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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > People who have been single most of their lives.      Home login  
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 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 26
People who have been single most of their lives.Page 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

Did you love any of these men or vice versa?


Of course.

My preference for having some space doesn't reflect that I'm some sort of freak. The truth is, I was very busy for most of my adult life, and got used to being on my own. Just like some people get used to always being with somebody.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 27
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 4:13:58 PM
I think it's really up to others to decide whether you're some sort of freak. Personally, I think you're the kind I wouldn't bring home to mother.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 28
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 4:20:42 PM
^ I should never have sent you those private pics.













In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 29
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 4:23:57 PM
This thread brings to mind a group psychotherapy session. Anyone out there a counselor or psychiatrist?! Reminded me of the movie "One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest." But I suppose Cycling would be offended by the movie because all the patients were on drugs ( yes overly medicated and sedated).
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 30
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 4:26:35 PM
I lived alone from the time I got divorced in 1998 until I moved out of state to be with my husband in 2014.

While I always wanted to be in a long-term committed relationship again, for the longest time I swore I would never get married again. And we may not have, if it hadn't been for the fact that I gave up my entire established life complete with house and job to move to where he is (he's a tenured professor, so he wasn't going to move). I'm too practical to do that without the legal protections marriage affords.

We both felt that we were fully committed to each other with or without marriage, but these were the practical reasons for it. Actually, in spite of all this I loved our wedding and I love the way I feel about being married to him. He says he feels the same.

And while I never thought that I would want to live with a man again, I will say that it's a totally different ball game this time around. Much has probably to do with how I have changed over the years, but it also makes a real difference whether you pick the right or the wrong man.

I'm always glad to wake up next to him and especially to go to sleep next to him. We annoy each other at times, but overall we're very compatible introverts and the house is big enough so we don't step on each others' toes.

To all of you who have lost spouses, I can't even imagine . . . . and I'm so sorry for your loss.

With respect to living together, it really does make a difference how you feel about each other and how compatible you are. Every situation is different.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 31
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 4:29:58 PM

What I'm wondering is if there are very many people like me out there who are mentally healthy, but just have this preference? Will I ever find someone like this who isn't freaky weird?

i did a relationship like this for about eight years. she was certifiably freaky weird - believed she could cast spells and talk to rocks and such; also a savvy real estate investor - and we got along great.

so from my perspective, no, you will not find someone to do this with except a freaky weirdo.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 32
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 4:52:26 PM

This thread brings to mind a group psychotherapy session. Anyone out there a counselor or psychiatrist?!


Well, I'm not a Psychiatrist PER SE, but that doesn't keep me from diagnosing people, in my head. There's a whole team of us in there :)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 33
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 4:53:05 PM
TAlking to rocks? ok, that's a winner
Off to sing to my lettuce

Have you never been in a LTR Baby?
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 34
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 5:06:32 PM
OMG...I thought the most horrifying thing I ever read was today, when Janet Jackson cancelled the rest of her tour to concentrate on getting knocked up...and she's 49...if a kid comes out of that hoo hoo....it will sound like a rusty door creaking.

But this....a bunch of aging hens circling the drain...barking about the trouble of having a man madly in love with her is...simply terrifying...this is the kind of shtz that give nightmares to nightmares....
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 35
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 5:10:38 PM
Ouija: I'm starting to feel like a case study. But singing to lettuce sounds nice :)

*Onyx: Thank god! The only thing missing from this discussion was your profound reflections.







In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 36
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 5:21:19 PM

But this....a bunch of hens circling the drain....

Kind of like the liars table at the mall with all the men that have been flushed....lol.

Baby...I get your way of thinking totally. I think a lot of us women after a marriage or two...don't feel the need to live together again.
There was a thread a while back about it....is correct.
I feel this way now but I hope when or if I meet the "right one"....I will want to.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 37
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 6:06:01 PM
Nope. I don't want her back. She changed on me, and not in good ways. Don't bet, you'd loose.

I hate amateur psychologists. They just love making unsolicited diagnoses of people. I have a few customers that think I hate going home to an empty house, and should work longer days, and weekends. Human interaction? No, not when I'm busy at work,or if I'm doing something at home. Go away, I can't think when you're flapping your gums.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 38
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 6:10:23 PM
I like living alone, although I haven't for the last 9 years, but I am mostly alone here too...anyway, yes I would like that very much, together but in separate homes. Or a large house with our own separate spaces. I can't change the minds of those who think you can't love deeply & well and not be together all the time.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 39
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 6:17:41 PM
Your Forum personna (IMO) matches your profile personality choice well. That alone, completely disregarding the rest of your profile, will make finding someone YOU want to live 24/7 with ... difficult. When others can't/won't/don't "get it", ANY type of Relationship can get old in a hurry in my experience.

Some folks are far better "equipped" (personality wise) to live alone than others. I believe if you were to post a poll question (and people were honest) you would find that the more hours per week people spent on their cell phones and or interacting with others here or Facebook, tweeting etc. the greater their desire for a 24/7 partner.

In the 45 years since graduating HS, 18 years were spent living with more than 1 wife. Having lived alone since my last (and LAST) divorce in 01, I have NO desire for a 24/7 companion other than the 4 legged furred variety. Simply far too many advantages to living singly.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 40
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 6:41:05 PM

Clooney mentions his wallet in every one of his posts as if he believes it's the only thing he has to offer,
Individual perspective is a funny thing, isn't it. All I get from those comments from Clooney is that he is a smart guy who wants a genuine relationship and, when he finds that, he will be more than happy to share his hard earned wealth with the right person. Until then he is cautious about investing too much financially into a potential relationship that may not last the distance.

I wouldn't consider living with someone right now because I have two adult children at home still while they finish their studies and I don't expect them to adjust to a new live in partner in their lives at this age, nor do I expect a new partner to share the financial burden that this situation creates for me. I also doubt I'd live with someone before I've known them about two years and spent considerable time *almost* living together AND with a view to it being a permanent relationship. For me, this would probably mean that marriage was on the table. I've been on my own for so long now that I can't imagine being at that stage in a relationship ever again, so it's hard to say what I *actually* would do if Mr Seems-to-be-right came along.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 41
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 7:16:55 PM
whatsamattababy- Maleman is right, there was another thread about this, but it can't hurt to discuss it some more.
A part of me understands.
I truly am happy and content with my own company, in fact there are times when I HAVE to be by myself in order to be happy.
It makes me a little itchy to think about what I tolerated when I was married.
His CONSTANT need for validation, every thing about him, giving and giving until I was almost empty.
So, yes, I'm cautious and take things VERY slow.
BUT, what you are describing feels like hiding to me.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like you fear and avoid true intimacy, that you want to be with someone, sort of, but not really open up and let them see you.
You aren't me, only you know how you really feel, so ask yourself if what I said is the case.
If it's not and you can truly be happy that way, you might find someone like minded, but it will take some time.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 42
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 7:23:06 PM

Mutual support, physical contact, monogamy... But I don't need it 24/7.


Really?

You only need monogamy a couple of times a week?
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 43
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 7:51:37 PM

Individual perspective is a funny thing, isn't it. All I get from those comments from Clooney is that he is a smart guy who wants a genuine relationship and, when he finds that, he will be more than happy to share his hard earned wealth with the right person. Until then he is cautious about investing too much financially into a potential relationship that may not last the distance.

To me it's just weird. I don't know what the big deal is. I've never seen a man support a woman financially. Not my ex-husband. Not my father. My mom was in a long term relationship until recently. She has 3 real estate properties and a great salary, her boyfriend was a high school dropout without much to his name. She said she had no problems dating him but would not marry him because her assets need to be protected. So to read about women hunting for men's money all the time... I haven't yet met any of these women, but okay.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 44
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 7:58:04 PM
Njgirl116- It's not true of all women, but it does happen.
I know two women that won't be in a relationship unless they are supported and told the men so and STILL found men willing to do it.
Whatever, it takes all kinds I suppose.
Clooney does come across as a tad fixated on the issue to me too, but If we are honest here, we are all carrying some baggage from ex's.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 45
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 8:01:55 PM
So what if they stop liking the guy and want to get the hell out? And he's paying her bills?
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 46
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 8:05:34 PM

...the more hours per week people spent on their cell phones and or interacting with others here or Facebook, tweeting etc. the greater their desire for a 24/7 partner.


I 'lost' my cell phone about 4 days ago and haven't looked for it at all. I do this about once a week. That probably tells amateur psychiatrists gobs and gobs about me. (Really? Don't they have something better to do?)

Bama...

BUT, what you are describing feels like hiding to me.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like you fear and avoid true intimacy, that you want to be with someone, sort of, but not really open up and let them see you

Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding.
And, sometimes I don't.
I have reasons to avoid intimacy but they don't diminish the fact that I enjoy solitude. So often, being alone makes me feel both infinite and intimate.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 47
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 8:16:16 PM
Money is an issue. My late husband supported me and my kids. No issue with that. We had mutual goals. I have to be very careful as Texas is a community property state and if I got married again, I could get cleaned out financially in a divorce. Clooney could be well off. I am also.

I was dating a guy recently who I really did like. He needed some furniture and I had some I wanted to get rid of. Told him he could have it for free but do some bartering as money is tight with him. He never once offered to take up on the bartering but took the furniture. The he asked if I had any frequent flier miles I could lend him so he could fly to an out of town conference. I don't have them. Then, he asked me if I could loan him $107.00 to pay his cable bill till he gets paid. He would barter with me for the cash. I was polite and told him don't ask for any more freebies. Money don't buy you love.

I do like this guy but he is financially strained at the moment and can't even offer to pay for half of a dinner out. I doubt I will see him again.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 48
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 8:23:56 PM


Individual perspective is a funny thing, isn't it. All I get from those comments from Clooney is that he is a smart guy who wants a genuine relationship and, when he finds that, he will be more than happy to share his hard earned wealth with the right person. Until then he is cautious about investing too much financially into a potential relationship that may not last the distance.


Thank you! Spot on.

I'm somewhat cynical of OLD. Sadly, most of these things/flings do not go 'the distance' so to speak.

FWIW, I had joint accounts with my exes and nobody 'fleeced me' during the divorce. I would never label any of them as gold diggers.





I've never seen a man support a woman financially.


I have when children were involved. Didn't phase me a bit. They stayed at home to raise the kids.

Being a provider and having a family is a whole other dynamic versus this dating stuff.

I do think some women are fixated on security and the way they communicate that can be very off putting.

She's more then a set of t!ts and I'm more then a wallet.

Sure, some will say sex and money are what relationships are all about, but fvckin' A, there's gotta be some middle ground somewhere as well.

At the same time, if men are fixated on their incomes and women their beauty? We can all thank ourselves for these awkward Mars/Venus encounters.

I'm done overthinking this sh!t.

Peace Out.

vvvvvvvvv

I'll share some money with you if you're nice to me :)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 49
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 8:47:53 PM
^ Wait! I was just about to ask you if you could spare a few bucks...

F*ck, I crack myself up :)
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 50
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/9/2016 8:52:42 PM

Then, he asked me if I could loan him $107.00 to pay his cable bill till he gets paid. He would barter with me for the cash. I was polite and told him don't ask for any more freebies. Money don't buy you love.


Let's not be hasty. I used to borrow money from women routinely. I never needed the money itself. It just acted as a good incentive to keep her thighs open. If she didn't put out, I might not pay her back.
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