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 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 101
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the harder it gets, the righter it isPage 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Msg. 98: Many churches are full of solid marriages, and frown upon Christian females attending their meetings. Its the coin toss of human behavior found everywhere, not just in churches. Finding ANY partner is difficult; finding a Christian one is an act of GOD.

In my experience, single women seem to be accepted, but they are steered into women's groups.

Small groups/classes for people over 45 tend to be divided by gender or, when mixed groups are found, they are full of couples. And it's practically impossible to meet anyone during a church service. The only way for an older woman to meet men in most churches is to begin volunteering, and even then, it becomes luck of the draw because they don't know who will be volunteering with them. Most of the time, volunteers are married, female, and/or retired.

Though I'd happily date someone from church, I don't look for dates there. I'm more likely to meet a compatible Christian man through ordinary living. But that assumes I'm meeting any men at all … a most formidable challenge!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 102
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 10:38:19 AM

Based on some pf the comments here, there seems to be a general view that once a woman hits a certain age she is immediately disposable. Why is it that?

No, that's not it. Unless you want to believe that to make your situation feel less a burden on how you've gone about it. You're Pretty and (only) 42. There's no shortage of guys wanting attention from a pretty women at your age. I think when a gal thinks the way you do @ 22, one will think she'll grow out of it and come down to earth in reality... which she usually does. No, that doesn't mean going cray-cray -- it means she sees things more real & actual, even still being a strong Xian. Again, this has nothing to do with you being a church-going Xian. You're not disposable -- you're just locked in a bubble that has not proven to make you get the best out of life. It's limited you, but your stubbornness which you see as a value and God-like, keeps you in that bubble.

A woman is worth more than the sum of her parts, her face, her legs, her uterus. The good thing is, I know not all men feel that way.

They don't! Granted, you will find more traditionalists (guys) leaning more that way, but again, the criticism about you is you seeing yourself on this higher platform and blaming society for not having a good enough guy for you. It's not you (merely) being a strong Xian that's limiting you. It's your personal POV that stems from it in your own way and shapes you. Some gals (and guys) have similar POVs that where they aren't necessarily so strong Xian... or different POVs but the end-result is the same. At this point in your life, it requires you to change as a person to at least some degree. But you're not willing to do that, because you see your POVs as locked in with "God", even when no, many of them are not. It's to give yourself solace that you're Right and doing things OK, even when they aren't religious.
 _babblefish
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 103
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 10:58:50 AM


Simply put, I don't believe in sex before marriage. So, in feeling that way, I specifically select profiles that specify that they are Christian only to be let down upon the discovery that they grew up Christian and are no longer practicing or they are active Christians , i.e. Church goers, but don't practice those holy tenants.


simply put i don't believe everyone that read fifty shades of grey grasps exactly what it is to be kink . . only to be let down by the discovery that some dewd went to a toy store picked up a faux flogger and fluffy cuffs and declares i am Dom, hear me rawr


This isn't a diss of non Christians, but i wish these websites had some selection for Christian, but non practicing . It would sure make it easier to wade through the muck of fish.


you aren't so speshul, buy a shovel for your corner of the fringe sandbox
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 104
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 2:50:15 PM

Msg 101:
Though I'd happily date someone from church, I don't look for dates there. I'm more likely to meet a compatible Christian man through ordinary living. But that assumes I'm meeting any men at all … a most formidable challenge!


Wouldn't dating someone from the same church run the same risk as dating a coworker? Meaning, if things don't work out, you still have to see the person at times and possibly interact with them. That's fine if the break-up is amicable and there's no hard feelings, but how many break-ups don't end that way?

In fact, there's a situation where it could be worse than dating a coworker. How would a person feel if they break up with a fellow church goer, and at some point later, the other person shows up to church with a new girlfriend/boyfriend, but you have to maintain a happy face and act like nothing happened?
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 105
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 3:30:24 PM
^^^^been there done that. Although changing churches is far easier than changing jobs.

Actually having to run into someone constantly who didn't work out at your favorite third place (bar, gym, bookstore etc) is worse. Your having a good time at your favorite, you turn and there's the person you have no desire to see. Talk about a mood killer.
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 106
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 3:44:48 PM
I am leaving up to God to find me the right match. Pray.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 107
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 4:14:13 PM
why does any one assume that "GOD" WANTS them to have a life partner/spouse?

perhaps his PLAN for you is to be singles as was stated in 1 Corinthians 7:8

"Those of you who are unmarried or widowed, it is better to remain so"

this seems like one of those "projection" things people so often do. (not only about a spouse, but many other things)

*I* want a spouse..therefore I feel that is what God wants for me"

" I feel that God wants me to have a $2.5 million home with 3 levels, at least 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms"

"Oh yes, God also wants me to have a Mercedes 560 SEL a, a Hummer, and a Ferrari"..

"I feel God telling me that I must have that face-lift & boob job..I am getting sign directly from God saying so.."

Presidential candiadteas each have "God" on THEIR side, apparently

LOL..so transparent..God wants whatever YOU want or desire..for multi-millionaire professional athletes apparently God is concerned that they should get a home-run, a touchdown, etc.. I thought She might be busier than to concern Herself with such..but I can see how those things would be far more important to Her than mere starving children & war-torn lands

Faith doesn't seem to be strong enough to sustain any questions, obese wannabe badazz feels the need to threaten..but God wanted him to overeat and develop a big gut, I am sure..all part of God's plan
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 108
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 4:17:43 PM
^^^ Who found you your past match? Or you last husband?
 BlackOnyx48
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 109
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 4:24:28 PM
^^^^^^^^
Msg- 107
Yeah, you always gotta pop off, what you're saying is disrespectful to Christians...that's why yo punk azz always get'n whooped and cussed out...ol' sorry bitzch....



Edit-Msg 110
I'm sorry you feel that way...peace and blessings....

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 110
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 4:24:49 PM

….for professional athletes apparently God is concerned that they should get a home-run, a touchdown, etc.. I thought She might be busier than to concern Herself with such..but I can see how those things would be far more important to Her than mere starving children & war-torn lands


^^ Agree. I always cringe when I see football players crossing themselves and pointing up, like God has a bet on the game and nothing better to concern himself with than who is making a touchdown for what team. I don’t recognize this shallow god who coincidentally has so very many human characteristics. :/

Christian Mingle says you can find god’s “plan” for you on their website. WTF, since when does god shill for a friggin website.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 111
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 4:58:30 PM

I don’t recognize this shallow god who coincidentally has so very many human characteristics. :/


yes, Funny how "God" has the human characteristic of being jealous of any attention given to another imaginary friend ("god")

3 of the "10 Commandments" are about a jealous God wanting all the attention on himself..strange

1-"Thou shalt have no other gods before me
2 - Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image
3 - Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain"

God with petty human emotions. wow who'd a thunk it..but we know he is a US citizen at least, USA is Heaven on earth (for some) -except the ignored poor and mentally ill..or disenfranchised.

I guess it is possible that God lays some bets on the games, has some money on the Vegas line, wants to at least cover the point spread ?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 112
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 5:24:53 PM
^^^I suppose some people are going to say, that when a Christian dies and goes to the pearly gates of Heaven, there will be an American flag at the entrance, and people will need to pledge their allegiance to the flag before getting into Heaven.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 113
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 5:52:12 PM
One of the things that ruined religion for me (Please keep in mind that I don't aim to disrespect people's beliefs; nor do I assume everyone uses religion to manipulate others): When I was very young I had a boyfriend who was very manipulative, and he had this argument that I had to marry him because the Bible said something about if he had faith that it would happen, then it would. (The argument was a bit more complex than that, but you get the gist.)
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 114
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 6:36:36 PM
You and your euphemisms. What sex act does "marry him" refer to exactly? Inquiring minds want to know.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 115
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 116
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 7:15:32 PM
"No it's not OK, why go off topic w/ some nasty diatribe? Why are you so interested in my pics or my happy life? Can't get one of your own? Bitter much?"

Nasty? Bitter? Aaw. If you're going to attack people on here, be prepared to hear some opinions about yourself just as well.
 10_million
Joined: 1/28/2016
Msg: 117
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/1/2016 7:57:00 PM

If you're going to attack people on here

yep, your posting history shows you also attacked 2 other blondes in the forums.

as far as opinions go, they r just like A$$HOLES, EVERYONE HAS ONE ;0P
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 118
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 3:17:49 AM
I think I have a lot in common with you OP; I am 33, Christian and a virgin. And it doesn't surprise me to see the way people are attacking you, calling you prideful, holier than thou, etc. People are uncomfortable with Christians who choose to wait. Never mind that it is our own personal choice, and our business - people try to make us feel like we are immature, brainwashed, or judgemental just for not doing something "everyone" does. What's it to them? It's not like we're going around telling people "you're going to burn in hell if you have sex." In fact, for the most part we leave them alone and try to respect their wishes, but that doesn't mean we have to date them. So we want to find someone with similar beliefs to our own, does that make us judgemental? I'm sure most people wouldn't date someone they are incompatible with. I have to say though, that for me the guy doesn't have to be a virgin himself (I don't think the OP said that either), just that he would respect my beliefs if I choose to wait. However, I agree with others who say that online dating sites are not the best places to find "serious" Christians. I had the same problem on Christian Mingle with old men messaging me! Gross, I already have a dad thanks. But kind of glad I'm not the only one! This is a struggle for a lot of Christian women I know, because as someone mentioned, a lot of so-called Christian men act less Christian than the "non-believers." The last guy I was really into was agnositc, which made me hesitate, and now I regret it. He seemed pretty awesome compared to some "Christian" men I've met up with. But I think we both had our doubts about whether it could work.
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 119
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 7:57:12 AM
Just wondering, and not a slam, how do these men you date ^^^ ,at 33 years old AND the OP at 42, react when you tell them - "oh, BTW, I'm a virgin and I'm holding out until marriage" ?

I know that if a guy told me that I don't believe in sex before marriage I would not be hanging around. It's one thing to be celibate or "pure" at 18 or 24 but as a grown adult?? Just seems strange. I mentioned "pure" because it seems many "pure" men and women don't seem to mind masturbating their partner, masturbating themselves, oral sex, anal sex and the line is drawn at penis in vagina intercource. I find this strange too. But what do I know, I guess it's what the cool kids do now a days (sounding like my father, lol).
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 11/29/2015
Msg: 120
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 8:13:53 AM
^ It doesn't matter how anyone reacts; they know beforehand exactly what they are getting into.

We all have basic human rights as Americans to decide what we want for ourselves. Is not our culture so focused on sex, that waiting for marriage is found strange? What I find strange is the American divorce rate.
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 121
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 8:54:38 AM

It doesn't matter how anyone reacts; they know beforehand exactly what they are getting into.


Well, I've looked at both these woman's profiles and it says nothing about holding out on the sex until marriage or being a virgin. I've never read it on a profile, have you? So yes, I'm wondering when they tell their date...3rd date, 5th date or first phone call before they meet? And what is the reaction when the date is told this? Its a valid question.

No one is forcing these two women, or the other virgins out there, to change their mind. No one is even remotely saying that.

The divorce rate? The vast majority of divorces involve god fearing people all married in a church in front of god. Some of them, not many, were probably virgins too.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 122
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 9:54:16 AM
I agree with the above poster who mentioned Christians engaging in everything sexual except penis in vagina sex that still consider themselves abstaining. I've seen a lot of that and it's hypocritical. Idk if the 2 women are like that or not.

The devout Christians need to understand that just because a person put a religion in the drop down box it doesn't mean they practice the same brand of Christianity or are as serious/involved as they are. Doesn't make them any less Christian.
I think that is where the "judgement" here comes in....especially when there is a superior attitude.

Everybody knows they won't burn in hell for having sex outside of marriage. In Christianity, you just ask for forgiveness and the slate is wiped clean (raised as a Catholic here).

In a profile, it is helpful to all if a person gets more detailed about what is important to them, such as religious practice and faith, no sex before marriage, etc.
It's really no different than any other preference a person might have.
I don't see where it's any harder than anybody else that has preferences or deal breakers.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 123
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 10:09:52 AM
"In Christianity, you just ask for forgiveness and the slate is wiped clean (raised as a Catholic here)."








I don't know about you but I can tell the difference between a sincere apology and one made out of obligation. And if I can tell the difference ....I doubt the slate will be wiped clean if a lack of sincerity is detected. But what do I know ? I wasn't raised on Religion so I'm only applying common sense here. Perhaps knowing the "password" trumps sincerity ?

Otherwise, I guess you can just do whatever you want as long as you ask for forgiveness ? Which makes me wonder why ask for forgiveness when you know you're going to just go do it again ? Why ask for forgiveness a zillion times when you can just ask once on your death bed while winking up at the ceiling ?
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 124
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 10:59:07 AM
I never said the person who sins is not sincere in asking for forgiveness.
Yes it is possible to be forgiven for repetitive sinning as long as you feel bad for what you did and try not to do it again.
I do know many people who treat it like a hall pass, however. And you can't tell the difference in their piousness, in many cases.
I recall being baffled when I was a kid that the loving, godly people I had just sat through mass with were willing to run each other over to get out of the church parking lot...
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 125
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 11:03:43 AM
^^^^ I used to date an Italian girl whose mother went to church multiple times/ week.....At the time, she had been holding a GRUDGE for many years toward her step sister who she used to be best buds with....It's funny how a lot of religious people only seem to follow the rules that are convenient for them personally

"Forgiveness ? I don't need to forgive because I go to church so I get a pass on that " ....I'm guessing was her way of justifying it ?
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