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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if      Home login  
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 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 151
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of FaithPage 7 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
^^^^^But here is the thing about life.....whether you are Christian or not.....

You make your choices.....and you have to live with the consequences...both good and bad.....so what the freak is the point of whining about it? :D

^^^ What's the point of whining about anything on these forums? To get feedback, support and maybe some advice for our problems...?
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 152
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 3:08:35 PM

Why not? You don’t believe in premarital sex, but fornication is okay for men?? That makes NO sense. You either believe in something or you don’t. Saying and believing something is forbidden for some (women) but okay for others (men) is hypocritical (not to mention sexist and patriarchal).

Adultery is forbidden, but is it only forbidden for women? Funny, that.


Nope, I'm not saying that at all. If we believe that something is "forbidden" or a sin, that applies to both men and women. That said, nobody is perfect. Just because I've chosen to abstain from sex doesn't mean I haven't compromised my beliefs in other areas. Everyone has. So the acceptance thing works both ways. And I'm certainly not going to rule out every guy who's had sex by age 33. That would leave me with a very small pool of options. :)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 153
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 3:24:06 PM
Okay ladies......I'm gonna give you some practical advice on how to meet single men at Church.

Make friends with the busybodies.....you know which ones they are. Tell them you are husband shopping and trust me....they will make it there mission to find you one.

How do I know this? Cause my sister is one of them at my church. Only difference is......I am NOT looking for a husband. I am quite happy being the born again virgin widow. So I have the opposite problem. I now make a beeline for the exit the minute the service ends. I also have to have a private convo with the pastor from time to time....and not quite bribing him....but mentioning my "extra" tithing if he throws in a couple of mentions about "caring for the widows and fatherless children" when my sister has yet again....requested the prayer circle to pray for me to find a husband. You see.....I love to tease my sister.....that since she and her husband are Christians.....it's their job to care for my children and I....hence, why she is trying to marry me off to anyone. Life is fun!


Find the busybodies. Also.....maybe become a Mormon. :D


As far as dating from here.....put your absolute deal breakers in your profiles. Sure....you will get less messages but the ones you do get will be of like mind. It's only as complicated as you make it.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 154
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 3:29:31 PM

An agnostic who respects who you are and what you believe may be a far better life partner than someone who believes the same as you but has no respect for who you are.

Exactly. Find who fits you. If you have the love and respect of a kind and caring partner and they are perfect in every way EXCEPT that they want to spend Sunday at the golf course and you want to spend it at church...who cares. Go for love.


I both agree and disagree with some of this. Yes, it is better to find a caring, respectful partner than a jerk who just claims to follow your religion. But “serious” Christians should be concerned with more than just going to church on Sunday. If someone really wants to commit to God and make him a part of their daily lives, it could easily cause conflict with a partner who doesn’t. for instance, if problems come up and you want to pray about it together or seek spiritual counsel? What about raising children? This type of relationship might work great in the short term, but ultimately I’m looking for marriage, and it could cause bigger problems down the road. That said, I have 2 friends who married non-christians and are doing great (but then, both their partners ended up converting, lol).


I'm an atheist and I know a catholic priest, he said to me that he loves the "heathens" as they are often more christian-like than the christians. And then we laughed and shared a coffee. I have friends in low places, lol.


Actually, Jesus himself preferred the “heathens” too. Some of his best friends were former murderers, tax collectors, prostitutes, etc. He couldn’t stand the pious “religious people” and often spoke out against them.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 155
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 3:32:08 PM

Posted By: LJane_6
I have to say though, that for me the guy doesn't have to be a virgin himself




Posted By:SunshineGirl
Why not? You don’t believe in premarital sex, but fornication is okay for men?? That makes NO sense. You either believe in something or you don’t. Saying and believing something is forbidden for some (women) but okay for others (men) is hypocritical (not to mention sexist and patriarchal).

IMO So-called “unbelievers” are more theologically knowledgeable than so-called “believers” who simply parrot whatever soundbites are popular and easy to remember.


OFFS, I was stuck sitting in a Pew, whether I wanted to or not, from 9 to 16... I'm not a practicing Christian, but I heard enough Sermons to know, being a Christian, doesn't mean You have never Sinned.....

Just that You have Repented for those Sins & asked Forgiveness for them..... You try not to Sin again, but you're Human & You will.....

I guess You're the type, that once you've done something wrong, you can never be Redeemed for it.....
Is your life so perfect, that no one else could find any faults in it?

I know I've made mistakes in My life & probably will make more of them.....
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 156
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 3:36:48 PM
Elsadora...
Profile changes seem more directed and that's good but, to me, your profile is still fairly generic. I would say that's a good start.

I don't see that Christians have fewer choices because they're Christian. I have a lot fewer choices than most Christians since I am a fat, old, single mother. A lot of men won't even email me to find out whether or not I'll have sex before marriage. I don't even make the bar for a meet for most men to bother asking my religion. What makes you think you have fewer choices than me? What makes you think that Christians have fewer choices than atheists, agnostics, Muslims, Jews, scientists, humanists, Pagans, Scientologists or believers in the Spaghetti Monster?
OLD is not easy for many or even most people. Whining because your choices are limited because you have requirements for a partner simply makes us laugh because we, also, have requirements and preferences and what we need and what we want in a partner.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 157
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 3:53:02 PM
Msg 155:

What does your melodramatic diatribe have to do with my post, other than offering examples of parroting soundbites?
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 158
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 4:00:46 PM
What do you mean I have way more options? Do you know how hard it is to find a guy in my IQ bracket?? Or with my brand of kink?

See you ignored what I said about sex- I guess you don't think sex is very important- which maybe as you haven't experienced it is understandable. I noticed in your descriptions of alternate sexual activities they seemed to relate to getting a guy off- not yourself (together with a man I mean, not solo as I certainly hope you don't think THAT is a sin)

But as a practising atheist and enthusiasticly sexual creature( albeit celibate at the moment) it's pretty damned hard to find a suitable partner. But it's all just about poor little you being somehow discriminated against for being religious.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 159
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 4:15:47 PM

But as a practising atheist and enthusiasticly sexual creature( albeit celibate at the moment) it's pretty damned hard to find a suitable partner. But it's all just about poor little you being somehow discriminated against for being religious.


I don't think I said anything like "poor me" or that I was being discriminated against - just that most men aren't willing to wait for marriage for sex and date celibate Christians. I did say that is their own choice and a fair one. You made the point that it is difficult to find a compatible partner whether you are Christian, atheist, what have you - and yes, I agree it's equally difficult for many of us. So, point taken.

As far as the sex thing goes, I do believe it's important, which ironically is part of the reason I'm waiting. Different people have different ideas about what makes for good sex. For me, it's not all about religion. I just feel I would enjoy it more with someone I'm committed and attracted to, and so far, none of my former opportunities felt like the right time or person.
 Elsadora
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 160
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 4:23:31 PM
Hi Jane.
Like you, I have never said poor me. I was just thinking it is probably harder for Christians who have committed to waiting from the outset or for born again Christians, those that have not waited, but are refraining from further sexual relations until they are in a marital relationship.
 10_million
Joined: 1/28/2016
Msg: 161
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 4:33:32 PM

Or with my brand of kink?


I agree, there is an emotional satisfaction as well as a physical one when you find the right fit!
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 162
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 4:44:56 PM

Like you, I have never said poor me. I was just thinking it is probably harder for Christians who have committed to waiting from the outset or for born again Christians, those that have not waited, but are refraining from further sexual relations until they are in a marital relationship.


Exactly. It just seems that very few guys are willing to even date you if sex is off the table. I do understand it's hard for a lot of sexually active people as well though, whether it be due to their own preferences, circumstances etc. Humans are becoming more evolved, and in our culture we have more choices than ever before - it's not like in my grandparent's day when most women were just expected to pair off early, have kids and have a man provide for them. People are waiting longer and holding out for what they want, even if it seems impossible to find - and in Christian culture, I do find that many people stick more to the traditional path of getting married younger, partly because they do want to start having sex ASAP. Makes it even harder for those of us who chose not to rush into anything, and waited until later in life, since there seems to be a smaller number of unmarried Christians at our age. Now, I may get some backlash for these comments. And I'm sorry if anyone felt like I was trying to minimize their own difficulties. I didn't mean to, and I do understand that finding a suitable partner with the dating and hookup culture nowadays can be a real b*tch, whether Christian or not.

Also, Elsadora I'm sorry about the bullying you went through. I got bullied a lot in school too - in my experience it can really bring your confidence down in social situations, including dating. My first boyfriend broke up with me because his friends were making fun of him for dating me. And I had a couple of boyfriends in my 20s, but nothing that felt quite right. I am a very shy person as well, so I know I don't put myself out there as much as I should.

It's interesting though to hear that a lot of other Christian women are experiencing similar struggles in dating - I always feel like I'm the only one (in this situation specifically) until I hear these things from others.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 163
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 4:54:41 PM
Sorry but how on Earth can you be a born again virgin? Like being a little bit dead. So, if you used to have sex, now you want to wait - fine
But please, one simply cannot say they are a Virgin if they have had sex before
Of course everyone can want what they want - but don't pretend
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 164
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 5:04:14 PM
Some Christians believe a "born again virgin" refers to someone who physically is not a virgin but has taken a vow of abstinence, so it is understood to be a kind of "spiritual" virginity. It may go along with other spiritual or lifestyle changes a person wishes to make after converting to Christianity.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 165
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 5:21:05 PM

a born again virgin?


Having your cake and eating it, too.
 10_million
Joined: 1/28/2016
Msg: 166
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 5:24:30 PM
I find all this fixation on sex a bit perverse.

IMO it's between God & the individual...some minister or other church goers should be minding their own genitals ;0P
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 167
Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 5:29:03 PM
OMFG. Born again virgin. Just when I figure I've heard it all, the bullshit meter tips a little more away from normal. Born again virgin. Holy crap. Who feeds you guys this crap?

Maybe it can be used as a marketing tool. "Born again virgin seeks same. Must love dogs and can't see the forest for the trees."
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 168
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Finding the Right Person is Hard and Getting Harder, Particularly, if You are a Person of Faith
Posted: 2/2/2016 5:31:26 PM
Well, I personally wouldn't bother with the term "virgin" at all if I had had sex already, when I say it, I mean it in a literal sense. I think calling themselves born-again Christians is a good enough description. But I guess it's a term used to explain where they stand on the subject.

And while I agree it shouldn't be fixated on, it is a real and important part of life that Christians seek guidance on, just as in other aspects of relationships. If one is getting graphic (haha) with details of encounters though, I think it's more appropriate to discuss one on one with a counselor than in a group church setting.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 169
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the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 5:51:28 PM

Posted By:kj521
Okay ladies......I'm gonna give you some practical advice on how to meet single men at Church.

Make friends with the busybodies.....you know which ones they are. Tell them you are husband shopping and trust me....they will make it there mission to find you one.

How do I know this? Cause my sister is one of them at my church. Only difference is......I am NOT looking for a husband. I am quite happy being the born again virgin widow. So I have the opposite problem. I now make a beeline for the exit the minute the service ends.


If anyone takes this as anything other than Humor, then You need Your Sarcasm meter adjusted...
If You can't see this was said in Jest, then Y'all need to get off the Forums & interact with People IRL, for awhile....

IMHO, ain't no way Kimi was serious in her remark....
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 170
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 6:09:16 PM
^^^. Not knocking KJ at all. And loved her joke. Yes, joke.

Knocking the ones that actually believe in the born again virgin crap. I believe there was an entire born again virgin thread years ago, comments about using it as a marketing tool for some of us going without. I think it started over some 50 year old commenting about being celibate which, IMHO, means you're not getting any at the moment and would spread them faster than saloon doors on payday at the ranch if the right cowboy came along.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 171
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 6:28:39 PM
Gawd....please refrain from sucking up or I am gonna barf. I believe there is a forum rule against using people’s real names on here.

Following a thread can be helpful to comprehension:

LJane_6:
Some Christians believe a "born again virgin" refers to someone who physically is not a virgin but has taken a vow of abstinence…
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 172
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 6:57:02 PM

I was just thinking it is probably harder for Christians who have committed to waiting from the outset


Were you actually "thinking", as in, doing some real critical thinking???? Or were you just pondering???? Or were you just assuming? When you initially stated "particularly", you set yourself up. You put yourself somewhere "higher" than the rest of world, just by the choice of your words. You did it, on purpose, or not. But, you did do it.

What, in fact, are doing, is just guessing. You are especially guessing if you have eliminated a lot of "different" types of people out of your life, for whatever reasons you want to make. By eliminating those people, you have eliminated the potential to actually "know" something about these people. Many people, because of the "lifestyle" they chose, completely alienate themselves from those "others". With that, their experiences.

It's like the person who is suffering silently with say, depression. Sit there, long enough, in your own little world, and you will assume that the rest of the world is against you. Open up to others, and you will constantly hear stories from others that match yours or even "out do" it. At that time, you will figure out, you don't have it as bad as you think.

Anyone understand this?
 10_million
Joined: 1/28/2016
Msg: 173
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 7:10:51 PM

Open up to others, and you will constantly hear stories from others that match yours or even "out do" it. At that time, you will figure out, you don't have it as bad as you think.

Anyone understand this?

yes, my understanding is for one to stop living inside of their own head
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 174
the harder it gets, the righter it is
Posted: 2/2/2016 7:20:43 PM
I would agree with you Walts up to the point Where you talk about depression. If you are talking about your everyday garden variety of depression, as in feeling down cause you ain't got nothing, then yes.

But if you mean depression as in the real thing clinical depression, then no- that's not a thing that logical thinking and process can necessarily overcome. I've been there and analyzed the world to death- some things require a completely different approach.
 marrakech7
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 175
Woe is me, I have it so tough, no one suffers like I do
Posted: 2/2/2016 7:27:45 PM
I was just thinking after reading that you are not allowed to mention people's real names as its against the rules. Oh my. Any way, I'm going to use someone posting on here as an example to the OP, Elsadora. Sorry KJ, you're my example.

KJ has children. I would think that it would be far harder to find someone to date that 1). Doesn't mind kids. 2). Her kids would like. 3). That she can trust around her children (this is huge). Not an issue with the OP unless she had a virgin birth, I heard that before boy happened once.
KJ had a loving and successful marriage so she knows exactly what that is like, has lived it and seeks it again. The OP maybe had a puppy and has no idea about deep, true love.
KJ (I'm making this part up and I apologize to KJ in advance) probably had a fun and passionate sex life. When you had it and it was perfect, you miss it more. You ache for it. If you lay there quietly at night, you can almost feel his touch, almost. The OP has no idea.

So who has it tougher? Who has it harder? I'm thinking KJ and a few others out there that had it and lost it and seek it again. The OP thinks she knows what she wants but has no idea what IT really is. When you know what IT is, it's way harder to find.

Thx KJ. I'll use Walts next time as an example...whiskey and crocs, my kinda man
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