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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are guys online so biased against black women      Home login  
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 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 176
Why are guys online so biased against black womenPage 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

OK. And what advice do you have for men who 25 year virgins ? What advice do you for men who 30 years and barely even kissed a girl ? What advice do you have for men who constantly rejected ?






Simple. Get some balls! Women aren't attracted into passive men. You have to get some balls and be confident in what you say and who you are and what you want.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 177
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 7:55:32 AM
Msg: 185

pregnancy can be considered the ultimate STD


OMG!

Then, I guess having a Y chromosome (mutation of X) can be considered the ultimate defect.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 178
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 9:21:31 AM
patiently waiting for a sister to come along.
I wonder if VH writes that when he sends a Mothers Day card?
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 179
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History
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 10:21:58 AM

. A significant number of the black men are "stolen" by white women.

Really you call me a thief?
Color of our skin is just that....we all bleed the same colour.
P.S. Seems to me the Prez has a black wife and is successful.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 180
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History
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 10:51:17 AM
Ouija wrote, a while back:


She wanted to go to " the slums"


Um.....yes. And your point is...........?


Did this stud of a neighbour have a revolving door to his apartment too?


No, he had a dedicated GF by then. GFs and revolving doors don't mix...unless it's going into a capitalistic institution, such as a movie theatre or lingerie store. But for a domestic dwelling....no.


Did you tell him to beware of tall Asian women?


Um...no. You're getting stories mixed up. This is about Iowa farm women, remember? He was playing in his own "Field of Dreams," so to speak. And according to him, it was heaven AND Iowa.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqgKGtYfr_U

;)
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 181
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Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 10:54:06 AM
SoilMarks wrote:


But I'll speak as a black man. The best woman for a black man is really a black woman. The best woman for white man really is a white woman. Same to Asians too.


Not really sure of your over-arching point in your manifesto here Soilmarks, but maybe it's the fact that you feel white men are taking the black women you desire? Not putting words in your mouth, but just trying to clarify.

At any rate, your opinion is, in my opinion, quite out-dated...at least here in the U.S. I don't know anyone...outside of maybe older traditional folks, that believe this anymore. I would say older "white" folks, but in fact there are some other races also where it's common belief that you "marry your own".....i.e. Indians (from India.)...or Muslims. They are extremely traditional in that view. I've seem Muslim mixed couples, but not sure if I have even seen an Indian mixed couple, and I'm in a very large, progressive urban area with a large Indian-American population.

...but for the most part, the Western world has moved on and I don't think you'll find anyone who sympathizes with you too much. After all, it's pretty common to see all kinds of mixed couples in everyday life these days. Sure, in rural areas, it's still pretty rare, but in large urban and suburban areas, it's common.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 182
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Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 11:15:25 AM
SoilMarks wrote:


Any man, regardless of race, will admit that white men are at the top of the food chain in terms of sexual predilection among females the world over.


You are, in a way, correct... the "white man," at least at this point, on average, probably DOES have a leg up in the dating scene...as in being the "highest value" match for any race...simply because, on average, they are wealthier and more likely to have a good job. But I don't believe it has anything to do with a lack of innate worthiness of a black man's "SMV"...(SMV...That was a new on on me lol)......but has to do with the burdens black folks have carried in our sordid past...and the fact that whites generally benefitted from that past. But that has nothing to to, in my opinion, with the innate worthiness or physical attractiveness of a black man. Hope this makes sense.

I do believe they are doing a nice job of catching up though...of course the headlines aren't good lately, and I noticed your "don't shoot" cartoon...but overall, over the last 40-60 years things for black people have improved dramatically...in most every realm...and that DOES include the dating scene. You couldn't have even LOOKED at a white women not so long ago here in the U.S. without fearing for your well being.

If you take out the variable of wealth, education, and social capital, built up over generations...things blacks were cheated out of.....I think black men doing a pretty good job, at least here in the U.S. of catching up. And it will only get better as blacks continue to become more educated, build wealthg, and become more entrenched into our middle class culture.

And for you....reading between the lines here...you seem somewhat frustrated....not sure if this frustration is with your lack of success with black women, or women in general.... Your profile is pretty scant, but I'm seeing an educated, 6'2" man who's pretty decent looking (from your only pic)...athletic body type...no I'm not gay lol....I am not a betting man but I would be willing to bet that in the U.S....if you lived in an urban area...and by urban I don't mean "black only" ....and hit the nightlife scene.....you'd be velcro to women...of any race...if you're reasonably friendly and outgoing and had a good job at a U. here. An English accent -if you have one - would be the coup-de grace.

Now, I also noticed you are a Scientist....hopefully you aren't a black version of Sheldon Cooper...but if so, yowza.......you're beyond help...anywhere.....lol....
 14slowo
Joined: 7/30/2016
Msg: 183
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 11:27:45 AM
Hmmmm , I notice site management wants to know if a participant would consider dating a smoker or a BBW. "Would you consider viewing profiles not within your race" ? There ya go. Pro-Choice.
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 184
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 12:59:21 PM
A lot of people won't date smokers or big women. Only a teeny tiny minority won't date someone whose pigment is different. There's just no demand for it.
 gotahubcapdiamondstarhalo
Joined: 9/21/2016
Msg: 185
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 1:49:40 PM
^^^ I'm betting the previous poster could find a specialty site that caters to his interests. Maybe even one that insists on DNA "proof" of ethnicity.

Umm ... yeah, just google white power dating for "hot, rascist chicks galore!"

http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/blogs/newsaxoncom-the-neo-nazi-myspace-with-hot-racist-chicks-galore-6503569
 14slowo
Joined: 7/30/2016
Msg: 186
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 6:48:31 PM
I'll check that out. For sure. Thank You. I have noticed several very attractive model types requesting DNA information . One participant offered "Papers of Ethnic Purity" from a bygone day.

Actually , for the most part , like attracts like. Not a big deal ; the racially aware have established a pretty succinct internet community with many IRL activities. I'm thinking so much wasting of time and cyber space could be avoided by voluntary self segregation.

From what I've seen , in IRL , and I don't get too close , Black guys need to seriously address OP's question.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 187
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 7:08:33 PM
^ You make me want to cry.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 188
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 8:57:08 PM
Soilmarks, the problem with your facts is that what you said regarding white men and dating sites is flawed. I mean would you apply that to a site like BlackPeopleMeet? An Asian Dating Website? So why are you continuing to pass your opinions as fact? As far as wealth, some women on here have just as much money than the men they choose as mates. I'm not going to continue with you this because arguing who is of high value and who isn't at the end of the day is absurd. When you go on site like this it's about finding someone you're compatible with. All you need is one to match with not several. Just one.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 189
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/24/2016 9:04:49 PM

Black guys need to seriously address OP's question.


This black guy already addressed the black women and bias issue way early in the thread before the whole thing got sidetracked. I just don't like to do retreads or repeat myself. I'm not sure if I can say it differently than what has been said before. The points that were stated in the first three or four pages clearly stated black women's concerns when it pertains to online dating and what was said was mentioned well. n
 LJane_6
Joined: 6/10/2015
Msg: 190
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Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/25/2016 12:32:46 AM
In response to @Soilmarks, I agree with others that it depends a lot on where you live. I have heard that racism is worse (at least, more out in the open) in some parts of the states than where I live in Canada. Don't get me wrong, racism exists here, too, but many will frown upon it (as they should), which causes some to hide their opinions. I still think it comes out in many ways, though, and I doubt a lot of us realize the full extent of it. That said, my family would have absolutely no problem with me dating a black guy or any other race, as long as he was a good guy. My first boyfriend (in high school) was Japanese and they didn't mind that either. In fact, if anything I think my BF's parents had more of a problem with him dating a white girl. One of my girlfriends (white) recently dated an Iraqi guy, and again, her family was fine with it, but he didn't even tell his parents for fear they would disown him.

I do think the stereotype of black guys being hyper-masculine, and "tougher" exists to some extent (at least in some people's minds). I've had white, female friends who are very attracted to black guys in particular. Interestingly, these women all seemed to have strong personalities, and were tall and/or physically strong as well. Some of us might be intimidated by the thought of dating someone who we think is strong and assertive. But, obviously it's very much a stereotype. Perhaps people would think differently if they weren't brainwashed by the media and/or spent more time with people outside their own race.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 191
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/25/2016 7:49:31 AM

I'm betting the previous poster could find a specialty site that caters to his interests. Maybe even one that insists on DNA "proof" of ethnicity.


The problem with using specialty dating websites based on race, religion, age, lifestyle etc is often the relatively small user base compared to more mainstream dating sites. It might be worth checking out for a short period of time before an user runs out of potential options.

One advantage of using Match is they have a section where people can choose the traits that they are looking for in a potential date. When a user does a mutual search, that would filter out most of the people that wouldn't date you because of race, height, age, distance, body type, smoking and drinking habits, having and wanting kids, religion, income and education level etc.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 192
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/25/2016 8:21:01 AM

I do think the stereotype of black guys being hyper-masculine, and "tougher" exists to some extent (at least in some people's minds). I've had white, female friends who are very attracted to black guys in particular. Interestingly, these women all seemed to have strong personalities, and were tall and/or physically strong as well. Some of us might be intimidated by the thought of dating someone who we think is strong and assertive. But, obviously it's very much a stereotype. Perhaps people would think differently if they weren't brainwashed by the media and/or spent more time with people outside their own race.


You bring up some interesting points that I would like to expound upon here. What I do notice regarding dating sites and being someone of color is there's a tendency to stereotype or racial profile even though the person doing it may be unaware of it. In the city where I reside at for instance, I come across some white girls who automatically think black guys should act or behave a certain way due to media portrayals or in most cases some black males that they previously dealt with. The reality is where all not a hivemind and although we may have the same pigment we don't necessarily have the same experiences or upbringing or train of thought. Unfortunately, the media only chooses to have one type of image that they trot out as the one all be all representation of entire group of people when in reality its just a fallacy.

Now to tie that into the main subject of the thread, the OP's situation was a mixture of being profiled and overlooked entirely. Notice that if she did get messages it was from guys who fetisized black women and she clearly wasn't looking to be someone's chocolate fantasy. There are different forms of racism and racial profiling seems to be the prevalent one these days because its rare that someone would want to take the time to ACTUALLY know the person instead of approaching them with preconceived notions of what you think they may be like.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 193
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/25/2016 10:25:20 AM
PR - I like and appreciate your posts.
But most people have preconceived notions about nearly everything = blonde means you're an airhead, overweight means you lack discipline, etc. idk know anyone who thinks black guys ought to act a certain way.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 194
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Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/25/2016 11:38:52 AM

End of the day, to further the boxing analogy all men get hit, we all have to take the punches that comes with online dating, but black men (generally speaking) have to take the most punches.


Who gives a shit? I'm a 31 year old black male and while I may be at a disadvantage I don't care. I don't worry about shit that I can't control, there are women out there who won't respond to a message because I'm black, white guys do have an advantage in online dating because they're the majority, there's more of them, the ideal standard of beauty in this country has been caucasian men and women for years and while there are black celebrities and athletes who people find attractive they're not considered the standard of beauty at the same time who cares? None of us are models, at the end of day women are just human beings and even though I'm a gamer, a huge geek, not necessarily a ladies man I do alright myself in the dating world, I manage to meet women, receive messages, go on dates, have a few **** buddies and later on a steady girlfriend and guess what some of them were white, black, Asian and Hispanic, a lot of times it didn't work out, it is what it is but race played no part in it not working out. I've found that women all of races can be a pain in the ass in some form or fashion, there are no shortage of flakes in any race and ethnicity.
 hiyapeople
Joined: 8/17/2016
Msg: 195
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Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/25/2016 1:58:47 PM
As a single black female, I find this topic highly depressing. I know I have obstacles to overcome compared to others as I as black and BBW. But what does the future hold? The simple facts are this, its harder to find someone if you are a black female, no matter how you look.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 196
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/25/2016 2:11:29 PM

PR - I like and appreciate your posts.
But most people have preconceived notions about nearly everything = blonde means you're an airhead, overweight means you lack discipline, etc. idk know anyone who thinks black guys ought to act a certain way.[\quote]

Come to my neck of the woods sometime, Ouija! I could show you better than I can tell you. In Worcester, you have white folks who think because they listen to hip hop who may hung around or slept with black people, they know them. Hell, when they describe certain behaviors or actions they referring to the low end blacks, but he'll they can't tell the difference and unfortunately there are some in my area that only reinforce the stereotype.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 197
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 10/26/2016 1:24:14 AM
"OK. And what advice do you have for men who 25 year virgins ? What advice do you for men who 30 years and barely even kissed a girl ? What advice do you have for men who constantly rejected ?"

Therapy, which is not a stigma to me . Obviously, to be so ill socialized as an adult means they had some problems in childhood, teens, and adulthood relating to others. I tend to think it is a symptom of an emotional issue. They should use a cognitive and behavioral approach, not just the latter. I guess many refuse to label themselves as a problem and get therapy, so they may just suffer quietly or buy into resentment mongering, sites catering to men who are frustrated and confused.

The problem today is people want it all easily, they want the best, not settle for less, and seem to think it should be available and plentiful.

It's competition in the long run, if you seek the rare, "high status" the 10, and pua says anything is possible for men, and rate women purely on superficial terms(heaven forbid it's on compatibility and interests), not caring about much beyond the hookup.

I do not like thinking of it as competition for the few "attractive" but maybe it boils down to that mentality? I don't buy into it, but perhaps we all hold out for an ideal in our head, which may not exist anymore.

Guys constantly rejected, I think they are probably not getting to understand cues and signs of interest in the other person, lowering the need to get told no, and increasing the likelihood of yes if they are engaging with others. Some do not have relationship or social skills, perhaps have not much to say because they have not been educated or challenged enough.

Work on oneself, have an actualized life or be pursuing it, before inviting others--equals more likelihood of a good match.

Unlike what some think, it's not just raw looks one gets rejected by. One has to have a relationship with the person inside.

All the guys I ever dated, we had things in common--usually how we met, just talked to me, it went from that commonality,but they were clear about being relationship oriented.

It was not some guy out of the blue trying his luck, getting overly familiar. I doubt that approach works unless the guy was unusually good looking . But pua is not for that type of guy, one who has women's interest before speaking. I am not saying all pua guys are homely misfits..but that approach lowers whatever attractiveness was there.

If one is a person who has been successful in their other goals and and achieved those, they will generally attract somebody similar in their life and social activities at some point, barring an inabilty to communicate. It does not come by manipulating, but just talking to many people.. It's like one would have to go out of their way not to attract people, forever.

A problem could be, as with pua, assigning SMV to women(yet not doing that to men as much). You are not all going to attract the youngest, best looking women. They often treat it like a game of getting some superficial prize, or it is society itself, hyping female beauty as the only important value.

The point is, men not being able to find partners could be they are going for unattainable types .

"Go on. I'm all ears. I guess this is were your going to come with some vague "Be Yourself" "Be Confident" "Be Nice" the type of advice, my granny would say. "

Actually, my point is that anything that leads to a person genuinely feeling at peace and confident socially is a good thing, could be martial arts, developing your work, volunteering, whatever. Pua, because it's rather hostile to women --read those blogs and forums, it's so revolting. I cannot imagine going from that mindset to having any respect for women, and that alone is sensed. Women are not dumb like they think. So much resentment, fear, and even vengeance.

".
Most women have not a got clue what it takes to attract women."

You have a low opinion of women's intelligence and individuality, so it does not surprise me that dismissiveness is returned. There are many guys who don't hear a word or care about anything but your looks, and are all about hunting.

Some people, even if not the most handsome, emanate something from within that is attractive, maybe serenity, self respect or compassion or .... The outside has to be decent, but it really is about something within that many women notice. Hard for men to grasp when it seems they overvalue the exterior regarding women.

"All women know is the feeling (Keyword = *feeling*) that they have when they are with a man who they find attractive.
And that's it."

When I was younger, I might have gone purely on physical appeal. Even now. But, if you engage with someone you thought gorgeous, and inside he is just a barren, hollow, mean person...you figure out all that glitters is not gold. You lose interest, it is not sustaining.

"There was guy called Warren Farrell, he did a test where had the women ask men out on a traditional dinner date.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A0zpDbRYSo (The sound is pretty poor)
Many of the women said they were unable to listen to what the man was saying because they were so worried about getting rejected. Instead of connecting with men, the women found themselves constantly thinking “How do I get this guy not to say no?”"

I agree in women being passive and getting hurt by rejection because it not something they put themselves through. It has happened online quite a bit ime, not that I contacted many, maybe a handful over years and they all were snarky. I think the stigma for women is there--make contact, look aggressive, desperate, unfeminine. Men say they like it but many do not.

The good part for men, is it's seen as "going for what you want, masculine, fearless". Sure if she is not into you it’s unwelcome, but if one is attractive and respectful, can take a no, it's a compliment.

They were not the best looking guys I contacted(mainly to chat with, and who knows, if that went ok) , but got rather arrogant by having any msg and assumed me to be lesser. I had no pic as back in the old days it was not as common, but I usually sent one if asked and the odd thing was some of the more patient guys about that were the most successful, intelligent, attractive ones.

"Or watch a clip of "Beauty And The Geek"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsMNRR2FtQw
This is where women had to approach men at bars, without make up and men were again, told be passive and dismissive.
Just watch at the end and their reaction. They were in tears and almost needed counselling. And once again. This was not even a real life situation and this was their first and will be their only time that it will happen to them but at the end of the clip they had a deeper understanding of what guys go through."


I have seen more guys wearing makeup. I don't think it's bad. I know people look a lot different without it. I always was light with it, it makes a person look fake and mask like vs attractive. Over the years I have worn less and I probably get noticed more if I wear more, but it was never good attention.
Like the women in the clip, being all about looks over substance means attracting ungenuine and superficial people. I think if somebody can find me attractive in a plain state that appeals more to me. I still take care of my health and that's important, but it's liberating not to seek attention like that.
I would not care if men wore heels, makeup, hair pieces. They probably do so more. It's nice when guys care about their appearance, but still, most of them are not eye candy and personality is a big factor on how they are perceived.. The attitude of people who are unhappy in their dating life, is typically a problem but they think it is always external.

"The male experience involves constantly facing rejection."

The men I know take measured risks, after knowing someone a while. Going up to strangers would be pretty uncomfortable for anybody. And women do passively show interest. Usually, the best looking get that interest from both genders. The rest have to bring more.

"Men still are still expected to make the majority of sexual advances, with women signalling interest passively and waiting for men to approach them."

But women are looked down for it. At least men are seen in a good light for proactiveness, unless they pick the wrong girl.
However, I notice bold women flirting with attractive men, and not being too upset at being brushed off. They want to go after them. I see a lot of men who likely get hit on frequently, being gracious. So, I do not think women are as passive as you may think. When it comes to guys that are especially attractive, like with men and the really attractive women, people just cannot help themselves.

"And it's not that men are “scared of rejection” as you may think, as much as that their social role that requires facing constant rejection, and women would be equally if not more scared of rejection if placed in similiar circumstances."

Yes, nobody likes it. I think women would or do, minimize rejection by taking the hint. Not sure guys really notice or are just about trying to get their way.

"While women’s issues with body image are constantly explored in mass media, very little has been written about men’s issues with rejection that isn’t demeaning or shaming."

The women I know are pretty nice when approached and yet rejection just feels uncomfortable. If I tried to date strangers I would have to pick up, that would be stressful, and I would be thought creepy, coming out of the blue and hitting on them.

"The only group that treat’s men’s fear of rejection with anything resembling empathy is the pick up industry (PUA)"

But it comes with a "women are the enemy" attitude like it is a war. It seems about a quest for power, to get over feelings of inferiority, gain status via women or conquests, and rating women so that everybody is seeking the same highly sought after ones. Maybe they "settle" for less than a 10 but the mentality is not conducive to anything healthy.

Imo, to get anything of quality requires time investment, and effort, things we deride in this day. If you want to know how to get hookups/act like a ladies man, I guess you try to do pua stuff but I still doubt it’s that effective unless the guy had a lot to work with and just needed the confidence to act.

I think any attractive guy with a life just has to talk to a lot of people, and pursue their interests. If you cannot make a contact out of that, something is not quite right inside.

I am talking about people who never dated, than those who find themselves single at some point in their later years. The former is a sign of a problem. The latter could be inertia, fatigue, other concerns in life, lack of opportunity or people in a good age range, or disinterest after having enough of relationships.

Nobody is guaranteed a prince or princess but people keep wanting the dream. As you get older, you might get more real about it, but it’s pretty hard to accept what is out there and available.
 chicasayshi2u
Joined: 11/21/2016
Msg: 198
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 12/17/2016 12:11:42 AM
Op it sounds like it's just your opinion. Tons of guys find black ladies beautiful, and want to date them. How else are relationships still occurring with black ladies who are getting asked out by other black men as welll as men that aren't? Have a great day!
 thefrancesann
Joined: 5/21/2016
Msg: 199
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 12/17/2016 12:33:48 AM
Lol, I get messages from white men all of the time on this site. Some I write back, the majority I don't. I don't initiate contact with anyone on this site and if I do, it's only because something on his profile caught my attention but I've noticed the very few times that I have reached out, they wrote back.

There is an issue with bias against black women but I don't let it bother me. It is what it is.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 200
view profile
History
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 12/17/2016 9:27:02 AM
^^^^^Please elaborate. What is this issue?
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