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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 76
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?Page 4 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

My point was not replying appears to be most common way to show lack of interest when 2 people aren't in an exclusive relationship.

That's so broad/vague, though. It's also the most common way to show lack of interest to spam mail too I guess.

My point is that a stranger writing someone a message on a date website where that someone doesn't reply, to someone you go out on dates with and are chatting frequently to suddenly go MIA out of the blue is comparing apples & oranges.

A closer comparison would be a stranger writing an email to a random but very active blog writer somewhere on the Internet, and that blogger doesn't respond to your email.

When it comes to people going WTF -- IMO, it's a misunderstanding on their part. In their mind it's erroneously like someone selling a washing machine in the Want Ads, and like anyone else, they at least expect a reply on whether it's still for sale. I mean, not Everyone is going to, but if pretty much NOBODY is -- WTF?

But in actuality, it's more the reverse. It's like they put up a want ad to see if there's any good deals on washing machines as they're thinking of maybe buying one. They get flooded with appliance store form emails, people trying to get rid of theirs, spam -- whole nine yards. They shouldn't be expected to respond and inquire about the deal you're trying to offer them. They'll respond to the ones they're interested in.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 77
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/29/2016 6:41:06 AM

That's so broad/vague, though. It's also the most common way to show lack of interest to spam mail too I guess.


That's exactly my point though. No reply happen in a variety of situations. Not saying all of these situations are equal or the same.
 Treyseph84
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 78
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/30/2016 7:04:00 PM


OP, this might sting a little but remember this is a diagnosis not an insult.

There is a hierarchy among men and you don't rank high enough to attract women online. At this point, you appear to hold the rank of apprentice cuckold. When you gather enough wealth then you will be promoted to full cuckold and women will let you underwrite the children they already have but not have any children with you. Where you are now, you can get poor single mothers to split expenses with you but gratitude and esteem are out of the question.

Can you rise higher into the baby daddy category? Who knows? Unlike the various grades of cuckold, the father ranks require intangible things other than wealth. You may have them or you may not. You don't tell us.

You really shouldn't be frustrated by not getting responses. You don't meet criteria any more than your toaster oven. You can't expect any. You are a religious man, think of it like this: God sent you into this world to use your hands and your head. He has no plans for you to use your penis for anything. If he did then women would be no problem for you. You have seen how it goes... some guys think they are God's gift to women... and they are. You don't think that about yourself because you know that you are not.


Was there a positive message or anything helpful in there? Because I sure didn't see anything like that.
 Treyseph84
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 79
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/30/2016 7:10:46 PM

You get 1 out of 15 and you're complaining? Then have the most nagging, negative profile I've read on a guy.

Your problem is one of nagging and entitlement. Back in the day when I started dating, it took me 1 out of 100 to get to talk to to a woman. Then out of that maybe 1 in 5 would evolve in a date. But it taught me a lot, and after several relationships when ever I was back in the pond, my chances got even better. The last few go around, out of 13 to 15 women I message, I ended in conversations with at least 4 or 5 and get in at least one or two dates a week.

Want to improve your odds. Do not mass email. Learn to write an effective email. Have a profile that is not so negative, yet sounds unique. And just keep going.



I still have no idea what Inner Gorilla is talking about. My profile wasn't nagging or negative.
 Treyseph84
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 80
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/30/2016 7:12:42 PM

Same boat here. I think it would be common courtesy to respond to a message and say, "No, thank you" or "Screw Off" after I sat and wrote a personalized message to someone. I do get responses occasionally, but this site and our dating culture has changed dramatically since I was last single like 10 years or so ago.

I get a slew of messages every blue moon and then it goes quiet. Women seem more apt to click on the Meet Me section instead of being forward. I have dated using Facebook groups. It's a bit easier to contact someone who is putting themselves out there hoping to find someone that catches their attention. The dating pool is very limited in those groups though, this site has a much larger base. I usually have this really great conversation with someone and that's the last I hear from them.

I don't see where all the negativity is coming from your fellow forum members. I don't see you being overly picky or judgemental on your profile at all. Maybe post some specifics about things, instead of the laundry listing, but I really don't think your profile is all that bad. If you have anything that you are particular passionate about, you might want to post that, since you might find commonality with someone who shares those same passions.

Best of luck to you. Don't forget that these others are mostly single too, so I would give more weight to the naturally attractive people that have figured this thing out.


It was just a few on the first page. Some were just confusing.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 81
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/30/2016 7:42:25 PM
Courtesy on OLD? I haven't seen it. I got used to no replies. After a while, I took the "Why Bother?'' stance, moved to the forums, and just forgot about messaging. This crock of someone for everyone , I no longer believe it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 82
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/30/2016 8:34:30 PM

That's exactly my point though. No reply happen in a variety of situations. Not saying all of these situations are equal or the same.

Yeah, I know. What I'm saying is that when it comes to it being Rude, it's comparing apples and oranges as they're different situations. Having fruitful conversations for several days hitting it off that just suddenly ends MIA with no explanation is rude. Having seemingly fruitful dates and then them suddenly going MIA with no explanation is ruder. Coming home one day to where you and your live-in GF live, with all her stuff gone and without even a Dear John letter, while she changed her #, leaving only a pregnancy test laying in the toilet marked as positive is much much ruder. :)

Point is, if IT (emphasize IT) is just a profile you've never engaged with, and all you did was send that IT a message and they didn't respond -- it's completely comparing apples & oranges. Not out of rudeness factor, as it has no rudeness factor of not getting a response... but it's a completely different concept. There's nothing owed out of courtesy, is my point.

Some people are equating it to someone they've been talking to or someone they know in real life or something, where they'd at least expect a reply. It's more like surfing the net and reading random blogs with Lots of activity, and writing a message to the blogger and not getting a reply, yet getting upset feeling entitled to one. Hey, if you're looking to talk to bloggers, yeah, that's a way to do it -- but don't expect a reply if they're not interested in conversing with ya, you, being a random stranger. They're not being rude by not replying, as that alone can spark some short-term conversing they don't want -- as they've tried that before.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 83
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/31/2016 4:03:09 AM

Was there a positive message or anything helpful in there? Because I sure didn't see anything like that.


Yes. There was. What I was trying to get across to you is that there are some guys who are born attractive and don't have to work at it to be successful with women. Others aren't so lucky and the best that they can hope to do is buy them off... for a while. A lot of people, yourself included probably, thought I was trying to degrade you. Far from it. Being unattractive to women is no more a fault than having blue eyes or brown hair. The reason I put you in the unattractive category is that you admit to struggles with OLD. That wouldn't be a problem if you were a born Casanova.

Now, what are you supposed to do with this? Mainly, understand that what you are pining for just isn't part of your destiny. Why should it have to be? You can reset your goals to something that will work for you. You probably will never pitch in the World Series,bowl a 300 game, or win the Heavyweight title. Why not let go of this too. You just are not cut out for it. Not many are and they are no better than you or I.

There ARE things you can do to get attention from women. None of them are more than temporary. That's why lots of guys knock themselves out doing those things but still wind up divorced. You could learn a few PUA tricks and get some attention in the short run but the second they find out who and what you are, it is finished. You could get filthy rich but, unless you are a natural, all that will get you is a prettier woman to betray you.

Also remember that the government defines a family as a woman and her children. If you are the father then you don't count for squat. Write all of this crap off. Figure out what you really, really want and think a little out of the box on how to get it. The suburban dream would be your worst nightmare.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 84
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/31/2016 10:15:46 AM
I'm beyond the frustration stage.

After a while , it's better to just accept it for what it is.
 Treyseph84
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 85
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/31/2016 10:22:10 AM
That message still doesn't sound very positive, unless you think being a quitter and giving up is somehow positive. It also sounds like you have a high negative outlook on women. And the goals you are suggesting don't sound like ones I have any interest in pursuing.. I have no interest pursuing gold diggers when I get more money or be celibate Unless that person desires to be a monk or priest (which I don't), then that is just quitting, not a goal.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 86
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/31/2016 10:28:01 AM


If someone says I'm not cut for something, I would rather try to prove them wrong, than be a quitter.


I having nothing to prove to anyone.

Being authentic is very difficult when you're trying too hard to attract a total stranger, IMHO.
 Treyseph84
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 87
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/31/2016 11:05:14 AM
To prove it to yourself, not to them.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 88
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/31/2016 6:56:14 PM
ButterChickenChuck, how are YOU not getting responses?
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 89
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/31/2016 7:17:51 PM

Being authentic is very difficult when you're trying too hard to attract a total stranger, IMHO


I think that's true if you're trying to project what you think it is that they want to see. However I think our tendency is to over accentuate the qualities that we already possess in an initial meeting stage because they're not familiar with how we conduct ourselves on a daily basis. I think that's common among well adjusted individuals. ymmv :)

OT....I wouldn't let a lack of responses affect me in any way let alone frustrate. It's really nothing more than a cyber hello when you fire off that first message....just a shot in the dark. Then again I don't expect OLD to be productive for me. If you're going to obsess over something make it tangible would be my suggestion. :)
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 90
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 3:29:36 AM

Obviously that 3:1 ratio is a disadvantage to guy, but it can result in a disadvantage to girls too. That is because with so many choices, they can be overly quick at rejecting someone and end up choosing only "guys out of their league."


Wow, I must be doing something wrong. I almost never message guys who I feel are out of my league. I consider myself average looking, and I usually go for guys who are very average themselves, yet most of the guys I message don't write back. The ones who do message me are usually below average in my opinion (like, much older, very overweight, have really bad grammar, etc). I have absolutely no problem dating a bald guy or one with a "dad bod" or close to my own height or whatever, but I prefer someone close in age who is in a healthy weight range and has decent conversation skills and personal hygiene. I also prefer no kids since I don't have any children. Yet it seems guys like that think they deserve the hot young chicks.


Therefore, when a guy is out of a girl's league, likely she is good enough for sex but nothing more.


Sad but often true. When I'm hit on by more attractive guys (this happens in bars, almost never online), I get the feeling they are just looking for sex. And so far that's been the case, because if I don't give it up right away they lose interest. Yet the unattractive ones will keep chasing even after I turn them down.


I see lots of very unattractive women who are married to better looking husbands. There is no hard and fast rule that "hot guys" will only have sex with less attractive women but not a relationship. Just not what I see all around me.


Thank you for pointing this out! I see it IRL too - but it hasn't been my own experience! Maybe these non-shallow guys are all taken?? And to be clear, I am NOT looking for a "hot" guy - just an average one!
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 91
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 3:44:09 AM

I'm 31, and I notice one thing I'm having trouble with is finding a woman who still wants kids. Unfortunately it's gotten harder to contact younger women and most of the older ones don't want any either because they don't want kids or they had as much as they wanted and don't want anymore.


I'm curious to know what you define as "older." I find it hard to believe that you can't find a 31 year old woman who doesn't have or want kids. I'm almost 34, have no kids, and still want them. And I know I'm not the only one. As for your profile, some people may wonder why you have 3 jobs. I'd consider narrowing it down to one main job, at least under the "profession" category. And maybe put manager (as you said you help manage a restaurant) instead of "kitchen assistant."
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 92
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 4:10:21 AM

Was there a positive message or anything helpful in there? Because I sure didn't see anything like that.[quote/]


Yes. There was.


No, there wasn't. You were right about that OP.


What I was trying to get across to you is that there are some guys who are born attractive and don't have to work at it to be successful with women...The reason I put you in the unattractive category is that you admit to struggles with OLD. That wouldn't be a problem if you were a born Casanova.


Wow, the person who wrote this sounds very bitter and negative. I feel sorry for him. I don't even know where to start with what's wrong here. So everyone who struggles with OLD is automatically in the "unattractive" category? I'd say most people who have tried OLD have struggled with it...I'd say that's more because it sucks for the most part. A born Casanova? Come on...lol. I have to admit though, I am not a confident person myself, but I'm attracted to confident guys! A "hot" insecure guy is a turn-off, but a short bald guy with confidence and a great sense of humor? Much hotter.


Mainly, understand that what you are pining for just isn't part of your destiny. Why should it have to be? You can reset your goals to something that will work for you. You probably will never pitch in the World Series,bowl a 300 game, or win the Heavyweight title. Why not let go of this too. You just are not cut out for it. Not many are and they are no better than you or I.


Is this a joke? Either you are a troll, or it's just that misery loves company. Women like men who try. Not in a creepy, aggressive, stalker-ish way, but in an open, straightforward way. Like, this is who I am, and I'm interested in you, take it or leave it. Saying "woe is me, I give up" is not the answer. The OP is 31, and a man, which means a he has much longer time frame for baby-making than us women do. Hardly the time to throw in the towel. I do have to say though, that if you are not a troll, I can identify with some of your feelings. I have a hard time dating and meeting men, and I have my "screw this, I give up" moments as well. But I know ultimately I won't be happy giving up.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 93
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 7:30:37 AM

So everyone who struggles with OLD is automatically in the "unattractive" category?
Yes.


I'd say most people who have tried OLD have struggled with it.
Because most people are unattractive.


Women like men who try.
So what? If a man's goals lie elsewhere then what women like doesn't matter.


I have a hard time dating and meeting men, and I have my "screw this, I give up" moments as well.
Yes. Women have problems with this too. I am very aware of that. Except, the challenges that women face are not my department. The Sisterhood is better positioned to handle that than I am.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 94
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 7:38:27 AM

Wow, I must be doing something wrong. I almost never message guys who I feel are out of my league. I consider myself average looking, and I usually go for guys who are very average themselves, yet most of the guys I message don't write back. The ones who do message me are usually below average in my opinion (like, much older, very overweight, have really bad grammar, etc).... Yet it seems guys like that think they deserve the hot young chicks.


Sounds just like what many men say here. They contact women that they consider to be average looking and get very few positive responses.
 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 95
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 2:47:04 PM

I'm curious to know what you define as "older." I find it hard to believe that you can't find a 31 year old woman who doesn't have or want kids. I'm almost 34, have no kids, and still want them. And I know I'm not the only one. As for your profile, some people may wonder why you have 3 jobs. I'd consider narrowing it down to one main job, at least under the "profession" category. And maybe put manager (as you said you help manage a restaurant) instead of "kitchen assistant."


It could be a regional thing too. There are a ton of single mothers here in my city. Lot's of women with tattoos right in the middle of their chest and arms etc. The next city up, at the state capital, there are more career driven women that are the direct opposite. In their 30's with no kids because they put their schooling/career first.

Also, don't sell yourself short. You seem to have a lot to offer.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 96
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 2:57:17 PM

Wow, I must be doing something wrong. I almost never message guys who I feel are out of my league. I consider myself average looking, and I usually go for guys who are very average themselves, yet most of the guys I message don't write back.

You're not supposed to consider them out of your league. My point was that what one considers In their league is more likely to be closer to Out of their league when in an environment like POF where the ratio's 3:1. It's more of a gal's Pickiness in who she responds to and goes out with. What one feels is in or out of their league is influenced on their environment and results. It's surprising that no guys respond to yours? You're an above average looking gal + no kids. Unless you say you're a virgin or super-Xian, but instead just a normal greeting -- I see no reason why you should have a shortage of guys Who Are Active On The Site, at least responding. Even if they are, IRL, a bit out of your league.

Yet it seems guys like that think they deserve the hot young chicks.

Ideally, but on a 3:1 ratio site, most guys are going to be in position to take a gander at girls who are "doable". You're more than "doable". Maybe you're going after guys who aren't compatible [mentioning virgin or super-Xian would do that], not active on the site, OR the top small % who have their hands full with hotter girls. But that'd be a very small % of guys if they're active and not incompatible by profile.

When I'm hit on by more attractive guys (this happens in bars, almost never online), I get the feeling they are just looking for sex.

Online, they're just looking for sex just as much. It's called the dating scene. :) Bars vary. You'll see that at a higher % at dance clubs, lower % at posh craft-brew or wine bars. But yes, if the guy's out of the gal's league and coming on to her -- no matter what the venue -- it's likely sexual relations is his main reason. But never rule that out -- you can get lucky... not meaning the bedroom, but the guy could be 'out of your league' but his Type could be a match and he can see it, all while you're a step above Average Jane. Especially if he's in his 30s and wants a gal with no kids who's at least close to 30.

I find it hard to believe that you can't find a 31 year old woman who doesn't have or want kids. I'm almost 34, have no kids, and still want them.

Ooooh! Lady Jane, put a bow in your hair, because I think you just found yourself a beau! ;)

Wow, the person who wrote this sounds very bitter and negative. I feel sorry for him.

Yes, he's very bitter and has a negative skew.


So everyone who struggles with OLD is automatically in the "unattractive" category?
Yes.

Especially with guys, I Disagree. Especially with OLD one could have real bad game, bad taste, etc. Lady Jane, from an objective standpoint, isn't unattractive. Who she aims at or is willing to respond to can be narrowed down to those who don't bring good luck. Which IS odd. The reason it's odd is because no, she's not unattractive.

Because most people are unattractive.

Most guys where things don't go well, it's not that. He's Less attractive of a catch in POF-land because it's a 3:1 ratio. That makes sub-par Sally's tastes go Up above what she really is, hence she's more apt to be in situations where a guy will take her out a couple times, pork her, then his interest fades and she cries foul. Why so often online? Because sub-par Sally doesn't understand that on POF, with a 3:1 ratio, the guys are going to take what they can get. But once IRL sets in, they're not going to want to Stick to it.

Non-unattractive guys are going to struggle more than non-unattractive women on POF. It's a 3:1 ratio. Also, guys can not realize this while only going after hot girls due to internet-skepticism he has, thus, getting little to no results. It doesn't mean he's unattractive -- it just means he's going after those he doesn't have a chance with. But even ones he does at least have a chance with, with the thanks of 3:1 ratio, he may be in the mix but dropped as she has tons o dudes in his league that she's chatting with. After a while, he should stick to a gal -- but again, without any upper game, he's going to have to aim a little lower than IRL due to the ratio mismatch.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 97
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 5:54:10 PM
only 15 women to get a response?? Most men would envy you. You are young yet and plenty of women want a family at your age.click. You have potentially a lot of competition with sites like POF. I know many men have been trying for years without success. Especially men who are not high status. You say you are a few pounds over and that translates to overweight. A lot of women would just pass you by on that. Click next...... You can work out and get fitter and increase your chances. At your age it should be easy to work out a bit. I doubt you contact women who are overweight, right??? It is all about looks and status on these sites. .
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 98
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 8:28:43 PM

It is all about looks and status on these sites.


Then people CAN and SHOULD change their attitudes.
 hkrjay
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 99
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 10:55:01 PM
A woodpecker could change into a new pair of rubber lips before a person can change their attitude.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 100
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/1/2016 10:59:31 PM
You can put lipstick on a pig too, but it's still a pig.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?