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 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 101
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?Page 5 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)

You say you are a few pounds over and that translates to overweight...I doubt you contact women who are overweight, right??? It is all about looks and status on these sites.


^^Yep. This.

@Norwegianguy: Thank you for saying I am above average. I used to think that as well before I tried OLD, but my experiences online have made me feel very unattractive. I never bring up my celibacy or the fact that I'm "super Christian" in the first message, unless the guy himself has stated something similar. Lately I've been adding guys as favorites instead of sending messages, since most of those got no response. And it seems to never fail - if I contact a shorter, bald guy or an overweight one, they'll write back. But the "average" ones? Hardly ever. In bars I have similar results. Old, overweight and/or short men chase me like crazy (like, they actually want to get my number and take me out on a proper date). But the better looking ones seem to only want sex without putting the effort in. I've had people say to me before that I must be overestimating myself or aiming out of my league. I can assure you I am not, at least in the looks department. I never message or approach the tall, buff, movie-star type guys. I wouldn't even want to, they're not my "type" to begin with. I've liked guys who were around my own height (5"6) or a bit taller, hair or no hair (on their head that is, I am partial to beards), and like myself, not fit but not "fat" either (like, I don't mind a few extra pounds if they are literally just a few extra pounds). I do prefer them to be close in age because of the compatibility factor (I don't need another dad, thanks), and the fact that I'm pretty inexperienced for my age (never been married, no kids etc.) Men, on the other hand, seem to be completely delusional about what they consider "average." To them, anyone less than 10 years younger than them, or less than a supermodel is "average." To quote an article I read (which I just went and looked up again), "in my experience as a dating coach where I have the unique privilege of being given access to some of my clients’ online dating accounts...after years of doing this, I’m still flabbergasted that no matter how unattractive a man is – no matter how little hair is on his head, or how much on his back – he STILL has the same twenty-something supermodels on his favorites list as if he was Colin Farrell." (Evan Marc Katz)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 102
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 11:50:04 AM

So everyone who struggles with OLD is automatically in the "unattractive" category?


Yes.


Certainly poor pictures can be a reason why someone struggles. But not the only reason though. It could be a poor profile or things that are mentioned during email / phone conversations or dates if things get that far. Sometimes it's completely out of your control. For example, the other person may end up being a flake.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 103
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 11:59:27 AM

And it seems to never fail - if I contact a shorter, bald guy or an overweight one, they'll write back. But the "average" ones? Hardly ever.


So shorter guys, bald guys, and overweight guys don't even qualify as "average"?
They are below average?

And then this:


Men, on the other hand, seem to be completely delusional about what they consider "average."


What's the difference between your delusion and theirs?


(I don't need another dad, thanks),


There's your mantra again.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 104
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 12:19:36 PM

To quote an article I read (which I just went and looked up again), "in my experience as a dating coach where I have the unique privilege of being given access to some of my clients’ online dating accounts...after years of doing this, I’m still flabbergasted that no matter how unattractive a man is – no matter how little hair is on his head, or how much on his back – he STILL has the same twenty-something supermodels on his favorites list as if he was Colin Farrell."

Why is he saying it's weird though? He adds her to his favorites because he likes her and enjoys looking, not because she agreed to go on a date. Isn't that what favorite means?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 105
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 12:26:24 PM
^^^^^^ But what's the point of just looking ? Might as well ask , get rejected repeatedly by the same type of out of reach younger women and eventually get a clue vs remaining in fantasy land....right ?



It's one thing to put posters on your bedroom wall while going through puberty but there's a good reason why a man should eventually grow out of this phase.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 106
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 12:35:18 PM
I guess I don't get it. He's adding her as a favorite, not contacting her and asking her out on a date. To me it's synonymous with putting a poster with her picture on the wall.

VVV
Online dating is delusional by definition. All of a sudden we think we can go and get a date with all these people... just because they logged onto the same site as we did. How is "adding favorites" any more of a goal-oriented, adult activity than playing a Facebook game?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 107
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 12:39:54 PM
^^^^^^ Ok, so you think it's healthy for a man to remain delusional. Got it.




Edit to above :

" All of a sudden we think we can get a date with all these people "



Speak for yourself, I don't believe that at all and I'm not alone - which is the DIFFERENCE between delusional and not being delusional aka REALISTIC.


Seriously....you don't see the difference between a guy in his 40's having women in their 20's on his faves vs women in their 40's ?????


 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 108
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 1:02:31 PM
[Quote]So shorter guys, bald guys, and overweight guys don't even qualify as "average"?
They are below average?[/Quote]

Ok, I realize that sounded way overly critical. I'm sorry. Yes, many of these guys would qualify as average. But "average" is relative. For instance, a 50 year old man might be "average" to a 50 year old woman, but to a 25 year old, he is below average. And, say, a man who is very overweight, but only contacts women who are fit and skinny. I've had guys pursue me who had bad hygiene (like BO or looked like they didn't brush their teeth). Regardless of their looks, I consider that a turnoff and that would put them in the "below average" category. When I say "average," I mean a guy who is close in age, average size (not fit but not obese), good hygiene, and at least my own height (if I was 5", maybe I'd have no problem dating a 5"4 man. But I'm 5"6 and I don't want to be the taller one). And I threw "bald" in there, even though I really don't care about that one way or the other, but because it's true that bald guys are more likely to respond to my messages (but not always). Does that make sense?

[Quote]But what's the point of just looking ? Might as well ask , get rejected repeatedly by the same type of out of reach younger women and eventually get a clue vs remaining in fantasy land....right ?

It's one thing to put posters on your bedroom wall while going through puberty but there's a good reason why a man should eventually grow out of this phase.[/Quote]

Yes. Exactly!!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 109
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 1:16:27 PM
Butterchickenchuck, perhaps I should have not said anything at all, because I'm not a social networking person and I guess I don't understand the point of "favorites". It's a dating site - if you like someone, reach out and ask them out. Adding favorites reminds of me the "watch list" on Ebay - so you can come back and think about buying, but it's not for the seller to contact you and ask you if you'd like to buy.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 110
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 2:17:23 PM
I thought no response is a response?

So people should be quite happy with all the non-response responses.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 111
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 2:23:13 PM

Seriously....you don't see the difference between a guy in his 40's having women in their 20's on his faves vs women in their 40's ?????


To dream the impossible dream
To text the untextable date
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To MSG where the brave dare not go
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your fingers are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To date that unreachable star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
===================================
Ya can't give up on your dreams!
===================================
I used to use Favs to keep track of people, mostly attractive but sometimes just interesting that was before I found out they get notified of being a fav. For me it was just a way of bookmarking them.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 112
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 7:34:36 PM

Ok, I realize that sounded way overly critical. I'm sorry. Yes, many of these guys would qualify as average. But "average" is relative. For instance, a 50 year old man might be "average" to a 50 year old woman, but to a 25 year old, he is below average. And, say, a man who is very overweight, but only contacts women who are fit and skinny.


I get that a much older person probably wouldn't be compatible because of the age difference. But I wouldn't necessarily consider an older person to be "below average". I have seen women in their 40s that are better looking than many women in their 20s.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 113
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 9:46:35 PM
I don't mean to say that the person is below average in general. Objectively I could also say I've seen 45 year old men who are better looking than some 25 year olds. But when it comes to dating, I would consider a much older man to be "below average" on the scale of what I'm looking for, since I very rarely would be attracted to someone much older, even if objectively I knew they were good looking.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 114
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 11:31:01 PM
^^^^^ LJane_6...I notice you can't get your quote box to show up. Use "quote" instead of "Quote".

OP...I came here nearly 5 years ago and thought it would be easy. After about 6 months, I stopped writing. At this point, the forums is my primary reason for still being here.
 xsPuRx
Joined: 4/27/2013
Msg: 115
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/2/2016 11:35:22 PM

Then people CAN and SHOULD change their attitudes.


Totally agree. It's not completely like that, but a lot of things can be attractive. Supermodel with no brain, sorry not interested. I'd be bored out of my mind in a realionship like that lol. I think as you get older. Priorities change, and what is important when you're younger is not as important when you're older. Some people just don't actually grow up at all.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 116
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/4/2016 10:05:25 AM

Thank you for saying I am above average. I used to think that as well before I tried OLD, but my experiences online have made me feel very unattractive.

You're an odd duck, LJ. :) If anything, OLD is to boost a gal's esteem, thanks to the ratio. Sure, she may get eye-rolling messages trickling in all the time, and from no shortage of not-so-attractive guys, but she's going to be Wanted a lot online VS IRL. It's a nice little ego boost. That's one of the Pros to it. One of the Cons to it all, is that the ego boost can mislead a gal into thinking she's a 7 when she's really a 5.5, because she can land a date with a guy in the 7 range quicker & easier vs IRL.

And it seems to never fail - if I contact a shorter, bald guy or an overweight one, they'll write back. But the "average" ones? Hardly ever. In bars I have similar results. Old, overweight and/or short men chase me like crazy

If what you're writing is kosher and all -- I don't buy it. :) If you're righting Merely Average Joes, who are Currently Active on the site -- you will get a decent response rate. Are you sure you're measuring what is "Average" accurately? Are you sure you measuring the response Rate accurately?

In bars I have similar results. Old, overweight and/or short men chase me like crazy ... But the better looking ones seem to only want sex without putting the effort in.

On the last part -- how do you know they only want sex if they haven't put the effort in? So you do interact with them. Just because they don't have the "Wowzers!" mentality to take you out with red carpet and all -- and are far removed from that motif & excitement for a (gasp) date with you, doesn't mean they're "Ehh" and just want sex. Now, some of them might. Some may really like you, but have sex as a motivator. You're saying guys who are merely more than Old+overweight/short aren't into you? Bullsh!t. :)

Now, how you come across to guys who are in range of actually dateable will have an impact. You could be coming across as off-putting and snobby or uber-shy -- so yeah, in that case, you'd have to be way out of a guy's league for him to have the motivation to chase you.

I've liked guys who were around my own height (5"6) or a bit taller, hair or no hair .... not fit but not "fat" either.

This is what makes things perplexing and why I'd bet $1000 that your perception is off in the dating scene, especially when it's IRL + online.

Men, on the other hand, seem to be completely delusional about what they consider "average." To them, anyone less than 10 years younger than them, or less than a supermodel is "average."

People as a whole can be delusional on what they consider average. People tend to see their own looks when they were in more optimal shape in the past. Studies have shown that although we're self-critical, we also think we're better looking than we actually are.

Again, I could take your profile info, and re-make it, and I guarantee you'd have no shortage of guys you describe you're attracted to writing to you & in response to 'my' first messages to them. I could walk with you and a couple (of taken) girls to an active bar or two, and I guarantee you would get #s. I think it's a combination of your lower self-esteem + seeing things in a bit of a skewed lens that's giving you an unfortunately negative & incorrect perspective. I'm not saying it's all puppy dogs & ice cream. But there's Plenty of women who are overweight with not as pretty faces, a little older, plus some kids who can't find a baby sitter so easily -- rolling their eyes at a pretty gal like yourself saying "woe is me". :)
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 117
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/4/2016 1:26:56 PM
“I don't mean to say that the person is below average in general. Objectively I could also say I've seen 45 year old men who are better looking than some 25 year olds. But when it comes to dating, I would consider a much older man to be ‘below average’ on the scale of what I'm looking for, since I very rarely would be attracted to someone much older, even if objectively I knew they were good looking.”

This is an interesting phenomenon for me, because I look so much younger than my age. I was at an event over the weekend that involved a lot of college-aged women and was introduced to quite a few of them since I was an “important person” there. So I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say any of them had true romantic interest in me, but some did accept me as one of their peers and we hung out all weekend. But yesterday I said something to a couple of them about having worked a job for 15 years and they just stood there with mouths agape and one finally said, “Wait, how old are you, dude?”

I look so young that I’m believable as a college-aged student and a woman in that age bracket who finds me attractive in general will also think of me as dateable because I look like an age she finds acceptable to date. But as soon as such a woman finds out I’m not the age she’s assumed I am, she’s turned off. Well, if she finds out early enough. She might theoretically make me an exception to her age rule if she gets to know me well enough to truly start liking me before finding out my age. But this obviously doesn’t work at all in OLD. If I email a 24-year-old woman on here, it doesn’t matter to her that I look her age (or maybe even younger) – she’s going to see the age on my profile and immediately be turned off, no matter how attractive she thinks I am.

Of course, the crazy thing is, most women my own age do NOT find my youthful appearance attractive, so in real life, they are turned off by my appearance immediately upon meeting me and eventually telling them I am their age does not resolve the issue, because I still look like a college-aged kid to them. And OLD doesn’t make a dime of difference in this situation, as knowing my age upfront is meaningless. It’s just a bad, bad place to be in. (Over the past few years, 90%+ of the women I’ve contacted on OLD are in their 30s or 40s, yet I’ve never in my entire life had a date with a woman over the age of 25, and most, even in my late 20s, were 18-20, not because that’s who I was targeting but simply because they were the only ones showing any interest and in real life that is still true, but on OLD... I’m just simply getting no interest now.)
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 118
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/4/2016 1:43:48 PM
I've known a ton of women that mentioned that during their early twenties, they met some early 40s dude that simply rocked their world and introduced them to many, many things in life.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 119
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/4/2016 3:39:34 PM

You're an odd duck, LJ. :) If anything, OLD is to boost a gal's esteem, thanks to the ratio. Sure, she may get eye-rolling messages trickling in all the time, and from no shortage of not-so-attractive guys, but she's going to be Wanted a lot online VS IRL. It's a nice little ego boost. That's one of the Pros to it. One of the Cons to it all, is that the ego boost can mislead a gal into thinking she's a 7 when she's really a 5.5, because she can land a date with a guy in the 7 range quicker & easier vs IRL.


Yes, I am strange. :) But I’d have to disagree with this, for myself anyway. It really doesn’t boost my confidence to get messages from guys I have zero interest in (most often, the type I’ve described), and be ignored by the ones I do try to contact. I’d say OLD had the opposite effect on me! A few years ago, I would have considered myself around a 7, but after using OLD, I thought I was a 5. Haha


how do you know they only want sex if they haven't put the effort in?


They make it pretty obvious. Like, the guys I’ve met in bars will make a move on me to make out or something, and if I don’t reciprocate right away (meaning, the same night I met them), they leave and I never hear from them again. I'm talking about the average-looking ones. Not "hot" by any means. On the other hand, the less attractive guys I described do ask for my number and actually contact me. I admit, however, that a bar probably isn’t the best place to base these assumptions on.


Some may really like you, but have sex as a motivator.


Could be the case.


Now, how you come across to guys who are in range of actually dateable will have an impact. You could be coming across as off-putting and snobby or uber-shy.



it's a combination of your lower self-esteem + seeing things in a bit of a skewed lens that's giving you an unfortunately negative & incorrect perspective.


I agree that both of these things are part of the problem.


She might theoretically make me an exception to her age rule if she gets to know me well enough to truly start liking me before finding out my age. But this obviously doesn’t work at all in OLD. If I email a 24-year-old woman on here, it doesn’t matter to her that I look her age (or maybe even younger) – she’s going to see the age on my profile and immediately be turned off, no matter how attractive she thinks I am.


Agree. I am also very young looking-for my age (I’m often guessed to be college-age or, on rare occasions, even a teenager), so IRL I can interact with younger people and possibly get some interest. My last boyfriend (it’s been 4 years since I’ve been in a relationship) was 7 years younger than me, and when we met he had no idea how old I was. I didn’t tell him until we’d been out a few times, and by then he decided it didn’t matter. But on OLD, I am almost always contacted by men who are older.


I've known a ton of women that mentioned that during their early twenties, they met some early 40s dude that simply rocked their world and introduced them to many, many things in life.


Perhaps they had daddy issues? I’m not saying it’s not possible for women to be attracted to much older men, and yes, it’s true that some women do prefer older men. But not the majority of us. When I was 20, a 40 year old man just seemed…old! Now that I’m in my 30s, 50+ men seem old. I’m sure most women would agree with me.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 120
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/4/2016 7:07:44 PM
Hawking Jr, enjoy that you look young for your age. I always looked young for my age but to a disadvantage in my younger years at times: graduated from college and applying for a job and they thought I was too young to have a college degree. Getting photographed for my wedding in my early twenties and the photographer said I looked like a child bride. Married to the same person who was only three years older than myself but a Doctor in the military and the comments were ridiculous: was told there was no way I looked old enough to be married to an officer, let alone a Doctor.

Enjoy your youthful looks. My daughter is 30 but can pass for 20. She is very pretty, very educated and can easily date younger men.

At least now I can date younger men and no one thinks I look like his mother!
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 121
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/5/2016 11:11:36 AM
Is looking young that much of a handicap in dating? Seemingly everyone IRL thinks I'm a solid ten years younger than I am. Are late thirties women really, "Ugh, he looks 27, sooooo unattractive."? ;8-/
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 122
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/5/2016 11:34:38 AM
come on /// few people have baby faces. Genereally when ppl say you look younger they are just trying to curry favor.
Why get frustrated if no one replies, why not just change what you are doing?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 123
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/5/2016 11:43:25 AM

It really doesn’t boost my confidence to get messages from guys I have zero interest in (most often, the type I’ve described), and be ignored by the ones I do try to contact.

Here's the thing -- even though that can be frustrating, there's a difference between not getting what you want and confused VS a belief that you're less attractive than you are. There's a difference between you having zero interest and guys being completely ugly... as you point out, you're very picky. So when judging how attractive you are, you should take your subjective tastes out the window. Of course you're going to get ugly guys hitting you up -- you should! And guys who aren't ugly, but not your type and/or look. But here's one reason why you're not getting many responses from attractive guys:

I am a Christian and go to church most weekends. I like talking about faith and life

It's not merely being a Xian, but expressing this in words in the profile = I am a strong Xian gal. The bigger the city, the less % of responses. I hear Calgary is a big city, eh? ;) If you were living in Nebraska here in the states, you'd be getting guys more your type writing you, and you'd be getting more responses. If you were in Utah, and your religion was LDS -- ironically, you wouldn't be a virgin right now. :)

Point is, you should Expect a sizable amount of less returns. But that's not the ONLY thing:
- Guy should be online within ~24 hours
- Guy should Match you. Not just what you merely like. Those two can be different when one's kinda in your boat.
- Make sure what you write to the guy is cool -- don't talk about religion or conservatism, of course.
- Realize that guys can still be online when they're already juggling dates. You can easily be in his league, but, he's got other fish and you don't stand out above them right now.
- Realize that guys can still be online when they have a GF, too.

My advice would be to nix the "I am a Christian and go to church most weekends. I like talking about faith and life." First, it's already stated your a Xian in the religion selection. You already have that covered. Second, you go to church most weekends -- ok. Leave that to when the subject comes up talking in person. Third, saying that you like talking about faith & life is the strongest thing here. Gives guys an impression you're strong Xian.

If you're ONLY looking for a strong Xian guy -- that's great. But I would just nix that whole part out, to see what happens. Some people don't express things about their kids, their religious beliefs, etc -- and just leave that up to the forum. It can only open up your opportunities, as that's what your main problem is. Shift your main pic to one of the others (so guys won't recognize offhand), and cut that part of the profile out -- you'll get responses. :)
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 124
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/5/2016 12:25:04 PM
“Genereally when ppl say you look younger they are just trying to curry favor.”

Yeah, this is not the case. People do that to WOMEN – that’s why you feel like that is something universal, because you experience it yourself. It is not a compliment to tell a man that he looks young, so nobody does that to men to try to “curry favor.” If people (men or women) are telling a man that he looks young, then it’s because he looks young. And we’re not talking about fishing for compliments situations. I just mentioned the college girls who thought I was their age (this tends to happen a lot in youth-oriented environments, especially when I worked at a movie theater). I frequently get carded in situations in which my peers do not (including recently for a rated R movie!). On several occasions I have run into someone I hadn’t seen in 10+ years, and the first thing they all brought up was “How do you look EXACTLY THE SAME?” Trust me, that was not a compliment. Now I’ve definitely seen some guys with it worse than me. I actually think I did look like an older teenager when I was an older teenager. I just largely stopped aging at that point. But I used to work with this guy who looked like he was 12 back then, and I’m his FB friend and every now and then he’ll post a new picture in which he still looks like he is 12. He’s actually about 30 now. However, he’s also 6’3” so his babyface is much less of a dating issue than mine is. Speaking of which...

“Is looking young that much of a handicap in dating?”

Like most everything else, it is probably a combination factor and a question of extremes. A 40-year-old 6 foot tall athletic man who has the face of a 25-year-old will probably not get rejected much by women his own age for his youthful appearance. A 40-year-old 5’4” man whose face is borderline teenage-ish will probably get rejected by many women his age for looking too youthful, to the point that he looks like he could be one of her sons. I mean, you hear it a lot in these forums: older women complaining about being contacted by younger men who could be their sons, which is a concept they find gross.

Regardless, youthful appearances are much more helpful for women than men, as Jane can attest to. My best friend looks 15-20 years younger than she is and she and her mature-looking teenage daughter can pass for sisters in the right light – this makes her very popular among men in their 20s and seems to PO a lot of women her age. However, as ndm suggests, it might have been problematic to her career because, combined with her high-pitched voice, taking her seriously has always been an issue and she undoubtedly lost some business and promotions because of how young she seems. Eventually she finally became a manager, but she had to fight really hard to convince the powers-that-be that she was mature and experienced enough for the position, even though she had been doing her job for about 20 years, while younger (but older-looking) people had been promoted over her. (We also have interesting sibling situations – she’s only 2 years younger than her sister and looks and sounds 20 years younger because her sister looks and sounds even older than she is, while I am 2 years older than my brother and look 20 years younger, partially because he looks and sounds even older than he is – he’s been balding and grizzled for years. And yet both sets of us definitely look related, but it’s more like my best friend and I are the children of our siblings.) So it’s definitely a double-edged sword for women.

But for men, it can be nothing but a negative. Besides having the same “no one takes us seriously” issues in the work environment, in dating, women who are attracted to younger-looking men are turned off by the fact that we aren’t actually young, and women who are attracted to older-looking men have no interest whatsoever. I came up with this theory that I should do better with women close to my age who look much younger than they are because they can empathize with me and so I started actively seeking them out, but so far only one such woman has written me back on POF. I mean, short women don’t like short men, so I’m not really sure what I was thinking with this “young-looking women should like young-looking men” concept. But on the other hand, as a general rule, young-looking women are also usually short, so who knows which one is leading to the rejection? All I know for sure at this point is I’m just tired. It cannot be healthy to consume this much rejection in such a short period of time. Speaking of which...

"There's a difference between you having zero interest and guys being completely ugly... as you point out, you're very picky. So when judging how attractive you are, you should take your subjective tastes out the window. Of course you're going to get ugly guys hitting you up -- you should!"

As I said in some other recent thread, I had no female interest AT ALL for the first 24 years of my life -- not just rejected by every female I asked out/showed interest in, but none showing unsolicited interest in me whatsoever. It is impossible to fathom the feeling you get from that experience without experiencing it yourself. I'm not saying getting interest mostly (or completely) from people that don't interest you isn't frustrating in its own way, but I'm quite sure it does not make you feel subhuman, a leper or even another species for all practical purposes. Even now, after having been in a relationship with an attractive woman, I still know that I am not remotely normal because "normal" people do not go as many years with a complete lack of interest as I still do. I last received an unsolicited message on here in 2013. That's just not normal. Guys with FAR worse profiles than I've had during that period have gotten many more messages and views than I have. So from my history, I know I am generally undesirable to the female population. So I think you have to be careful what you wish for when you're complaining about getting interest from people that don't interest you, because it could always be worse. I think if most women on here went 3 years without an unsolicited message despite active participation and putting their best foot forward... they would look back wistfully on the days in which every Tom, Dck and Harry was emailing them.
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 125
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Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 4/5/2016 2:42:24 PM

My advice would be to nix the "I am a Christian and go to church most weekends. I like talking about faith and life…If you're ONLY looking for a strong Xian guy -- that's great. But I would just nix that whole part out, to see what happens.


You may have a point there. My friend has “Christian” in her religion section and does not mention it elsewhere, and she gets way more messages than I do. And I had assumed that’s because she was better looking. I do appreciate your opinion that it’s not my looks that are the problem. IRL, I would probably say it’s more due to shyness than looks. But OLD can be a beauty contest. I do, ideally prefer a Christian guy, but I haven’t had much better luck with those who identify as Christian. I got a few dates out of Christian Mingle, but they didn’t go anywhere. And I still had the same frustrating experience with the reasonably attractive men ignoring my messages. (Of the men I actually met up with and may have had interest in, one of them was narcissistic and majorly lacking in social skills, one turned out to be gay, and one put “thin” under body type and was actually overweight, and looked older than his age. I would have considered seeing the last guy again, I was moderately attracted to him, but he said some things in the conversation that weirded me out. Another guy I wrote to who looked more “normal,” shall we say, and clearly had common interests, ignored my message. So as an experiment, I swiped my picture for one of a model and tried writing to him again, and – surprise! He answered. And my inbox got flooded with messages. Same profile, Christian dating site. I’m going into all this detail just to explain why I’ve come to some of the conclusions I have). Again, I do appreciate your encouragement. For now, I’ve decided that OLD probably isn’t the best avenue for me. I know it works for some people, but to me, it just seems really superficial. I may come back and try it again in the future if I get lonely/desperate enough, but ATM I don’t have the patience for it.


As I said in some other recent thread, I had no female interest AT ALL for the first 24 years of my life -- not just rejected by every female I asked out/showed interest in, but none showing unsolicited interest in me whatsoever…I last received an unsolicited message on here in 2013. That's just not normal.


It’s not as uncommon as you think. I have girlfriends my own age who have never been in a relationship, one hasn’t even been on a date. Most of these girls are just super shy, and don’t seem confident. I would guess that yours may be a confidence problem as well, rather than looks. And I’ve met a few guys who say they got little to no responses online. (My friend and I have both met up with guys who said we were the only ones who responded to them). I have heard that shorter guys have a harder time online. Like I said, I just find OLD to be very superficial. I mean, I’ve had men who clearly rejected me because of my looks as well (this was proved when I put a fake picture up). One of my other friends, who is the same age and I would say similar “league” looks wise, has no kids, and is not religious, tried contacting several guys without a picture, and they wrote back. All of them asked to see a picture, and when she sent one, most of them stopped talking to her. I think that you’re probably better off meeting people IRL (I’ve decided that for myself as well). You say you’re Christian, right? Maybe try church groups? That’s what I plan to do more of in the near future. I know from experience though, it’s tough out there. I can sympathize.
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