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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 76
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pofPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You were lucky. You got out alive. A mother of three young girls in the Seattle area wasn't so lucky with her POF date. They found her decapitated body in a recycling bin last week. Her POF date is sitting in jail on murder charges.


Sad story. One difference though is the woman in Seattle had dated this man for about 2 months before this happened. As mentioned before, many perps will gain the trust of their victim(s) before committing a crime.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 77
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/14/2016 11:55:57 AM
Yes, very sad and scary story. Everybody at work and in my family now uses the story to "warn" me about online dating. I'm a nurse like that poor woman, and a single mother, and of course, it really hits home when you have that much in common. The guy even used to live in my little small town for a while - creepy. All I can say is - snooping is a good thing. I've discovered lots of stuff about guys I started to date and promptly dumped them. I might have to add a criminal background check to my list of snoop items. I don't care if people think I'm paranoid or crazy. It's my life and I am not going to become a statistic and leave my kids without a mother.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 78
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/14/2016 7:53:36 PM
There has been multiple threads about doing a background check. If you do an internet search based on their name, there could multiple people with the same name in the same area. Another problem is most people probably won't give someone they don't know that well their SSN and personal info that is necessary to perform a complete background check. Even if a person is a criminal, they could use an alias or (s)he was never caught.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 79
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:56:58 AM
@Karma...Remember the one that happened in the Spanaway/Graham area last June? She was found wrapped in a tarp almost 2 weeks later. It was somebody she met online.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 80
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 8:45:30 AM

Another problem is most people probably won't give someone they don't know that well their SSN and personal info that is necessary to perform a complete background check. Even if a person is a criminal, they could use an alias or (s)he was never caught.


The other side of the argument on those threads is how many women are willing to give the same amount of personal information to a guy she has never met to (supposedly) do a similar background check? A lot of people in those threads used the argument "I've got nothing to hide, so I don't care if he/she checks me out." I've got nothing to hide either, but I'm not giving a stranger I never met personal information.

We hear the details of someone who trusted a stranger too much, went to a secluded place, and met with tragedy. But how many people have been on dates/first meets with someone they don't know that did not result in death or injury? A lot of people die in car accidents, but you don't see people giving up driving because of the risk. A little bit of common sense goes a long way to avoid bad situations.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 81
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 9:11:46 AM
Met a few gals that used Intelius to run checks on dates for other then safety reasons.

If she mentions background check on the phone or otherwise? She's done.

Cause this camper does have something to hide!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 82
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 3:15:06 PM
Dang! Now I'm curious.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 83
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 3:50:55 PM
Yes men do not seem to be able to put themselves in a woman's position. Had a guy wanted to meet at 10pm for a late movie, out of town. A complete stranger. Another time refused to get into the car of a guy I had just had a coffee with. Couldn't understand it. Another wanted to come into my home for dinner whom I had not even met. I could go on. Apparently some women do take silly risks. Not me. Never did anyone I met from a dating site know my full name, where I lived or worked, on first meeting. It is not just online, you have to be super careful all the time, everywhere. A sad world we live in.]


 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 84
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 8:03:09 PM

Yes men do not seem to be able to put themselves in a woman's position


Men have some risk as well. A woman can set up a man to be attacked and robbed by her friends. The bottom line is some common sense and reasonable precautions can greatly reduce the chances of something bad happening. You are probably more likely to get into a car accident driving to or from a date.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 85
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 8:32:30 PM
We're just going to keep on opening this can of worms more and more.


Yes men do not seem to be able to put themselves in a woman's position..


Which position is that?

From the website "Freakonomics":

"+ In the U.S., the proportion of murder victims who knew their assailants to victims killed by strangers is about 3-to-1. (Source: U.S. Department of Justice.)
+ Sixty-four percent of women who are raped know their attackers; and 61 percent of female victims of aggravated assault know their attackers. (Men, on the other hand, are more likely to be assaulted by a stranger.) (Source: D.O.J.)"


A complete stranger.


Did you spot that part about MEN being more likely to be assaulted by a stranger?
From the US Dept. Of Justice's own files.

As the "Freakonomics" blog continued:

"As we wrote in Freakonomics, most people are pretty terrible at risk assessment. They tend to overstate the risk of dramatic and unlikely events at the expense of more common and boring (if equally devastating) events. A given person might fear a terrorist attack and mad cow disease more than anything in the world, whereas in fact she’d be better off fearing a heart attack (and therefore taking care of herself) or salmonella (and therefore washing her cutting board thoroughly).
Why do we fear the unknown more than the known? That’s a larger question than I can answer here (not that I’m capable anyway), but it probably has to do with the heuristics — the shortcut guesses — our brains use to solve problems, and the fact that these heuristics rely on the information already stored in our memories.
And what gets stored away? Anomalies — the big, rare, “black swan” events that are so dramatic, so unpredictable, and perhaps world-changing, that they imprint themselves on our memories and con us into thinking of them as typical, or at least likely, whereas in fact they are extraordinarily rare."
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 86
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 9:04:21 PM
^^^^ Exactly.

Women (and men) came on here and bytch about a bad date...a bad date. Or some guy they met, dated for a month and gave money to him. Or some woman they met and after a whirlwind courtship of a month, he buys her jewelry and she disappears. Some of these things are your own damn fault for jumping in too quick, not trusting your gut and allowing yourself to get sucked in because you're lonely, horny or both. Yes, there are some expert players out there, both genders, but the expert players are rare, in the big picture. And chances are, you will discard the players right off the bat because they aren't tall enough, don't drive the right car or want to go Dutch or won't have sex on the first date. :)

Fullmoonguy and Freakonomics nailed it. It was a good book BTW.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 87
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 9:31:22 PM
Loneliness is very expensive.

More so for men then women.

YMMV
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 88
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/15/2016 10:09:03 PM

Loneliness is very expensive.

More so for men then women.

YMMV


Clooney Darlin, loneliness is expensive for all. And it doesn't matter whether you are buying company for the night or shoes, booze, drugs, food, cars, vacations, gambling....however you fill the void. I looked in my closet about a year after my husband died and looked at the all the clothes that still had price tags on them - retail therapy. I remember the rush when I picked out that sweater or purse, the warmth and joy I felt over the purchase and by the time I drove home...the feeling was gone, I was alone. Thank goodness that passed and I replaced it by taking watercolour painting classes...I have every type of paper imaginable, every colour of paint including metallics and all mediums from liquid, hard block to pencils...I have more equipment that the local art store. Lol. That too passed, but I will return to it. And when I retire, I will write.

So yup, some shop for company for the night and others are doing retail therapy and some are picking the wrong guy/gal just so they can feel warm and alive. And many times warm and alive feels good on a cold night. I have a pair of red boots I paid $400.00 for...I could have met Clooney or Walts or Fullmoonguy or Crook in Vegas and just met up, NSA for that kind of money and if tossed in the $600.00 I paid for tha Coach...drinks could have been on me for all of us.

I really think you have to like yourself divorced, single, widowed and alone before you can really give love again and accept love again. And ....filling the void gets old really fast.

Warnings....just go live. Don't go crazy, just live.
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 89
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/16/2016 3:05:14 PM
Wonderful post, Cassie2425.
 KaoticMisphit
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 90
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 4/20/2016 8:34:18 AM
It all seems fishy, even though we are on plenty of fish, LOL., Sorry no police officer is going to let anyone go after committing those offenses, sorry lady just don't buy it,
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 91
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/10/2016 10:22:19 PM

How can I warn other women on Pof about a dangerous guy on here


You can't. Because plenty of people, like you, are full of crap. Just admit you made much of your story up and be done with it. No police officer anywhere, is going to let a man like that go simply because he is from out of town. Next time try to make up a story that is actually somewhat believable.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 92
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/10/2016 10:47:04 PM
What would she have to gain by making up that story? *Rolls eyes*

I do realize there are inconsistencies in her ordeal. And what do you have to gain by just blowing her off so swiftly? Does it help you feel better about yourself? LOL

All this talk about how women should protect themselves more but there needs to be more of an emphasis on how to prevent men from inflicting violence towards others. Preventing violence is a collective effort and not just contingent on 50% of the population.

I'm all for women protecting themselves and I'm glad I live in a state where I can obtain a concealed carrying license. I think more women should be armed. On the other hand, boys need to be raised to actually respect girls & women. Sexual assault, DV, etc would be drastically cut down if that was the case.
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 93
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/11/2016 1:18:44 AM
What would she have to gain? Attention. Some people crave this "Oh, poor you, I feel so bad for you" nonsense. Which is really a pity, as there are plenty who genuinely DO go through some horiffic stuff. Attention seekers do nothing but cast a shadow of doubt over genuine victims. That is something I take a MAJOR issue with. I have friends, male and female, who have been through some serious abuse. Certain things have been done to me many, many years ago too. So I have little tolerance for attention seekers.

I agree with your entire second and third paragraph, I am a strong supporter of the second amendment myself, and feel that yes, boys and girls (Meaning just that, starting when they are kids) should be brought up to respect one another more. And respect themselves too. That also is lacking. No self respecting person I have ever known or even heard of would act so insane. Well, not without actually being clinically insane, perhaps.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 94
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/11/2016 1:31:15 AM
reesecup666
I am afraid that I don't really buy your story now either. Some things do not add up. It was not domestic violence as he was not your partner, but it was assault from what you say. No cop is going to refuse to investigate the matter once reported. The guy does not drive and lives 3 hours from you? Why did you even bother with him? Trollll...
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 95
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/11/2016 6:59:13 AM

I'm all for women protecting themselves and I'm glad I live in a state where I can obtain a concealed carrying license. I think more women should be armed. On the other hand, boys need to be raised to actually respect girls & women. Sexual assault, DV, etc would be drastically cut down if that was the case.


Sure. As long as they are properly trained about how and when to use a gun. Don't want paranoid women shooting somebody because they overreacted in a given situation.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 96
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/11/2016 7:14:26 AM
Or the other problem is if a guy over-powers a woman, takes her gun and uses it against her. I prefer dates where guns, grenades, or rocket launchers are not required. Why would a woman put herself in a situation where she's isolated and the only escape is to shoot her way out?
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 97
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/11/2016 11:05:06 AM
^ Why would a man try to assault someone who is physically weaker and smaller, huh? I do agree about women putting themselves in dangerous positions. That's why when I was dating, I'd only meet in a public place in the daytime. I used to work as a sexual assault victim advocate and most of my clients would meet men from online and go to their homes on or after the first meet (sometimes late at night). Not the smartest move.

Thing is, even if I was smart enough not to go meet him at his house at 11pm, there'll be someone else who will fall for that. I'm not of the "make sure he rapes the other girl, as long as it's not me" mindset. Focusing too much on the victim's poor judgment does nothing. It doesn't solve the core issue.

Re: knowing how & when to use a gun properly. I agree 100% That's why there are ranges and classes taught by and for women. My fiance and I go to the range twice a month. I have attended the classes. If any man tries to hurt me or my family, he's getting shot right where he's standing.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 98
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/11/2016 2:02:53 PM
Railrunner, I saw your trains! How cool. I think I have a similar collection. I only know a few people that actually collect them but I don't go to train shows.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 99
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/12/2016 9:00:45 AM
I only started recently going to the train shows, but i'm lucky to have a big'un a hour's drive away:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgzTWlbfLMw

if you can swing it, go to one. i'm not even looking to start mine up yet, but its fun to talk to the people. they don't always talk about trains, either :) Having one thing in common is a nice way to break the ice, and I got to hear a joke, about how back when the Soviet Union existed and America needed to hide its nuclear missiles, it thought about putting them on Amtrack trains and then handing the Soviets the train schedule :)
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 100
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Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/12/2016 9:07:30 AM

Cause this camper does have something to hide!

LOL Do not tell us you have a cat hidden in your camper!
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