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 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 26
Single in your 30'sPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I wish I knew why a lot of women in this area have a problem with it. The last few women I went out with made a big deal about it. I have my mornings free til mid afternoon everyday and I have learned to work with my schedule. My thought is if the woman is really into a guy it shouldn't matter what hours he works.
Perhaps because. like most people, they were working mornings and afternoons and were not available then, like you?
How do you develop a relationship when the only available time to see each other or even talk is Friday night and Saturday?
Seek women that work the same shift as you if you are so inflexible.
Look at things from the other side. Why would she pick you and never see you when there are tons of men who work "normal hours" with more flexible times to get together?
You have an expectation for everyone to bend and conform to your needs with no giving from your side and it goes far beyond your work hours.

I do understand life as a shift worker. I used to work 3p-11p, 11p-7a, and 11a-11p. Hated day shift in the hospital. I got married to someone that worked the same shift as me.
3p-11p is the least compatible shift for interacting with people outside of work.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 27
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/17/2016 9:48:13 AM
Actually OP's work schedule sounds perfect to me. I have most time to spend on the weekends, and not much during the week. I can't stand it when guys want to meet me after work, because I just can't (too exhausted, plus I have to go home and feed my kids). I do have one or two week days off as I only work part time, but I usually run errands or do other things on those days, and prefer not to go out on those either. Friday and Saturday nights are my preferred nights, and it seems that a lot of guys don't have time (or so they claim) on those nights. ONce I get to know someone better, I want to do things during the day on weekends and maybe during the week, but not right off the bat.

I briefly saw a cute guy who works Friday through Monday, 10 am to 8 pm, and was off on Tuesday-Thursdays. Didn't work for me at all. He was (understandably) tired after he got off at 8 pm and didn't feel like doing much on those nights. Too bad, but it is what it is.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 28
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Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/17/2016 10:54:31 AM
I can completely relate to working a schedule that isn't date friendly. I work nights (Monday night - Saturday morning), but I have weekends off.

Weekdays is eat, sleep, work, and a little online researching/shopping for vinyl records. I'm enjoying collecting vinyl records so much I feel content being alone.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 29
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/17/2016 6:29:08 PM

My question when did dating become about what the person has?


As soon as someone had something someone else wanted, but the second person didn't want to really work for it.


What ever happened to the days where if you the person treated you well and as long as they weren't a druggie or alcoholic it was good.


The Internet and anti-social media destroyed those days.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 30
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/18/2016 6:20:59 AM

What ever happened to the days where if you the person treated you well and as long as they weren't a druggie or alcoholic it was good.


The Internet and anti-social media destroyed those days.
I don't recall those good old days.
Finding a partner always depended on attraction, compatibility, and chemistry--to name a few.
Just being treated well and absence of substance abuse would be a given and a minimum standard, but not the only criteria, right?
I also don't think the internet can be blamed for anybody's inability to find a partner.
Some people prefer to blame the world for their problems instead of looking inside.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 31
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Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/18/2016 8:40:55 AM
I know finding a partner depends on attraction, compatibility, chemistry and other things. Now it seem its more about material things.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 32
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/18/2016 3:05:52 PM
In Chromis' words: redacted.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 33
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/18/2016 6:21:09 PM
You know, while I wholeheartedly prefer a companion and a loving relationship, I can appreciate where the OP is coming from, especially where the complexities of daily life come into it.

I might even be on board with it myself at my current level of frustration with modern 'digital' dating, but TBH, I like sex too much. I don't see where I could be functionally single and still have a regular sex life. Women are so anti-hookup, anti-FWB, and often just anti-sex (you're doing it wrong if you're not enjoying yourself, ladies), it's hard to believe there's any hookup culture at all. I've tried myself to approach Tinder, Ok Cupid, Craigslist, Fetlife, and whatnot for a FWB arrangement in a NON-SKEEZY, non slut-shaming, non-threatening manner and got nothing out of it.

Of course, I'm back to finding a true love interest (not here, ha ha) as I'm sick of traveling alone, and I've got an interested party in the form of a poly girl... not sure that's my thing, though.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 34
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History
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/18/2016 7:00:03 PM
"There's a difference between enjoying being single, and having no choice but to embrace single-hood due to not being able to find a match or close to it. You are not genuinely happy to be single, the freedom that such has to offer, etc, you are just settling for single because you find that you do not measure up to women's expectations/standards, so you have pulled yourself out of the race."-BelleAtlantic

Ouch! that stung alittle... but it is the truth. Some people just do not have a choice but to remain single for the rest of their lives. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. As a 33 year old guy who is still single (never had a serious relationship). I find that all you can really do is try to enjoy the day for what it is. I have been though some stuff over the last year so I have to start from rock bottom for the 3rd time in my life. I try to enjoy my day because it is a new day. I have no choice in my circumstances at the moment. I'm attending college again and trying to piece my life together again. Meanwhile I am trying to keep my depression in check.
Women are a close to the bottom of the list of things I NEED right now, even though they are at the top of what I WANT. Basically, I am out of this so called race, even more than I once was. I am not even in the stadium anymore, nor even in the city the stadium is in. At this point, I count myself lucky if a pretty woman smiles at me. I am more concerned about pulling myself up from this pit I find myself in.
So I have to at least enjoy being what I am, a single male with no hope of ever finding someone.
Just remember Belle, not everyone is successful. Just because you made decisions that worked out great for you, it doesn't mean everyone else did as well. So cut less fortunate men some slack and let them be as happy as they can be with what they got.
/rant
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 35
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/20/2016 1:38:39 PM

Some people prefer to blame the world for their problems instead of looking inside.


And some people can actually see all the problems in the world for what they actually are.


I also don't think the internet can be blamed for anybody's inability to find a partner.


You mean like the young guy I saw yesterday walk up to the library door wearing headphones (presumably listening to some music) so that he could go into the library and plug into a computer with more headphones, in order to tune out the real world around him?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/20/2016 2:53:28 PM
^^^That would rank up there with the gamers who spend all of their time playing video games, then wonder they can't find anyone to date. Or the people who walk around staring at their phones who will cross a busy street without noticing the traffic, because focusing on their phone is more important than avoiding being run over by a vehicle.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 37
Single in your 30's
Posted: 3/20/2016 7:59:08 PM


As for staying single, no problem with that. I chose that path after I was pursued by more married men


I hear ya.

I'm pursued by broke women.
 Singlekitty24
Joined: 9/13/2015
Msg: 38
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Single in your 30's
Posted: 4/1/2016 1:37:03 AM
None of us are perfect. We all have our own flaws and quirks. Finding the perfect mate has nothing to do with their perfection. It's finding that true soul that is perfect to you in every way. The way they look at you, smile at you, talk to you, their confidence, their understanding and full acceptance of you at your best, and your worst. Their non judgemental perception, their laughter, the way the giggle at something like a kid on Chistmas morning even thoughit's June. It's when we try to be one's perfect mate that things end. We shy away or push one another away. Most likely it was or is not intentional either. But it is our subconcious pushing them away. Because we don't always realize we are ready for a relationship or something that great. I've done it numerous times. I don't mean to. I'm just too honest with people, and I think it scares them. It's funny people don't realize how important it is to meet someone special to share their life with until their told their time is near. But in reality we could step off a curb tomorrow, and it could all be over .
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 39
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Single in your 30's
Posted: 4/1/2016 10:23:42 AM
I agree with a lot of what you said Singlekitty. I am far from perfect and I am not looking for the perfect mate. The only think I want is some one that understands my lifestyle and will accept it. I love to travel and enjoy life. I have noticed that a lot of younger people seem to put work over everything else. I work with a couple of guys that never want to take vacation time or always are willing to come in for overtime. I understand that some people have to work as much as they can for financial reasons. For me I have learned that its not worth waiting til you are older to be able to travel or enjoy life cause there is a chance you won't be able to later in life.
 xsPuRx
Joined: 4/27/2013
Msg: 40
Single in your 30's
Posted: 4/2/2016 11:53:05 PM
It's called growing up lol. I know you are grown up. I don't mean it in an insulting way. It is just that some people have different priorities. For me if someone is going to treat me less than respectful. I don't really give a.... if they have a billion $. It's totally not worth my mental health lol. So like you I rather stay single. Than to be in a meaningless relationship.

The problem is people these days act like our environment, Everything is disposable these days, and that extends to people. It is a sub-coincidence behavior, but it is the instant gratification of getting what you want, and getting it now. No patience in waiting for something that is actually worth it. So my only advice to you is be patient, because great things come to those who wait. :)
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 41
Single in your 30's
Posted: 4/4/2016 4:00:02 AM

I hear ya.

I'm pursued by broke women.


Maybe your handle and style say "walking ATM machine", bro.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 42
Single in your 30's
Posted: 4/4/2016 8:57:46 AM

Some people just do not have a choice but to remain single for the rest of their lives.

Um, no. It's more like some people refuse to settle for what's available, and they stay single. They are trying to bite off more than they can chew and end up not biting anything. Or the whole "grass is greener", nah, the grass is greener where you water it.


I find that all you can really do is try to enjoy the day for what it is. I have been though some stuff over the last year so I have to start from rock bottom for the 3rd time in my life. I try to enjoy my day because it is a new day. I have no choice in my circumstances at the moment. I'm attending college again and trying to piece my life together again. Meanwhile I atrying to keep my depression in check.


So the problem is not that you can't find someone, the problem is that you don't have anything to offer someone. You are struggling with depression and depression has a way of s*cking the fun out of everything for yourself and others. No one wants to be around that, even I avoid patients with depression because they wipe me out by the end of the session. It's very difficult to sit across people who see no point in life, who are obsessed with people who are no good for them, who self-sabotage, and cannot be optimistic about a single thing. When you are able to overcome and make headway in your own recovery and can stabilize yourself emotionally, then you can start looking again.


Women are a close to the bottom of the list of things I NEED right now, even though they are at the top of what I WANT. Basically, I am out of this so called race, even more than I once was. I am not even in the stadium anymore, nor even in the city the stadium is in. At this point, I count myself lucky if a pretty woman smiles at me. I am more concerned about pulling myself up from this pit I find myself in.


Well, what can I say? men were never on the list of things I needed nor wanted. I had a very specific idea of what I wanted in someone, and I found it without even looking for it. I've always been focused on the things I need and want for myself, not necessarily the company of someone else. I am well aware that I was born by myself, and that I will need to take care of myself for the rest of my life. So as long as you are happy with you, do the things that make you happy, become self-sufficient......you'll be with someone because you want to be, not because you feel a need for them.


So I have to at least enjoy being what I am, a single male with no hope of ever finding someone.


How about just enjoy who and what you are, and forget about the whole being single or having no hope for finding someone. You don't have to be with anyone, that's just what society caters to. Sh*t, even groupon caters to couples, you know how many groupons I've purchased and had to convince someone to go somewhere with me so I can redeem it? Too many times! Instead of being upset about it, I just invited out friends and they were more than happy to come along, it's not like they had to pay for anything, I covered any extra expenses.


Just remember Belle, not everyone is successful. Just because you made decisions that worked out great for you, it doesn't mean everyone else did as well. So cut less fortunate men some slack and let them be as happy as they can be with what they got.
/rant


I made the choices that I considered necessary and I rolled with the punches. I met my definition of a unicorn and I didn't let the opportunity slip my hands, that's all. It's not like I engineered the whole thing.

I have always been advocate for enjoying the single life and all it has to offer, embrace who you are and enjoy your own company. I am not in any way, busting anyone's balls due to them being single. I was single for over 3 years and I loved it, I was taken out everywhere and anywhere, met a lot of people, got a lot of gifts, ate my heart out, was shown around, traveled, spent a lot of time with friends.................I had an awesome time. Live it up! This is your opportunity to take off anywhere you want, do whatever you want, without owing anyone an explanation. I think you're under the impression that singlehood is something to lament..........but on the contrary, single is total freedom to live your life without putting anyone else first or taking them into consideration.
 QuirkyTeacher
Joined: 12/24/2013
Msg: 43
Single in your 30's
Posted: 4/6/2016 4:05:06 PM

My question when did dating become about what the person has? People set their expectations to high anymore. What ever happened to the days where if you the person treated you well and as long as they weren't a druggie or alcoholic it was good.


I'm not sure when that ever was the case. I totally understand your stance of staying single though. If it's what you want to do, go for it.

However, if you've just stopped looking because you're discouraged, it's always okay to just take a break and focus on the things you love. Usually, that's when someone for you shows up anyway.
 A6K
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 44
Single in your 30's
Posted: 5/22/2016 9:41:18 AM
Yeah you can do what you want it you'll be wronwrey.
I'm pretty wronwrey myself these days, I've had my fill of doing what I want, now I want someone to do it with.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 45
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History
Single in your 30's
Posted: 6/19/2016 8:44:42 AM
I have enjoyed doing what I want, when I want but I am also getting to the point I would like to find some one to enjoy things with. It isn't easy anymore once you are over 25. The issue I seem to be having is that its hard to find women that enjoy the things I like. My idea for a great vacation is going to Florida for a week to go to Universal or Disney. I love going to amusement parks, I spend a lot of my summer at either Cedar Point or Canada's Wonderland. I find not many people are into that once they hit their 30's.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 46
Single in your 30's
Posted: 6/19/2016 12:58:25 PM

I love going to amusement parks, I spend a lot of my summer at either Cedar Point or Canada's Wonderland. I find not many people are into that once they hit their 30's.


A long time ago, I noticed that the percentage of women over the age of 25 on rollercoasters is very small. You might see Grandpa get on the ride with the little ones, but Grandma usually just sits and waves from the ground.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 47
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History
Single in your 30's
Posted: 6/19/2016 8:54:46 PM
Get used to the idea that women expect you to give more of yourself than they used to. Many go through life with some sort of gameplan, and they are likely to be more ruthless about getting it. If you haven't dated dozens of women during your 20's, then prepare yourself for women that have dated extensively, and are likely to expect you to be able to read them. And get cold on you when you don't.

Dating is no picnic anymore. At some point, you may be asking yourself this- "Do I want my life? Or a girlfriend?" Choose the latter, and wave bye-bye to your life.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 48
Single in your 30's
Posted: 6/19/2016 9:02:53 PM
Do you really want a woman that's attracted to you because of the things you have?

Fvck that sh!t.

A woman once told me that if I Built a nest, they'll come.

Uh, no sweety. We can build a nest TOGETHER.

Attracting women with things is like a gal attracting men with her boobs.

You both better have a good filter for...bullsh!t
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 49
Single in your 30's
Posted: 7/6/2016 11:35:33 AM
Brother, I kind of know where you are at. I'm 34, never had a LTR, still carrying that card, etc. Been on dates, but always end up getting the "nice guy" speech. As another poster mentioned, I think you have accepted the fact that you don't meet a woman's standards(often unrealistic), and have learned to live the single life. I've gotten interests on match.com, but with the exception of going on a few dates with girls that were somewhat attractive/not bigger then me, you can guess the type I was getting messages from. Sorry, I'm not that desperate. If we fly to Hawaii, I don't want to have to buy another seat. I've accepted the fact that I fall seriously short of what most moderately-attractive women are looking for, and am prepared to fly solo until my last day. Take into consideration that I've had a hard life: over half of my hearing is gone, I've had six surgeries "up top", and was bullied mercilessly growing up. I'm a different person now. I've got a big mouth, am in great shape, and I've got the intelligence thing licked, etc. will say I'm not really an easy person to get to know. I'm very cautious of someone who isn't part of the "usual suspects". You really have to prove yourself to be genuine before I let you "in".


You also mentioned dating being about what someone else has. That's true for sure, with both genders. Take this for example: as my profile indicates, I am the director of community outreach for the Cleveland Cavaliers. When I am out with friends, and they introduce me to some girl, they always ask me what I do, just after my name. I assume this is to measure my net worth. When I tell them what I do, they are all of a sudden "fascinated". When they ask me if I know the team(I do), they always show so much interest in me it's ridiculous. Touching my hand, sitting in my lap, etc. Do I know you well enough for this to happen? When I show them pictures of me with the team in Las Vegas after they won and then on the plane home, it's like they go over the edge. I honestly could sleep with each of these girls if I wanted to. They are that interested; not in me, but in my job and what it could possibly bring them. That's just my assumption though, and I could be wrong. I suppose you could say I am using my experiences with online dating as a measuring stick: if these type of girls ignore me online(where I don't mention what I do), something must be wrong here. When I leave for the night, thank them for talking with me and wish them well, they offer me their phone number. I "unfortunately" have to tell them that I'm rather busy, but thank you for the offer. The utter look of disappointment on their faces is crazy. I suppose you could conclude that my experiences with online dating have turned me completely rotten.

Now, in terms of living the single life: as I said; you and I are probably sitting in the same boat. We have accepted the fact that we don't meet a woman's standards/are not what they are looking for, and are prepared to live life alone. All that I could offer you is what my mom told me, and that is to be open to the possibilities. Don't go out of your way to make yourself attractive(you could, but it's your call), but don't close yourself off to the possibilities
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 50
Single in your 30's
Posted: 7/7/2016 2:37:17 PM
I have no problem with it as a dude.
Most wimmin I know want/wanted to be married by 30.
At the latest!!
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