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 8inscrew
Joined: 11/17/2014
Msg: 26
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pofPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Is the main loop still paved in brick? Been a while since I've been there...
used to be so picturesque. The lil ice cream stand at the top of the hill. I lived on that road.
84 and chestnut? I think? Lol... until I was 4. Then I bounced around the heights.

I'm guessing you live downtown, with reference to the 6th floor.

Anyways, my nephew is a cop there.
Doubt he would have let a guy walk after holding a knife to a ladies' throat...
sorry but something smells fishy.



If you don't press charges... he will be doing this again.
Don't come here to "warn".
Press charges.

Actions speak louder than words.

Be careful. Lots of nutters about.
Enjoy the strawberry jamboree, the grape and maple festivals... bags of meat and cheese.
Stir your own candy...Yum

Ace high speedway still there? Painesville speedway? Thompson drags?
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 27
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/17/2016 12:17:44 AM
I believe most women listen to their inner voice and are careful about letting a guy into their apartment too soon. As he lives three hours away and doesnt drive, why did you bother with him in the first place? Does he catch public transport or did you go pick him up?

You cant warn others by using his name as he can easily change all that and may seek revenge on you. As for the police not charging him you should have done that and for the sake of other women. If he doesnt drive he wont be bothering to hang around near your house, I would suspect. You can get an AVO out on him to keep him away. I am afraid that women meeting guys that they know little to nothing about, from the net, can be dangerous. If you had his right name you could have had a check done on him beforehand. Never be too trusting..
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 28
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/17/2016 8:59:36 PM
ReeseCup66- Stop saying this was your fault, that's crap.
Yes, you didn't make the best decisions, but I think you have learned your lesson and won't let someone come and stay n your house again.
The first few meets should ALWAYS be in a public place.
Even if you were drinking, I don't see how the police just let him go, something isn't right there.
If you took pictures of what he did, go back to the police station and ask for the supervisor on duty. Give him the date and time of the assault and he can pull up the report and find out which officers responded. Tell him you want something done and if they still won't do anything, you need to talk to an attorney.
You don't want this to happen to another woman.
A name and shame is not the way to go.
Since you have already talked to a domestic violence advocate, call them back and ask about meetings.
You are going to need support and someone to talk to after something like this.
Be safe and take care of you!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 7:01:44 AM
The OP is in a catch-22 situation. If she puts pressure on the police to have him charged with assault and they do eventually charge him, wouldn't the court case take place in her home town, since that's where the incident happened with the local police called, which means he would be returning there? Also, wouldn't she have to testify in court, which means seeing him in person again? And if there's a significant time lapse between when the incident happened and the time the OP decided to take legal action, that could work against her, since it would appear she wasn't that anxious to go through with it.

It would be a he said/she said case, which is probably why the police didn't arrest him to begin with. The guy would've given a totally different story to the police than what the OP told them, and they don't know who to believe, and considering the OP invited the guy to her place and picked him up adds to the confusion. They might have thought that it was a case of kinky sex gone wrong. There would be a good chance that nothing would happen in court. So I can see why she's torn between trying to get justice/revenge, which may or may not work, or trying to forget it ever happened.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 30
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 7:14:35 AM

I already had a lump on my forehead and a scrape on my cheek from him pushing his fingers really hard in my face and on my forehead, so after squeezing my wind pipe, I'm down on the bed, crying and pushing his hand away and telling him to stop, he left the room, I was still laying down crying, he came back in a few seconds later grabbed my head and held a knife to my throat telling me he was going to kill me if I even thought about leaving and making stabbing motions,


Story still seems weird to me. The cops wouldn't press charges or arrest him after seeing physical bruises and bumps on the OP?
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 31
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 8:31:29 AM
Reese, what you went through was WRONG. You did nothing to deserve it. He is to blame. He chose to hit you, chose to pick up the knife and threaten you. Those things were wrong.
I am so sorry that you have tried to do the right thing by calling the police and got no help at the time. I'm so glad you had the chance to pull the cord and get the ambulance out to save you. I agree with the posters that say that you should file the police report, if he already has domestic violence charges against him, maybe they'll listen, but at least you'll have it in writing and will know you've done whatever you could to stop this from happening to another woman. I'd go back to the shelter and ask them what resources they have that might help you - lawyer/counselling/support group... hopefully all of those things and maybe more. I hope you're able to recover and feel more secure and confident again. Take care.
 maybeebaybee1
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 32
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 10:28:38 AM
OP, I'm sorry for what you went through, but the fact that he was visiting from somewhere else doesn't excuse him from assault charges. You should file charges in whatever town he lives in. And just because I'm nosy, if he doesn't drive, how did he get to your house? And who took him back to where he came from? Not you I hope.
 Aprilovesrosasblancas
Joined: 2/24/2016
Msg: 33
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 11:24:09 AM
We have to be honest and FAIR when giving an advice, we are not dealing with teenager or a child, it doesn't matter if she was behaving like one with no common sense.
OP is 49 introduced an strange to her home to live with her for 3 days drinking alcoholic beverages.
We need to see things as they are, without sugarcoat them just because "we feel sorry for her."

Some of us like to play with fire knowing that we can burn, then when we are in pain, we are looking for revenge, trying to blame someone else for our mistake.

I do agree that what Op went through was wrong.!....Nobody deserve to be threatened with a knife or any weapon.
But to think or say that HE is the only one to blame, is wrong too.
Yes, he is a dangerous man when drunk and gets angry...but that happened AFTER 3 DAYS of being with her, drinking alcohol....
In this particular case, perhaps the guiltiest of what happened is she.


What happened to her is a warning only, She is not going to have this luck next time.!!


Op, you are not here warning anybody, you are posting that because you are mad and looking for validation to blame that person for what is your own fault.

He didn't come to your house, YOU brought him.!!
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 34
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 11:51:59 AM
^^^^
And then there are women who are willing to accuse other women that they are at fault. Women like this make me sick.

This very scenario happens to a lot of women who get raped. Not only does the woman get raped, but afterwards she’s made to feel it is her own fault.

I re-read the OP’s post. The police talked to both parties. They can’t press charges and make them stick if the victim won’t cooperate. They asked her to come to the police station on Sunday. Op was scared, and didn’t. (In my area, the police often arrest both parties, and let the District Attorney sort it all out.)

Apriloves, this man assaulted her. Held a knife to her throat. And you say ‘the guiltiest of what happened is she”. Seriously?

I say you should go down to the police station and ask them what assault really is, to become educated.

It is not a crime to invite someone into your home, even if it’s a bad idea to do so. But ASSAULT is a crime.

Read this: http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/what-is-abuse/sexual-assault/

“Remember: The assault was not your fault. You are the survivor of a crime.”
 Aprilovesrosasblancas
Joined: 2/24/2016
Msg: 35
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 12:00:44 PM
^^

Becky
I do know what you mean, but in this particular case, I can't agree with your way of thinking.
of course assault is a crime, but you are blaming him and only him..I don't think it is fair.

ETA

After reading this, if you are still "sick", I strongly recommend you to go see a doctor.:)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 12:58:28 PM
^^^I agree with your assessment that she is partly to blame for what happened because she set up the situation to have a stranger she knows nothing about stay with her for a few days. If the genders were reversed, and a guy was assaulted in his home after inviting a stranger he knows nothing about to stay with him for a few days, how many would put the blame on the home owner, and how many would say it's not his fault if he's assaulted in his home by a stranger he invited in.
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 37
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 1:35:14 PM

Grabbed me by my throat, squeezing my wind pipe and threw me on the bed, I already had a lump on my forehead and a scrape on my cheek from him pushing his fingers really hard in my face and on my forehead, so after squeezing my wind pipe, I'm down on the bed, crying and pushing his hand away and telling him to stop, he left the room, I was still laying down crying, he came back in a few seconds later grabbed my head and held a knife to my throat telling me he was going to kill me if I even thought about leaving and making stabbing motions, I layed absolutely still and didn't say a word in order to NOT make him anymore crazy and angrier then he was, he left the room again and came back in and said he was going to throw my cat out the window (I live 6 stories up) and he said he was going to smash my computer, he took my cell phone and my home phone and hid them, I didn't know what to do, how to get help but I live in an apartment complex that is mostly elderly and handicapped people and on my bedroom and bathroom walls are emergency cords you can pull if you need an ambulance, the building is old, they usually don't work, anyways, when he left the room again I pulled the cord 2 times, he came back in the room and started screaming at me, asking me if I pulled the cord, I said NO and was laying there crying, took a half hour for the ambulance to arrive, he answered MY door, I stood behind him quietly waving my arms to the ambulance guy while he was telling them that nothing was wrong here, I finally said "I'm sick, I need to go to the hospital" and they told him they needed to talk to me so I went out in the hall, they walked me down the hall a little ways and they said "we know whats going on here, come down with us in the ambulance" so I did, and while in the ambulance they called the police, the police were up with him for about a half an hour, they finally came down and said they made him leave but they weren't pressing charges because we had been drinking and he was from out of town and they couldn't get him for domestic violence


I don't know op....if you've got physical signs of an assault and a threat with a deadly weapon I find it hard to believe the police wouldn't have made a case. You've got battery, aggravated assault and false imprisonment. They're instructed to error on the side of the victim if there's evidence to support their allegations.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 38
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 2:20:59 PM
she is NOT "to blame" for what happened to her. She DID make wrong decisions and mistakes that made it easier for the jerk to be violent to her, but she is not responsible for HIS choices and HIS actions.
It is not the same as saying a person is to blame if they get burned when they play with matches - matches can't help burning, they have no brain, no conscience, no ability to choose.
Yes, it's not a good idea to invite someone you don't know into your home, to spend a lot of time drinking with them when they've shown themselves to be vocally abusive, to make yourself vulnerable - but that doesn't mean that he has the right to hurt and threaten her. HE was to blame for what he did, she just made it possible by inviting him in. Mistakes don't = permission.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 39
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 2:25:40 PM
Any man who would take advantage of a woman when she is drinking, to the point of assault or rape, is committing a crime. (The same if it’s the woman doing the assault.)

The OP was naïve to the greatest extent. That makes her at fault of being naïve and gullible. Who here has never been naive sometime in their lives?

Read what the OP said. “On the third night we decided to have some drinks.” Heck, I have wine or beer in my home when I choose, that doesn’t add a sign around my neck saying “take advantage of me”, or “commit a crime on me”. She says she “wasn’t totally wasted”. I drink occasionally/socially but I don’t get wasted.

An respectable guy, could very well have traveled a long distance to see her, and thanked her for giving him a couch to sleep on… and never done anything inappropriate, let alone issue threats of throwing her cat out the window, smashing her computer, or he would kill her if she attempted to leave, or put a knife to her throat. (If it had been me, he would have been tased, I do have a taser.)

You also realize she went to people who could help, “victims advocates when she called the domestic violence shelter, who begged her and begged her to go on Sunday to press charges”. They heard what happened, and recognized a crime also. And she found out later he had other domestic violence charges against him! Exactly how much more of this story do you need to realize this man was a repeat offender and committing another crime!

And you still want to say she is at fault? Only of being naïve, and that doesn’t mean she’s at fault of initiating the crime this thug choose on his own means to do. It doesn’t mean she should be made to feel as if she participated in the crime, and set aside her right to have the thug prosecuted!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 40
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 3:57:41 PM
Aprilovesrosablancas- The Op is responsible for her bad decisions, they were HER decisions.
That does NOT make her responsible for being assaulted.
That falls strictly on the man who assaulted her.
Was having someone she didn't really know stay with her 3 days a good idea?
Of course it wasn't.
However, he is responsible for attacking her.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 41
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 4:17:39 PM
April seems surprisingly judgmental for someone who has presumably read the biblical caution, Judge not lest ye be judged..and, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone..
 Aprilovesrosasblancas
Joined: 2/24/2016
Msg: 42
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/18/2016 4:37:11 PM
^
There he ^ goes again, with his mean comments about me.
can you please ignore me? just click ignore in your brain, I will love you forever if you do that.:)!!



My beliefs, the Bible ........well, I do try to reason in a fair manner.!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 43
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/19/2016 9:05:31 PM
Msg.:1

The guy beat the crap out of you and put a knife on your throat ? What is the provocation you did to him ? Or is it you dated a derange man ? well don't be afraid of the next woman your ex date will date perhaps the next woman is smarter than you and blablablabla .
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 44
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/19/2016 9:32:25 PM
Reese. sorry I am not buying your story, the catch is you are afraid for other women that they might date this man so you have to warn them ? A normal person is more afraid for herself, quit the dating website, move from her apartment that this man can not trace her. And the police let him go because he is just visiting?
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 45
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/19/2016 9:37:55 PM
That is just awful to read. :-(
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 46
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/20/2016 12:34:20 PM

And you still want to say she is at fault?


From the OP's Message #12:


....We talked for 3 months on here and on the phone and facebook messenger, all the warning signs were there, he constantly called me names, the worst you can imagine because I was either on pof, or when we were on the phone he would here my cell phone beep when I received notifications from email, messenger, pof, constantly accusing me of talking to other men, this happened on February 4th, it had been one entire year since I went out with anyone because I needed a break from a break up I had a year ago, anyways, the warning signs were there but I was lonely, not feeling to confident about myself or dating so after his tons and tons of apologies I decided to meet him,


TWICE she mentions that the "warning signs were there".
If someone ignores glaring warning signs, exactly whose fault is THAT?

IF the guy had been a perfect gentleman up until meeting, with perfect charm and wonderfulness and checked out clean on a background check, THEN she might get some slack for being "naïve",(as in, if it's too good to be true, it probably is), but she consciously and deliberately ignored warning signs all along.
That doesn't excuse his behavior one bit, he's still a criminal based on the story, but she does have some culpability herself.


An respectable guy, could very well have traveled a long distance to see her, and thanked her for giving him a couch to sleep on… and never done anything inappropriate,


Exactly.
Except that this guy didn't present himself as a "respectable guy" from the beginning.

He needs to be prosecuted, and she needs to do some introspection.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 47
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/26/2016 11:13:32 AM
This is a good response:


Ms. Reesecup....

What a horrific and terrifying experience. What happened to you was not your fault. Not loving yourself enough and allowing loneliness to distort your perception increases the potential of encountering manipulative and maladaptive individuals. That is where your responsibility lies.

I wish there was a way that we could warn others when we encounter such individuals. But it is up to each of us to be due diligent when allowing people into our lives. Which is why it is very important to report such incidents. It just may help the next woman, if she happens to check for a criminal record, before she allows herself to get involved with him.

I hope you are taking the time and actions to heal so as to minimize the potential for future violent encounters.


Wishing you healing, peace and a future filled with love. :)
 looking4luvxxx
Joined: 5/7/2015
Msg: 48
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/26/2016 12:31:55 PM
I wish they would have some way to rate these people because some of them are doosies.
 somekinda_wonderful
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 49
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/26/2016 1:08:06 PM
BS you do not have magical powers that can make others do things, this is not your fault. Everyone is responsible their own actions, and bravo for taking responsibility for getting involved in this situation, it will help you get over this.
 FlipFlops4LIFE
Joined: 11/18/2015
Msg: 50
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 3/29/2016 6:38:10 PM
Soooooooooooooo.... he called you a chicken?

This is a seriously F#%ked up situation. Lesson learned, I hope.
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