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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > stop with the endless messages and ask me out already      Home login  
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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 147
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out alreadyPage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Both sides of the male/female equation like to be entertained or at least engaged. It’s not easy to respond to “Hi” online, except with another “Hi.” To be really good, conversation (like dancing, dating, and sex) requires movement, purpose, and a shared sense of hearing the beat of the same drum.

Actually, it's not that hard. :) Why is not hard IRL but it is online where people just usually exchange one-sentence lines to each other? Why is it not Hard for guys, but it is for gals? Sure, it makes conversation more inviting when it's something to generate a response, even to someone who may not be interested in-that-way so much... to "ping" someone, you can read their profile and if anything generates something other than another Hello and a smiley, sure, go for it. :) Unideal with just a "hi" when there's tons of competition? Agree. but again, IRL it's not Hard. Shouldn't be via IM/e-messaging.

The guys I met fairly soon after initial contact seemed to have a different attitude. Maybe they thought I was desperate, I dunno.

I don't think it makes any difference at all. Maybe you shifting gears did more than just meeting sooner-than-later. You weren't so fruitful when you weren't meeting real quick, so I think it's just -- well, OLD. :) Yes, pen-paling before meeting is a waste of time. Many times due to schedules you can't meet super-soon anyway. But to just meet at a coffee shop during a lunch break or whatever is all ya need. The only problem I can see with meeting real swiftly is a self-fulfilling prophecy by any one of the people where doing it by itself racks their nerves or something. But in my lengthy experience on the field -- meeting them within 1-2 days of initial contact wasn't any worse than 3-5 days of initial contact, and I don't see how/why there would be a difference.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 148
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/5/2017 12:24:27 PM

Both sides of the male/female equation like to be entertained or at least engaged. It’s not easy to respond to “Hi” online, except with another “Hi.” To be really good, conversation (like dancing, dating, and sex) requires movement, purpose, and a shared sense of hearing the beat of the same drum.


It's not that hard. If a woman says "Hi" or "How are you?" and there aren't any obvious dealbreakers based on her profile / pictures, I will respond and mention something on her profile. Many people will open up and will write longer emails once mutual interest has been established.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 149
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/5/2017 9:50:43 PM

Both sides of the male/female equation like to be entertained or at least engaged. It’s not easy to respond to “Hi” online, except with another “Hi.” To be really good, conversation (like dancing, dating, and sex) requires movement, purpose, and a shared sense of hearing the beat of the same drum.

A journey of a thousand miles still needs to start with a first step.

The frustration of messaging isn't about replying, "Hi." to the first message. It's the following note that contains a paragraph with two or three poignant questions that gets a two or three-word answer and no subsequent follow-up. Or the return reply doesn't happen for at least 24 hours, so three weeks of single messages back and forth doesn't even add up to three minutes of spoken conversation.

There's this stupid notion that we need to know the 'dance' from the second we decide to stand up and ask the other to join us on the dance floor. Maybe that visual would be more appropriate to internet dating if you consider we're both blindfolded, and the only way we can communicate is writing with a blunt pencil on a steno pad while we're twirling around. No contact; no holding hands; heck, we don't even know if we're both listening to the same music. God forbid we ask full questions or write full sentences before we judge the incompatibility of that connection.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 150
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/6/2017 7:51:03 AM
I guess one reason it isn't so hard to start a convo in real life, is that the person is there in real time. I don't say hi to a hottie and then have to come back the next morning to find if they say anything back. Another reason might just be straight up interest. I say hi to a hottie standing next to me in a crowd, she tends to say hi back b/c she doesn't want to be rude and unless she caught me checking her out, she can figure i'm just being friendly. On a singles' dating site, however, i'm not saying hi b/c i'm being friendly, i'm looking to "Acquire" something :) like when I go to a store and want to buy something and the clerk has their head down, I don't say, "hi?" to get their attention b/c I care to find out how their day is going. or vice versa, when they want to make a sale, they may start by walking up and engaging in small talk, but we all know they are trying to build a rapport quickly so we'll like them enough to agree to their terms.

in some ways, approaching online is a bit like that salesperson. we want to make a proposal good enough the hottie is going to buy it. But if the person isn't so much of a hottie, if we aren't so interested in that person? we might invest less time and effort into our effort. Ironically, if the hottie is waaay out of our league, we might think we're going to get blown out of the water, so why invest in a big first proposal that's just going to go straight into the email delete box?

its a lot of complication, b/c we can't just say, "ok, you showed a body shot so we could see how great your ass looks. Interesting in bringing it over?" Its easier to buy on eBay b/c we can be honest that a deal is going down. of course, all of this assumes that the person contacting us has any brains. they might be saying hi b/c that's all the brain neurons they could fire. in the past, that's been enough to work, and there's plenty to work it on, so the odds are in their favor.

:)
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 151
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 5:06:07 AM

It's International Women's Day. Smart women marched and worked hard, really hard for us to have equal pay, to be in charge of our own bodies, to walk side by side with men and not a step behind or be subservient, to share a home and child rearing and enjoy retirement benefits and pensions and healthcare. We fought to be equal.

Msg. 33, BEAUTIFUL! TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 152
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 5:41:40 AM


Smart women marched and worked hard, really hard for us to have equal pay, to be in charge of our own bodies, to walk side by side with men and not a step behind or be subservient, to share a home and child rearing and enjoy retirement benefits and pensions and healthcare. We fought to be equal


I'm glad the user who posted this is gone. Women never want actual equality; they already receive preferential treatment and want even more.

For about 100 years in the USA, women have been able to vote, but don't have to register for the draft. For true equality, we should overturn the 19th amendment and replace it with a rule that only people who registered for the draft can vote. In addition to women, this would prevent draft dodgers for voting for wars they have no risk of fighting.

Women have nearly 100% of the choice to give birth, yet when she makes the typical choice of having the baby, men are forced to pay so-called "child support". For true equality, we should overturn roe v wade and replace it with a rule that if any man who could possibly be the father doesn't want the baby to be born, the mother should be forced to have an abortion.

Women get paid more than men for doing less. Over 30% of American men in the prime working age 25-50 have no job whatsoever, and many with jobs are stuck under the "glass cellar", doing tough physical labor for minimum wage or less (some Hispanic women do similar jobs). The highest paying careers are pink collar: law, medicine, education. For true equality, there would be more male teachers, nurses and lawyers.

Women live longer. Fine with me if we make life expectancy equal.

Over 90% of suicides are male. Fine with me if we make it 50/50. (The actual suicide rate is lower because when a couple agree to kill themselves, it's ruled a murder-suicide, with the man labelled as murdering her and killing himself).

Nearly all cancer funding is given to women's breast cancer even though men are much more likely to get and die from cancer than women.

Over 70% of prisoners are male even though women commit a lot more than 30% of crime.

In the majority of domestic violence incidents, the victim is male, yet domestic violence programs only focus on supposed female "victims". The so-called "Violence Against Women" act steals 2nd amendment rights from men who are falsely accused of beating their wife or girlfriend (divorce lawyers tell women to lie that their husband beat her so she receives a bigger alimony jackpot), but women who abuse her husband/boyfriend aren't punished and they keep their guns.

The world didn't come to an end on the recent "immigrant day", and it won't on women's day. We do fine without immigrants and we'll do fine without women.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 153
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 6:06:38 AM

we'll do fine without women.


I won't be without. You, obviously, will need to adjust to that reality, one that would have better suited you 300 years ago.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 154
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 7:26:48 AM
These civil rights type of anniversaries are made to remember how far we've come as a society. Some people need to realize that perspective.

Unfortunately, people also use them as a reason to justify blaming other people besides themselves for any number of reasons why they don't feel happy and fulfilled.

My own opinion is the people that hold strong biases and prejudices are worried above all else, because they don't want to lose their own standing. It really doesn't matter anymore what demographic they come from -- once they attain that superior level of power, influence or wealth - they become jerks to everyone they perceive 'below' them. Women, minorities, angry white guys, whatever -- it's not exclusively a race or gender issue anymore. People still believe they have to step on other people to climb their social ladder, and sorry to say, but the "Never Settle" people are right in the thick of it.

There are a few uber-rich and powerful people that have attained such an obscenely high level of success that they appear generous and giving and let their biases fall aside - but that's not always how they were as a character. They were all genuine azzhats at one time or another when they climbed up that social ladder. Many of them have contingencies in place that secure their power standing no matter what - so they can play 'generous' with their free time.


Most of the women around me make more money, have better jobs, nicer houses, go on nice vacations - thousands of things I don't have and may never have. I'm friends with many of them. What bugs me is when they talk about what they want in a relationship - and it is always, always, always some form of social, financial 'upgrade' from where they are already at. They are stepping on (or over) anyone they perceive as 'inferior' -- and most are judged by appearance and little else. Character takes a back seat to appearance and social standing. Every. Time. It's hard to be proud of what they have become when they are so blatantly shallow about who they perceive as 'attractive'. Part of learning the lessons from these days of remembrance is how to NOT repeat history by doing the exact same thing - but it happens.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 155
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 11:32:05 AM
Is there any day of the year that's not National [Whatever] Day-national spaghetti day/national toad warts day, etc? It's a bit irritating to have the media constantly tell people that it's national this or that day all of the time, as if it's going to change my routine. Who comes up with these "special" days, and why? Has anybody changed their life because someone decided that a random day of the year was special? Did someone throw a dart at a calendar, and whatever day the dart landed on would be a special day, and why it's special would be determined later?

^^"Most of the women around me make more money, have better jobs..."

I never worked at any place where the company had two different pay scales-one for women and one for men. If two people were doing the same job, they get the same pay, regardless of gender. So where and who are these companies that pay women less than men for doing the same job, only because they have vaginas? Or is this an alternative truth?
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 156
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 12:51:49 PM

Is there any day of the year that's not National [Whatever] Day-national spaghetti day/national toad warts day, etc? It's a bit irritating to have the media constantly tell people that it's national this or that day all of the time, as if it's going to change my routine.


There is no day on the calendar that isn't a holy feast day. Christmas and Easter still matter but not as much as they used to. The Feast of St. Finbarr only matters in a few little parishes in Southern Ireland. Everywhere else?... Funk It! As for International Women's Day. People don't really care about that either. Without some really big money behind an aggressive publicity campaign, it would have about the same significance as Arbor Day. Eventually, the money will go away because money is going away from everything except the military and police these days. When that happens, International Women's Day will rank with Flag Day in the public mind.

Nobody needs to oppose it. Some proclaimed day for anything is harmless. Some people mention men's problems. International Women's Day didn't cause any of them. They come from society's attitudes toward men, including from the majority of men. A meaningless rah rah day for women and a wasteful publicity campaign has nothing to do with them. Get rid of the day and men's problems are just as severe. No change whatsoever!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 157
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 1:34:46 PM

We do fine without immigrants and we'll do fine without women.


If this wasn't so freaking hilarious and apropos to your situation, it would be
infinitely sad.
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 158
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 1:46:10 PM
Thank you brown-eyed lady in the red hat! The misogyny in some of the posts here made me nauseous! You were the Pepto-Bismol of the Pof Forums today!

A strong man is not threatened by a smart woman.

The lady I quoted did say walk side by side, not ahead or behind!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 159
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 1:59:39 PM

Has anybody changed their life because someone decided that a random day of the year was special?


Yes, me.

Yesterday was National Pancake Day, and I made it a point to get over to my local IHOP and get my FREE stack of pancakes, even though it wasn't in my original plans.
Too bad I didn't have a meet scheduled.
I would have paid.

I'm partial to the national free food and drink days.

First Friday in June is National Donut Day (free Krispy Kreme)

And 7/11 is free Slurpee day at, where else, 7/11 stores.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 160
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 2:45:59 PM
yikes SweetD hate to see what you say about your enemies
And we know the bitter poster is without a woman for sure
For IWD our PM did this
" OTTAWA -- The Canadian government kicked off International Women's Day by announcing $650 million in funding for women's sexual and reproductive health rights around the world.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and International Development Minister Marie-Claude Bibeau emphasized the Canadian government's feminist view and belief in women's right to choose when and with whom they want to have children."
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 161
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2017 4:02:51 PM
^Thank you so much---do you think in the future women in the USA will have to come to Canada to get an abortion if they need to?






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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 162
Reality is a funny thing
Posted: 3/8/2017 4:11:28 PM
--women should not be able to vote unless they can be drafted

"Many women not only voted for Trump, but were key in getting him over the top"
http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/1/20/14061660/women-march-washington-vote-trump

Of course, politicians decide more than wars. Maybe only women should vote concerning women's issues.

--women get paid more than men for doing less

"Did you know that in 2015, women working full time in the United States typically were paid just 80 percent of what men were paid, a gap of 20 percent? "
http://www.aauw.org/research/the-simple-truth-about-the-gender-pay-gap/
Hey, the highest paying jobs ARE health care, tech, and law. Didn't know dudes can't do law or tech, or be a doctor.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-03-08/these-are-the-25-best-paying-jobs-in-the-country

--suicides are higher
"Al­though men die by suicide at a higher rate, women have a higher rate of attempting suicide.16 This pattern is evident among youth and persists over the lifespan....These findings suggest that restricting access to fire­arms might be a way to achieve a relative reduction in male suicide, and there is some tentative support for this as an important suicide prevention strategy.[21-23] In contrast, it is next to impossible to reduce access to ligatures and suspension points commonly used in hanging deaths since these materials are widely available in the community"
http://www.bcmj.org/articles/silent-epidemic-male-suicide

--just for laughs:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11342408/Are-men-natural-born-criminals-Prison-numbers-dont-lie.html

--domestic violence victims?

"The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That’s nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war. Women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence with 85 percent of domestic abuse victims being women and 15 percent men"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html

The women I know, have less wealth than I do. I'm sure we all hang out with people who make more or less, and that's not the reason we hang out with them. With 365 days in a year, there may be more than 365 times humanity has achieved something worth spending a day thinking about.

has the pot been stirred yet, or does it still need to come to a boil? :)
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 163
Reality is a funny thing
Posted: 3/8/2017 4:47:23 PM
I'd like to break it down for some who may have dyslexia ;0D


Smart women marched and worked (worked, not had it handed to them via privilege) hard, really hard for us to have equal (same not more or less) pay, to be in charge of our own ( I own my body, you own yours, you have no right to violate or invade my body) bodies, to walk side by side(not ahead, not behind) with men and not a step behind or be subservient, to share (not narcissistically hog, but equally access and use) a home and child rearing and enjoy retirement benefits and pensions and healthcare. We fought to be equal.


If a man does not love or even LIKE women, why would he be interested in dating and being on a dating site?
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 164
Reality is a funny thing
Posted: 3/8/2017 9:28:07 PM
^^^^^

Don't underestimate the possibilities. Maybe you can cream on her hair or in her face and then call her a whore. Maybe she has daughters or even sons that make better sexual targets. You can always quit your job and live off of her child support checks. As long as you hit hard enough, the sky is the limit.
 1stepbyawned
Joined: 2/18/2017
Msg: 165
Reality is a funny thing
Posted: 3/9/2017 5:26:55 AM
>>If a man does not love or even LIKE women, why would he be interested in dating and being on a dating >>site?

"Deteste moi,", she asks, "don't love me." "Traite moi comme une pute."

excerpt from a don juan's erotic adventures
 pofman666
Joined: 10/5/2016
Msg: 166
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History
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/9/2017 12:38:21 PM
I'd say a couple of weeks of semi-regular messages (if it gets that far) is enough to arrange a date.
 Wilkes_Barre_Candy
Joined: 9/7/2016
Msg: 167
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/13/2017 7:31:21 PM
My Microwave says use Match instead of POF

Listen to Microwave...he sees all!

;0P




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 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 168
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 8/26/2018 11:43:05 PM
To those guys I'd say, "I'm not looking for a pen-pal". That either scared them off, showing they were never serious about meeting, or forces them to shit or get off the pot.

However.....I'd run into the opposite problem like MadameBoisseau too. People want to meet immediately, just after exchanging 1 or 2 messages. You thinking I'm cute is not reason enough for me to want to meet you. I like to have a 20-30 min conversation with a man before meeting him, kind of like a vetting process to see if they're easy to talk to (a HUGE draw for me) or if we could have a free-flowing, effortless conversation without awkward silences. There have been a few instances of a phone convo turning me off from ever talking to the person again. It's like, "damn....I'm glad we talked on the phone first instead of meeting in person and finding out there's absolutely no spark."

In the past, I've made the mistake of meeting guys based on nothing but pictures, messages and a few texts the day of our meet. No wonder the majority of those dates were one and dones.
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 8/27/2018 7:09:27 AM
In the age of equality and the information age, why are women still being reactive?

I don't understand why women still wait for a man to ask them out? To me, that's absolutely ridiculous.
Take control of your life and your love life and start sending out messages to the people you want to meet and not the frogs that are emailing you. If you respond to messages that you didn't originate you will eventually settle for a frog and be miserable for the rest of your life.

Develop a plan and start doing advanced searches to take control of your life.
Does that make sense to anyone?
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 170
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History
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 8/27/2018 10:26:06 AM

In the age of equality and the information age, why are women still being reactive?

I don't understand why women still wait for a man to ask them out? To me, that's absolutely ridiculous.
Take control of your life and your love life and start sending out messages to the people you want to meet and not the frogs that are emailing you. If you respond to messages that you didn't originate you will eventually settle for a frog and be miserable for the rest of your life.

Develop a plan and start doing advanced searches to take control of your life.
Does that make sense to anyone?


Well, it makes sense to me.
But I have been developing plans since I was a teenager, and most of them have worked out, so I might have a bit more insight than most.
 risingAlpha
Joined: 7/15/2018
Msg: 171
view profile
History
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 8/28/2018 8:37:19 PM
Because there are lots of women who complain about being asked out.. so it makes it hard to make the first move.. Thats why.
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