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 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 22
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someone with a terminal illnessPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
As I bump up agin the 60 yo ceiling, I've taken to asking some interesting questions: this one is not too dissimilar from some thoughts that have been rattlin around.
Would I?
Date a woman who was terminal in a month - that's an inane question, if she was a woman I was close to I would be there for comfort, not dating.
A year? depends on the illness; but my gut feeling is probably not in that my understanding is that an illness with that near a checkout date is going to be presenting fairly soon, if not already. Again, there for comfort, not dating.
5 years? Ah! Ya know, that crane fell in NYC this week killing a man. Who knew. Jim Fixx died while running. Who knew? I could stroke out tomorrow, or next year - who knows? In five years there could be a cure for the trouble at hand. A lot can happen in 5+ years.

TK
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 23
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 2/13/2016 1:54:19 AM

Death is but a door.


Yes.


One day my body will just stop.


This will happen to all of us.

I could die in my sleep; from an illness; a plane crash; I walk a lot so getting hit by a car is possible; I could have an asthma attack and suddenly die; I could die by somebody whom i thought I could trust. Anything at any time could happen.

While you're living on this Earth, live.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 2/15/2016 3:22:45 PM
the hospitalist overseeing my mother's last days phrased it as, life is a book and the last chapter should be written as well as the other chapters. If death is a door, is it OK for it to hit us in the ass on the way out? :)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 26
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someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/22/2016 10:40:57 AM

If death is a door, is it OK for it to hit us in the ass on the way out? :)

It does. It's called the insurance bill.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 27
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/22/2016 12:13:14 PM
It looks like someone just saw Sweet November.

I would not be interested in totally immersing myself in forging a real relationship with someone I knew has a terminal illness from the onset. If its something that comes up later on in the relationship and feelings are already invested, yes, I'd have no choice because it is not their illness I fell in love with, it is them.

To jump into something like that would mean (for me) a constant battle to not develop deep feelings for that person, keeping it in the back of my mind that this relationship has an actual and real expiration date.

Then again, there are a lot of things that do not get revealed from the very onset, that would have otherwise had influenced someone into not getting involved.

I have a hard time imagining what exactly does someone who is about to die has to offer someone else who will have to deal with that loss thereafter. Like how can the other person be the focus or have any focus in that setting, when you're reminded of your mortality constantly? Sounds selfish.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 28
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/22/2016 9:39:46 PM
Belle Atlantic you said something that surprised me. You said" what exactly does someone who is about to die has to offer someone else who will have to deal with that loss thereafter. Like how can the other person be the focus in that setting, when you're reminded of your mortality constantly. Sounds selfish."

I was married for 34 years to a doctor. Within a very short time he developed liver failure ( which is not uncommon) and was number one on the south texas transplant list in the hospital for one week.. He died on Christmas day because of an infection and there were no liver donations in that week.

His death was a struggle for many of us and very sad for my grown children. I am reminded now of my mortality.

He could not get resurrected by a transplant. If any of you are religious, Christ was resurrected on Easter day.I am not particularly religious but HAPPY EASTER!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 7:18:52 AM

I was married for 34 years to a doctor. Within a very short time he developed liver failure...


There's a difference between spending over half of your life being married to someone who ends up getting sick versus meeting someone who is on gravely ill from the get-go. Another concern is if someone is that sick, it's likely they are sedated or medicated. That means their ability to make rational decisions could be impaired, or could even be hallucinating at times. I don't know how anyone in that condition could even think about any dating prospects. It's probably more of a case of someone not wanting to die alone, and wanting someone by their bedside when they take their last breath.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 30
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 7:41:39 AM
We never know where we will draw our line in the sand.

My mother had alzheimer's. My Dad was pretty much her sole caregiver until she died. It was horrid. I don't want to ever put someone through that. Could I be the caregiver, no, not like my Dad. I would have put Mom in a care home about 5 years before she died...once she stopped recognizing her children.

I used to work with someone that got ALS, the slow kind, whatever its called. I see her struggle with movement, she still walks with a cane and she now uses a motorized chair for shopping or travelling. She's divorced and I can't quite see anyone wanting to take on that challenge. The same would apply with some other disabilities that get worse, like MS. Would you take on someone with MS or ALS or some sort of disability that will only get worse?

I think until we are actually faced with it, we truly don't know where we will draw our line in the sand. I do know that if I was partnered, I'd care for that partner to the best of my abilities and get the best assistance I could for the person I love.

And, if my partner decided that enough was enough and wanted an assisted suicide, I'd support that as well. It is another choice I would like if I was ill.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 31
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 8:55:43 AM

There's a difference between spending over half of your life being married to someone who ends up getting sick versus meeting someone who is on gravely ill from the get-go. Another concern is if someone is that sick, it's likely they are sedated or medicated. That means their ability to make rational decisions could be impaired, or could even be hallucinating at times. I don't know how anyone in that condition could even think about any dating prospects. It's probably more of a case of someone not wanting to die alone, and wanting someone by their bedside when they take their last breath.


Exactly what my reply would have been.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 32
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someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 9:14:07 AM

We never know where we will draw our line in the sand.


Right.

My girl friend survived ovarian cancer. She was lucky, the tumor was carcinoid, caught early, very little chance of recurrence. That was more than five years ago so in the world of oncology, she's considered "cured".

But, change up the facts. If the tumor was carcinoma instead, the likelihood of recurrence goes up. Still ... five years out, so yeah, I still would have started the relationship.

How about carcinoma, finished chemo 12 months ago and she's NED? Now what do I do? I have no idea.

How about carcinoma, stage 4, in a clinical trial and NED on the last scan? Death sentence? Who knows? Start a relationship?

Probably not. But how do I know?
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 33
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someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 12:39:23 PM
silverford,

Look into Rick Simpson hemp oil. I would.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmYNLNF7NBw
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 34
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 12:48:39 PM
My sister survived ovarian cancer two times. I have a friend who is now very recently in remission from stage four ovarian cancer. She is a very attractive and intelligent woman. Her hair is growing back. Her energy levels are up but honestly, she has no idea how long she will live. She is in her 60's and divorced. She is always interested in who I am dating, not that I have had much personal success with dating. But she would like a man in her life, some companionship. Not marriage, but companionship.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 35
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someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 5:31:14 PM
No, I would never set myself up for that pain.
A relative of mine whom I haven't seen in 15 years recently contacted me. Diagnosed terminal she didn't want to die alone. That I will do, never turn your back on family.
 kidreason29
Joined: 9/25/2015
Msg: 36
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/23/2016 5:32:15 PM
To answer simply, I would, but of course it depends on the person.
 somekinda_wonderful
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 37
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someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/26/2016 2:32:03 PM
My initial reaction is hell no, watched my husband go thru a horrible death, every day a new pain, new loss of function.
But, I looked at this issue again, when I started dating a man who was significantly older then me, although pretty healthy. The truth is any of us could drop dead at any time, and if someone new is going to bring joy into your life, maybe its worth that risk
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 38
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/26/2016 4:10:29 PM
I find this thread funny - some that have responded on here won't go out with a guy if he suggested Dutch Treat. So yup, they will just jump right on the terminally ill person to date. Lol.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 39
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/26/2016 5:41:22 PM
If the person was doing everything in his power to remain healthy for as long as he could, I might consider it. On the other hand, if he continued unhealthy habits such as smoking or overeating---I probably wouldn't get involved with him.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 40
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 3/31/2016 7:24:36 PM
No. I might be friends. But I won't date them. As mentioned others, there is a difference between someone becoming ill while in a relationship vs already knowing they had a terminal illness before any relationship had started.
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