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 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 26
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Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP: As I mentioned in #9 I would encourage you to hold off on sex for a couple of months. Here 'issues' are starting to leak through. On the one hand she has trust issues because of childhood rape on the other she wants to engage in sex that involves rape fantasies. What happens when she's engaging in the 'rape fantasy' sex and the part of her that has 'trust issues' emerges. Do you think they are two contained experiences. They are not.

Please spend more time with her....getting to know her. Find out what her relationships with her parents, friends and ex's have been like.

As I said earlier, once you get caught up in the sexual dynamic with her....then when all of the drama starts full tilt you will be trapped.

Slow down....

Think with your big head!
 Elsadora
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 27
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/6/2016 7:54:27 PM
I would try being a friend to her. She is young and so is still very close to those horrid experiences. That she suffered so makes sad. That it was her own blood makes want to grab a tire iron and beat the living snot out of him. Her honesty and being so out there with her sufferings is part if her autism I am afraid. Be her friend, she needs additional therapy for sure. Being raped at a young age like that, before you even know whar the f word means is soul wrenching.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 28
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/7/2016 3:08:52 AM
If you are committed and patient to and with her, you might find happiness in your union. You both have a lot to offer each other and I'm certain you'll connect in way unlike any other.

All of my best.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 29
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/7/2016 3:13:34 AM
"the whole is greater than the sum of its parts"
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 30
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/9/2016 8:28:47 PM
Lil poppy you are harsh. What do you do with a spouse that is dying? Walk away? Dump him/ her in hospice and walk away. Dump a spouse in a nursing home that has Alzheimers and walk away if you can even afford the long term care for them? Who are the professionals that are going to take over? Dr Phil has a tv show, nothing more.

I attended grief counseling after my husband passed and met many men and women who took care of a parent or spouse that had Alzhiemers, strokes, brain damage, etc. These people took the hard road and stuck by the people they loved even if the people they loved were diminished either physically or mentally.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 31
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Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 6:28:43 AM
If you can handle the particular issues that usually come with these disorders, and you appreciate intelligence, incredible awareness, and the ability to think in paragraphs while the average person thinks in single words and sentences, you will be happy.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 32
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 7:30:49 AM
it almost sounds like a good situation for the old cliché....friends first.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 33
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 7:46:24 AM
Labelling..there do not exist "bipolars", by rather people with a bipolar diagnosis.
 lil_poppy
Joined: 1/18/2016
Msg: 34
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 8:21:57 AM
Poster ndm147, perhaps you did not read the post below otherwise you wouldn't say I'm harsh.


Many of us older people have seen some joy in raising children with issues like cerebral palsy, Down Syndrome, and the litany of health issues using every letter in the alphabet. Many have assisted with an ill or I'll and dying partner. Or a parent with Alzheimer's or Parkinson's . These are people we love, gave birth to or they gave birth to us. We did it and do it for love. And I'm sure more than a few of us would not elect to take this on with a new partner.


Regarding your comments about putting a spouse or parent or whoever into a nursing home. WTF. Do you think its an easy decision for a caregiver to make this decision? Who knows what a person can bear,what a person can handle or when they have reached the end of their rope regarding being the caregiver and make agonising decision to get outside help or utilize a nursing home. There is no shame in putting mom/dad/spouse/child in a nursing home. No shame. And only the ignorant, judgmental and holier than thou people would think differently. We do what we have to do, when we have to do it. And people who make comments like "dump him/her in hospice.." and "Dump a spouse..." WTF. What a condescending attitude and unnecessary.

BTW, I buried a spouse and buried my mother with Alzheimer. I know about having to make care choices. And what I learned about this are three things, 1) some folks don't care about your issues and don't want to hear about it, 2) most people are empathetic, 3) idiots judge based on sweet fvck all and have never had to walk the walk...they just yap.


If you can handle the particular issues that usually come with these disorders, and you appreciate intelligence, incredible awareness, and the ability to think in paragraphs while the average person thinks in single words and sentences, you will be happy.


Would you say this to your son? I'm not saying that this couldn't be a wonderful relationship. This gal has multiple mental issues. Multiple. Some of you are just looking at the sweet, sunshiny part of this and don't see the potential storm or the horizon. The romantic love until reality hits. Medications, volatile, mood swings, suicide attempts, hospitalizations, anger, frustration and on and on. What you see as "cute little quirks" can manifest into really, really big issues.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 35
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Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 9:30:46 AM

Would you say this to your son? I'm not saying that this couldn't be a wonderful relationship. This gal has multiple mental issues. Multiple. Some of you are just looking at the sweet, sunshiny part of this and don't see the potential storm or the horizon. The romantic love until reality hits. Medications, volatile, mood swings, suicide attempts, hospitalizations, anger, frustration and on and on. What you see as "cute little quirks" can manifest into really, really big issues.


Yeah, I guess I was oversimplifying a bit, and focusing more on the OCD angle. I firmly believe that MOST people have an undiagnosed issue of varying degree, but because they are not diagnosed, nobody looks at them as being troubled when clearly they are, yet diagnosed people get looked at as a problem and to be shunned, when they are actually to be applauded for recognizing they have problems and are getting help. Undiagnosed person=free pass, diagnosed person = stigma and shunning.
 lil_poppy
Joined: 1/18/2016
Msg: 36
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 10:11:38 AM

diagnosed person = stigma and shunning.


Again. over simplifying. People on here are shunned for being short, fat, bald, brunette, slightly chubby, blue eyes, short hair, like motorcycles, hate fishing, like country music, have dead deer in their photos....I could go on.

Multiple mental issues, no thanks.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 37
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 10:51:48 AM

People on here are shunned for being short, fat, bald, brunette, slightly chubby, blue eyes, short hair, like motorcycles, hate fishing, like country music, have dead deer in their photos....I could go on.


So could I.......

Not having photos onsite at all.
Being never married in their 50's.
Being in their 50's with no kids.
No tattoos.
Using coupons.

Such disabling obstacles.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 38
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Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 11:00:13 AM

Again. over simplifying. People on here are shunned for being short, fat, bald, brunette, slightly chubby, blue eyes, short hair, like motorcycles, hate fishing, like country music, have dead deer in their photos....I could go on.

Multiple mental issues, no thanks.


You missed the point, but whatever.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 39
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Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 11:32:18 AM
I think it beats dating a dumb-ass with Psychological Disorders
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 40
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/10/2016 1:57:34 PM

I probably shouldn't post about this, but I've had a few beers at this point so why not. The topic of sex came up one night and she told me she was raped a couple times as a child and that it takes time for her to build trust before having sex.

She then told me she wasn't a very sexual person ( I'm assuming out of shyness and due to her rape history), but then later in the conversation she told me she was into kinky sexual stuff and that she had rape fantasies and liked the idea of a man forcing his will upon hers. She even admitted that she has had fantasies in which I was raping her. I didn't know what to make of it.

By the way her grandfather was the one who raped her on both incidents.


No, you shouldn’t be posting about this. She trusted you with VERY personal info and you are blabbing it all over this forum because you’ve had a few beers, so why not??

The best thing you can do for her is leave her alone.
 Elsadora
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 41
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 6:53:40 AM
Nth degree
I agree with you. There seems to a double standard. They want you to seek help, but when you do you become untouchable. I actually dated a guy briefly whom I am positive was schizophrenic. He refused to take his meds however and that was a problem. My previous advice still stabds, take it slow. Be a real friend to her. Don't use her as so many have before you. If she is seeking help that is s big step toward the two of yiu standing a chance. But yiu need to also need to ask yourself, do you really love and care for her? Are you in this for the long haul?
 lil_poppy
Joined: 1/18/2016
Msg: 42
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 8:20:51 AM

But yiu (sic) need to also need to ask yourself, do you really love and care for her? Are you in this for the long haul?


He has had a "couple of dates over the last couple of weeks". This is not someone he has dated for 3 years and this issue popped up. Or dated and married for 7 years and this issue popped up. A few dates over a few weeks. And you say to him "you need to ask yourself, do you really love and care for her?"....a few weeks. Geezus. Can you not see how silly this sounds...he loves and cares for her after knowing her for a few weeks???

And this below -


The topic of sex came up one night and she told me she was raped a couple times as a child and that it takes time for her to build trust before having sex.

She then told me she wasn't a very sexual person ( I'm assuming out of shyness and due to her rape history), but then later in the conversation she told me she was into kinky sexual stuff and that she had rape fantasies and liked the idea of a man forcing his will upon hers. She even admitted that she has had fantasies in which I was raping her. I didn't know what to make of it.


While I agree with the one poster that this disclosure never, ever should have been posted on here, it speaks volumes as to the issues this young woman has. If he freely tells the OP this, what is she holding back because we all know that we don't "tell all". It comes out it bits and pieces, if at all. And this disclosure - does it not make you go, oh my gawd this girl needs professional help?

This is not a cute little puppy with a broken leg that everyone goes "ooohhh, I will fix it and love it and cherish it" . This is a person with issues. And this young gal does not need a white knight that can't fight his way out of a paper bag let alone deal with mental illness. And yes, that cute dog can grow into a cute adult dog, but the opposite could well be true as well. Who knows what's behind door # 2 in mental illness.

Professional help. She's a human being and not a puppy or a project.
 Wyattlover101
Joined: 2/12/2015
Msg: 43
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 8:33:04 AM
I have been enjoying the myriad of input and varying perspectives that people have offered thus far.
The point of this thread was to get some advice on my situation, but to also share experiences and stories about dating or having/had relationships with people that have a mental disorder. Most of you have offered some great advice, but some of you are a little too pessimistic and a bit extreme. I want to clarify and shed light on a number of things. This girl that I'm dating does NOT have schizophrenia, she has bipolar disorder and to a very small extent autism. She's very intelligent as I've mentioned before, she's a nuclear engineer. Not only does she possess intellectual intelligence, but she is very social. The other day she invited me to a little party she was throwing for her friend that is moving away. She has plenty of friends and she seems to be very charismatic. Everyone at the party enjoyed her presence and she seemed very well liked.

Many of you are telling me to take it slow and you are absolutely right. I'm not the type to just jump into things without having taken the necessary steps and giving the right amount of time. We're still in the early phases of getting to know each other, so many of you are jumping the gun a little when you refer to her as my gf or for those of you that say " if you're not in it for the long haul then back away". I still don't know a lot about her, so for me to make that decision at this point is irrational and just stupid. Like I said, we're still feeling each other out and we're in the early phase of dating.


Many of you are saying that her lust for rape fantasies is a red flag and that she should get more therapy. I know many females that do not have any mental disease or any rape history that like or have those fantasies. It has more to do with pornography, since porn nowadays is very intense and violent. Pornography has habituated us and desensitized people that view it to violent and rapish sex scenes. In fact, scenes in which one person utterly dominates and abuses the other is extremely popular among many people. I discussed it with this girl and she told me she already had years of therapy for her sexual history and that shes fine now. Her rape fantasies are a product of porn culture.

Also, many of you thought it was very odd for the girl to reveal such things about herself at an early stage. Initially, she was actually very shy and unwilling to talk about such things, but I know how to make people feel extremely comfortable with me. This isn't the first time I've had very invasive conversations with someone I just met. Also, I should mention that the reason we had a sexual conversation to begin with is because I think we both just wanted to hookup, but when we realized there was chemistry we decided to get to know each other more.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 44
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 11:31:17 AM

Professional help.


Agree.

BUT:


I discussed it with this girl and she told me she already had years of therapy for her sexual history and that shes fine now. Her rape fantasies are a product of porn culture.


Oh what a relief, that’s all it was!

You have an answer for everything. Makes me wonder why you bothered posting this dilemma. Best wishes for you and your genius bipolar “nuclear engineer.” (Removing hook from mouth).
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 45
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 11:45:15 AM

I discussed it with this girl and she told me she already had years of therapy for her sexual history and that shes fine now. Her rape fantasies are a product of porn culture.


The rape fantasy among women has nothing to do with porn culture. Many women have this fantasy. A LOT of them. That does not mean that they want to be raped for real, but that they enjoy the fantasy of it. And eventually play act the fantasy with someone that they can completely trust.

Anthropologist say that the fantasy exist because in the past when one tribe went to pillage another tribe and then rape their women, it was one of the few ways to expand on the genetic pool available, particularly since too much isolation of one group would end up producing genetic defects. From a psychologist point of view, many say that the rape fantasy allows women to divorce themselves from the social guilt associated with desiring sex. So by completely relinquishing control and allowing a man to do whatever he wants, she does not have to feel at fault for what happens. In other words she doesn't need to feel like a slut. The reality is that the rape fantasy has existed long before porn was invented.

Realize also that having that fantasy does not mean that you should then rape them to fulfill that fantasy, what it means it's that they want to be taken and controlled. But that does require a lot of trust between the woman and the man. A lot of communication, understanding, and also defining what the boundaries of the fantasy are.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 46
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 11:55:32 AM
If I had a nickel for every time someone described themselves or someone else as a "genius".. Look out Gates and Zuckerberg!!..
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 47
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 12:16:56 PM
"They want you to seek help, but when you do you become untouchable."

>>>if someone wishes for you to seek help b/c they actually have your best interests in mind...and then once you start getting the help, you aren't in a condition to be having sex, then perhaps the whole thing is for the best. Sometimes, some people should get help, and once they begin undergoing it, they are too vulnerable. Or maybe they are looking for a diversion. Or maybe they are frankly too screwed up right now to be dating material.

if, on the other hand, someone labels you as "needing help" and then dumps you for actually doing something good for yourself...are they really worth your time? are THEY dating material?
 Wyattlover101
Joined: 2/12/2015
Msg: 48
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 12:38:10 PM
Thank your for your post inner gorrilla, the theories you presented are quite interesting. To be honest, I think this can be tackled from many different perspectives and theories. Porn may not be the cause for rape fantasies in the case of every women, but for the ones that do watch porn or that type particularly it will definitely serve as a catalyst. Nowadays, many people are into this whole BDSM. Personally, I'm not into that stuff and it doesn't appeal to me that much, but it certainly is becoming somewhat of the norm and it is no longer considered taboo.
 lil_poppy
Joined: 1/18/2016
Msg: 49
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 12:43:53 PM
Wow, it's a good thing its all about the porn and rape fantasy and anthropologists and crap.

What about the bi-polar, OCD and hint of autism?
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 50
Dating a Genius with Psychological Disorders
Posted: 2/11/2016 3:19:25 PM
OK.......let me get this straight.

Self proclaimed low sex drive........except for..... kinky sexual stuff and rape fantasies......raped as a child by her grandfather......BUT.....her rape fantasies, in your opinion, are due to desensitization from porn?


Guess it is safe to assume Mensa didn't invite you to be a member. :/
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