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 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 301
People who have been single most of their lives.Page 13 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

(sorta – actually, maybe this was a bad example!).


Oh no. You're not going to get away from the Trumpster that easily. We will highjack this threat from here on to pounce on the Donald. Hehehe.

Actually I understand how you feel about racism. Racism in this country is institutionalized and endemic, to the point that there's what they call passive racism.

Some university did some studies to where they sent resumes out and tabulated the responses. Then they whited the resumes or made it more Latino or African American and while the whiter resumes increase result about like 10 percent, the ones that the made more Latino or African American received 30% less responses. The numbers I am saying here I am pulling them out of my head, but they were that radical.

In Atlanta, one of the reasons why they do not extent MARTA north and north west is because of so called crime. What it really means is that they do not want the African American population to move north. Even though research indicates that the biggest benefit to extending the line would be the people going to the Airport that happen to live in the suburbs.

Even I have had to face discrimination. I had one of my assistants and I apply for a job a long time ago. So he put in his portfolio the pieces that he did for me (as an assistant). We both had been graduates of the same school, similar portfolio, about same salary requirements, yet an Anglo name, versus a Latino name. Guess who got the job?

So I feel your plight. A good friend of mine that grew up in Germany and is as white as white bread and is super smart and a geek also happens to be black. He married a white woman, but after a few years it didn't work out. No big deal. Yet when they went to court for the divorce they practically destroyed him. It was really, really unfair. He ended up moving to LA because he said that there people did not care as much as here in the South.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 302
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 3:13:52 PM
1)one problem with intelligence is...other people have to be intelligent enough to see it. For example, your life might be totally organized b/c you plan ahead. But a hot mess...isn't going to notice it, recognize it, and once you explain it to her...respect it. A problem with meeting strangers on the net, is if you have to explain how smart you are (Hawkman isn't the only one, a few others have fallen into the trap), you're already a step behind. Generally speaking, no one is going to believe the schools you went to or the tests you took, they're going to go off how you act....do you act as smart as they think a smart person does? are the things you post out in la-la land? a few of us intelligent people here, still have a Nemesis who has to argue with everything we post. Our intelligence just ain't squat in those situations--it doesn't get recognized.

2)even PUAs admit they use OLD. but its not the only thing they use. Brad Pitt walks into a bar, he's going to have as many dudes all over him as women. how many women will be able to approach and make their pitch, when he's got dudes putting their arms around him and snappin' the selfie? Heidi Fleis (Sic) made a living catering to celebrities who didn't want to waste time picking up a date the way us commoners do. and of course there were the clients who just were paying for the date to leave, as the saying goes. but what celebrity wants to go into a bar and get shot down publically by some idiot who just wants the ego rush?

3)nothing breeds success like....success. We know the classic story about the circus elephant held in place by clothesline--he never broke it as a baby elephant, so he stops trying even tho he's now big enough to accomplish it. BUT, if we keep jumping off the roof of the house, b/c we might flap our arms and fly....oh, we didn't do it the last 1,000 times, but hey why be a quitter? Are we being optimistic, or nuttier'n squirrel shit? when I was young and likely looking my best, I asked out a lot of girls out of my league, b/c my mom had said a lot of pretty gals don't get asked out. They all said no to me. Every one. If half had said yes, I wouldn't feel Don Quixote to keep asking them out, but instead, by age 30 I got the hint.

positive attitudes are great...I've gotten out of a lot of trouble by having a nice attitude. but my hot female friends got out of the same trouble by having a great rack. if I get a flat tire and the spare in the trunk is even more flat (that's a reference to the old days when you actually got a real tire), then a positive attitude doesn't change the fact i'm screwed. sometimes, we can get ourselves out of a situation by having the right attitude. other times, we get out b/c we're lucky that day. and other times we get out b/c we have a valid credit card in our wallet and buy our solution. positive attitudes only get you so far, they will help you find the solution...but the solution has to already be there for you to find.

a positive attitude has likely convinced some attractive women to be my friend. but to be a lover? yeah, right. no one finds desperation to be attractive, but a sunny disposition doesn't make you suddenly have a gym body in her eyes, either :) my old boss used to say, a problem is any situation we can't solve. If we can solve it, its not a problem, its just part of the workday. That might be seen as a positive attitude....or its a recognition of the fact that most of the "problems" brought to us, were in fact solvable. if we didn't have what it took to solve them, his attitude would have been different--understandably. he'd be crazy to dismiss problems he was paid to solve as anything but actual problems (b/c he didn't have the resources to solve them).

4)speaking of hard work, i'd rather do smart work. hard work only seems to work when you finally get lucky and find what works after trying everything else. sometimes, we have to lower our expectations in dating. but if that circumvents our purpose for dating, then we might have to just accept being alone in our awesomeness.

5)as for the racism issue, i'll agree with Hawkie and InnerG. as for celebrities being a success and that's how they became a success...I get the point being made, but I've read a lot of interviews of actresses and models who said they were picked on in school, or average looking growing up, and you see a pic of them that isn't airbrushed or they aren't wearing makeup and you go...aha, I see it. and some celebs even admit, they got lucky--in the right place, at the right time, when someone in the entertainment business needed just the right person in order to make a million dollar sale. or they're related to old Hollywood celebrity. Or they got noticed on YouTube. for every talented celebrity that earned their spotlight, there's likely two who fingered the lucky rabbit's foot enough...and maybe had Sofia Verga's figure.

no one saw the movie Tomb Raider just to see the acting skills of Angela Jolie. Hollywood is chock full of old actresses who don't make the cash the latest "IT" girl draws--even the ones who were once "IT" themselves. they are no longer the right cash cow in the right place, b/c the "right" time has already passed them by.

6)and just for the halibut, Hawk...if its true that you have a "Woe is me" attitude, and people are willing to deal with you and solve it...they see something in you worth working on. they don't see you as a lost case. So, that's a good thing. Trust me, I used to carry on like you as a teen and....no one bothered to tell me I was wrong :) they focused on other things in their own lives they wanted. people aren't giving up on you b/c...they think you're close to success. compare yourself to others who have spent time complaining...most of whom have left b/c no one bothered with their whining ass. you've got a better attention rate, ever considered why?
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 303
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 3:23:29 PM
Hawking,

You know we can't discuss your profile here :/.

Yes, all those men were either married or had relationships before fame...I only chose ones who did.
Ghandi was married at 13 and had 4 children before he took a vow of celibacy.

I noticed that your first instinct was to try to find a crack and refute instead of accepting the possibility that short men (even shorter than you) could find a woman.

Peter Dinklage, a dwarf actor 4 ft 5 in, is married to a woman who is 5' 6" and they have a child. They met and married long before his fame in GoT. He's not particularly attractive but his wife really is.

As for your past and dealing with ignorance and racism in the deep south, I'm sorry for that.
But you don't live there now and you're not a teenager anymore.
Try not to hold people today responsible for your past.
 bluejeanbaby5
Joined: 3/10/2016
Msg: 304
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 3:34:28 PM

Or, you could stop being a victim and do some work and turn it all around. So much less fun than complaining all the time, though.


Nailed it.


Sometimes for some people, dwelling in misery can be comfortable.


Nailed it.

Look how much attention this guy gets. The "poor me" since 2007. The last two pages of this thread filled with "poor me" and a few doing their best to prop him up. Pages of other threads filled with chatter about "poor me" and "nobody dates me". Attention seeking at its finest. Pathetic at its finest as well. Really Hawking? I know you are way smarter than me and will come back with a cutting little quip but, FFS, this "poor me, I never get a date" is so boring.

And please, if attention seeking is your crack ... man up and admit it.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 305
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 4:08:41 PM
Welcome back Cassie..almost as fast as Lucy - but not quite.
I'd have to use the Dr. Phil line on Hawking..whining and complaining on POF Forums..how's that workin' out for ya?
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 306
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 4:23:14 PM
Hawking...
I've never read your profile. I'm afraid it would be too much like your posts. I was once so curious (actually, it was a terribly boring night of insomnia) that I pulled up your posting history and found only one posts that wasn't whining about how women will never date you because you're so short. Maybe women just read your posts and decide they really don't want to deal with you. Never mind that you're probably totally different on a date.
 HealthySkeptic
Joined: 8/3/2010
Msg: 307
view profile
History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 4:58:06 PM
SLAFFA:
Undoubtedly, some folks will be strong enough to "completely"overcome being raised by a "bad" parent. Possibly 2 "bad" parents. And/or them having demonstrated [possibly for years] a "loveless" Relationship, perhaps even an abusive one.

Some. Just not many.
I agree with this.

LiliMarleen:
Or, you could stop being a victim and do some work and turn it all around. So much less fun than complaining all the time, though.
And I agree with this! I must be of two minds on the subject (both with genius level IQs, btw :-)

Just kidding, I know they are really not incompatible statements, LiliMarleen was just talking about constant complaining.

Darn, wanted to add more, but gotta go, unexpected company...
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 308
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 5:10:07 PM
Do they still have monasteries in North America? Might be a more productive avenue for a few souls who just "cannot date"
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 309
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 5:15:47 PM
They do! I think they are called
Chess clubs :/
before I am burned alive, I play chess. Wicked .
I hum
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 310
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 6:31:00 PM
I freaking love chess. So much that it almost makes me horny ;)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 311
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 6:32:55 PM
me too
I usually ask when they are playing public
does the horsie jump two
then I slay them
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 312
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 6:41:52 PM
"People who once lived with others and are then happy remaining living alone for the rest of their lives are obviously people who had very bad experiences and never want to repeat it."

That is true of some people but untrue of other - especially untrue of seniors who just can't be bothered anymore.

Imo, happy people are happy no matter what life throws at them, while miserable people will never be happy no matter what.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 313
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 7:27:16 PM

I usually ask when they are playing public
does the horsie jump two
then I slay them


I am so turned on right now. Chess and chill?
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 314
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 8:28:31 PM
Chess says everything about men and women.

The King has to take one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever she wants :(
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 315
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 9:03:12 PM
I have some white wine to share.

It helps your eyesight too!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 316
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/19/2016 9:15:09 PM

Do they still have monasteries in North America? Might be a more productive avenue for a few souls who just "cannot date"

Yes, a lot. As a matter of fact, about two years ago I went on a retreat which was run by sisters of St. Joseph of Peace. Their convent is in Pennsylvania. These sisters were educating us about the environment, and their retreat house was a beautiful patch of nature among beach development all around. They did not wear habits, in fact one sister wore quite a bit of stylish jewelry. I was pretty surprised during one of our conversations, when this sister said she cannot wait for women to be able to be clergy. What??? How rebellious! I was used to thinking of sisters as backing up whatever the Church rules? Well, not so much. She had quite a mind of her own. Good for her!
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 317
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 4:06:08 AM
Chess shows the primary responsibility of the queen is to protect her king.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 318
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 6:25:58 AM
yea, that lazy old King :/
I can sacrifice my Queen.. makes them sweat.
As well, touch it play it
Hey like dating!
Totes off topic but
A co worker was playing chess on line, person kept beating him. Made Roger insane. He spent hours pouring over the games. Finally he asked to meet in person to play
his opponent declined " I'm not allowed to meet strangers" he was destroyed by someone under 12 HAHAHAHA
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 319
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 7:28:14 AM

Chess shows the primary responsibility of the queen is to protect her king.


It also shows that any pawn can become queen but the king can never be replaced!


A co worker was playing chess on line, person kept beating him. Made Roger insane. He spent hours pouring over the games.


Tell, your co-worker that the use of chess engines online is pretty common. He isn't playing a 12 year old he is playing a computer. I am guessing that is the real reason his opponent didn't want to play in person.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 320
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:38:50 AM

"He isn't playing a 12 year old he is playing a computer. I am guessing that is the real reason his opponent didn't want to play in person."


Chess is a board game. Don't underestimate children when it comes to games: chess, checkers, poker and a few others.

My step-dad considered himself a very good chess player. I learned the game by watching him beat my sister's boyfriend. After a few games he never beat me again. I was about 8 or 9.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 321
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:07:05 AM

Chess is a board game. Don't underestimate children when it comes to games: chess, checkers, poker and a few others.


I think you're missing the drift here. Yes, I realize that there are young chess players who are ranked as masters (I saw in search of Bobby Fischer) I beat my teacher when I was 10 and never lost a game to my father and he started playing me when I was maybe 9.....but he is playing someone "online"and after getting his ass kicked numerous times wants to play the person live and at that point the person says I cant meet strangers...really???
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 322
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:49:39 AM
The evolution of this thread for me:

1)The original subject was “People who have been single most of their lives.” Obviously, I qualify. 10 days ago I answered from my perspective. I responded to Belle’s comments about my post a couple of days later. No one else said anything to me except NG.

2)A bunch of other people (mostly women) got into a big argument about who had the best perspective on being single. I made a poetic post about the pointlessness of that argument. Tater responded “Hawking, that was beautiful” (before telling me I couldn’t write a profile worth a flip 6 days later).

3)Several days later, cassie sent the thread off on a tangent with a profound question: “How many of you think the ‘dysfunction’ in your family dynamic effected your past relationship(s) or contributed to how you regard the opposite sex ?” Many others responded to that with their own experiences. A couple days later, so did I. Again, nobody much seemed to give a damn except NG, so I answered all of his questions.

4)Which somehow led to IG criticizing my OLD dating strategies, even though my previous posts in this thread had absolutely nothing to do with that! (Page 12, posts 282-283)

5)Naturally I defended myself, and that brought out the wolves – next thing you know, my character is assassinated a dozen times based on things discussed in other threads, some from years and years back. All somehow catalyzed by the discussion of my childhood in Alabama as it relates to a discussion about dysfunction in the family dynamic.

My point being: if you want to blame somebody for the derailing of this thread and the millionth rehashing of everything I’ve supposedly done right and wrong on OLD, it’s INNER GORILLA. Reminds me of that time a few months ago when a half dozen posters got into a heated discussion about me in a thread that I WASN’T EVEN INVOLVED IN. What do you expect me to do under those circumstances? If you don’t want to debate me, then you probably shouldn’t be attacking me. Or challenging me. Or whatever you guys think you are doing.

***

“Too short, wrong color, too fat, not pretty, wrong this, wrong that, wrong ANYTHING -- doomed. Or, you could stop being a victim and do some work and turn it all around.”

My life is infinitely better than it was in my youth. But the discussion (before IG showed up) was about how our pasts have affected us, so that’s what I did. That’s what YOU did, too, so I’m not sure why you’re whining about me. Just to clarify: I have moved on from my childhood to the point that I refuse to visit the place because the environment is poisonous and sucks you back in. Obviously my childhood still has some effect on who I am today, just as yours does, but it doesn’t define me. I live a life now that is nothing like that life, which is what I was trying to point out by detailing that life. I’ve haven’t been threatened with a lynching or cross-burning since I moved to Florida, so I’d say things are a little different.

"I noticed that your first instinct was to try to find a crack and refute instead of accepting the possibility that short men (even shorter than you) could find a woman."

When have I ever said that was not possible? If I had said such a thing, someone should have had me committed considering my ex-girlfriend, the model, the other woman besides those two I dated for more than year, the several other women I dated for a few weeks, etc., etc., etc. (see next paragraph). My argument on that subject is more a matter of degree.

“Listen, your attitude comes through in your profile and all your posts and your height is the least of your problems. In my opinion, you are your own worst enemy.”

If the real life version of me (not this message board character) is such a misanthrope that no one can stand to be around because of my attitude, then how do you explain all of my friends? I added a couple of collages of me with my friends over the years to my profile – does that look like the kind of person with a real life bad attitude that nobody wants to be around? Look at the wedding picture from a couple years ago – you think some unrelated guy makes me one of his groomsmen if my supposed bad attitude is dragging everybody down and making me an inhospitable person to be around? I also didn’t hear anybody from last summer’s Tampa POF gathering crying about what an awful person to be around I was (I’m pretty sure they posted exactly the opposite).

Of course I know what you’re going to say about the collages: just another example of me having to always prove that I am right. What about that listing of famous short men you just gave me? Isn’t that YOU trying to prove YOU are right? This is a message board – that’s just what people do. Some put effort into it (I’m including you in this case) and some don’t, hence the stupid one sentence responses I get to 5 paragraphs worth of citations and research. Again... message board personality. (Although, I should point out, that’s also my profession: I am a researcher who spends most of his days refuting claims and data. Basically this message board serves as practice for my real life job during down time.)

“You know we can't discuss your profile here”

My profile and its failures are the one unquestionably real thing about HawkingJr, so feel free to mail me your criticisms (I’m not resurrecting my 8-9 year-old profile review request, and I can’t start new threads). Fortunately we are exactly at the 14 year difference limit. Hope you don’t have a birthday coming up soon, because mine’s not for 8 months.

“I've never read your profile. I'm afraid it would be too much like your posts.”

So says tater – frankly, I think they’re nothing alike, and I used different character writing styles for them.

“I pulled up your posting history and found only one posts that wasn't whining about how women will never date you because you're so short.”

Until IG came along, no posts in this thread were about that, plus I have dozens of political posts over the last two months.

“Maybe women just read your posts and decide they really don't want to deal with you.”

Because people’s last 5 posts haven’t been on their profiles in years, the only way most POF members could do that is to Google my user name. Which I’m not saying hasn’t ever happened, but that kind of paranoia is mostly reserved for forum dwellers. I almost never made posts when posts were on profiles, for exactly the reason you say – even when there was a direct forums link on the dating site, I was mostly quiet. But once that forums link disappeared and 99% of the POF population had no idea forums even exist, I went wild! Message boards are awesome entertainment at work! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? I mean, this could be a discussion about chess.

GTO: I’m going to come back to you later, because this post is already long enough and I need to get back to work! I just don't want you to think I'm ignoring all that effort you put into that post -- I don't do that (unlike a lot of people here).

Bluejeanbaby (may you RIP): Your profile personalities are very inconsistent. The one that got deleted yesterday thought I was a cool guy for explaining the American political process to you. This profile’s personality hates my guts. GET SOME THERAPY – your schizophrenia is starting to feel a little dangerous. I await your next incarnation.
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 323
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 11:25:36 AM
Mr. Hawking is known to make sweeping dogmatic generalizations. When someone writes in absolutes, it's easy to refute the claim with a single counterexample. For example, you claimed it's never good when a man is perceived as younger than his actual age. I can easily refute that by pointing out the many men in their 40s who would enjoy being perceived as early 30s by a 29 year old gal. Great if she views him as a sexual being and not a "sir". At my last job, a 22 year old babe treated me as a fellow young person. Once she asked my age. I responded, "How old do you think I am?" She pondered a few seconds, then guessed nearly 10 years younger! I thanked her and said I'll take it as a compliment. If you were in that situation, would you frown and tell her you take it as an insult?
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 324
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 11:39:22 AM

If the real life version of me (not this message board character) is such a misanthrope that no one can stand to be around because of my attitude, then how do you explain all of my friends?

You probably don't whine as much about being short and not finding dates with them? You have better things to talk about with them and that's great. POF does have a 'lowest common denominator' aspect to it.



“I've never read your profile. I'm afraid it would be too much like your posts.”

So says tater – frankly, I think they’re nothing alike, and I used different character writing styles for them.

Actually, I think that was me. If I didn't say it, I certainly thought it. Since you say they're nothing alike, I will probably go read your profile because, when you aren't talking about height, you are an interesting person.



“I pulled up your posting history and found only one posts that wasn't whining about how women will never date you because you're so short.”]/quote]
Until IG came along, no posts in this thread were about that, plus I have dozens of political posts over the last two months.

I did this about a year ago, maybe just under. I haven't recently. These days, I usually just skim your posts for something different.



“Maybe women just read your posts and decide they really don't want to deal with you.”

Because people’s last 5 posts haven’t been on their profiles in years, the only way most POF members could do that is to Google my user name. Which I’m not saying hasn’t ever happened, but that kind of paranoia is mostly reserved for forum dwellers. I almost never made posts when posts were on profiles, for exactly the reason you say – even when there was a direct forums link on the dating site, I was mostly quiet. But once that forums link disappeared and 99% of the POF population had no idea forums even exist, I went wild! Message boards are awesome entertainment at work! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? I mean, this could be a discussion about chess.

It's easy enough to Google 'pof forums'. That's how I got here. No one has to know your name to simply read interesting thread titles and find out the personalities.

POF - That's Entertainment!
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 325
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/20/2016 12:13:06 PM

My point being: if you want to blame somebody for the derailing of this thread and the millionth rehashing of everything I’ve supposedly done right and wrong on OLD, it’s INNER GORILLA.


Muah guilty? Never. Nain. Impossible. Not in a million years.

Hehehehe.

Dude, we love you, we want the best for you.

And.... Yes, guilty as charged.

But here's were I come from. I'm as you all well know from South America. In South America you see a lot of short guys dating gorgeous women. You see guys that to American standards would be considered ugly as crap, dating with no problems. People mix a lot, so race is not an issue. My own nephew, who is FAT, a goofball, but also a party animal and irresponsible as hell had a cute girlfriend who was asked to join the miss Venezuela Pageant. She won and went on to win Miss Universe as well. During that time, because of her commitments, they became just friends, but even when he was visiting me, he would be Skyping with her. My point is simple. Because I grew up seeing the average Joe or Jose, dating whomever he wanted, I believed that at least for men, looks do not define you. Yet in your numbers perfect, statistical perfect perception of this country, you have the perception that all you got cancels you out. While the obstacles are real, and yes they will produce a lot of rejection, they can be overcome just like my nephew and the millions of short, fat, bald, dark, light, skinny, feos that still date in South America.

Here's another thing. I hold every Monday National Sales meetings with the CEO of my company where we talk sales and a great part of our clinics are about self motivation. The stuff we talk about even when sounds weird it has been proven to work, not only by self help guru's like Tony Robbins, but dating back to Napoleon Hills and many others.

One of the things that we teach is "what you think, you become." You feed on negativity, you get nothing but negativity. You feed in your positives, you start achieving all your positives. If you want something bad enough, you don't give up the first or even the 1000th time you get rejected. You use each one of those as a way to change what you're doing in a different way. Also, when you approach something as if you deserve it, as if you've already had it, even as if not only you have it but it's no longer a big deal, you have a bigger chance to achieve it. If all you are thinking is how to survive and simply overcome struggle, all you will do is survive and deal with struggle. But when you change your frame of mind, it starts to happen. Slowly, but it will happen.

Like you I have had to deal with rejection. I've dedicated 6 years to writing a novel and 5 years trying to find a publisher. I got lucky finally and got Simon & Schuster to consider it, only to have it rejected 8 months before 9/11. I gave up on it, it was quite devastating to me. My morale was completely destroyed. I gave up for many years. Wrote other novels, but put that one out to pasture.

When I started dating the woman that became my fiance, I mentioned the novel to her. More as one of those stories that add value to yourself than really anything else. She wanted to read it. I was so surprised because the book is very political. So I gave her a copy. She inhaled the novel and loved it. I was in shock because I had come to believe that it was total shit. She told me that the novel had relevance today, particularly with what has happened in Quantanamo, water boarding, and detaining people without Habeas Corpus. I decided to practice what I preached and re-wrote the intro and the synopsis to reflect the political climate that exists today and started to sent it out. I noticed that the agent for my mentor, Oscar Hijuelos was looking for people, so I sent the query to her. She has not rejected it so far, but I am going to do a campaign of sending out queries and push the novel again.

My point is this. We all have our struggles, we all have the things that we're good at and the things we fear as hell. It is so difficult to project what we are good at to the things that we are deficient with. It is a lot easier to justify our failure than to accept that we simply need to keep trying, even if it feels like an open wound.
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