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 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 51
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?Page 3 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Wow ebolakitty, you have surpassed blackonyx in insults and degrading attacks.
Didn't think that was even possible.
 InstructionalProducer
Joined: 7/28/2015
Msg: 52
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/23/2016 12:42:31 PM
A - My students don't post on this forum, so I've no reason to "set examples" for them here.

B - I honestly wasn't insulting you, I was pointing out the irony of your self-professed goal not matching with your presentation. While OLD is mostly visual,, most women WILL pick up on your inability to communicate without syntactical errors. I teach middle school, so my feedback is very blunt and dry, because that is what they respond to, and it carries over into how I write elsewhere.
 blackneko
Joined: 3/17/2016
Msg: 53
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/23/2016 1:01:55 PM
That is why after many years on POF and others that now I'm on the forums instead. I give up and now I just want to speak my mind.
 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 54
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/26/2016 3:25:15 AM
Same boat here. I think it would be common courtesy to respond to a message and say, "No, thank you" or "Screw Off" after I sat and wrote a personalized message to someone. I do get responses occasionally, but this site and our dating culture has changed dramatically since I was last single like 10 years or so ago.

I get a slew of messages every blue moon and then it goes quiet. Women seem more apt to click on the Meet Me section instead of being forward. I have dated using Facebook groups. It's a bit easier to contact someone who is putting themselves out there hoping to find someone that catches their attention. The dating pool is very limited in those groups though, this site has a much larger base. I usually have this really great conversation with someone and that's the last I hear from them.

I don't see where all the negativity is coming from your fellow forum members. I don't see you being overly picky or judgemental on your profile at all. Maybe post some specifics about things, instead of the laundry listing, but I really don't think your profile is all that bad. If you have anything that you are particular passionate about, you might want to post that, since you might find commonality with someone who shares those same passions.

Best of luck to you. Don't forget that these others are mostly single too, so I would give more weight to the naturally attractive people that have figured this thing out.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 55
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/26/2016 6:14:42 AM

I think it would be common courtesy to respond to a message and say, "No, thank you" or "Screw Off" after I sat and wrote a personalized message to someone. I do get responses occasionally, but this site and our dating culture has changed dramatically since I was last single like 10 years or so ago. {/quote] A subject repeated over and over here.
So you would like to sign in and see 30 response telling you that they're not interested?
Funny thing about women sending "No thanks" responses.
They are usually met with abusive rude replies so women have learned to be silent.
Yes, due to it's wide popularity now, OLD is very different than 10 yrs ago.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 56
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/26/2016 11:05:39 AM

I think it would be common courtesy to respond to a message and say, "No, thank you" or "Screw Off" after I sat and wrote a personalized message to someone.

You seem like a relatively intelligent guy. Here's thing thing: It's not common courtesy to even say "No, but thank you." "Screw Off" is completely not common courtesy. So why do you think even "Screw Off" is courtesy? You're framing the whole online situation in the wrong way. You're looking at it in a self-centric way, and treating it the same way as if the girl was someone you kinda knew from high school or friend of a friend or something. In THAT case, I agree. But you're framing it as if it's all like that. It's not.

You, this profile, are sending a Text to this profile's e-mailbox, and if she's an average Jane or better, she's getting a Boatload of messages all the time, too. And if you wrote something long with tons of thought & time put into it, again, just a representation of you framing things the wrong way. Should take you no more than 30 seconds. You're not engaging in-person. At all or anything remotely close to it. Nor do you know them from adam or vice versa. You're a profile representing someone who possibly resembles the profile adequately. Same with her -- all 'she' is is a profile, with someone behind it miles away that will likely reflect the profile you see. You're not even writing a letter in the mail to them or anything Remotely close to that.

You're visioning/feeling it the same as if you wrote a handwritten letter and mailed it to her, you're engaging in person, or writing online but already kinda knew her or something. It's Not like any of that. That profile you wrote to owes you Nothing. Their mailbox is being bombarded by Strangers, and you're one of them. If you're sitting awaiting a response, tapping your fingers next to your computer -- again, you're framing the situation as something that it isn't. You write them something that doesn't take any more of your time than reading their profile, and you move on, not expecting a response. You only pay attention to responses if/when they come.

If the female profile you're writing to doesn't reply -- they're not interested. Your answer's already there. But you don't know Why, right? Well, a gal giving you a robotic response, seen as polite or impolite, isn't going to either. You get no answers either way. Writing you a canned not-interested response only narrows it down that she'll never like you. Only a stalker would have a need for that. Again, no response Clearly = not interested enough to reply, thus Not Interested.

The female profile getting messages stockpiled is actually under Less obligation to respond to you, than you sending an e-message to a famous person and expecting them to respond.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 57
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/26/2016 4:57:23 PM
Call_me_tater had great remark: "Wow ebolakitty you have surpassed blackonyx in insults and degrading remarks. Didn't think that was possible."

I am still laughing over that comment! But it is true!

Happy Easter!
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 58
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 9:57:32 AM
I've been on this site for some years, and I've messaged hundreds of women. I don't send out mass messages and I always read their profile and make sure to mention something we have in common. Yet none of my first contacts has ever lead to a date. I've had a few dates when the women contacted me first though. This makes me question if it's even worth sending out first contacts.
 Phils20
Joined: 1/6/2015
Msg: 59
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 11:08:21 AM
At first I did, but began to realize over time that actually getting a date online, let alone meeting someone who fits what you want, is miniscule, unfortunatley.
Imo, the best way to meet women is the old fashioned way, get out there in public and start convos with people you're attracted to!
Best of luck! :)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 60
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 7:58:08 PM

Funny thing about women sending "No thanks" responses.
They are usually met with abusive rude replies so women have learned to be silent.


I don't care if a woman sends me a "No thanks" response or doesn't reply to the initial email when she's not interested. But not replying doesn't necessarily prevent rude responses. Some people ( acquaintances that have used OLD, women that I have talked to from OLD etc ) have told me they actually got more rude emails when they didn't respond. They got messages like "You think you are good for me, you stuck up b!tch".
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 61
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 8:28:01 PM

... have told me they actually got more rude emails when they didn't respond. They got messages like "You think you are good for me, you stuck up b!tch".

But I'd be willing to bet on those who say that due to no reply -- they would get the much the same on those specific individuals if they whipped out a "Thanks but no thanks." :)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 62
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 8:43:58 PM

But I'd be willing to bet on those who say that due to no reply -- they would get the much the same on those specific individuals if they whipped out a "Thanks but no thanks." :)


Possibly. But the reverse could be true as well. Some people that sent rude emails getting a "No thanks" response could have sent the same type of emails after not getting any type of response.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 63
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 8:57:26 PM

Possibly. But the reverse could be true as well. Some people that sent rude emails getting a "No thanks" response could have sent the same type of emails after not getting any type of response.

Yeah, I'm just saying that your example sounds like they'd say it either way if they weren't given the time of day (no response or No Thanks). IMO, from gals' expressed experience on the forums, my personal experience with a female friend who I helped make a profile for, and the fact that the 'market' has positioned itself not to respond -- I have a pretty strong belief that one's best bet comparatively is not to reply.

Usually it's that gals stop replying when they get hissed at in return of a robotic "no thanks". I would guess the gal who you were referring to had some bad messages via no-reply that stuck out at her, giving her the impression that no-response was worse... but when played out over time (think blackjack), it's going to be a lot better not to reply.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 64
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 9:09:37 PM
IMO it's subjective. There are people that prefer "No thanks". There are people that prefer no response. There are people like myself that don't care either way. There are people that will get angry regardless of the rejection method. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer for this. Except for the last example.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 65
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 10:12:46 PM

IMO it's subjective. There are people that prefer "No thanks". There are people that prefer no response.

Well, the part about what brings po'd messages isn't subjective (although one's guess is) -- but an active dating site would have to have to do an analysis and spit out the results. I wonder if OKC has done that. They've done analyses on things like guys with no shirts who write gals & # of responses comparison (it is better when the guy's in his 20s). I think this should be OKC's next project. :)

And although I do believe that a gal will get Less negative messages if she goes the no-reply route (otherwise, IMO, the 'market' would have shifted to many more 'no thanks' replies), there is a difference between that VS which is the more ethical/polite/better route.

IMO, it IS better to Not reply. My belief that less negative messages down the line comes from no-replies bolsters it, but I'm not relying on that. IMO, it seems logical. Mainly because a cut-n-paste "No Thanks" reply says they're not into you, with no explanation which only draws questions in one's head if said person seemed to be in their own league. It doesn't answer any (commonly put) questions in the opener message, and it doesn't answer the reasons why they're not. Not that we're owed to know truly why, but them saying that sparks that question in one's head. It's not that they're too busy being wrapped up with other guys of interest right now (bad timing), and it's not like "No Thanks" is Polite. Like that one guy more or less said about at least wanting a "Screw off". Almost all people (maybe including him without knowing it) don't want those consistently flying at them, no. I think that only works for people who have attention issues.

IMO, to an extent, same with "Thanks but no thanks." I don't see a logical need to send it, even on a being-polite scale at all. I just think a Minority of guys who don't get any responses are frustrated ("Let me know I'm alive, dammit!"), and want something to complain about and want something to be legitimately ticked off about at them (creating or backing up an assumption they Do Deserve a response, as if they once knew them or something).
 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 66
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/27/2016 11:46:39 PM
norwegianguy456:

You seem like a relatively intelligent guy. Here's thing thing: It's not common courtesy to even say "No, but thank you." "Screw Off" is completely not common courtesy. So why do you think even "Screw Off" is courtesy? You're framing the whole online situation in the wrong way. You're looking at it in a self-centric way, and treating it the same way as if the girl was someone you kinda knew from high school or friend of a friend or something. In THAT case, I agree. But you're framing it as if it's all like that. It's not.


Since you took the time to type all that out, I will reply back. Not so hard is it?

You are really overthinking things. I was joking when I said "screw off", indicating that I would prefer to get some response over no response. I for one, do not like ambiguity. I was beginning to think my messages were not getting through or something. Everyone views things in a self-centric way, otherwise, why would we put ourselves out there? Why even try if you are not getting some type of satisfaction out of meeting new people? Also, I am going to ignore your labeling and calling me a stalker, you take a lot of liberty with your conclusions. I have an analytical nature but you are way on the deep end.

My ex just recently showed me her profile hits, I had no idea that women get so many messages. She had like 100 messages in her inbox and all these views. It seems to be quite a different experience for guys.

call_me_tater:

Funny thing about women sending "No thanks" responses.
They are usually met with abusive rude replies so women have learned to be silent.
Yes, due to it's wide popularity now, OLD is very different than 10 yrs ago.


Some guys just ruin it for the rest of us. What does "OLD" mean?
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 67
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 12:25:59 AM
^^^ OLD = online dating (OnLine Dating)
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 68
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 1:00:48 AM

Some guys just ruin it for the rest of us


Nobody has ruined anything for anybody. Women are polite and respond positively to men who can appeal to them, even gingerly worded rejections. Bank on it. Unless and until a guy shows them something to merit a civil response, he gets crickets. That's the way it is IRL. That's the way it was in the glorious olden days. That's the way it will be in the next century.

It wasn't all of the bad men who caused it. It would be just the same if they never logged in. What is going on is that most men are unattractive. Not a failing by itself. It can and does change. Where they go wrong is to blame other unattractive men for it. (Not talking about you because you aren't really complaining. You are just stating something that I believe to be untrue.)
 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 69
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 1:34:13 AM

^^^ OLD = online dating (OnLine Dating)


Oh ok, thanks. I've seen some acronyms on here that I really didn't understand. Cool beans.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 70
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 7:46:03 AM

And although I do believe that a gal will get Less negative messages if she goes the no-reply route (otherwise, IMO, the 'market' would have shifted to many more 'no thanks' replies), there is a difference between that VS which is the more ethical/polite/better route.


No reply may be the "market" because it takes relatively less time and effort to do that than write a bunch of "No thanks" responses. In particular for the women that get dozens of emails in a week or a day. Heck no reply seems to the "market" when a person loses interest exchanging some emails or after going out few dates. IMO just because something happens more often, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a better ( or worse for that matter ) way to handle things.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 71
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 10:53:35 AM
90% of no replies are fake/dead/bot profiles because the asshats that run POF won't purge that crap out of the database.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 72
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 11:10:39 AM

You are really overthinking things.

I'm really not. It's super quick & simple, but I over-explain/write too much, to try and hit up every single point individually, or preemptively answer questions that my initial response will bring. :) I'll try not to do that here.

I was joking when I said "screw off", indicating that I would prefer to get some response over no response.

I realize that you wouldn't like it, as it was a "Geez, just send me Something for crying out loud," where just about anything will do. My point is -- even that won't resolve things at all for a vast majority either.

I for one, do not like ambiguity. I was beginning to think my messages were not getting through or something.

First, to clarify, I wasn't calling you a stalker. I trying to say that only a stalkerish person, even after understanding how things are actually set up, would still emotionally believe he Needed a response. With that out the way...

Self-centric: Where one's not seeing the whole picture, and thinking the world is too much isolated to him and her, is what I mean. :) It ends up making one think they're being gyped out of something when they're not.

My ex just recently showed me her profile hits, I had no idea that women get so many messages. She had like 100 messages in her inbox and all these views. It seems to be quite a different experience for guys.

Okay, great, things become clearer then as to Why. It's like a local-famous person getting emails from everyone. Again, it'd be one thing if you knew the girl in the past somewhat. But they don't owe you, a stranger, a response, especially when getting gawd-knows-what rifling in all the time. If a guy sends a gal a message and is putting anything big or small on temporary hold in life due to awaiting a response -- he's showing up to a country bar in a small town in a tuxedo thinking he's there for a big city wedding reception.

south_city:

No reply may be the "market" because it takes relatively less time and effort to do that than write a bunch of "No thanks" responses

True. If it were even near a tie in offense, yeah, it'd err on no-reponse, so you'd still see that more. But from my experience (and others obviously), no-response is almost the whole pie... and my point is, there's a good reason for it, is all.

Heck no reply seems to the "market" when a person loses interest exchanging some emails or after going out few dates.

After you have message exchanges, that changes things if the conversation didn't ebb away (which does happen a lot tho). If you had good convo, and would like it to have ebb'd away but it didn't -- yes, at least an I'm-busy type response is polite. And after a few seemingly good dates the person poof-disappears, that's way worse. It doesn't mean it's okay that that happens, but my point is that's conceptually different than no-response-to-stranger.

The butt-hurt folks (mainly newbies) think of a gal's profile like an online Classified Ad of selling a washing machine, when they're looking for one and like the one they posted... where if you write in an offer to buy, a response is the polite thing for the other to do. It's not at all like that, is my point.

Instead, it's more like posting an online Classified Ad where one posts about looking for a good deal on a dress that they're Thinking of maybe buying. She's going the opposite route to get some adverts coming to her, instead. Small companies are going to fire off adverts to her, so no, she doesn't owe them a response unless she's interested.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 73
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 11:11:21 AM

You are really overthinking things.


You're not the first to make that observation.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 74
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 12:14:24 PM

but I over-explain/write too much, to try and hit up every single point individually, or preemptively answer questions that my initial response will bring.
Yup.
A line by line analysis.
Every time.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 75
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/28/2016 12:29:55 PM
If I were using POF to date, I would pay to get an upgraded account. That lets you know if your MSGs were read and deleted. That would eliminate some of the frustration.
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