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 michelinman2
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 26
Is this pointless!!!!!!Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Love2laugh - I know you are happily with a lady. I know Chromis is with a lady. I know IG is with a lady. Slaffa has not mentioned a partner, whether male or female, so I'm assuming he is single. My point is, someone who constantly comes on here (who's join date was 9 years ago) and "advises" others as to how to have a successful profile, successful attitude, etc. leading to a successful relationship...yet is single...I might point it out. If his "advice" hasn't worked for him, why should anyone else try it his way. Just be yourself.

It's like getting marriage advice from someone that has never been married or was married a couple years. I want to talk to the ones about to celebrate their 25th anniversary or 35th or 50th.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 27
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/26/2016 11:59:06 AM

^^^^^ Full moon, you say women don't participate as fully anymore, why do you think that is? Is it an age thing ... they were more into dating in their 40s than they seem to be in their 50s and beyond ? Some wome, as well as some men, just got tired of the b.s.? Can't be bothered? Maybe some have come to embrace their singleness? Do we, both genders, just get fed up with online and move to real life or just make a life?


I don't think there is only a one size fits all reason.
Not an age thing.
I have concluded that for some it is burnout, for some it is increased pickiness, for some it may have been the recession putting them in a less than enthusiastic mindset about their life, for some, the bombardment of sexual messages by the refugees from Craigslist, and as mentioned , this:


The problem is that people are now coming to the site with a different attitude to begin with. The comment about women not participating as much seems to be true. I’m amazed by how many profiles contain little to no information. That was rare 6-8 years ago, but is quite common now. These aren’t people who have been frustrated by years of futility, but enter the market place with an already bad attitude.


The phone app does appear to be a factor in decreasing people's willingness to invest as much time as they used to when they sat down in front of their pc's at night and got involved in things like live chat and serious messaging.


since when did/should women have to categorically state they didnt want sex on first date/booty calls, or in many cases the expletive is used!


Exactly.
You didn't see an abundance of profiles filled with that sort of jargon, or the boilerplate warnings about unauthorized picture use.
People filled out their profiles with their likes and dislikes and interests, and more frequently utilized the features available, such as "flirts", "winks", messages, "favoriting", and live chats.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 28
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/26/2016 4:15:33 PM
- when it relates to the initial writing back & forth, and then speaking to someone -
Seriously, I think it's in the delivery of the words ~ the ability to put words too thought and vice versa ...
& be interesting , confident .
that always helps > col ( chuckle out loud )
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/26/2016 5:53:37 PM
I'm pretty sure if you really, really, wanted to, you could "meet" as many people you feel like on this site. IF, that is actually want. I'm pretty sure though OP, you are looking or at least hoping for, that one???? Now, that is completely different that "meeting" people.

Personally, there are very few "profiles" that actually peak my interest. Oh sure, there are some pretty pics out there but, rarely have felt the need to "meet" because of what is in the majority of profiles, before or after the pretty pics.. Now, here, in these forums, there are quite a few, or at least, there was quite a few people I probably not only wanted to meet but, I would actually enjoy being in their company for longer than a half an hour. Sooner or later, personalities and characteristics of people do show up here in the forums, which I like, and can actually connect a bit with.

Kinda like when I was young, when people actually enjoyed the verbal communication, doing "stuff", "getting to know", etc without some major "goal" in front of us all. Not so much anymore, here, or out there.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 30
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/26/2016 6:04:58 PM
It is.
Notice how everyone says "Improve yourself". It's very common advise. I'd say it's the most common advise in all of the forums. Do this, do that, better photos, fix your vocabulary, write better profiles, bla bla bla. Sounds like a broken record.

Grasp the fact that whatever women want, isn't what you're offering. You, nor I are good about being dis-honest about ourselves. We won't guild the lily. By past experiences we know that eventually, if we were to shovel a bunch of bs about ourselves, it will backfire, and we'll end up with nothing. (Or less, depending on how much money we spent in the process.)

Start thinking about yourself. Do things that make you happier. Learn to be self-entertaining. Be honest in your dealings with people, and you'll sleep better. Keep in mind that the easiest person to please, is yourself. Plan your own destiny.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 31
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/26/2016 6:43:03 PM

Msg 28:
The phone app does appear to be a factor in decreasing people's willingness to invest as much time as they used to when they sat down in front of their pc's at night and got involved in things like live chat and serious messaging.


When I'm out among the general public, like in a store or mall, and see the hordes of people who are staring at their phones or tapping away on them, I sometimes wonder if any of them are on this site, or any other dating site for that matter, at that moment. If they are, chances are they're not going spend much time or effort into finding a match or responding to a first message, since they're in the middle of a shopping spree and are more concerned about finding a purse and matching shoes, or picking the ripest tomatoes, than finding The One on a dating site. Which also makes me wonder, what do they do at home then? Are they staring at their phones every minute they are at home as well? Are they the ones who also complain about not being to find a good match?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 32
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/27/2016 1:41:28 AM
ho hummmmmm. It is just another whiny rant from a guy that somehow feels that his failure has nothing much to do with him and always to do with the people he meets.

If you have been here for three years with no luck, you need to change something. Why don't you have pics up if you are tall, young looking for your age??? Our friends say that of course. Not always true, however.

That you say you "waste" a night trying to get to know someone means you don't enjoy the process and always want a certain outcome or you are disgruntled. We don't know how you behave on these meets but mutual attraction is rare and you experience what most men do I am afraid.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 33
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/27/2016 7:10:56 AM
I've met tons of people from this website.

You have to stay focused, and don't take anything seriously until it proves itself to be serious. Don't get your feelings involved prior to meeting someone in the flesh, and even then, keep in mind they can be gone at any moment. It is very common to meet someone and have a great time, and then they vanish without a trace. Basically, do not take anything for granted, and always keep your profile active (same as you would keep your resume out there, and open for opportunities). Until something materializes, there is no reason to take yourself out of the market.

In my experience, you have men who come on too strong, and fizzle out just the same. Some men are looking for relationships so desperately, they almost smother you with attention, and it turns women off. Once upon a time, a gentleman took a picture of us (weird to me), and had made it his screen saver on his phone. It creeped me out, I thought it was too forward. Some men are looking for a quick roll in hay and their date proposal or their words are reflecting their intentions. I had a gentleman tell me he wanted to do dinner and a movie, and spend all night with me, a romantic evening. He then started saying things like "I've chosen you among all women", "You are special, I can already see it", and things that sort of made me think he was trying to groom me for sex. As if dinner and a movie would really do it for me, lol.

Then you have people who set up dates and never follow up, people who want to talk for a little bit and they never intended to meet, they just wanted the attention, someone to hear them out for a little bit. This is why you cannot get your feelings involved until you've actually met them over a series of dates, etc. You have people in real life who leave 5-10 year relationships/marriages by just walking out and doing a "Keyser Soze", what makes you think people who you've known for less, aren't capable of worse?

You also have people for whom you are the date of the night, as some sort of trophy, some sort of status or proof of ability of getting a date for the evening. You'd be surprised how many men are willing to meet the same day they talk to you (usually for drinks..........meh).

Just yesterday, I agreed to a date, he proposed 3 things, that's essentially why I accepted the date. He proposed museum, dinner, and then rooftop bar to end the night. That's about a 5 hour commitment right there, he is looking to spend time with me, and he put serious effort into proposing something worthy of me. He even set up a second date and I had to stop him on his tracks, as the first has not taken place yet, so let's get to through the first before we think of a second. Am I excited? not really, no point in getting ahead of what's taken place, I'll wait and see if he actually follows through with his commitments.

I also canceled a date today (that is taking place soon), because the location is too close to where my ex lives, and I'm not taking that chance, lol. If he still wants to see me, he'll propose a different location, if not, it wasn't meant to be, and nothing lost. I don't want to find myself in an uncomfortable situation, being that I see my ex once in a while for R-rated activities. It's one thing for him to know that I go on dates, and another to actually see it in person right before your eyes. I think he would lose it,even though I suspect he is in a relationship, lmao.

See, my goal is to have a great time, so the more (or more quality) the proposal of the date, the more likely I will agree to it. I don't waste my time with people who propose drinks or coffee, that's not a great time for me. I'm not into drinking, I much rather be in all of my senses and alert, after all, I'm meeting a stranger, this is no time to let my guard down and I take public transportation, again, no time to let your guard down. Coffee/tea, well, those are things I rather consume in solitude, not while someone is speaking to me, things get cold pretty quickly and taste disgusting afterward.

Many people hanker me about the fact that dates are about getting to know someone, but all I really think about is just having a great time, going out, being in someone's company with absolutely no obligation to them in any shape or form. You never know who is going be who in your life, and if you go in with the intent of making them your girlfriend/boyfriend, you're gonna be disappointed in dating. If you happen to be interested in said person, great, if not, well, at least you had a great time for the day/night.

Nothing is pointless.....well....complaining is.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 34
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/27/2016 8:25:49 AM
N I C E JOB OP, in removing the negativity from your profile. IMO, it reads much better now. Now if you could just conjure up a few better pictures...?

I have to wonder if in your meets, your current situation concerning your mom is causing you to give off bad "vibes". You might want to wait until that situation resolves itself before meeting anyone else.

Maybe?
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 35
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/27/2016 8:32:55 PM

Is it actually possible to meet someone on this site?


Absolutely, I am 5'9'' in work boots, scruffy, and live in the boondocks compared to you. If I can, I see no reason you can't if you choose to do what needs to be done.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 36
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/28/2016 7:27:53 PM

N I C E JOB OP, in removing the negativity from your profile. IMO, it reads much better now.

It does... it can be further simplified.

"Many have been surprised and said I don’t look my age?" can be removed. Who cares what somebody else said?

"I believe we are all Peacocks and physical attraction is a common denominator, and a realistic aspect of dating. That’s how I think we are internally programmed by nature. Not looking for Barbie; have been there and done that!!! Just" can be removed. The author sounds like he's apologizing to some not-so-pretty and not-so-confident woman for liking pretty women.

"I prefer not to act my age unless it’s necessary. " What does this mean? Can be removed.
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 37
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/28/2016 10:27:23 PM
Well for what it is worth.

I went to 2 speed dating events a few yrs ago.

The first 1 i was pretty much a amateur and would say pretty awful at it...

2nd time around at the beginning... Little nervous by the end was feeling what in my terms i would call ( Confident ) Although nothing came of it, but i was feeling i was not to far away from an actual date ..

Then a week or 2 later i inquired about the next speed dating event only to be told.." There shutting them down""....Due to lack of female attendance !!!!
Not just in my area alone but in many suburbs around Sydney..

So in my experience... Dating life in the real world isn't any easier then on the Net..!!!
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 38
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 9:00:28 AM

See, my goal is to have a great time, so the more (or more quality) the proposal of the date, the more likely I will agree to it. I don't waste my time with people who propose drinks or coffee, that's not a great time for me.


My goal is also to have a great time, so I would rather not plan a 5 hour evening with someone I know absolutely nothing about. I have had "drink" dates extend to 3 or 4 hours but tried not to plan on it up front. However, to each his or her own.


Then a week or 2 later i inquired about the next speed dating event only to be told.." There shutting them down""....


That would be "they're shutting them down", sorry can't help myself. Isn't speed dating nothing more than OLD live? I can see with all the dating sites popping up why would you spend the time to get ready to meet a dozen people for a few minutes with the hope of a second meeting. You can do that in the privacy of your home.
 Fiery_Heart
Joined: 1/15/2015
Msg: 39
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 10:01:45 AM

Cdan1957 said:

Isn't speed dating nothing more than OLD live? I can see with all the dating sites popping up why would you spend the time to get ready to meet a dozen people for a few minutes with the hope of a second meeting. You can do that in the privacy of your home.


Speed dating helps determine that someone is serious about meeting people and finding someone. It also helps you determine whether you are actually attracted to the other person, since you are seeing them in person. No fake profiles, catfishing, or picture trickery is possible.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 40
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 10:27:07 AM
SPEED DATING at the very least... (regardless of what it costs)

IS THE ONLY DATING WAY/METHOD TO CHECK FOR CHEMISTRY. F2F... as humans have done for tens of thousands of years.

The simple FACT is that ever fewer folks have ever experienced it/have the slightest clue what it is. These very Forums back it up for folks who have watered here awhile. Little wonder that so few are willing or wanting these days to attend a SD event. Any type party/singles event etc. will acomplish the same thing usually for free. Or go to most any bar and for the 30 bucks or so one might cough up at an average SD event, get drunk as a skunk and meet other singles also under the influence.

But, the good news for the masses is that Chemistry is obviously not necessary to start a Relationship or fall in love.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 41
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 11:50:38 AM

since you are seeing them in person. No fake profiles, catfishing, or picture trickery is possible.


But lots of lies are still possible.

Marital status, kids, job, income, education, living arrangements, etc.



But, the good news for the masses is that Chemistry is obviously not necessary to start a Relationship or fall in love.


Or even send a simple 3 line email.



Dating life in the real world isn't any easier then on the Net..!!!


Which could be, if I'm not mistaken (being mistaken being an unlikely possibility), why millions of people joined online dating sites over the last 20 years, rather than just continue their unbridled dating success in real life.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 42
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 12:20:25 PM
You know, I really don't object to guys (and gals, let's be fair) complaining about a lack of emails or dates.

But, it strikes me as somewhat hippocritical for guys to complain that they receive no email when they have posts or statements in their profile stating or implying 'no overweight women' or they complain about the unsuitable and overweight women that contact them.

Yes, pun intended.

Maybe they say 'no smokers' or 'no tattoos' or 'must put God first'... but they are pre-selecting who they want. Then to come here and complain...
I don't know.
Am I being irked unreasonably?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 43
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 12:28:34 PM

Am I being irked unreasonably?


Maybe not unreasonably but perhaps unnecessarily.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 44
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 12:33:40 PM
^^^^
Probably.
Maybe I'll just go de-leaf the front yard and let my inner Freud simply shake his head at the irrationality of men.
And women.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 45
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 12:56:19 PM
^^^^ Talk about pointless - I've de-leafed my front yard four times since the fall and still that stupid pin oak takes a dump whenever it feels like it. If I have an inner Freud, he's being muscled out by my inner Sisyphus.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 46
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 1:10:45 PM

Speed dating helps determine that someone is serious about meeting people and finding someone. It also helps you determine whether you are actually attracted to the other person, since you are seeing them in person.


I can see that. I think that if I was looking I would be willing to give it a shot. I was thinking about it back in the day but it just never happened but not because I was opposed to it. It just seems that OLD is basically the same people who may be interested in speed dating and people more times than not will take the path of least resistance.



But, it strikes me as somewhat hippocritical for guys to complain that they receive no email when they have posts or statements in their profile stating or implying 'no overweight women' or they complain about the unsuitable and overweight women that contact them.


It is extremely hypocritical (yes,I got the pun). I had my preferences, everyone does. I just never saw the need to put them out there. I always believed that people that felt the need to tell you what they don't like are not people I would want to meet.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 47
Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 1:14:38 PM
Chromis...
Sixteen Texas live oaks.
Sixteen!
Pointless... but raking is nicely relaxing. Like washing dishes by hand.
(Keep those last two things a secret... I don't want people to think I'm any weirder than I really am.)

Cdan...
I agree. I've got preferences but I've never refused to date a guy simply because he didn't meet my preferences.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 48
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/29/2016 4:23:32 PM

I always believed that people that felt the need to tell you what they don't like are not people I would want to meet.


i found it quite instructive to get a glimpse of how people set boundaries, because that will always come up in a relationship. can they do so with gentleness? humor? or do they bellow and stamp their foot? are they firm yet respectful, or oblique and fearful? much to be learned about dating potential from this.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 49
Yes, this is hypocritical! Or, at least, a fake pity party!
Posted: 1/29/2016 9:01:39 PM
They are always sobbing( king of pain) about being bereft of the warm enveloping embrace of companionship that, apparently everybody but they enjoy (uglies, fatties, average lives..like broken cookies..don't count)

They scold at people's blind insensitivity "you have no idea what it is like to have an empty inbox!"( msgs from fat people, old folks, etc..Don't count)

Sure we're hardwired to want youth and beauty. Just admit your superficiality, and accept the long wait others bear quietly, that may be forever unabated by a rescue team.
They claim they msg average, yeah instead of Megan Fox, it is Sandra Bullock, because they have range, and are so grounded.

Settling is what others should do, for them, never a two way situation.

Very fantasy, pie in sky, notions of what a ltr is. It is supposed to avenge all the prior suffering.

Oh and they will justify wanting a younger, in shape woman. Just be honest about it.

You want what everybody else wants, hence the problem.

The old "it is not fair, people are rejecting me for being old, having sub optimal traits", and yet you are doing the same, but not admitting it.

Then the women ranters claim women are arrogant and cold, demand perfection, yeah bet you treat women you don't find attractive dismissively as well, maybe not to be mean, but to discourage them.

So, basically the poor me folks are rejecting people, but That's just fine. They seem to resent the same done to them. Or, at least, they get overly agitated.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 50
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Is this pointless!!!!!!
Posted: 1/31/2016 10:37:42 AM
Yes, it is possible. You're a decent looking guy -- you shouldn't be a struggling type. Is it darn near impossible to find a hot 28 year old gal, when you're 50-something (and not rich)? Yes. Is it darn near impossible to find a gal in your age range, in your league? No. Not necessarily easy (because there's more men than women), but not near impossible. Online you're going to have interest-turned-poof-gone all over the place. But don't take the gals you had your heart set on as All Women and All Opportunities.
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