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 AUTHOR
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 101
Dating site or hookups only?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I don't think anybody here DEMANDS that a man pays for a date. I have never told a date that they MUST pick up the tab, neither have I ever thrown a tantrum if a guy wasn't going to buy me a cup of coffee. That's his right. But it is also MY RIGHT to not be attracted to guys who do not show that trait.


This is what happens when people can't adjust to new ways. Karma isn't asking all that much and it certainly isn't out of line with reality but people still lash around about it. Someday the dust will settle in the direction of women paying more because it kind of has to. But until then, you can't really call Karma's position outrageous.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 102
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/15/2016 6:08:30 AM
I've got a throw rug that would make a nice sweater.

Who do I go to for help?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 103
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:03:10 AM

This is what happens when people can't adjust to new ways. Karma isn't asking all that much and it certainly isn't out of line with reality but people still lash around about it. Someday the dust will settle in the direction of women paying more because it kind of has to. But until then, you can't really call Karma's position outrageous.


Not throwing a temper tantrum because a man didn't pay for a woman on a date doesn't change my viewpoint. My previous comments were based on the onesided statements and insults said by a vocal segment of women on these forums because a man didn't pay for her. Also this is more than just about paying for a cup of coffee on a first date. The subject was often about men going out on multiple dates ( 10 dates in 1 thread ) and a woman never offering to pay. Even many women didn't agree with it.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 104
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/15/2016 12:51:07 PM

Not throwing a temper tantrum because a man didn't pay for a woman on a date doesn't change my viewpoint. My previous comments were based on the onesided statements and insults said by a vocal segment of women on these forums because a man didn't pay for her. Also this is more than just about paying for a cup of coffee on a first date. The subject was often about men going out on multiple dates ( 10 dates in 1 thread ) and a woman never offering to pay. Even many women didn't agree with it.


Not accusing you of a tantrum. In fact, you weren't even on my mind at all when I wrote my comment. It was about adjusting to new ways. You represent the new way. Good.

My point is that the issue won't be settled until a new social convention firmly takes hold. The vocal segment of pay for play women are not yet the lunatic fringe. Maybe someday but there are still too many of them to say that we have a custom of fiscal equity. In the future, women who pay their own way are likely to be the norm. You are on the right side of history on that. Still, a lot of women are not. As you have seen, they continue to say so.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 105
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/15/2016 2:13:41 PM

I'm not attracted to men who will not take me out on a date the first few times as we get to know each other.


Well, it's funny how people don't want to date themselves. Some women don't want to date a man who won't pick up the tab on the first few dates yet these same women wouldn't pick up the tab for a man on the first few dates. They expect men to do something they wouldn't do themselves.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 106
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/15/2016 2:32:01 PM
^^^Actually, these women are happy to take turns picking up the tab or going Dutch when out with girlfriends, but as soon as it's a guy that they're out with, suddenly it's a whole new ballgame with a whole new set of rules. I would like to see the playbook that explains why the rules totally change when it comes to paying. If a guy went on a date wearing a dress or skirt, would the woman feel compelled to pick up the tab or go Dutch?
 elig0724
Joined: 4/11/2016
Msg: 107
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/15/2016 2:46:05 PM
Dating site or hookups? Depends on the usage an individual gives the app.
Don't let these guys discourage you. You never know if the next message you receive...will be from a guy that you'll get along with. Just remain open to life & when it's meant to happen.....the right person will appear (on or off POF). =)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 108
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/15/2016 8:00:22 PM

Not accusing you of a tantrum. In fact, you weren't even on my mind at all when I wrote my comment. It was about adjusting to new ways. You represent the new way. Good.


I said temper tantrum because you had responded to a woman that had mentioned it. I didn't think you were accusing me of throwing a temper tantrum.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 109
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/16/2016 12:15:08 PM

Actually, these women are happy to take turns picking up the tab or going Dutch when out with girlfriends, but as soon as it's a guy that they're out with, suddenly it's a whole new ballgame with a whole new set of rules. I would like to see the playbook that explains why the rules totally change when it comes to paying. If a guy went on a date wearing a dress or skirt, would the woman feel compelled to pick up the tab or go Dutch?


That is because they have to when they are out with their girlfriends -- the other women won't tolerate being taken advantage of.
 jaybug70
Joined: 8/15/2013
Msg: 110
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/23/2016 1:44:35 PM
I have been in this site for almost a month and I can say I have met a wide range of guys already. So far, most of them want hook ups and as subtle as they can be, it's up to the ladies how you handle the situation and yourself. I totally agree that you can "weed out" these guys because you can smell them a mile away hahaha.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 111
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Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/24/2016 3:52:29 PM

I don't think anybody here DEMANDS that a man pays for a date.

Oh, I beg to differ. :) They DEMAND it -- not Making a demand to the other's face, but DEMAND it for it to be a 'worthy' date. That's the controversy. Let's call a spade a spade.

neither have I ever thrown a tantrum if a guy wasn't going to buy me a cup of coffee. That's his right.

But again, that doesn't mean there's not a Demand on your part, for it to be a worthy date, that he has to. He and she has the right to be a jerk, tell a stupid jokes making them look incredibly lame, etc. This isn't about legal rights -- let's avoid that red herring. The problem is that SOME gals who Demand the guy pay for dates for it to be 'worthy', not only believe that, but Also see the guy as a lesser person for not doing so. That's the controversy. It's not about legal rights.

I don't think I"m "entitled" to it

I strongly disagree. Other posts by you, granted have claimed that you don't feel that way -- but many others Clearly reveal you Do feel entitled to it. You just don't want to call it that. If you Don't feel Entitled to it -- then you're NOT going to get upset about it (underneath it all) nor think of him as any less of a person. You have expressed before that you have been upset about it -- not just merely happy if/when a guy does. You haven't expressed any respect & understanding that a guy doesn't. If one doesn't feel Entitled to it -- they're never going to be pissed about it at all. A gal IS entitled to it when the guy asks to Take them out. But when a gal treats ALL dates that same way, yes, that is one way she Does feel Entitled to it for all dates.

My previous comments were based on the onesided statements and insults said by a vocal segment of women on these forums because a man didn't pay for her.

And when is pissed or having a clear Lack of respect for a guy not doing so -- they Are Demanding it, for it to be a worthy date. End of story. :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 112
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Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/25/2016 12:12:27 PM

jaybug70
I have been in this site for almost a month and I can say I have met a wide range of guys already. So far, most of them want hook ups and as subtle as they can be, it's up to the ladies how you handle the situation and yourself. I totally agree that you can "weed out" these guys because you can smell them a mile away hahaha.

(sniffing my armpit …) Note to self: Pick up new deodorant at drug store. If they can smell me a mile away, I’ve got to change something!

I see both sides of this argument about paying for dates. I agree with Karma, if she only wants to date men who will pay for the dates, that is her right, just as it is her right to only date “ripped young studs”. (In fairness to Karma, she has talked recently about dating a man slightly older than herself.)

And I also agree with Norwegianguy. She (and other women) are indeed “demanding” that men pay. Once again, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that position, but you might as well admit to it.

But here’s the thing, folks. I pay for dates because I want what that woman has more than she wants what I have. And, yes, that is about sex. As long as men desire sex more than women, than men are going to pay.

All of this talk about “a new social convention firmly takes hold” is just so much hogwash. This isn’t about social conventions, this is about sex. Wake up and smell the coffee.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 113
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Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/25/2016 12:42:56 PM

if she only wants to date men who will pay for the dates, that is her right, just as it is her right to only date “ripped young studs”.

I think the strong conceptual difference is that a gal in position demanding a guy pay for it to be deemed worthy & respectful of a date, won't look down on a guy if he's not a ripped young stud. It's comparing apples & oranges. The better comparison would be "a guy who's kind of rude" & "a guy who won't pay for my dinner on the date". Both are in "one's rights", and to those in Karma's camp, see them both as the guy being negative/lesser/unworthy.

To be fair, I think some gals have mixed feelings about it -- especially if they haven't hardly ran into men who Didn't pay. They'll claim there's no indirect feelings of entitlement to it and feel one way, but when describing a particular date situation, deeming it unworthy & poor when the guy doesn't pay the gal's way. And to be honest, a lot of guys who aren't struggling with money or anything + do by default pay (like myself), also don't think about it too much until discussions about it come up (or a dating situation where it's the umpteenth date and the gal never contributes anything).
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 114
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/25/2016 5:10:31 PM
Any dating site is going to have a mix of people just looking for hook ups and some who really want to date. I don't think POF is radically different from the others in that respect. Even on the fancy high dollar sites there are people trolling for sex, that is just human nature.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 115
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/25/2016 5:33:52 PM
I agree with the post above, both types are on here.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 116
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History
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 4/25/2016 5:55:20 PM
In my limited experience with online dating there have been one or two looking for the FWB and were quite upfront about that. As for the hit and quit, it happens, sometime both parties are glad not to see each other again.

from what I hear paid or unpaid sites, they are all the same with a mix of people with varying agendas and motives. Just like real life.

 BlondeApriLShowers
Joined: 4/28/2016
Msg: 117
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 5/2/2016 8:44:06 AM

You're welcome. My situation is not unlike yours. I chose to be responsible for the children, two of which have mild autism. I won't go into it because this cesspool isn't the place one gets any respect for doing the right thing. Instead we are belittled, told we are self-entitled pieces of A$$ not worthy of a cup of coffee....If I am the least bit selfish I have earned the right to want what I want for me.

Thank you, I decided at some point who I was, how I treated people & that I lied to be treated the same in return. Yes, it weeded some out, but I also changed in how I engaged w/ some people. We train others how to treat us.

At the end of the day, I know I did my personal best. And now I am reaping the rewards from a lot of sacrifices in the past.
 BlondeApriLShowers
Joined: 4/28/2016
Msg: 118
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 5/2/2016 8:45:04 AM
oops..


Thank you, I decided at some point who I was, how I treated people & that I liked to be treated the same in return.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 119
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Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 5/2/2016 11:11:59 AM

And still you will get people coming to you that are the opposite of what you are looking for.

I think it's because, as far as the 'market' is concerned, one realizes that gals who have Long Term or type of relationship 'serious' -- in the end, it doesn't mean they're not going to want to have fun. Online, a good amount of people tend to be weary of friends/family seeing it so it's exaggerated in a wholesome way. Others, sure, want an LTR ideally and obviously sounds better as a 1-selection-only thing -- but aren't stuck to just that, as observed many times.

So to the guy purser on site, it's statistically lower chances of gals looking for LTR, but in their minds, everything's kind of low anyway -- they'll throw the spaghetti on any walls they find at least reasonably attractive and see which ones stick. Kind of like on T!nder, hitting "Yes" on every girl robotically. Trying to parse matchability via each profile to view thru takes too much time -- they'll deal with the matchability with ones where at least the ball starts rolling.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 120
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 5/2/2016 11:52:55 AM

I have been called stuck up for ignoring/refusing fellas that were exactly what I wanted to avoid. Sometimes it looks like they do not read the profile or forget certain important data

Everyone tends to forget that what they say they want is unimportant. It is what the message sender wants that matters. I often wonder what it would be like if every man's inbox were stuffed with messages from fat, ugly women talking about warm, loving, sexless and grandchildren. Would there be as many unread/deletes? One of these days, you girls need to get together and make men complain about inappropriate emails instead by sending all of the smoking hot guys emails asking for "equal relationships based on mutual respect" and silly crap like that.
 letssee497
Joined: 6/11/2016
Msg: 121
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History
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 7/29/2016 1:19:14 PM
Disagree, absolutely all the guys on here have asked to sext with me. Not like I wouldn't but everyone has been a troll.
 letssee497
Joined: 6/11/2016
Msg: 122
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Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 7/29/2016 1:20:07 PM
Love your answer.
 green0eye0girl
Joined: 7/21/2016
Msg: 123
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 7/30/2016 7:56:31 AM
I've been told that by guys on tinder....they assume it's a free whorehouse. Some guy told me I think you're on the wrong dating site....I said no I think I'm on the wrong planet. I've contemplated paying for a site like Match, but after signing up for free (very limited access) it's enough to show it's not worth the money, they send me daily matches every day and the guys they find suitable matches for me are looking for bodytypes....Slender, About average, Athletic and toned, yeah how the hell is that a match!

Countless times I've talked to guys...they ask what are you looking for? I tell them I'm looking for someone to have fun inside and outside the bedroom...straight up and to the point, most guy will say cool me too, then as time goes by usually a few days they try and make the first date happen in the bedroom.....adios Motherf*****
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 124
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 7/30/2016 8:12:27 AM


they ask what are you looking for?


Like they'd be turned off if you said sex?

Not condoning their behavior, but somebody's rewarded them for it before...
 illinigirl2168
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 125
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History
Dating site or hookups only?
Posted: 7/30/2016 8:36:27 AM
Maybe because of where I live, but I honestly haven't been asked to sext once. I did get a one****pic, but only 1 out of hundreds of men I've "talked" to. I guess I got a few fairly blatant messages, but very few. Nothing graphic or crude.

Also, I know I'll catch hell for his, but I everyone needs to stop with texting crap with these potential suitors. I believe it adds to these problems. I tell them to call me within the first few messages, and they either do or don't, but regardless, they know I'm serious about actually going out on a date..and therefore I have been on like 70 - 80 dates over the 13 months I was actively looking on here. REAL dates. At decent places. Only 3 could be classified as "bad" really, with guys that barely spoke. Patron is your friend during those!

I am still stunned how many on here will meet at a park or the mall or someone's house?..to me that's not a date, at all. It's a dating site, right? Sounds boring and awkward, too boot.. but I get that's just me.

btw, off topic, but it took me like 80 dates to find my current boyfriend, who is wonderful. We were both about to delete our profiles, as I had been having better luck and usually more fun meeting guys in the real world when out by myself. (yes, finally did meet a good one, SO PLEASE, DON'T GIVE UP PEOPLE! It only take ONE!) and yes, my profile is hidden, stayed on just to post here once in a while ;)
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