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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > stop with the endless messages and ask me out already      Home login  
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 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 76
stop with the endless messages and ask me out alreadyPage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

So yeah, I have to say, talking on the phone has prevented
me from meeting someone on a few occasions.


Same here. I don't like it when they call me before I've met in person, but some call anyways, and I've also had a few disqualify themselves after I talked to them on the phone. Still not worth my time though until AFTER I've met them. A lot of times I've found they are trying to create "instant familiarity" to soften you up for the first meet, thinking they'll have a better shot at getting physical.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 77
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 9:40:05 AM
^^^^ LOL - " Bye Buddy, hope you find your dad "



Probably wouldn't sound too good saying something like

" oh you like that ? who's your daddy , huh ? who's your daddy ? "

 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 78
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:09:18 AM
ButterChickenChuck
I mean, personally, I would much rather have one of those awkward /no flow conversations where things just aren't connecting AT ALL over the phone than in person.

Same here. Much better to discover a dealbreaker on the phone than in person.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 79
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:12:19 AM
sun__flower



Same here. Much better to discover a dealbreaker on the phone than in person.



I know right ?

 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 80
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:21:15 AM
"I know I'm going to be judged harshly for this, but okei. I once talked to someone on the phone and decided not to meet because of his voice."

Nothing at all wrong with that, I've done the same thing. It's not just the voice, sometimes it's how they act, talking over you, not listening or paying attention. A short phone call can tell you a lot.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 81
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:40:31 AM
I think there’s something very different about the way women in my younger age bracket operate in regards to phones. I sent my phone number to the last several women I ended up meeting in real life, and none of them ever sent me their phone number or messaged or called me through my phone number. And remember, I MET them. They all used the POF app on their phones and preferred to keep using it to message with me, basically treating it at as another type of texting, but it made it easier for them to block or kill contact with a guy than it would have if they had given the guy their actual phone number. The last one even said, “Hey, if you’re held up or have to cancel or something just message me on POF and I’ll get it even if I’m already at the restaurant.”

This is somewhat problematic to me since I don’t have the POF app on my phone so I have to find a computer if my plans change before I get to the restaurant. Needless to say none of the women I never ended up meeting ever bothered with my phone number or sent me theirs. My female friends in their 20s seem to hate talking on the phone and much more strongly prefer texting. So the whole using the phone to screen potential dates thing may be going to the dumpster for the younger generation. Which is just as well to me, because I hate talking on the phone. Period. I would rather drive 10 miles to talk to a friend at his/her house than call him/her on the phone. But if a woman did send me her phone number, I would call her (unless she told me to text her).

On "response = interested": ABSOLUTELY NOT. I would in fact say the majority of women who have responded to me had absolutely no interest in dating me -- most were just answering whatever question I asked them. Some just liked my writing style and liked writing themselves and turned me into a penpal. Which is one of the bigger problems with OLD: it's entirely driven by writing, yet nobody since the days of Shelley and George Gordon has ever dated someone entirely because of their writing abilities. So I definitely agree with meeting as quickly as possible, before two people have created some sort of mythical version of the other person in their mind due to writing abilities.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 82
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:56:16 AM
BCChuck
I know right ?

Totally, and I have discovered them. Like 'non-smokers' lighting up and smoking while on the phone, for example. Any 'for examples' you care to share?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 83
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 11:01:04 AM
^^^^^ " Any 'for examples' you care to share? "


Well, there was this one call where the subject of FB came up. I told her I rarely used it and she got all defensive and went on this rant about how wrong I was and how wonderful she thought it was - you'd think SHE invented the thing !

A lot of people seem nice in their profile and their sweet smile, but you can touch a nerve during a phone call that reveals the cheese isn't sitting quite right on their cracker .
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 84
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 11:58:38 AM
Yep. The 'scratch the surface' thing. I'd rather have that happen over the phone before meeting than in person.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 85
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 12:19:16 PM
^^^^^^ Another example, I was talking to a woman about how I used to like bands like Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, the Scorpions back in the early 80's and she got all quiet . Then she said she didn't want to get involved with the type of person who would've liked that kind of music.

Cue Ace Ventura's " Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllrighty then ! "
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 86
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 12:39:33 PM
One gal text me that she'd like to chat on the phone before meeting.

She then text me that she wanted to know my last name and if I was on LinkedIn.

Uh, yeah, sure sweetie. I text her that I'll text my W2 asap. She sent a smiley face and a LOL.

Anyway...

I text her that I'll entertain 1 phone call but only 1.

She replied...Laying down the law already?

Jaysus. I wasn't the one insisting on a phone call.

I did offer my last name and she was very evasive about offering hers but finally relented.

Felt like a lot of hair pulling with Venus but somehow we managed to agree to meet up.

2 jaded souls meeting for sushi. Should be interesting.

VVVVV
Thank you.

I kinda get the whole safety, security and comfort aspect that men take for granted, so I acquiesced.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 87
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 12:59:55 PM
BCChuck
^^^^^^ Another example, I was talking to a woman about how I used to like bands like Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, the Scorpions back in the early 80's and she got all quiet . Then she said she didn't want to get involved with the type of person who would've liked that kind of music.

Haha. So that dodging-a-bullet thing works two ways. :-P

Steve
She then text me that she wanted to know my last name and if I was on LinkedIn.

You were comf with that before meeting? I wouldn't have been. At least you got her last name too. I hope your meet goes well. :-)
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 88
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 1:44:38 PM
Who ever asks has to pay so I guess he is waiting for you to ask him out.
Or he just need some time filled while he is looking for something better.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 89
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 4:03:45 PM

She then text me that she wanted to know my last name and if I was on LinkedIn.

Uh, yeah, sure sweetie. I text her that I'll text my W2 asap. She sent a smiley face and a LOL.

Anyway...

I text her that I'll entertain 1 phone call but only 1.

She replied...Laying down the law already?

Jaysus. I wasn't the one insisting on a phone call.

I did offer my last name and she was very evasive about offering hers but finally relented.

Felt like a lot of hair pulling with Venus but somehow we managed to agree to meet up.

2 jaded souls meeting for sushi. Should be interesting.

You're both f***ing weird.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 90
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 4:54:16 PM


You're both f***ing weird.



And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha

To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice men in their clean white coats
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha

To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle thier thumbs and toes

They're coming to take me away Ha Ha Ha

Your home the one the bank foreclosed, You cried to me Monogamy is the way we both must live or you'll feel hurt. But, I see, I see there's someone new, your anxious poly-pure-bred coat was even gone at our place while I paid the rent, thanks!

And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the loony bin with all you can eat perscription drugs like thorizine, and lithium, and electric shock and insulin
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 91
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 9:56:28 PM

Talking on the phone before meeting someone prevented me from wasting my time meeting them on MANY occasions


Unless the conversation was extremely bad or boring, I wouldn't rule out going out on a date with someone based on a 15-20 minute phone call. I don't expect an instant connection with a virtual stranger. Plus some people don't like talking on the phone and are more comfortable with an face to face encounter.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 92
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:03:17 PM
I will also add a good phone conversation won't prevent you from going out with someone that you weren't physically attracted to and/or was dishonest about their looks.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 93
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 7:14:27 AM

I mean, personally, I would much rather have one of those awkward /no flow conversations where things just aren't connecting AT ALL over the phone than in person


I had phone calls and/or dates that started off with somewhat slow and awkward conversations. But ended up being good dates. Sometimes it can be initial jitters.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 94
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 7:18:00 AM

I know I'm going to be judged harshly for this, but okei.
I once talked to someone on the phone and decided not to
meet because of his voice. I knew I wouldn't be able to listen
to him talk without cracking up. It was sort of a high squeal
that was so high, the ends of his sentences sort of disappeared
because he ran out of sound.


Voice might be a dealbreaker if he talked like Steve Urkel. LOL. But that would be a rare exception. I have dated men that talked a little bit funny or weird. That wasn't the reason why I stopped seeing them.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 95
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 8:28:58 AM
"I would much rather have one of those awkward /no flow conversations where things just aren't connecting AT ALL over the phone than in person......
"Sometimes it can be initial jitters."
-----------------------
The first contact with someone who is a stranger, either via phone or meeting in person, can feel more like a job interview, which is probably the main reason a lot of first meets never go further or phone calls that don't lead to meeting. I have worse communication skills when I feel like I'm being interrogated, especially when on the phone and I can't see who I'm talking to, with a stranger I never met-as well as being required to have the proper voice in the proper octave range. Under those conditions, I'm more concerned with avoiding saying the wrong thing rather than having a conversation that flows freely and can truly say what's on my mind-just like in a job interview, where I'm required to give the proper answers in the proper tone of voice, knowing the other person is the judge, jury and executioner.

If people feel it's a huge sacrifice in time and effort to meet someone from on-line for half an hour, or hour for a drink or coffee, and want some guarantee that it will turn out to be a match made in heaven with a perfect person-otherwise they feel they have been ripped off-then get off the computer and meet your dream guy/gal in the real world. That would eliminate all of the pre-screening, testing, and interrogation that people feel is necessary before meeting someone.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 96
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 8:37:15 AM

If people feel it's a huge sacrifice in time and effort to meet someone from on-line for half an hour, or hour for a drink or coffee, and want some guarantee that it will turn out to be a match made in heaven with a perfect person-otherwise they feel they have been ripped off...


It could cut into our forum time!
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 97
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 8:42:31 AM
^^^^^^
You look like somebody that can make a great Pea Soup...you know like grandma, a little chunky with pieces of ham, or bacon in it....
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 98
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 8:48:44 AM
My grandma used to get pissed off when she noticed the crumbs missing from her crumb cake.

Stevie...did you take some crumbs?

I humbly denied it with the evidence all over my face and shirt :(
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 99
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 8:55:58 AM

You look like somebody that can make a great Pea Soup...you know like grandma, a little chunky with pieces of ham, or bacon in it....


C'mere, ya big lug! ❤️
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 100
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/12/2016 9:26:18 AM

I had phone calls and/or dates that started off with somewhat slow and awkward conversations. But ended up being good dates. Sometimes it can be initial jitters.


Many times there isn't instant chemistry during a first date / meeting or phone call because some combination of the following.

A. 2 people being virtual strangers
B. at least one person being shy / nervous. In particular when they are new to OLD or it's their first time dating after a relationship had ended.
C. at least one person being guarded and afraid of saying the wrong thing.

While I would consider giving it more time ( barring obvious dealbreakers ), many people will quickly lose interest and move on. Having dozens or hundreds of potential other options on dating sites can add on to this.
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