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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 51
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DiasppointingPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hey newgirl (Blondeangel)

Liking the new auburn locks, I feel it is more you. But what do I know?? lol!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 52
Diasppointing
Posted: 1/23/2016 9:16:02 PM
For whatever reason there was no attraction. That's the point of meeting for coffee. Determining interest. If he's not interested once he gets there what should he do, date you anyway until he finds someone he is interested in?
 michelinman2
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 53
Diasppointing
Posted: 1/23/2016 9:20:21 PM

You should be yourself, not try to be. If you don't appeal to a guy for whatever reason, who cares? Are you interested in any of them, yourself???.

Being smart can be a challenge to some guys . Whether you are reasonably good looking or not is a matter of taste. Just for the sake of argument here. Attraction and chemistry is a mysterious thing and cant be predicted.

Don't let any of these experiences drag you down. Be glad they have not played you along just for the sex. You may after all be out of their league. Ever think of that??

I am far from "slim" but I am smart, and when I bothered to meet a few guys from online most of them wanted to see me again for whatever reason. I didn't bother with a second date with any of them as they just didn't appeal. Luck of the draw.

How would you feel if you met over 600 men and with no real luck?? Smart, intelligent, successful, buxom blonde with great legs and a wonderful personality notwithstanding...no names....


The OP is not yet divorced (7 months separated) and already had a fling with a man that was already in a relationship. Now she's whining about the men online. Busy girl.

As for "...met over 600 men with no real luck???" Maybe the problem is her and not the men. What are the odds? She might need to do a little work on herself too, just like the OP should.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 54
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Diasppointing
Posted: 1/23/2016 9:54:00 PM
good point about being recently separated. Ripe for a fling with a man who is not serious about a relationship.

I would have given up way before meeting 600 men I can tell you. Hope springs eternal I guess.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 55
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Diasppointing
Posted: 1/24/2016 8:43:57 AM
I think it’s fruitless to be meeting anyone ‘separated’ if you’re looking for a serious relationship.

I learned the hard way. Several months into my divorce, I started using dating sites, saying I was separated, and wasn’t getting much interest. I then asked a guy 500 miles away, to advise me. His advice, don’t date until your divorce is final, because guys won’t see you as being available. He was 100% right. The exception to this, is if all you’re looking for is sex.

When I could change my profile to divorced, things changed, and emails became more frequent. I had more learning to do, about getting into the dating arena. I have a wonderful BF now, and I’m only here for the forums. One conclusion I came to thru several years of dating, was that coffee shop meetings were pointless and a waste of time, and after a while, I refused them. There’s a lot one can learn about someone before a first meeting, through chatting and phone calls. I always felt, if you can’t communicate in a number of ways, you’re going to have problems with communication later in a real relationship. There seems to be “styles” in our communication, and I think it has to do with IQ, and if there isn’t some what of a match, it’s going to be a problem later.

Even with my profile changed to divorced, I’ve had a lot of separated, and some married, men contact me. I try to help explain things, and when I suggest that most intelligent women aren’t going to be interested in a man whose divorce isn’t final, some just don’t get it. Unfortunately, lots of men out there have big egos and think women will fall in line for anything. And I’m sure some will. Money always seems to hold power.
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 56
Diasppointing
Posted: 2/7/2016 1:37:46 PM

Do men really determine a relationship on your looks

OP it's not just men, women too. It depends on the person.Probably the first two yrs of dating I had no pic. But a very detail description of myself. I don't now have good pics ... and I dated very successfully, just never found the one. That being said don't settle. Search, seek and enjoy the ride.

While a pic is nice, I read profiles... most pics here are not accurate. Emails, phone and then meeting will give you better gauge of who is worth your time and effort. There are some great guys here. Happy Fishing
 JaiNai2
Joined: 5/30/2015
Msg: 57
Diasppointing
Posted: 2/8/2016 7:28:01 AM
I think looks play a big part in what we all find to be attractive about a person. Not just men. That's the first thing we see .
I like men who look a certain way, so I'm not offended or disappointed when men don't find me to be their idea of attractive. That's the whole point of being on a dating site. You get to pick and choose.
 BeyondtheMatrix
Joined: 2/11/2016
Msg: 58
Diasppointing
Posted: 2/21/2016 8:12:34 PM

Do men really determine a relationship on your looks... a quick coffee tells them that you are not attractive or sexy enough for them and that what you have between the ears makes no difference, including brains, common interests and the ability to hold a good conversation.... this is really shallow... trying to be yourself is just not enough it seems... being smart, slim and reasonably good looking is not what they want... the mind boggles. -- Mangopeach888


Let me put it this way, if I can.

I remember visiting the National Portrait Gallery in London, when I lived there some years ago, and coming across an oil painting, a miniature, called An Ugly Woman. OK. She wasn't exactly a Hollywood beauty, but what struck me was a remark made by someone standing next to me. He said: "She probably had a heart of gold." I remember the crowd fell silent.

Please think about this. Looks fade, but love need never do so. I cite a poem here, from an anonymous author, who makes it clear that beauty is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder:

"Love not me for comely grace,
For my pleasing eye or face,
Not for any outward part:
No, nor for a constant heart!
For these may fail or turn to ill:
So thou and I shall sever.
Keep therefore a true woman's eye,
And love me still, but know not why!
So hast though the same reason still
To doat upon me ever."


Best wishes

- Peter
 JaiNai2
Joined: 5/30/2015
Msg: 59
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/5/2016 7:19:37 AM
In the beginning of the Pick and Choose dating era, there were no pictures. There were just printed words posted in daily papers and magazines. You only went by the person's self description.

I admit that upon meeting, I was usually pleasantly surprised at how attractive many of the men were. Actually, most of them were. And I admit that I usually chose the most attractive ones to date. It was like being in a candy store. I compared it to that in a book I wrote in those early years.

So, I have no complaints about men choosing by looks. I think it's human nature. Wow! Those early years were so much fun! Not the craziness that has evolved with computer dating. Back then people were generally who they said they were.
Not a lot of scamming or false pretenses.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 60
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Diasppointing
Posted: 3/5/2016 9:02:36 AM
In the late 1990's I met several very good looking women on a dating website whom I ended up dating. I even met two who are still friends through newspaper ads.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 61
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/5/2016 9:39:33 AM


Do men really determine a relationship on your looks


Someone can instantly become unattractive when they open their mouths.

So no.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 62
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/6/2016 3:25:24 PM
The 'ugly' woman in the portrait may have had a certain something that very few men could discern that made her sexy.

Sometimes I wonder why we feel we need to make equalizing statements like "She probably had a heart of gold."

For some reason people are made uncomfortable by visual diversity.

Personally, when I watch programs like The Bachelor (a good example), and can't tell one 'woman' from the next because they are all made up in the same way, wear their hair in the same style and their mannerisms and thought patterns, (duh), even speech are identical.

If you strive to be generic to fit in, you may as well not exist at all. JMHO.


 JaiNai2
Joined: 5/30/2015
Msg: 63
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 6:29:51 AM
What may be unattractive to one person, may be very attractive to another. I like the response by olivoil above!
Sometimes being different is what attracts.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 64
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Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 9:08:22 AM
Agreed, JaiNai2. I once met a man for coffee, and he literally freaked out because he brought a pair of size 00 jeans to the "coffee meet", and had a fit because he said I was "too fat" to wear them. He was looking for someone who weighed between 75 to 80 pounds (although his belly probably weighed that much....unbeknownst to me). Had he been upfront with his "requirements", I would have never agreed to meet him. Had he shown me a full body picture, I would have never agreed to meet him. He was dishonest, in that he had a full body photo of me.

It really doesn't matter if someone is not attracted to me, nor me to them. It's called, "keep it moving", and "live your life." Dating/partnership should only be one part of life, not the "be all and end all."
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 65
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Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 11:39:08 AM

what you have between the ears makes no difference, including brains, common interests and the ability to hold a good conversation....


^^^this is just a female version of a "nice guy".

Women write-off nice guys daily. Why would it be any different with men writing off female versions of same?
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 66
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 11:46:59 AM
^^^^^
Perfectly reasonable.

We want what we want.
I think much of the problem is that we always think there's a perfect man/woman for us right around the corner.

Though, on these threads, men seem to whine more.
 jayfan
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 67
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 6:41:33 PM
Another brilliant comment from blackonyx48....now he's a car expert....LOL.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 68
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Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 7:22:34 PM
No way would I write off a "nice, decent guy." In fact, no one would probably ever see him again, as I would kidnap him and hold him hostage until death do us part. But I would treat the "hostage" with all the honor and respect that he earned by being a good guy.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 69
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Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 8:11:15 PM

No way would I write off a "nice, decent guy."


...oh come on.......put him up against a guy with a six-pack and all tatted up sporting a Harley and 99% of women fall for him....doesn't matter how "nice" the guy next to him is.

I'm a sucker for blondes with big boobs..........I can't help it either. Just natural.

And as for nice, I find that incorporating some "***hole" into my manly essence does way more than "nice" ever did. Just playing some Donald Trump "logic". Seems to work (well) for me.........LOL..........
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 70
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 8:20:45 PM
I hate motorcycles and biker dudes or guys that pose with their bikes turn me off. Majorly. Can do without tats. But a six pack is just hot - but only if the rest of the guy is hot as well. There is no "one size fits all".

I am a sucker for tall, dark and handsome men....I can't help it either. Just natural.
 Supracats
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 71
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 8:59:03 PM
I truly hope these people are not looking for a physical hookup. I won't even acknowledge them as men. They didn't fall from the same tree as I did. Boggling indeed.
 Supracats
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 72
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 9:00:13 PM
I truly hope these people are not looking for a physical hookup. I won't even acknowledge them as men. They didn't fall from the same tree as I did. Boggling indeed.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 73
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 9:02:04 PM
OP, you are a cheater, self proclaimed "smart" with nothing to show but a life of poor decision making, uneducated, liar (because all cheaters lie).

On behalf of all guys, you are NOT who we want.

Use the few good years you have to get an education, make amends to all the people you have wronged (do this one first because I have a feeling the list is long), meditate on your choices and better yourself.

Or continue doing what you are doing... Good luck with that!
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