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 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 126
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of FaithPage 6 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
A very wise man once said to me "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission." And he was right. When it is convenient, ask for forgiveness.

I'm still wondering when you drop the V- bomb. I find it odd too when some man or woman well into their 50s state that they don't want any sex until marriage. They've been married and are either divorced or widowed, have children yet no sex until marriage.

I still think that if this is important to you, you would put it front and centre on your profile like "must like dogs".
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 127
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 11:24:55 AM
^^^^^^Isn't it " must LOVE dogs " ?

 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 128
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 11:25:00 AM

How would a person feel if they break up with a fellow church goer, and at some point later, the other person shows up to church with a new girlfriend/boyfriend, but you have to maintain a happy face and act like nothing happened?

Well church vs work -- it depends on the size of each. Here's the conundrum, though. Many (notably women) are stereotypically uncomfortable with meeting a guy from online or (event at a good natured) bar -- due to the stranger meeting stranger concept, with no backing by anyone one knows. People tend to be more comfortable meeting others thru others they know -- a trust, comfort factor. BUT, by meeting others thru people you know, you'll also run into the whole "What it goes sour?" question, as pointed out here. There is no 'perfect' situation.

But good news for her is, she's gal who's not going to be hopping in the sack (or anything close to that during the pre-LTR phase at least), so there's going to be less an issue about that anyway. And work vs church vs where you're a regular at a favorite hangout: Depends on (a) How big or small the place is, and (b) If you met them thru close people at a place you go to. (b) is the real factor, IMO. If you date someone who's not tied to someone relatively close to you, it's easier to be separate from someone who's an ex or someone you started to date that went awry. But again, relative to her, it's less of an issue.

I am 33, Christian and a virgin. And it doesn't surprise me to see the way people are attacking you, calling you prideful, holier than thou, etc. People are uncomfortable with Christians who choose to wait.

Her issue isn't being a virgin. Her issue isn't that she finds LTRs just fine, but darnit, they end up dissipating because the guy wants to have sex and she doesn't. That's not her problem.... being a virgin should be nothing to brag about (otherwise it IS a 'holier than thou' attitude) -- and, for her demographic of guys to date, shouldn't be something to frown upon either.

Whether she's a strong Xian or not, technically a virgin or just inexperienced in going-past-2nd-base -- none of that's the Core problem. Her problem is being able to roll well in the dating scene. Dealing with a less open arena of potentials, it puts on in position to do things in the best way and not restrict themselves -- whether other mainstream people can get away with doing. She (and you) are pretty gals, too. Being strong Xian shouldn't be restricting someone in their 30s and 40s to still never be able to find a date... as there are other strong Xian guys, too.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 129
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 11:27:45 AM
LJ...

People are uncomfortable with Christians who choose to wait.


Nope. People are skeptical of people who post that it is more difficult for Christians to get a date BECAUSE they are Christian and, it is implied or sometimes said aloud, that they have higher standards.

And, online dating sites aren't the best places to find anyone except people for whom the superficial is paramount.


This is a struggle for a lot of Christian women I know, because as someone mentioned, a lot of so-called Christian men act less Christian than the "non-believers."


Most of the Christians that I have met have been arrogant and bombastic, telling me I'm going to 'burn in hell'. So much for you contention that
It's not like we're going around telling people "you're going to burn in hell if you have sex."
No, I get told that simply because I don't declare myself Christian.


The last guy I was really into was agnositc, which made me hesitate, and now I regret it. He seemed pretty awesome compared to some "Christian" men I've met up with. But I think we both had our doubts about whether it could work.

An agnostic who respects who you are and what you believe may be a far better life partner than someone who believes the same as you but has no respect for who you are.
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 130
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 11:48:29 AM
"technically a virgin" What the hell is that? IMO if you've had someone's penis in your mouth or in your butt, you're not a virgin. I don't e think you could even convince god of that.


An agnostic who respects who you are and what you believe may be a far better life partner than someone who believes the same as you but has no respect for who you are.


Exactly. Find who fits you. If you have the love and respect of a kind and caring partner and they are perfect in every way EXCEPT that they want to spend Sunday at the golf course and you want to spend it at church...who cares. Go for love.

I'm an atheist and I know a catholic priest, he said to me that he loves the "heathens" as they are often more christian-like than the christians. And then we laughed and shared a coffee. I have friends in low places, lol.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 131
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 12:07:22 PM
"IMO if you've had someone's penis in your mouth or in your butt, you're not a virgin. "







She may not be as pure as the driven snow but for SOME guys who value being the first one in , they won't mind if she's had a taste of sausage in her mouth or butt.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 132
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 12:27:39 PM

"technically a virgin" What the hell is that?

Technically a virgin in the sense that they're a virgin at 30/40 VS only had sex once when in high school. Technically a virgin VS extremely little sexual experience -- pretty much the same boat, is the point with "technically".

IMO if you've had someone's penis in your mouth or in your butt, you're not a virgin.

A virgin is someone who hasn't had Sex. Sex = sexual intercourse, unless coupled with some other indicators (like in reference to same-sex, or descriptor like "oral" or "anal"). Sex is "hitting a home run", not getting to 2nd base. Just because something's sexual doesn't mean it is Sex. Anal sex is the only difficult one. That's an "inside the park home run". Is it really a home run? Yeah, on the stat sheet I guess it should be called that.... but not Sex by the basic definition.

A couple goes to the doctor, as they've been trying to get pregnant. They tell the doc that they've been having sex for 6 months, and nothing's doing. They run tests on the gal, and her parts are running fine. They run tests on the guy, and his parts are running fine. 6 months later they come back again, and they can't conceive!

Doc: "So you guys have been have sex for a year?"
Husband: "Yes! We've had sex this whole time...!"
Doc: "And you've fully ejaculated inside of her each time, right? And Miss, have you tried tipping back and holding yourself back immediately after, to increase chances of fertilization?"
Wife: "Yes he has! And yes, I tip my head back afterward to make sure it all gets ingested, too!"
Doc: "OKAY. Have any of you taken sex ed?"

There's not a change of the biological definition of SEX when it comes to humans due to fear of sexual shenanigans younger people may play...
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 133
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 12:38:57 PM

. So we want to find someone with similar beliefs to our own, does that make us judgemental?


No.


I had the same problem on Christian Mingle with old men messaging me! Gross, I already have a dad thanks.


THAT makes you judgmental.

Will you consider yourself "gross" in 20 years?
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 134
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 12:39:47 PM
A penis in the mouth or butt, Does not make a virgin a slut.
If her honeypot is as pure as the driven snow, Then I'd say she's a virgin, and not a ho....
But it's only opinion, so what do I know.
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 135
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 1:00:35 PM

A virgin is someone who hasn't had Sex. Sex = sexual intercourse, unless coupled with some other indicators (like in reference to same-sex, or descriptor like "oral" or "anal"). Sex is "hitting a home run", not getting to 2nd base. Just because something's sexual doesn't mean it is Sex. Anal sex is the only difficult one. That's an "inside the park home run". Is it really a home run? Yeah, on the stat sheet I guess it should be called that.... but not Sex by the basic definition.


I really wish there was a sarcasm font for the literal and anal posters here. A "hahahaha" font would be good too.

Doremi - IMO, she's not a virgin and she is not a ho. Or a slut. But a cute little ditty.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 136
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 1:08:26 PM

I have to say though, that for me the guy doesn't have to be a virgin himself


Why not? You don’t believe in premarital sex, but fornication is okay for men?? That makes NO sense. You either believe in something or you don’t. Saying and believing something is forbidden for some (women) but okay for others (men) is hypocritical (not to mention sexist and patriarchal).

Adultery is forbidden, but is it only forbidden for women? Funny, that.

IMO So-called “unbelievers” are more theologically knowledgeable than so-called “believers” who simply parrot whatever soundbites are popular and easy to remember.

Also…it shouldn’t be surprising that joining and participating in secular dating sites when you label yourself “Christian,” probably isn’t gonna work out well for you.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 137
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 1:41:02 PM
And then who has this non virgin Xman been dating? I would think you would want your husband to be as pure as you.
So confusing.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 138
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 1:42:11 PM
#135, you are right. A lady who has penile experiences is neither a slut or Ho.... Just a lady who has experiences regarding penis

But, if she hasn't had penile penetration and still has her hymen intact she'd still be technically a virgin? Perhaps a "experienced" virgin?

If her hymen is still intact, from lack of penile penetration.
Then in my book she's a virgin, and deserves a virginal reputation..... Again, more opinion....
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 139
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:30:46 PM
I am still having a hard time getting past "particularly if you are a person of faith"

SO as I am an atheist that means it's somehow easier for me to find the right person? Please tell me how that is so.

Actually I think it would be much more difficult, given that unlike the OP I have had sexual experiences ( well, a few...) and I have a definite idea of what I like and do not like and what turns me on. Now, any guy I want to have a relationship with and be able to say is the right person, I have to have sex with. A lot of different sex too, as I have to make sure we are going to be compatible in all the different ways. And places. And....

DO you know how freaking hard that is? How much time it takes? All OP has to do is go on a coffee date, say she's a virgin, and BAM guy is ruled out or in. Me, I am spending HOURS working it all out!!!!! Only to find out, nope, not a match! Next!
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 140
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:31:18 PM
"If her hymen is still intact, from lack of penile penetration.
Then in my book she's a virgin, and deserves a virginal reputation..... Again, more opinion...."



Well now....if this isn't an interesting turn in the conversation. :)

I am curious Mr. Doremi...in your opinion....are all homosexual individuals just "experienced virgins" if they have never experienced heterosexual relations?

Things that make you go......hmmmm .... :D
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 141
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:36:01 PM
Why do we not state that we are virgins in our profiles? Really? Sex is a personal thing, and we don't "owe" it to anyone, especially not strangers on the internet. If someone is looking for a relationship, obviously sex will be a part of that, but it shouldn't be the sole focus, there are other aspects of a person besides sexuality. I do bring it up quite early, but I prefer to discuss it face to face after we have met. A lot of guys are shocked by it, but most don't seem overly horrified. I've had guys walk away, obviously, which is fair. But if a guy thinks he wasted his time going out on a couple dates and getting to know a PERSON just because she didn't end up sleeping with him, that proves how shallow he is. Oh, and I'm not the "technical" type of virgin you guys described, all I've really done is make out - no oral, hand jobs, even getting naked or anything like that. I have also known people who do these things and still claim to be virgins. I mean, it's their right to do what they feel comfortable doing, but if they are making a big deal about being a "virgin" when in a sense they are not, I agree it's hypocritical.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 142
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:41:15 PM
I had the same problem on Christian Mingle with old men messaging me! Gross, I already have a dad thanks.

THAT makes you judgmental.

Will you consider yourself "gross" in 20 years?

^^^
No, but hopefully I won't be chasing 30 year old men when I'm 50 either.
 Elsadora
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 143
Now I Hope She stays if She is Real(frozen fishstick was 2 funny)
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:41:25 PM
First off, thank you. No jars of moldy tartar sauce needed here, I can assure you.😂
I can answer you at least, partially, on the why's of why I starter out dating so late. In high school, I never had a single date. I was bullied pretty much from my first day of kindergarten until the end of high school. If you ever seen the movie, Carrie, it was that traumatic. The rest, with the internet being forever, I would rather not share.
 10_million
Joined: 1/28/2016
Msg: 144
Now I Hope She stays if She is Real(frozen fishstick was 2 funny)
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:44:19 PM
I am sorry u went thru that...
I believe you...
throws the tartar sauce into the trash can...
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 145
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:46:46 PM
Hmmmm... KJ I haven't given that much consideration. I guess, if a homosexual individual had never experienced a sexual encounter with a woman then he'd be a virgin as far as heterosexual interactions regarding sex goes. In otherwords, he never experienced sex with a woman so he'd be without experience in that area.

So maybe, he'd be an "experienced virgin" but not in regard to members of the opposite sex. I guess if you look at things from that angle there are lots of virgins out there.

 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 146
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:47:26 PM
Question for the virginal Christian women: If you find Mr. Christian Man to get married to, would having sex strictly for pleasure be allowed, or is the church philosophy that the only reason to have sex is to procreate? Would a married couple who decide to be childfree and have no plans to procreate be as welcomed in the church as the breeding couples (not everybody has parental instincts or desire to have kids)?
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 147
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:47:38 PM
SO as I am an atheist that means it's somehow easier for me to find the right person? Please tell me how that is so.

^^^ Because you have more options. Sure, it might take some time to find out if you're sexually compatible, but way more men will be willing to take the time to find out. There aren't too many men who will stick around until marriage and date abstinent Christians.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 148
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:56:39 PM
^^^^^But here is the thing about life.....whether you are Christian or not.....

You make your choices.....and you have to live with the consequences...both good and bad.....so what the freak is the point of whining about it? :D




Mr. Doremi....Always lots of ways to look at things. Isn't it fun? :D
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 149
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:58:05 PM
Question for the virginal Christian women: If you find Mr. Christian Man to get married to, would having sex strictly for pleasure be allowed, or is the church philosophy that the only reason to have sex is to procreate? Would a married couple who decide to be childfree and have no plans to procreate be as welcomed in the church as the breeding couples?

^^^ The churches I attend (I am Protestant) discuss sexuality pretty openly, and are very clear on the fact that sex is intended for pleasure (as well as procreation, but that's optional, lol). I think if a married couple chose not to have kids people may wonder why (just as they likely would with a non-Christian couple) but as far as I know, nobody thinks it's a sin or that "breeding" couples are superior in any way. Most "strict" Christians I know believe that sex is a gift from God and meant to be shared with one special person (your spouse) as it joins 2 people together on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. However, some Christians are getting more liberal these days and say that waiting for a marriage relationship would be the "ideal," but we are free to make our own choices in that area.
 Elsadora
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 150
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 2:59:13 PM
Kay9876.

I have attended both small and large churches. From my experience, everyone is usually already paired up. The larger churches, from my experience anyway, are usually so large that it limits the possibility for real interaction.. You hear the message and leave. Been to small groups, singles groups. Someone else had mentioned to check meet up.com for religious single groups in my area. Well, there is one. The only problem is it is labeled for Christian professional singles, 20s and 30s. I may try Christian mingle again. I met one like minded guy there, only he told me after our second date that he wasn't attracted to me. We are friends. He is like my husband in a way. He helps me with stuff like small home repairs. He has been my rock for the last two years.

Honestly, I didn't come here to complain. Just looking for some dialogue on the subject. I have changed parts of my profile. We shall see.
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