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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?      Home login  
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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 126
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Just because someone doesn't fancy someone doesn't make them picky. I loathe liver. Doesn't that make me a picky eater? No means I hate everything including the word LIVER.


No it doesn't. But people that are picky eaters can be a pain to be deal with. You can invite them to your house for a party and they don't like most of the food there. Even though it's a wide selection. Or you are going out to dinner with them. But they turn down every restaurant you suggest because they have to find something wrong with almost everything.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 127
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/27/2016 8:00:01 PM

With OLD, men can outnumber women by 2 or 3 to 1 ratio. Depending on age and geography. Women can afford to be more picky and raise their expectation level because they have more potential options.


Then if OLD is so great for women, why aren't more women signing up and the gender ratios becoming more even?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 128
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/27/2016 8:11:28 PM

why aren't more women signing up and the gender ratios becoming more even?


Good question. Maybe some women stop using OLD because they are overwhelmed by the amount of emails they got. Or they were turned off by some vulgar emails that they got.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 129
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/27/2016 8:25:28 PM

Then if OLD is so great for women, why aren't more women signing up and the gender ratios becoming more even?

It isn't necessarily "so great", but yes, the ratio certainly is. Girls tend to take that for granted anyway. You can say the same thing about most bars -- if most bars' ratios are so great for them, why don't they go to them which would balance it out? Heck, I'm buying! ;)
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 130
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/27/2016 8:27:12 PM
Why does any poster being picky affect anybody? She does not " need" to date. I guess if you need to pop out kids, you" need" to date. I don't think people are " picky". I see more the opposite, people needing to be involved to avoid being alone, fearful they are missing out. That, I am not sure is the case. If you think to your least interesting dates, what is the point of not being picky.
Some people just think they are owed notice or attention for existing and having human needs, vs the fact that you have to have more to offer than just having a need. Yes, you actually have to charm or beguile people into your life, have relationship nurturing abilities, and that seems to anger people who seem to feel entitled to mates, dates, sex for being a stand up guy in their own eyes or being an all purpose human being.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 131
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 5:37:49 AM
I see nothing wrong with being selective - not sure why it gets the neg picky
I was a picky eater as a child, no one catered to me because of that ) altho I ate a lot of PB and J sandwiches.
AS for coming to your house, I usually ask ppl what they don't like before inviting them. And if I don't really really like them - I make it :) lol
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 132
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 8:13:33 AM

Why does any poster being picky affect anybody? She does not " need" to date. I guess if you need to pop out kids, you" need" to date. I don't think people are " picky". I see more the opposite, people needing to be involved to avoid being alone, fearful they are missing out. That, I am not sure is the case. If you think to your least interesting dates, what is the point of not being picky.


I tend to be more flexible in the beginning. I went out on dates with women that had mediocre pictures of themselves or women that were somewhat different than my usual type. Some people aren't photogenic and could look better in person. If it doesn't work out after a few dates, then I can move on. Of course, people can have any requirements they want. But I tend to avoid women that have a negative profile and/or a long list of rigid requirements on their profile even when I match their requirements.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 133
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 11:22:47 AM

I tend to be more flexible in the beginning. I went out on dates with women that had mediocre pictures of themselves or women that were somewhat different than my usual type. Some people aren't photogenic and could look better in person. If it doesn't work out after a few dates, then I can move on. Of course, people can have any requirements they want. But I tend to avoid women that have a negative profile and/or a long list of rigid requirements on their profile even when I match their requirements.


I will NEVER understand the 'good/bad photo' logic. It's the most retarded flaw with online dating, IMO. How obsessed with with photography & expensive cameras are we? Not enough that I ever talk about it with people in real life (as I do know a bit about photography). Apparently to the point that we'd rather date someone mediocre with slick photos, than someone who's striking but capturing their likeness with a meh-grade phone camera.

There was this article about some goofy looking dude in NYC that was apparently uber popular that basically had a halfway decent camera and HDR'd the everlovingshit out of his cheesedick photos. He was still a goofy looking dude and his profile read like an utter tool. I guarantee there are better looking guys with generic phone-grade pics. Me, if I'm going on looks alone (which I don't), I'm picking the Jennifer Lawrence looking girl with an iPhone pic over someone meh with a breathtaking pro shot. If I was that obsessed with my significant other's camera skills, I'd be trolling for women on a effing photography forum.

Just ranting because I suck at photography and refuse to spend $1000+ on a DSLR and diffusers and whatnot... LOL.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 134
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 12:27:27 PM

I will NEVER understand the 'good/bad photo' logic. It's the most retarded flaw with online dating, IMO. How obsessed with with photography & expensive cameras are we?

I don't think he was at all talking about chic photos from a grand camera. :) It's that some people aren't photogenic and could look better in person -- just like some people are going to look worse in person than their photos on POF. Neither have anything to do with high-end camera quality.

But touching on your point, I think getting a dolled up photo, all other things being equal, will increase one's interest level to some degree VS quickie selfies.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 135
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 3:25:48 PM

I don't think he was at all talking about chic photos from a grand camera. :) It's that some people aren't photogenic and could look better in person -- just like some people are going to look worse in person than their photos on POF. Neither have anything to do with high-end camera quality.


Actually, barring posing/positioning weird or making odd faces, not being "photogenic" is generally attributed to the quality (or more appropriately, the selection) of the camera. Most of the time, it's distortion imparted by using small lenses more appropriate for macro photography taking shots at close distances, where a proper portrait will be a longer lens at an appreciably longer distance. It's said that some faces are more effected by this distortion, and thus less "photogenic".

It's interesting, in my personal experience, I've been told that I'm rather photogenic on a number of occasions, but also have been told that I look "different" in real life (granted, by one person, but a visual productions guy who does magazine work) than in my pictures, and that I'm a good looking guy. Pretty sure I don't believe the last part.


But touching on your point, I think getting a dolled up photo, all other things being equal, will increase one's interest level to some degree VS quickie selfies.


Well the Ok Cupid / Dataclysm data says yes for women... not so much for men. Casual dress is slightly better than dressing up, but going shirtless is what makes the biggest difference. :-/

Pics of doing some interesting / you're passionate about are supposed to perform well, too. You've got exactly that, sir, with your windsurfing shot. Would you say it garners replies? Because, my live shot playing guitar is pretty much a wash if I have it or not. Pretty much nothing works for me, though. Repeat sentiment on being ugly.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 136
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 7:53:27 PM

I don't think he was at all talking about chic photos from a grand camera. :) It's that some people aren't photogenic and could look better in person -- just like some people are going to look worse in person than their photos on POF. Neither have anything to do with high-end camera quality.


Exactly. If I take 10 pictures of myself, using the same type of camera, I might look good in 1-2 of these pictures. I don't mind a person including 1 "glamour" picture of themselves. But they should have some "natural" pictures as well.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 137
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 7:54:17 PM
Women are no picky at all.. As long as they meet a good man . When it comes to some of the men out there women get really picky. Funny thing is that it seems that the same men complain about women all the time. Lets be honest the problem is not that women are picky the problem is that the nice guy complain that women wont pick HIM. Those men all seem to be the nice guys who got issues be it whiners or anger toward others. Or nothing going for them except playing video games all day.
But every time they look in the mirror they see that cool guy that women should fall all over.
Oh wait we guys get really picky when we meet women who got nothing else going for them.
Some people need to learn to be more picky and it goes to women not just men.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 138
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/28/2016 8:20:04 PM

Women can afford to be more picky and raise their expectation level because they have more potential options.


Based on THEIR complaints in the forums and in their profiles, how are all those "potential options" working out for most of them?



I loathe liver. Doesn't that make me a picky eater?


Yes.

Even Fonzie overcame his distaste for liver.



Liver is good for you


Especially with fava beans and nice chianti.




I was a picky eater as a child.


Me too.

But I still ate my liver and onions.



I will NEVER understand the 'good/bad photo' logic. It's the most retarded flaw with online dating, IMO. How obsessed with with photography & expensive cameras are we?


Other than me, WAY too obsessed.




Some people need to learn to be more picky


Yes.
Like the forum poster who paid for the guy's ticket, picked him up at the station, drove him to her house, let him stay for 3 days, and got a knife stuck next to her throat for all her trouble.
And the other poster who let a guy move into her house and now wants him out because he turned out to be a loser.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's OK to be picky as long as you're picky about the right things and the truly important things.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 139
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 7:02:42 AM

Based on THEIR complaints in the forums and in their profiles, how are all those "potential options" working out for most of them?


It could backfire if they are being extremely picky to the point where they are rejecting matches because 1-2 inches, a weird laugh, didn't like his finger nails etc.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 140
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 7:57:44 AM
The ones claiming women are picky? Are picky themselves, in msging the most attractive on a site, cannot help themselves.. I highly doubt people are rejecting over 2 inches. Maybe if they have a zillion options and need to weed. Maybe if they are uber tall. If a guy is taller, it is usually enough. The rest are wanting an accessory, and there is a lot of that going on with both genders, though I think it happens less after a certain age.

The fact remains, one recoils at " not my type" types. I am willing to change my mind, but one can tell a few things over coffee.
I have gotten drawn to people by who they are vs their looks, over time, but their looks were never that "bad" to start, just not my type normally.

I am not sure if men ever operate that way. I think they can find a gal intellectually boring, ethically questionable, but so value looks they will find her " sweet" despite being a person they don't particularly like.

So, then men claim, hey, I am not picky, except when it comes to age weight, looks, commitment levels. She could be psycho but if she is pretty, aok. So they claim not being picky. Yes, you are simply about one criteria, looks. One could call that picky, but whatever.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 141
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 10:54:31 AM

I am not sure if men ever operate that way. I think they can find a gal intellectually boring, ethically questionable, but so value looks they will find her " sweet" despite being a person they don't particularly like.


I can't help but think this is gender related. Granted there are exceptions: Some women too can be blinded by good looks; but I really think men are far more visually oriented, with almost no exceptions. Case in point:

Like many people, I was quite attractive when I was young. I also treated men quite poorly. Nonetheless, they wanted relationships with me. I myself didn't choose them based on physical appearance.

Now I treat people (including men) with a high degree of respect. Guess if they want relationships with me, or not?
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 142
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 10:57:21 AM
* Re liver: Isn't that where all the body's toxins go?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 143
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 11:18:27 AM

not being "photogenic" is generally attributed to the quality (or more appropriately, the selection) of the camera.

It really hasn't changed over the many years of camera technology. Not being photogenic has a lot to do with facial structure of someone, where I'll take your word for it that a high-profile camera will many times nix it. Or the person using the high-profile camera being a photographer will know how to nix it? Some people have not-so-symmetrical face constructs or differently proportioned parts of the face not So noticeable but lighting and such will emphasize it (or de-emphasize it), so a regular camera -- from the 90s to the 10s -- make the non-photogenic person have most their pics not good. Some people you can take a million photos and they look the same. With other folks, they'll look very different in many others.

A precised surplus of available men in online dating does nothing to fix the dating pool for college educated, professional women seeking an even keel intellectually and financially.

I think the Vice article isn't that there's "Literally a shortage of single men". No, not at all -- totally misleading headline. Thru online dating channels & the bar, it's the Other way around. Their example WAS of one not just dating, but being in a Relationship -- just not getting Married. A really bad article, as that's a bad example for their case that "not enough educated men".

People are just picky. Women included. Hence, many single men & single women not tied up in a Relationship.

Well the Ok Cupid / Dataclysm data says yes for women... not so much for men. Casual dress is slightly better than dressing up, but going shirtless is what makes the biggest difference. :-/

I wasn't saying dolled up like going to prom, but more like the "dolled up" photo meaning professionally done (or requiring a lot of thought & effort for average joe to do) not what they wear per se. Having a variety of pics in different situations (casual, rugged, dressed up as merely one of them, out with friends another, etc) is always the best.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 144
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 7:16:18 PM

I highly doubt people are rejecting over 2 inches. Maybe if they have a zillion options and need to weed. Maybe if they are uber tall. If a guy is taller, it is usually enough. The rest are wanting an accessory, and there is a lot of that going on with both genders, though I think it happens less after a certain age.


My comments are based on what I have read on the forums, profiles, and elsewhere. Height is very important to many women on dating sites. It's not necessarily just about a man being taller than a woman. Sometimes a man has to be taller than a woman when she is wearing heels. I have seen women's profiles that state they are interested in men that are several inches taller than them.
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 145
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 7:22:36 PM
I've seen several women's profiles that said they would prefer a taller man because they like to wear heels, some said taller than them but none that ever gave a specific height, but on the same token I can honestly say that if they don't find you attractive it doesn't matter how tall you are....being a little over 6'2" I know that for a fact. ;)
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 146
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/31/2016 7:40:51 PM

The ones claiming women are picky? Are picky themselves,


Yes.
I'm picky about the right things.

But you also have to define "picky" more precisely.
Does NOT being "picky" mean someone has NO standards?


I highly doubt people are rejecting over 2 inches.


TWO inches?
You can highly doubt all you want, but there is a woman here in Southern California who rejects over HALF an inch when she has a profile up.
She started out with "must be at least 6 feet tall", then later added (in caps) AND NO, 5' 11 and a 1/2 IS NOT 6 FEET TALL!
And many other women here have similar requirements- must be taller than me, must be taller than me in heels, must be over 6 feet, etc.


I am not sure if men ever operate that way. I think they can find a gal intellectually boring, ethically questionable, but so value looks they will find her " sweet" despite being a person they don't particularly like.


Not this man.


So, then men claim, hey, I am not picky, except when it comes to age weight, looks, commitment levels.


Not this man.


She could be psycho but if she is pretty, aok.


Nope.


So they claim not being picky. Yes, you are simply about one criteria, looks.


THAT is relative.
IF one will be satisfied with nothing less than a "10", then yes, that is being too picky about looks.
However, people are entitled to be picky about looks as far not wanting to be with someone who repulses them physically.
But if everyone who is less than a "10" repulses a particular person, I think they need a mental examination.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 147
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 12:34:57 AM
This pretty much sums up the logic in a decent sized chunk of profiles you encounter on online dating as a man:

http://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/am9p3d9_700b.jpg
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 148
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 2:51:56 AM
I haven't read all replies so maybe this was already asked. Maybe it needs to be asked again:

Maybe women are picky and demand too much but what is so unfair about it? It looks to me that these women are pursuing happiness as best they understand it. Wouldn't the unfair thing be to prevent them from doing it? Pursuit of Happiness is one of the inalienable rights enumerated in the Declaration of Independence after all.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 149
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 4:52:23 AM
Maybe they are overly cautious because they've been jerked around and don't want to waste their time on any more bad dates, hookups, or relationships clearly going nowhere. Just a thought. As for myself, I'm extremely picky. I know what I want, and I refuse to settle. And it's the inner qualities I'm most picky about, not money or looks.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 150
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 7:46:08 AM

Maybe they are overly cautious because they've been jerked around and don't want to waste their time on any more bad dates, hookups, or relationships clearly going nowhere.


I don't think anyone suggested people should get involved in a relationship that is bad or mediocre at best. However I think people that are overly cautious or paranoid can sometimes make broad generalizations based on limited info or experiences. For example, women that don't date cops or short men or Asians or whatever because they had a bad date or relationship with someone that happened to be a member of one of these groups.
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