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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?      Home login  
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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 151
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?Page 7 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

It's not necessarily just about a man being taller than a woman. Sometimes a man has to be taller than a woman when she is wearing heels.

When it comes to height, it's not really how tall he is compared to the woman, really. Look on Match, and you'll see there isn't some trend of x" taller than Her height as her preference. Short gals' height preferences are close to gals' preferences who are a bit above average height. So what's going on? Well...

It's about how tall a guy is *compared to other guys*, meaning that he's at least 'regular height' compared to other guys. As long as she's not Taller than him while he's regular height to other guys in her environment, that's what it goes by as far as Standards. Once he is, then how tall he is compared to her wearing extended heels and such -- that's where it becomes a Taste. Gals are more picky online so it's more stringent as they're "not willing to settle" online, where IRL it's more relaxed, notably on the Taste side. Gals are going to be more stringent even more on height because guys will fib about height like gals do about their waistline.

As for myself, I'm extremely picky. I know what I want, and I refuse to settle.

Yeah, you go girl! Never settle down with a guy! :)

However I think people that are overly cautious or paranoid can sometimes make broad generalizations based on limited info or experiences.

It gets magnified online without one even realizing it. It's a stat sheet. It's going to make the "I'm never going to settle" folks much more stringent, than, say, meeting them IRL in a social gathering where they're a friend of a friend.
 someitalianguy1969
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 152
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 11:44:09 AM
This is something that varies from one geographical area to the next. In some areas the ratios aren't as unfavorable for men and you don't see nearly as much of a disparity in "pickiness" between the genders. Additionally every city has its different culture and social norms and women in some areas such as St. Louis, Louisville, and Austin, TX tend to be infinitely more open-minded about the men they will meet as opposed to "Midwestern ice princess" capitals such as Chicago and (especially) Minneapolis-St. Paul.

But there is indeed something more sinister at work here. Society/the media over the last 20 years or so has pushed women to have the biggest egos possible as kind of a marketing strategy to push products along with other agendas. This obviously hasn't been done to men at all, quite the opposite in fact as the number of commercials out there that employ male bashing techniques makes evident. There are an awful lot of women who haven't really accomplished much of anything positive with their lives and don't really have tangible reason to have the big ego but they feel pressured to have that big ego anyway and look for ways to artificially inflate their self-esteem. And one of the main ways they artificially inflate the self-esteem and try to feel better about themselves is to reject as many men as possible for the most superficial and materialistic reasons possible. You'll see a ton more of this with women who are at lower educational and career levels, whose lives have clearly been dominated by child production. The dating environment is quite different in Europe. Women have a propensity to date a much wider variety of men, particularly with regards to age, and both men and women frequently date many people at the same time since logically meeting more people helps give you a better idea of what really works for you and increases the chances that you'll find the person you fit with the best. By contrast the dating culture in much of the U.S. influences women to date the narrowest range of men possible. The irony of this is the women whine incessantly about "players" while employing nothing but moronic dating strategies guaranteed to lead them to nothing but, you guessed it.....players.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 153
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 11:53:30 AM

There are an awful lot of women who haven't really accomplished much of anything positive with their lives... who are at lower educational and career levels, whose lives have clearly been dominated by child production...


Right?? People who think raising children matters are sooo tiresome.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 154
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 12:57:46 PM

Society/the media over the last 20 years or so has pushed women to have the biggest egos possible as kind of a marketing strategy to push products along with other agendas.

I can't argue that. True. Many ads and such "You Deserve!" rings a bell in a gal's head very well. Gals tend to be more concerned where they stand compared to others in their gender than guys do. Meaning guys care less about the guy next to him dressed nicer than he when he's out downtown. Gals are more likely to feel more competitive. Ads hit up on this, and perpetuate it and keep that mindset locked in for their favor, sure. (North) American culture. :)

There are an awful lot of women who haven't really accomplished much of anything positive with their lives and don't really have tangible reason to have the big ego but they feel pressured to have that big ego anyway and look for ways to artificially inflate their self-esteem.

True, but...

You'll see a ton more of this with women who are at lower educational and career levels, whose lives have clearly been dominated by child production.

... sock-puppet-baby has a good point on this. A woman isn't lesser of a choice because she "punted" on moving up in the job market due to raising kids when settled down with a guy. That has no negative marks on her as a person at all. Granted, for a guy Without kids, it's not negative on her, but is just a negative mark in her "date rating" to one degree or another, for compatibility sake. Also, it's not really one's educational level. More women are going to college than guys, btw. :)

It's about their job/career level as far as getting $$ and how self-supportive one is -- not formal education, as formal education is a means, not an ends. I may sound picky, but I say this because an earlier post's article that gals want Educated men is not entirely correct. A gal isn't going to flip her hair and yell "Next!" out of pride to Bill Gates (when he was single) because his formal education is incomplete. It's about his career level/$$ -- which, on average, is obviously strongly influenced by the Type of formal education he's had.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 155
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 3:47:37 PM
Honestly I don't get it. Why would anyone want someone who settled on them? I hope that never happens to me. It would mean in the back of their mind they felt someone else would have been better. I don't ever want to be 2nd best.

I will never settle. The man I pick will be number one in my eyes and if I can't be the same in his then it's not worth it.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 156
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 4:19:30 PM
Wow! There is so much I would like to address in your post Mr. Italianguy.....but unfortunately I have to feed my six kids and then weed through my hundreds of of Pof messages to find the tallest, richest and most handsome of the bunch.


What can I say.....when you got it....you got it. ;) ;)


I'll try to get around to you....eventually. :D
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 157
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 4:58:37 PM
So Someitalianguy, how's that all working for you? 47, single, not married, relationship under a year, no kids....screams arrogant loser, IMO, with a touch of narcissism thrown in. Probably a Mama's boy, breast fed too long, raised without a male in the house, didn't learn how to be a man. In fact, your whole profile and attitude screams "old guy cooking TV dinners in the microwave". The irony is, you might get laid but you really have to work on how to be a pleasant enough human being to get a life partner.

One of the gals will be along shortly with a cool theme song for you...can't wait.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 158
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 5:07:15 PM

Maybe they are overly cautious because they've been jerked around and don't want to waste their time on any more bad dates, hookups, or relationships clearly going nowhere. Just a thought. As for myself, I'm extremely picky. I know what I want, and I refuse to settle. And it's the inner qualities I'm most picky about, not money or looks.


So, what do you suggest to guys like myself that haven't had a date in over two years do to convey our inner qualities and that we're not here for hookups and whatnot to a degree that women use online dating to... you go... go out on dates with us? I've always spelled it out clearly in my profile(s) that I'm looking for a long term commitment... which apparently is in short order out there, but it's definitely not been a value added caveat in my experience.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 159
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 6:54:21 PM
I wish we could be a little easier on the Italian gentleman. I'd like him to stick around. It's comforting when people have similar values to ones own, but not nearly so interesting. Having said that,
we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair


No_Kids_Please: I'm thinking women who haven't had children and who never plan on having children might narrow your options. However, I applaud anyone who doesn't like children for staying away from them. Anyway, I would suggest you be patient. Once you're fifty there will be plenty of women whose kids are all growed up. Mind you, then there will be grandchildren... I'm sorry, I just don't really know what to suggest :(
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 160
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 8:53:01 PM

No_Kids_Please: I'm thinking women who haven't had children and who never plan on having children might narrow your options. However, I applaud anyone who doesn't like children for staying away from them. Anyway, I would suggest you be patient. Once you're fifty there will be plenty of women whose kids are all growed up. Mind you, then there will be grandchildren... I'm sorry, I just don't really know what to suggest :(


I wouldn't say that it narrows my options, insofar as their options are narrowed as well. It's a bit like being gay... that's to say, if you do a search for women who don't want / have kids, a good number come up... especially across multiple sites. I'll occasionally search the undecided / open crowd too. I'm just not good enough for any of them... either that or I'll chat with one who's "OMG, a guy that actually doesn't want kids, and is intelligent/articulate to boot!" and then ghost on me.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 161
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 9:15:44 PM
IME, the hawt women who don't plan on ever having kids are players.

The competition to catch these unicorns is intense, and they love the herd chasing them.

They often have vacation pics up. Perhaps a helicopter ride or posing next to a high end sports car.

And, more often then not, Wants to date but nothing serious is their intent, which translates to ME as watch your wallet because there's other wallets in the picture

YMMV
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 162
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 9:36:32 PM
The trend for women today and up and coming generations seem to have the view that having kids as well as a career and a man to equal is there god giving right...

Problem is very few seem to be able to balance it all out which means the kid ends up suffering, spends more time in child care for much of there early and nurturing yrs. when they should be being brought up and bonding with mum.

But mum today is to selfish and Ignorant / Shallow and puts career ahead of the child's needs...Or palms dad off with the kid and waits for the next free meal ticket available...

I personally would say those who choose not to have kids are extremely unselfish ....

 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 163
Why is everyone so picky on me? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 10:05:08 PM
The trend for women today and up and coming generations seem to have the view that having kids as well as a career and a man to equal is there god giving right...

Problem is very few seem to be able to balance it all out which means the kid ends up suffering, spends more time in child care for much of there early and nurturing yrs. when they should be being brought up and bonding with mum.

But mum today is to selfish and Ignorant / Shallow and puts career ahead of the child's needs...Or palms dad off with the kid and waits for the next free meal ticket available...

I personally would say those who choose not to have kids are extremely unselfish ....
and are also wise enough to have thought about the Future / Long Term...
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 164
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/1/2016 11:56:31 PM

So, what do you suggest to guys like myself that haven't had a date in over two years do to convey our inner qualities and that we're not here for hookups and whatnot to a degree that women use online dating to... you go... go out on dates with us? I've always spelled it out clearly in my profile(s) that I'm looking for a long term commitment... which apparently is in short order out there, but it's definitely not been a value added caveat in my experience.


Well, your profile could use a lot more work...specifically your tag/username and "about me" section...I would get rid of that altogether. :/ Try giving more information about yourself, your goals and what you are looking for? And a lot of women want kids, so that's going to limit your options somewhat. I will admit, you are good-looking, but then a guitar and a beard instantly add a few points for me.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 165
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/2/2016 1:49:05 AM

Well, your profile could use a lot more work...specifically your tag/username and "about me" section...I would get rid of that altogether. :/ Try giving more information about yourself, your goals and what you are looking for? And a lot of women want kids, so that's going to limit your options somewhat. I will admit, you are good-looking, but then a guitar and a beard instantly add a few points for me.


Thanks on the last part... :-) ..but you know I'm not dating on POF at all because it's a trash heap of a site, right? My actual profile is on Ok Cupid where I actually get views and occasional replies. It has exactly what you suggest on it.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 166
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/2/2016 1:56:04 AM
If you get occasional replies, it seems you are doing as well as most people are on OLD. But I'm not a big fan of OLD in general, and haven't had much success with it myself, so maybe I'm not the one to ask. :) One particular guy I met on Christian Mingle told me I was the only girl he wrote to who responded, aside from someone who knew him IRL and only messaged to say hi.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 167
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/2/2016 2:16:31 AM
Well, let me rephrase: VERY occasional replies. Very. And really the crux boils down to the fact I haven't had an actual date in over two years. Online or otherwise. Sex... sure... there's options. I'm just not interested in being a lifelike dildo. I just spent a week on a cruise in the Caribbean alone (well, I was with my family, but had no S.O.) and at 39 years of age, it's just pathetic. Even a FWB that thinks I'm alright to be around for ten consecutive days could get a great vacation out of it. Not worth it, apparently.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 168
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/2/2016 9:00:28 AM
Vote no on DSM-V criteria!

Off topic, but it's amazing how many folks assign a psychiatric label once a relationship is terminated.


Ma mama weer all crazee now
Ma ma mama weer all crazee now

Woo!

I don't want to drink my whiskey like you do
I don't need to spend my money but still do

Well don't stop now come on
Another drop now so come on
I want a lot now so come on

That's why
That's why

Ma mama weer all crazee now
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 169
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/2/2016 4:25:32 PM

Wow! There is so much I would like to address in your post Mr. Italianguy.....but unfortunately I have to feed my six kids and then weed through my hundreds of of Pof messages to find the tallest, richest and most handsome of the bunch.


LOL!


Honestly I don't get it. Why would anyone want someone who settled on them? I hope that never happens to me. It would mean in the back of their mind they felt someone else would have been better. I don't ever want to be 2nd best.

I will never settle. The man I pick will be number one in my eyes and if I can't be the same in his then it's not worth it.


Agree 100%.


So, then men claim, hey, I am not picky, except when it comes to age, weight, looks...

 
Yes. Men seem to think we're "too picky" if we want to date someone our own age who has a decent job. Meanwhile they won't even consider someone in their own league looks-wise.


Well, let me rephrase: VERY occasional replies. Very. And really the crux boils down to the fact I haven't had an actual date in over two years. Online or otherwise.


What can I say, it's tough out there. I get very few dates myself. And the majority of men who do ask me out, I meet either online or in bars (and they're usually drunk in that case). I really haven't found a compatible match that way. From what I've observed, the "better" way to meet people is through mutual friends or activities. And that means putting ourselves out there more and getting involved in things, which isn't easy for shy people like me.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 170
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/2/2016 7:49:45 PM

So, then men claim, hey, I am not picky, except when it comes to age, weight, looks...


I'm not that picky about these things.
Age - Within 10 years ( with some exceptions ) is a reasonable general guideline. Most people aren't going to be compatible with someone that is 20+ older or younger.
Weight - I prefer women that slender or athletic. But I have dated somewhat overweight women.
Looks - There needs to be some physical attraction. But it doesn't mean I or other men only go after beauty queens.


Yes. Men seem to think we're "too picky" if we want to date someone our own age who has a decent job.


I wouldn't think a woman is too picky just because of that.


Meanwhile they won't even consider someone in their own league looks-wise.


This is a broad generalization.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 171
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/2/2016 11:51:40 PM
There is lot of hypocrisy in dating expectations. That is not limited to a gender. If you think people should not expect more than they can offer, ooh that being mean spirited.

Maybe it's mean, but think about the fact on a dating site, most of your interest will be by people you consider less attractive than yourself. That's the reality. People blur that, but in real life, it is harder to be hitting on people who are a lot more in shape, younger, of a higher economic class. Why online gives people more expectations than in their daily lives, one has no idea.

As for height, why worry about people who make quick judgements on weight, age, height, etc...? They have disqualified themselves (or you) to date you. They don't factor in anymore. You were never going to date them, you just got the memo, ok, it's fine, no need to feel bad about yourself over it.

There are a lot of quick judgements, but one should not get a complex like, oh, they think I'm old, fat, short, poor, etc....so therefore I am lesser..it is really about our insecurities that were there before some nameless stranger tripped your insecurity meter.

My attitude is just " act as if" your height, weight, age, race whatever it is, does not matter. I am not saying ignore your health, or be unrealistic about who you can date, just don't get an inferiority complex over some person ( who does not matter, as they don't want to think well of you).

It is sort of giving power to your worst critics who think unkind thoughts towards you, vs instead focusing more on the few who may respect you.

There are many facets to a person, and if someone wants to snap judge you on a single criteria, go ahead and consider it their loss, not because THEY are sorry, but because you know you have more to offer (and hopefully don't make snap judgements yourself), and are more than your height, age, weight, income, circumstance or situation, etc...the right person will appreciate those other facets, and not characterize you by simply one criteria.

When our insecurities are involved, we can beat ourselves up over being slighted by somebody, but in the scheme of things, let them slight away, and you carry on being the best version of you. If you think about it, you probably passed judgement on somebody, as well.

Perhaps you can be a little less judgemental and more empathetic yourself, as you know how it feels.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 172
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/3/2016 12:45:09 AM

Maybe it's mean, but think about the fact on a dating site, most of your interest will be by people you consider less attractive than yourself.

Not necessarily. I chose not to meet people I considered to be more attractive than myself. (Online dating did that to me.)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 173
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/3/2016 12:58:29 AM
I think to treat people with respect is right anyhow and hopefully they will return the favour. As for men wanting women who they don't like or respect much, it happens. I know a guy who says his wife is a psychopath, she treats him like shit, is lazy and ignorant but he will stay with her "Because she is attractive." lol!! I just shake my head.

I think the smaller head just rules.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 174
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/3/2016 1:08:27 AM
I am not saying one never gets contacted by attractive people, but more often, the less attractive. One just tends to be wary of intentions...
Well, the pics could be old, they might be trolling for hookups, or sometimes its just fear of being eventually discarded that makes people not even bother.

I guess in real life you try to get to know a person a bit, get a feel for who they are. I do, but the fact there is no patience anymore in terms of getting to know a person, has soured me, as any kind of pressure just makes me back away. Irl, if the guy seems too perfect, I do tend to be suspicious. It all makes it pretty hard unless the person is somebody you happen to get to know over time.

Irl, the pick up places are as bad in terms of people just running through contacts for kicks and novelty. I don't run on kicks and excitement, quite the opposite, never have. Consequently, I just rarely get to that level of interest in anybody unless, they happen to be somewhat known to me vs having to interview people because they are acceptably attractive. I don't know how people do that.

The few times I did, many years ago, it was awkward as hell. I just felt wooden, as just because they are attractive does not mean we have any reason to be talking.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 175
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Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 4/3/2016 2:33:02 AM

I chose not to meet people I considered to be more attractive than myself. (Online dating did that to me.)


Same here. A few months ago I went on a date with a guy I was very attracted to. He was short and stocky, and my friends said he looked like the midget from Game of Thrones. But I found him super hot, and spent half the date worrying that I wasn't attractive enough for him. Needless to say he didn't want to see me again.


I don't run on kicks and excitement, quite the opposite, never have. Consequently, I just rarely get to that level of interest in anybody unless, they happen to be somewhat known to me vs having to interview people because they are acceptably attractive. I don't know how people do that.


I completely agree. With the exception of the guy I mentioned above, I rarely, if ever feel instant attraction to anyone. It takes time for me to get to that level, and to open up, but most guys are gone before that can happen.
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