Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 51
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of FaithPage 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Deetristate, there are an awful lot of available men in prison who are born again, a lot of church going man- whores,, etc. and I just don't see the OP going after the "fallen but have now seen the light of Jesus" . Nope, she thinks herself near perfect and would say it out loud if doing so wasn't a sin. I think many like her believe in what the book says but only to a level that is convenient for them. And she is not going to settle for a drug dealing man whore who has seen the light.

And many atheists or just plain old now n believers are more "Christian like" than most, I'd even say more "Christian like" than those in robes leading the faithful.

OP, put it as the first sentence on your profile. Don't waste your time and don't waste anyone else's. As someone else mentioned, you're getting close to your best before date so choose wisely. And maybe being a spinster is gods wish for you.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 52
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 7:33:56 AM
I am not a Sunday Christian..... I only attend church occasionally.

I've been prejudged before by Sunday Christians when I was single.

I am a strong believer though... and I write books and blogs based on my belief. I also vigorously back those who wish to wait until marriage for sex, I think it's a good idea.

Don't be so quick to judge, and try match.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 53
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 7:46:25 AM

He might have a child or two and a divorce or two.


That brings up a good point. Being in your 40's, there's a good chance that any single guy in your age range would be divorced and probably a parent. Is that OK or not? If it's OK, but his child or children were born out of wedlock, and/or if he lived with a woman without marriage, but is now "born again", would any of that be OK? If not, good luck finding a 40+ year old religious virgin.

You never mentioned that the guy must be compatible in other aspects of your life. There should be a balance of having some common interests, views, and compatibility outside of religion as well as being religiously compatible. They should be equally important. Trying to find someone who is sexually compatible would be the hard part if sex is off the table until marriage.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 54
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 8:15:36 AM

I like the Catholic faith, Methodists. Presbyterians, Baptists, basically amy religion that does not undermine the concept of Jesus as lord. I would even consider someone with a belief in God, but one who isn't wholly a frequent goer so long as they respected my wishes and were not totally closed off in growing their own faith.


So, you're ignored the Biblical precepts of a man is the master of his wife?
Ok, that was a cheap shot.

More seriously, I think you should contemplate (or pray) hard on what you really want/need and not simply the label of a 'Christian man', whether Catholic, Methodist or Presbyterian.

Once you have discovered what you need in a husband and what is preferred and what is merely window dressing, then you should re-work your profile to that end. For instance, looking at your profile today, I saw nothing that indicated anything more than a pubic belief, a 'Sunday Christian' so to speak. I saw nothing indicating a fervent, daily desire to living one's life in the way of Christianity.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 8:26:46 AM
Walts, I don't understand your thinking?

The OP stated, if you are a fallen Christian, then repent and give up your sinful ways. If you do so, you are good with the Lord.

So a man that was previously living in sin or having sex before marriage can repent, and as long as this is an honest confession that he no longer is going to continue with this, he is a "good" Christian. This would be an ideal man for the OP.

The ones that aren't "good" in her view are the ones that are committing sin and have no intention of changing.

She NEVER mentioned virgin, so that is an invention of the "gang of posters who live for mockery".

I agree with her, and while this isn't my belief, I respect hers and see nothing wrong with it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 56
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 8:39:36 AM

....so long as they respected my wishes and were not totally closed off in growing their own faith.


What is meant by "not totally closed off in growing their own faith."? Does that mean becoming as religiously intense as you? In other words, are you are asking someone to change so their views are more in line with yours? That's a tall order to ask of someone in your age range who doesn't think the same way already.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 57
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 8:46:50 AM

The OP stated, if you are a fallen Christian, then repent and give up your sinful ways. If you do so, you are good with the Lord.


As illustrated by the following:

John 8:7-11New International Version (NIV)

7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 9:15:55 AM
I mention in my own profile that I am a Christian . It also states that I am far from perfect and I don't expect others to be either and that I am non judgmental. Some find fault in the way I look for the good in everyone but that is who I am.

We all have our preferences and what our "ideal' match should look like. That's fine but the hard reality is that we most likely are overlooking the one person who will fill the void and be an amazing companion in life simply because prejudging someone before getting to know them.

My aunt went to church every Sunday. My uncle would drop her off then come back later to pick her up. When I was little, I asked her how come he didn't stay in church with her. "Your Uncle Jimmy prefers to have his own quiet time with God while working in his garden". Just because someone doesn't walk the exact same path as you doesn't make him any further or closer in his faith.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 59
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/30/2016 1:06:34 PM
Going to church on Sunday is living of the world, as the commandment says to honor the Sabbath and keep it holy. Sunday is not the Sabbath.

Of course you are OF the world, OP. Internet dating sites are about as “of the world” as a person can get, except for participating in politics.

Probably the misogynistic churches have declared it a-okay for men to fornicate.… he doesn’t have to be a virgin. How silly. But. How does a 44ish year old woman virgin have carnal knowledge of what a 60 year old man’s “fish stick,” is like?? I can’t imagine any churchy guy thinking that’s funny.

What happens if your future husband has a frozen fish stick or a limp noodle? :(

“More Christian;” that’s a good one. Gee I wonder who gets to decide that.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 60
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 5:40:24 AM

Walts, I don't understand your thinking?


No, what you seem to not understand is my questioning.

What I pointed out with my quotations, was the OP has decided to use HER definition of what a "Christian" is. I have found this with many, not all, people of "faith". The bible is a book of words. Words of interpretation. A book used by more than one group of people of "faith". I will question anyone that uses the words "God fearing". I will question anyone who decides that the practise of "faith" MUST be "followed" by some list of human laws/rules. I will question anyone that determines what their "God" is, and what other "Gods" are not.

Check the title of this thread. The OP has decided that her goal of finding a partner is "harder" PARTICULARLY because she is a person of "faith". Yeah, that's not true. It's harder because, of HER SET LIMITS(definitions) of what "faith" means to her.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 61
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 6:22:36 AM

Actually, the requirement seems to be a definition, from the OP, what a "Christian" actually is.....

So, did you miss that one? Or were you too busy making that shiat up in your mind, and then blindly commenting about how evil the gang of posters who live for mockery?

No, what you seem to not understand is my questioning.


Now I understand your thinking, but it was two statements you made that I questioned, not any questions.

You objected to the statements by deer where she says the OP relates that "No one is perfect".

I say that is true, the OP did state that Christians can sin and repent and be forgiven.

However, we both agree that the OP is using the label "Christian" inappropriately.

Christian simply means you accept Jesus Christ as your savior and God. It doesn't imply that they all follow the same rules the OP considers necessary.

HOWEVER, each Christian religion defines it's own interpretation of the bible and have different rules their followers must obey to be considered members in good standing.

BUT I don't know of ANY Christian religion that allows for their followers to engage in premarital sex, and they all consider is a sin. Sin can be forgiven, but only if you don't intend to keep sinning.

I would be interested to know of ANY Christian religion that says premarital sex is OK? I was unable to find such a religion when I was looking for it.

IMO what actually happens is most people feel like they belong to a certain faith, like say Baptist, but they create their own rules that they follow. IF they ever tried to make their private rules "public" they would then run into problems with the officials that manage their religion.

Labels are convenient to use, but they don't have an exact meaning, which causes all sorts of problems in communications.

Labels like LTR means whatever those involved take it to mean, just like Christian is a label that can't be used to predetermine someones sexual behavior. Therein lies the OP's difficulty.
 Elsadora
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 62
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 6:38:33 AM
It isn't just a book of words, not to the believer. In actuality, my list of wants are quite low. A man of faith, a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and in being those two things a williness to accept that I take the Bible 's command regarding marital relations, quite seriously. Let me also point out that the Bible instructs Christians to not set another believer to stumble. So, why oh why this impetus on premarital sex by otherwise good Christians? They know the word, yet they choose to ignore it. That is quite distressing. In essence, you are joining the World in mocking those very things you claim to hold dear. Further, I never once said I was perfect. I am as fallen as anyone else, but in coming to know Christ I knew certain things had to die away. There is am order on the nature of things. The order is quite beautiful to those who heed it's call.

So many generalities being made about me, so untrue.
I have no problem with men who are divorced(provided he was a victim of adultery, the bible allows remarriage in those cases), men with children , men who are shorter than me (I had a height requirement at one time) etc.. What I cannot and will nor do again is date an unbeliever. It simply does not work. The expectations and life experiences are too much of a clash. That is my choice, just like son of you would never date me. And that is okay. I know there is someone out there for me! God bless!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 6:45:17 AM
I agree with Walts.

The short way to put it is: yes OP, you are correct.

Bummer for you.

You have my sympathies, because it's also harder for me to find anyone, because I too have particular requirements which are uncommon in today's world. They are different from yours, but have the same effect. The old-fashioned thing I'm looking for, is someone for whom a commitment is actually a commitment, and not just a limited-features, short term rental contract.

But as Walts says, the way existence as a human works is, you make your choices, and then accept the consequences of those choices. it's okay to vent, just don't expect your complaints to alter the world.

The Western world at least, has certainly changed tremendously in this particular aspect, since I was a child. Back then, though everyone was still having sex outside of marriage, the various authorities (political and social) all paid lip service to opposing the behavior. Those days are gone now, and it's rare to find anyone who isn't trying to fool you into voting for them, or giving them money, who profess the same strong sensibility.

The thing is, there is no support in History, for the possibility that there will be a return to the "old ways." So yes, it IS getting harder for someone with the OP's views to find someone.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 64
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 6:46:34 AM
^^^^^

Your "list" is what it is, your own personal preference, including your interpretations of the good book. Want an example?



I have no problem with men who are divorced(provided he was a victim of adultery, the bible allows remarriage in those cases),


REREAD YOUR word choice, when you use the word "allow".

And define an "unbeliever"? I believe what you mean is someone that doesn't "believe" or "practise" THEIR "faith" as you do. Am I correct?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 6:47:19 AM

What I cannot and will nor do again is date an unbeliever. It simply does not work.


Some Christian religions interpret the bible to forbid blood transfusion. Most Christian religions allow this.

Where do you stand on this?

Wouldn't a Jehovah's Witnesses consider you an unbeliever and not a good Christian? Assuming you are OK with blood transfusions.
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 66
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 6:56:25 AM
Lol. Church people + 10 foot pole.

So, divorced guys are okay provided he is a "victim" of adultery? How about if he committed adultery, confessed his sins and God forgave him? Or the good old Catholics that divorce and then ask the church for an annulment so they can marry in the church again? Rules and regulations. Rules and regulations that are broken daily by the "God fearing". Following rules and regulations made up to control their followers. Rules and regulations written by men to control men, women and children. Written by MEN. Not God. Men.

And look at you go, you'll date shorter.
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 7:13:31 AM
When the OP says the Bible " allows" divorce in the case of adultery - well that is what it says.

And there is this point of view.... If I met someone who has been married several times and the reason he is divorced is because "we drifted apart' or " they didn't understand me'... That to me is someone who doesn't know what COMMITMENT means.

In the Bible, Jesus says "Verily I say unto you, He who believeth on me shall have eternal life" Those are HIS words, not the man made doctrine that most churches want you to follow.
He doesn't say only the perfect, only the Church goers, only the clean and sober ....
It doesn't mean it's a free for all at there but that's where forgiveness comes in

It still comes down to what each of us are looking for. And we are more than entitled to that. It just isn't that easy.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 68
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 7:49:57 AM
The internet is the modern equivalent of devil-worshipping rock music. It leads people AWAY from Christ. All REAL, TRUE Christians must stay FAR away from the evil internet!
Above all, fornications-promoting ONLINE "dating"/fornication sites!!
 IgottaName
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 69
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 8:33:17 AM
It's no different for non-christians and non-theists. Everyone one has their shopping lists of wants and deal breakers. On line dating makes it even harder because you don't have to spend time getting to know some one before rejecting them. It's more like car shopping than dating at times.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 70
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 9:46:56 AM
^^^"Everyone one has their shopping lists of wants and deal breakers. On line dating makes it even harder because you don't have to spend time getting to know some one before rejecting them."

Wouldn't that make on line dating easier if you don't have to waste time and money meeting someone because you already know there are one or more deal breakers on their profile?

Speaking of deal breakers-OP:
If you met a Christian man who belonged to a different denomination and went to a church that had some of views that differed than what your sect believes in, would that be a deal breaker or a "agree to disagree" situation? Some examples might be: gay marriage, supporting or not supporting the war on terrorism or any other wars, or a hint of what political party they support. I was going to add abortion to the list, but I don't think any religion supports it. If your religion had opposite views on those than the guy's church and the guy supported his church's views, how would that work?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 9:59:11 AM

I have a strong belief in God. Call him the invisible man. Call him a fairy tale, what have you. I have this belief that therefore affects everything I do, particularly, what I will and will not do before marriage.

It's not that you have a strong belief in God. In fact, going to church actively is a great social pipeline. I think being out in left field in religious beliefs will short-change you, even within the social circle of those who do go to church every Sunday.

Simply put, I don't believe in sex before marriage.

So you're a 42 year old virgin -- FYI, don't tell guys that when dating -- that may help. You're not going to be having sex anyway when merely dating, so it shouldn't matter, right? I think that will turn some people off (or on, too). This has nothing to do with Xians/non-Xians. There's PLENTY of Xians out there -- that's good news, right? :) The thing is, again, you're out there in an island by yourself due to what you believe in, separating yourself from many or most Xians, too. Don't blame it on everyone else. Realize it is you, then things will begin to open up. No, it doesn't mean having sex on date #x -- heck no. But you've been hardening & limiting yourself and taking your tastes & emotions as if it's God-like an above others'. Remember -- Pride is one of the seven deadly sins.

Good news is that there are a lot of guys out there who are Xian. Fewer who see things thru the same lens as you, and you should expect that. That's what I mean by opening things up and realizing that maybe, to some extent, you're the one who's not in the most optimal state -- not everybody else. You're very pretty, and I see you being very tall being both a blessing and a curse in the dating field -- but remember that there's Many strong Xians who have success in dating, who don't have sex when merely dating someone, and they do alright. Your issue isn't about being someone of faith -- as I apologize for being direct, but, that's just a cop-out as there's more people of faith than not, and that's not the underlying issue (even though it'd be easier to just call it that). Being someone as pretty as yourself, always wanting a Relationship, but at 40+ empty-handed while many many many others of faith who are by no means great lookers do, should make you re-think some things that it's merely an issue about being someone of faith. Food for thought. :)
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 72
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 10:12:26 AM
I'm not a Christian. I don't share the OP's beliefs. But I find this attacking of her, her faith, and the way she practices her faith is just misguided at best, and mean at worst.

She has a belief system and lives her life according to that belief. She's not hurting anyone with this - that's pretty much the only reason to attack someone's belief system. She just wants to find a guy who will respect her and her faith.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 73
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 10:43:08 AM
Don't see the point of this post..unless it is simply to whine. Or maybe to state that OP is " better" than those vile heathen apostate infidel non-believing non-faithful non-Christians.?..there is no possible "solution" that anyone can possibly offer
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 74
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 10:58:03 AM

But I find this attacking of her, her faith, and the way she practices her faith is just misguided at best, and mean at worst.


Actually if you re read it isn't the practising of faith at all that has us commenting. It's that her stating that her search is "hard(er), particularly if you are a person of faith", as if it is not as hard, for those that don't have faith, or those that don't practise this so-called faith. She makes it even harder on herself, and her search, when her faith, or whatever, causes confusion within herself.

I don't think there is one person here in these forums that can say it's "easy" to find that "right one", the one we would like to have, or at least what we believe we would like to have. But, if I came on here, and starting generically pointing at things that I do, things that "I" believe" and then telling everyone it's much "harder" for me, than it is for you or them, I think I would accept the comments that are coming. But, that's me, not the OP.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 1/31/2016 11:16:43 AM
The only way you are going to meet a man with convictions as strong as yours is through church. So attending a small congregation is a mistake. You need to get very involved in church singles groups and christian dating sites, go on retreats and join travl groups. Let people know you want a partner. You may end up with a much younger or older man but your dating pool is already shallow, so you have to open your mind to who the perfect man for you may be.
Have you spoken to your pastor about your beliefs regarding sex before marriage at your age? He/she may have a different philosophy or interpretation that would ease your transition into a mature adult relationship. The Bible says a lot of things that have been deemed misinterpreted by the modern church. But judging others life choices harshly is something that has always been considered a bad trait.
If you were 22, I would say that finding another virgin should not be hard, but you are 42. You are looking for a man that does not exist unless he has serious social issues.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith