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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > stop with the endless messages and ask me out already      Home login  
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 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 51
stop with the endless messages and ask me out alreadyPage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
OP, I read your original post, and the additional comments you made as well as your profile.
In my observation, you must know better then any of us why these men aren't asking you out.
If I had to guess, I'd say you probably come across as controlling, demanding and judgemental, kinda like you do in your profile and comments made in this thread.
 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 52
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:31:49 PM

Miss Princess Homemaker,

I am baffled as to why men aren't asking you out.




OP, I read your original post, and the additional comments you made as well as your profile.
In my observation, you must know better then any of us why these men aren't asking you out.
If I had to guess, I'd say you probably come across as controlling, demanding and judgemental, kinda like you do in your profile and comments made in this thread.


I'm fine with the people who do not ask me out as long as they stay out of my inbox. I'm not here to be an online chat buddy. Why contact me with small talk everyday if you find me "controlling","demanding" and "judgemental"? Oh please excuse me for not wanting to entertain an endless and pointless conversation just because you happen to be bored. SMH...
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 53
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:34:28 PM
That's the nicest I've seen Onyx be - I think he is crushin :/
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 54
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:37:04 PM

In my observation, you must know better then any of us why these men aren't asking you out.
If I had to guess, I'd say you probably come across as controlling, demanding and judgemental, kinda like you do in your profile and comments made in this thread.

+1 to that.


You need a woman like me. Not some stuck up female who is too independent and will not give you any quality time or attention.

Guys don't ever NEED you. That's a blanket statement of arrogance, and it's not pretty. Declaring that in your profile means pretty much the exact opposite. You come across as THE stuck-up, independent woman. -- It's kind of like a guy saying in his profile he doesn't want sex in a relationship. Would you honestly believe him? Of course not. You already know better.

Online, you are exposed to views and scrutiny from all kinds of men. The are plenty who are equally as arrogant - 'diva' like in their own ways, and think they are showing confidence by being 'tough'. It's not confidence. You may get attention from these confrontational types who think 'challenge accepted' and want to play that stupid game of trying to break each others' will. Do you really want that?!?

Guys who are more open to kind, shared, equal relationships (where it's not about breaking each other down) are seeking a profile that seems less defensive, more humble, more 'open' to possibilities. Playing the numbers in here you quickly realize it's good to have a profile that stands well on its own - not one that feels the need to bash others to prove it.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 55
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:59:37 PM
Oh, Myfeethurt (BlondeAngel) is gone. I guess the mods called her back. How many times is she going to attempt to rejoin after being banned?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 56
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:58:59 PM
If the guys are messaging endlessly they are not serious about dating you. . Are you sexting with these guys, if so that is all they want I would say. Probably not as they are represented and lying about their status. Who knows?? If after a week or so they don't want to meet, move on. You can ask for their numbers, call them on the phone and hear their voices and even ask to Skype. My guess is that they may disappear. Try it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 57
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:18:51 PM
It's funny how the OP brags about her inbox overflowing, but none of them lead to someone asking her out on a date. Things that make you go hmm.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 58
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:21:05 PM

I'd put a photo up but some people keep having it removed.

Really? Who would do such a thing? Never happened to me.
 Llove2laughtoo
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 59
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 7:39:56 PM

I'd put a photo up but some people keep having it removed.



Msg: 60
Really? Who would do such a thing? Never happened to me.


Same thing happened to me, Crookcatcher and several other forum members, many times.
 a_buick_a_dd214_and_a_ba
Joined: 2/21/2016
Msg: 60
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2016 10:02:56 PM

I don't understand why people waste so much time on here sending endless messages that do not lead to a date. If you're not here to date, why did you join a dating website? I'm tired of messaging back and forth for weeks and it leads to nothing but more messages and more messages. I'm here to DATE.


You may write that now; however, i've utilized that approach with women only to find them unresponsive when I open with more than "hi" or proceed to go for a date. If you write that with sincerity, set a boundary and inform the individual you talk to of that boundary. If they go past that boundary, end the conversation, and start up again with someone new.
 preston913
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 61
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/10/2016 8:12:33 PM
Here's the deal.

Sometimes when guys ask a girl for her number too soon, she takes it the wrong way and stops replying.

And if you take too long, the girl takes it the wrong way and stops replying.

The fact of the matter is this. Women pretty much are the gatekeepers when it comes to this, so why not send a hint or something that you are interested in taking this to the next level. Guys are confused because each women is different so it throws us off. Throw us a bone sometimes. You guys are just too gotdamn hard to figure out.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 62
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/10/2016 11:24:37 PM

Here's the deal.

Sometimes when guys ask a girl for her number too soon, she takes it the wrong way and stops replying.

And if you take too long, the girl takes it the wrong way and stops replying.

The fact of the matter is this. Women pretty much are the gatekeepers when it comes to this, so why not send a hint or something that you are interested in taking this to the next level. Guys are confused because each women is different so it throws us off. Throw us a bone sometimes. You guys are just too gotdamn hard to figure out.


Yes, asking for a number right away is not good, but asking for a date right away is perfectly fine. If a woman responds to you on a dating site, it means she's interested. Not hard to figure out. I'm also sick to death of guys who go on and on and on but never take the initiative to say hey, let's meet for a coffee or have dinner/lunch, whatever. Even after I drop hints that we should have a conversation in person. Some guys are either dense or really not interested in actual dating.
 preston913
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 63
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 2:10:04 AM


Yes, asking for a number right away is not good, but asking for a date right away is perfectly fine. If a woman responds to you on a dating site, it means she's interested. Not hard to figure out. I'm also sick to death of guys who go on and on and on but never take the initiative to say hey, let's meet for a coffee or have dinner/lunch, whatever. Even after I drop hints that we should have a conversation in person. Some guys are either dense or really not interested in actual dating.


Sometimes women take asking for a date right away the wrong way. Yes even on a dating site. This gives some women the feeling that "all we want to do is hook up" and we are not interested in getting to know them as a person. So we have to walk a fine line of trying to know you a little bit, without asking for a number/date to soon or too early and that is difficult to manage since every woman is different and we have to adjust accordingly. Sometimes guys are dense because women are hard to read. Sometimes women are just flirtatious and are being nice, and not necessarily interested, which are why we can be dense sometimes. . It would just be a hell of a lot easier if women could be just a little forward and just say what they want instead of all these subtle hints and clues.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 64
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 6:24:48 AM

Yes, asking for a number right away is not good, but asking for a date right away is perfectly fine. If a woman responds to you on a dating site, it means she's interested. Not hard to figure out.


The problem with asking a woman out for date right away is many women will think a man is being overaggressive, too eager, just looking for sex etc. Even when a woman does respond, it doesn't always mean she is interested in you. Some people are looking for an email / text buddy and use OLD as a way to pass time when they are bored.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 65
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 6:44:58 AM
But asking out a woman early/setting up a DATE (not "let's hang out" but "let's have a coffee/lunch/dinner") weeds out the time wasters - both ways, I might add. If a guy keeps messaging me but doesn't make plans for a meeting, I will tell him straight up "let's meet in person". If he doesn't jump at the chance to set up a time and place, I'll move on. Guys can do the same. After you get a response from a woman and a few exchanges (no longer than two days worth), suggest something like "hey, we should have this conversation in person, we should have coffee/lunch/dinner". If she dances around or is wishy washy then move on. That way you'll have only wasted two days, instead of two weeks.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 66
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 6:49:30 AM
It's too bad, when filling out a profile on POF, there aren't more boxes to fill in that would relate to meeting in person. A question that should be added is: How many message exchanges do you require before meeting in person-or deciding you don't want to meet? Another question that should be on is: Do you require someone's phone number before meeting, and if so, do you require to speak to someone on the phone before meeting in person?

Most people never put this information on their profile, so it's just guess work as to how anxious they are to meet someone in person, and how soon can someone ask another person out without either seeming too desperate or being a time waster.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 67
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 6:59:22 AM
I firmly believe in the KISS principle. It's YOUR profile ya know.

Firmly spell it out in YOUR profile your SOP. Preferably right at or near the top.

And then stick to it. It's NOT complicated. It's really not.

Sometimes, just when it seems that there are ever fewer ladies who have the slightest clue about this OLD business...

I awoke to a first contact email this morning. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"XYZ-XYZ-XYZX NAME, will be home tomorrow morning. 💋"

The entire email. ^^^^^^^

And she happens to be a great match.

She even put DATES AND CAPTIONS ON HER PICS. What a concept eh?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 68
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 6:59:59 AM

But asking out a woman early/setting up a DATE (not "let's hang out" but "let's have a coffee/lunch/dinner") weeds out the time wasters - both ways, I might add. If a guy keeps messaging me but doesn't make plans for a meeting, I will tell him straight up "let's meet in person". If he doesn't jump at the chance to set up a time and place, I'll move on. Guys can do the same. After you get a response from a woman and a few exchanges (no longer than two days worth), suggest something like "hey, we should have this conversation in person, we should have coffee/lunch/dinner". If she dances around or is wishy washy then move on. That way you'll have only wasted two days, instead of two weeks.


I would ask for her number and/or ask her out on a date / meeting after about 3-5 email messages each way. When people said ask her out right away, I took that as asking her out after just 1-2 emails.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 69
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 7:23:46 AM
^^^
+1

I can be very spontaneous and if a gal thinks setting up a same day meet is an agenda, that's on her.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 70
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 7:39:43 AM
Goes to show you that everybody is different. I don't like to talk on the phone before I meet someone in person. It's weird and awkward. After we have met and clicked, sure, go ahead and call, but until then, I prefer not to. Same day meets are no good for me either, but I would suggest an alternate date if someone were to suggest that. If someone turns down a meet without coming up with an alternate time or date, they aren't all that interested, so I'd move on from that as well.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 71
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 9:19:24 AM
I always talk on the phone before meeting. I like to talk, not type. I do enough typing at work.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 72
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 9:21:50 AM
Talking on the phone before meeting someone prevented me from wasting my time meeting them on MANY occasions.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 73
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 9:28:52 AM
I know I'm going to be judged harshly for this, but okei.
I once talked to someone on the phone and decided not to
meet because of his voice. I knew I wouldn't be able to listen
to him talk without cracking up. It was sort of a high squeal
that was so high, the ends of his sentences sort of disappeared
because he ran out of sound.

I also didn't meet someone because they talked too slow. A few
times I said "hello?" because I thought we had been disconnected.
Ain't nobody got time for that!

So yeah, I have to say, talking on the phone has prevented
me from meeting someone on a few occasions.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 74
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 9:31:01 AM
Exactly, you didn't waste their time or money, so good idea to talk first.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 75
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 9:33:49 AM
I mean, personally, I would much rather have one of those awkward /no flow conversations where things just aren't connecting AT ALL over the phone than in person.

Also, it's good for the environment because I'm not using gas and polluting the air !

Hooray for me !
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