're given the benefit of the doubt. Walk into a bank as an 18 yr old with $60 in your bank account, asking for a loan, versus a 50 yr old making $60,000 a year. We'd like to think they would get treated with the exact same deference, but really, come on now. Sometimes, there's going to be a difference. Or an 18 yr old pulled over for speeding, compared to a 40 yr old in a minivan. One might be treated as a menace, the other "Sowing wild oats" or "Should have known better" and given a break. who doesn't take the easy way out if its offered up on a platter?

some people might want a confident partner, and not knowing what really makes up confidence, mistake arrogance for confidence. or they just like a "take charge" guy who makes all the decisions for him. easier to blame him than to shoulder some of it.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 225
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Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/21/2016 7:11:08 PM

some people might want a confident partner, and not knowing what really makes up confidence, mistake arrogance for confidence. or they just like a "take charge" guy who makes all the decisions for him. easier to blame him than to shoulder some of it.


One thing I've learned from these forums... If you treat people with respect, there's no way you can be confident. Only "the bad boy" is confident.

It's just more excuses, like half of this thread is. People don't want to date people, but have to find any reason at all that they can use to blame the other person, rather than themselves. Long as it's the guy's fault she doesn't want to date him, it's all fine.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 226
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/22/2016 9:04:13 AM
I think you have to respect yourself, in order to have respect for others. If you lack respect for yourself, you try to take it from others. You can give respect to others without expecting a return, b/c you want to be "that person". A bad boy might get a date just b/c he keeps asking and beats down her defenses. Or his emotional outbursts seems to be due to confidence, when really they are just the cry for help she listens to.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 227
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/22/2016 12:32:13 PM
The balance is to respect your self and others. If that balance is lost in either direction it won't work (respect yourself more than others you are an a$$hole, respect others more than yourself, you are a doormat).

Furthermore, if someone doesn't want to date someone else for any reason, it's the best outcome for both parties. I tend to know myself and what I want so I will usually blame myself (as much as I can for someone who can take or leave dating anyway) but the truth is it's usually just a mismatch.

If someone isn't as interested in you as you are them, you don't want them anyway.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 228
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/24/2016 9:06:27 PM

One thing I've learned from these forums... If you treat people with respect, there's no way you can be confident. Only "the bad boy" is confident.


Quite an interesting way to look at it. There are narcissistic guys that are what I would truly call the bad boys. They are arrogant, disrespectful, selfish and they tend to get away with murder.
But there is a different type of guy that is usually labeled a bad boy, because he does not take s h i t from women or really, any body. Yet this guy is driven by principle, he sticks to his word, and is actually quite the gentleman. He will treat a woman like a lady, but he will also hold her to his standard and to her word. So whenever she pulls any sh it. He simply does what he has to do. He is not afraid of dumping her a ss when she is late, when she has attitude, when she starts using the guy. Thus he is then labeled a bad boy, or a dangerous boy.
In other words, you give everyone the benefit of the doubt, one chance, and that's it.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 229
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/24/2016 9:09:13 PM
^^^^^
+100

Divas and Princesses. Acting like the prize.

That tiara and wand?

Leave 'em at home.

I open doors, pay the tab and wait for the green light before making a move.

Howeva....

Shame me for my past or act like a b!tch and she can open her own car door and do the walk of shame back to her...cats. Bella and Luna.

No more dates for you sweetie.

But hey, I'll tell you what I WON"T do.

I won't assign her some DSM-V classification label.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 231
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Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/26/2016 12:41:49 PM

Quite an interesting way to look at it. There are narcissistic guys that are what I would truly call the bad boys. They are arrogant, disrespectful, selfish and they tend to get away with murder.
But there is a different type of guy that is usually labeled a bad boy, because he does not take s h i t from women or really, any body. Yet this guy is driven by principle, he sticks to his word, and is actually quite the gentleman. He will treat a woman like a lady, but he will also hold her to his standard and to her word. So whenever she pulls any sh it. He simply does what he has to do. He is not afraid of dumping her a ss when she is late, when she has attitude, when she starts using the guy. Thus he is then labeled a bad boy, or a dangerous boy.
In other words, you give everyone the benefit of the doubt, one chance, and that's it.


I was going more off the whole nice guy / bad boy threads that would come up. The whole BS claim that the nice guy doesn't get dates because they have no confidence, and that's why the jerk keeps getting dates, because he is. Because someone decided that the respectful guy lets everyone walk all over him and isn't confident, and the guy that's going to beat his girlfriend tonight is the perfect definition of confidence. And if you ever use the word "nice" when you describe yourself, they decided that means you're the exact opposite, you have no backbone at all... basically, you're just pathetic.

Either way, these threads are the woman equivalent of the "nice guy" threads. I wish my problem was just that I make bad choices in a ton of women throwing vag at me every day. It's gotta be great when you can intentionally cause every single dating problem you have, and then convince yourself that it's everyone else, not you. Threads like this are just as bad. Meeting a good guy is as simple as just actually talking to that good guy, but either he's too short, he doesn't make enough money, he doesn't have a nice enough car, he lives a block from the subway and doesn't drive... Or, ofc, he's ugly, because half of the women in this thread think they're actually anything special themselves. Gotta be hard, seems like a tough life when you get to decide that no men that you meet are good enough for you.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 232
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/26/2016 6:41:23 PM

Meeting a good guy is as simple as just actually talking to that good guy,

Yes, rockstartrucker it is that simple. AND then to top that. A good guy, can be nice AND confident.
Imagine that. What a concept!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 233
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/26/2016 8:20:13 PM

Meeting a good guy is as simple as just actually talking to that good guy, but either he's too short, he doesn't make enough money, he doesn't have a nice enough car, he lives a block from the subway and doesn't drive... Or, ofc, he's ugly,


I don't think men that whine are 'good guys'.
People who blame their lack of dating partners on...
...being too short
...not making enough money
...not having a great car
...being [physically?] ugly
...or any other external factor
Are not mentally or emotionally strong enough to be 'good guys'.


Because someone decided that the respectful guy lets everyone walk all over him and isn't confident,

A respectful man does not let people walk all over him because he respects himself.

Does anyone really want a life partner with such superficial tastes?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 234
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 3/27/2016 11:21:24 AM
Maybe its b/c I've watched a lot of black and white era movies with Bogey et al, but to me a fella who doesn't take grief from even a Howard Hawks type dame, is driven by principle and thinks his word is gold, isn't a bad boy, but in fact...the Average Joe or Big Galoot who made this country great. A bad boy to me is a literal term--someone who acts like a man-child and does disrespectful or outright bad things. But a fella doesn't have to be gentle, to be a gentleman. Around the time of the antihero in movies--or maybe that was just following what was going on in society--the definition of a man seemed to be, can you hold your liquor and what brand of cigarette do you smoke? So while meeting a good guy requires talking to one, finding a honest-to-Pete good guy who isn't already taken, might be like finding a talking dog--Facebook has a ton of videos of them, but ya just don't find 'em walking down the street every day.

I wouldn't mind either, if my only dating problem was making my own mistakes. would be nice to have that level of control over things. I think some of the postings here actually have that--they met someone male or female who was fun (due to drama or immaturity) and it was all fun 'n' games until they got bit in the ass.
 BadResponseGuy
Joined: 3/26/2013
Msg: 235
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 4/6/2016 12:05:20 PM
You're pretty, so you can move past that. But keep in mind we live in an internet based society. Most people are impatient. Any difficulty arises in courting and boom, sites like this have a myriad of other to try instead.

Really want to meet someone? Join a social club. Meet people whom you can already tell are into at least one of the same things you are.

I'm 25 and met my last girlfriend during an Adult Kickball Game. We broke up, but her and I are still best friends and I will be at the main table at her wedding in 5 months. So, this probably isn't the best example.
 HopeAndDreams77
Joined: 3/25/2015
Msg: 236
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 4/16/2016 8:53:31 AM
I have been asking the same question for over 14 years now lol seems now adays you have to be something your not just to get a woman and my mother raised me to be the man I am I'm not changing for anybody.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 237
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 4/16/2016 9:04:07 AM
I've been wondering how to be alone better.
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