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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > People who have been single most of their lives.      Home login  
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 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 51
People who have been single most of their lives.Page 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)


I used to borrow money from women routinely. I never needed the money itself. It just acted as a good incentive to keep her thighs open. If she didn't put out, I might not pay her back.


Of all the dismal statements I've read in these forums, this one may actually be the all-time winner.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 52
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 3:54:47 AM
Have now lived the majority of my life alone and the idea of a LTR with us staying in our separate houses has appeal to me. I want to date and do enjoy female companionship, have not met anyone that I want to be with 24/7.Unfortunately thjat thinking has little appeal to the women I meet here, most of them have become empty nesters in the last few years and are much more used to not living alone.
Being an introvert and needing my alone time makes it easier for me to stay living alone, maybe too easy. Possibly in real danger of becoming a hermit. LOL
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 53
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 5:33:20 AM

What I'm wondering is if there are very many people like me out there who are mentally healthy, but just have this preference? Will I ever find someone like this who isn't freaky weird?


Gotta ask, who is the one doing the determining if we are mentally healthy or freaky weird???? Cause, honestly, I don't know a whole lot of people within our age group that doesn't have some odd quirk or two, something that others will find "odd".

Personally, and I have stated this more than once, I would just like to find a person that can handle dealing with the moments as they come. As in, enjoy them while we got em!!!!! All of this without some major "goal" at the end of the line. I feel this way because of a few reasons. One being, that with some people, that "goal" is the only thing that seems to be in their head, even though, the moments getting to that "goal" is, in my opinion, more valuable than the goal itself.

Yeah, I know. I'm phucked.

And not in the good way.
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:13:51 AM
Whatsamattababy:

What I'm wondering is if there are very many people like me out there who are mentally healthy, but just have this preference?

It seems like your kind is all over the place. Id' say that, yes, there are lots of people like this. I can't imagine there not being a lot of people even here in POF who shares your perspective. They've expressed this a lot in here.

But I don't need it 24/7. Ideally, a relationship for me involves living separately, and spending quality time a couple times a week or weekends and holidays.

This is just a matter of what a person is really after. What are their real intentions, and what is the experience of life like for them. For some (like me for example), having someone to just keep them company sometimes in some respects or to some degree...is not the goal. Instead, the desire is to create one common life. Not two seperate ones. To create together a higher experience of life, and lend a certain 'meaning' for life to each other through this. And also to do this with a certain kind of person, as opposed to just anybody who seems to also want this just for the sake of having it or having someone (because actually it's for a very different reason. A very different motivation.) But for the other group of people, the whole concept of giving each other meaning and depending upon each other past a certain threshold is demonized and thought of as faulty or undesirable on a fundamental level, and they can easily cite all of the anecdotes and instances where this didn't work or was unhealthy, as if the idea itself generally deserved all of the de-legitimizing labels and adjectives that they use about it.

And myself at least...I'm not talking about necessarily being together 24/7, so to speak, and never having your own space or time. But I'm just talking about intertwining your lives and having one life together...and not just metaphorically or in name only either...which is opposite of things like living separately. And it doesn't matter if you can say that you love them or are in love with them...that's a different topic.

junipermoon:

a friend of mine lost her long-term partner. her devastating sense of loss felt like a freezing, black, suffocating cloud that will never lift for her. her partner died suddenly and it will take my friend a long, long time to process the loss. she may never heal from it. she may never adjust to it.

i can't imagine loving someone that deeply, and having their life and soul so intertwined with my own that the loss would cause my own spirit to shatter so irrevocably. the woman who died did a ton for the community. she was very athletic and health-conscious. and no one would have ever expected her to die so young. if the shock ever dissipates, my friend will never be the same.

although it seems so cynical to say it, this incident shows me how dangerous it can be to allow someone to get so close to you that their loss destroys you.

I don't know how this applies to your friend, but concerning the concept here...

Too often people have a completely wrong attitude about things. They see things azz-backwards. When they speak of a loved-one dying, they speak in terms of their loss. Of how they miss them. Myself, I'm not sad when someone dies. I'm glad that they had life, and that I shared some of it with them. I have a reverence for the fact that they even lived in the first place. Any sadness is only from an acknowledgement that they didn't have more life. But it's not about me...not about that I didn't get more time with them, but that they didn't get more time.

Everybody dies. And rarely does a person die in a preferred way or at a preferred time. So everybody should stop whining about that so much. Instead...they should be happy that it happened in the first place, instead of surprised and devastated when it's over.

So...to me, it's not dangerous to let someone get close just because they'll be lost at some point. That makes no sense to me. At all. To me, to have and then lose someone like this...if it greatly affected me emotionally, it would only be from letting myself experience a reverence for what we had in the first place. It wouldn't 'destroy' me...and any degree to which it would have a negative effect upon me - so damned what. That's only a manifestation of how much I valued what we had...proof that I was capable of it in the first place. You're gonna die. And if you let yourself ascend to that higher experience, you're gonna experience that 'loss'. Get over it. Get busy living, or get busy dying. Avoiding what you're calling 'pain' isn't avoiding pain; It's avoiding having something that gives some point to you even being alive in the first place. Not really understanding these emotions the right way, being emotionally undeveloped, and hiding from certain facts of life...is the bane of many a human's experience of life, and the source of many's troubles and discontent.

By the way - people who have already had someone and are now widowed or divorced...sometimes this philosophy which I'm espousing wouldn't apply here - if you've already truly 'had it' with someone, then you don't necessarily need it again; For me, if I had it and she died, 'it' would still be there. Always.

LiliMarleen:

but it also makes a real difference whether you pick the right or the wrong man.

That's part of the trick right there. That's one of the things that seems to be so hard for people to figure out. And one of the reasons for that is because they don't even really know themselves first, or aren't generally mature in certain respects.

Some people want a Relationship just for the sake of it. Are in love with the idea, without understanding what it really is. Have the wrong intentions or motivations, or the wrong outlook on life, in the first place. And so haven't the slightest idea who they should be looking for or how to look.

christ on a crutch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyQUCYl-ocs

ClooneysTutor:

some will say sex and money are what relationships are all about

Those are just the wrong kind of people to mess with. They should be avoided like a disease.

Walts:


What I'm wondering is if there are very many people like me out there who are mentally healthy, but just have this preference? Will I ever find someone like this who isn't freaky weird?
Gotta ask, who is the one doing the determining if we are mentally healthy or freaky weird???? Cause, honestly, I don't know a whole lot of people within our age group that doesn't have some odd quirk or two, something that others will find "odd".

I kinda took her to mean "are there people who want a 'remaining separate' relationship" without it being for shallow or unhealthy reasons, or without it being a euphemism for NSA or FWB...stuff like that.


 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 55
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:16:51 AM
I imagine a fair number of us forumites are introverted. I know I am. We come on here when we feel the need to shoot our mouths off every so often. Perhaps we observe more life activities than others. Watching others make mistakes, talk incessantly about things they think they know about. We see them do crash and burns, and we learn from their mistakes. Not asserting ourselves into the lives of others, gives us the time to follow our own interests more closely.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 56
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:33:20 AM
^^^^
This brings up a question I've had for a while - Is being on the forums an introverted or an extroverted activity? It is connecting and communicating with others in a 'social' (i.e. non-work) environment but it is also (presumably) an activity done alone. For me, it's social (that's pretty scary if you think about it for a while) and about as close as I want to be in a crowd of people. It's also pretty hermitizing.



Watching others make mistakes, talk incessantly about things they think they know about. We see them do crash and burns, and we learn from their mistakes

No, I make enough mistakes on my own. I turn my head when I see someone else's inevitable on-coming train wreck.

I do like listening to others talk incessantly:
(1) It means I don't have to talk other than nod my head or murmur something like 'oh, that's terrible'.
(2) Sometimes I do actually learn something.
(3) It builds up social brownie points for me; usually you have to pay a psychiatrists by the hour for someone to listen to you.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 57
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 7:56:58 AM
Different people have their own comfort level. Some people want to see their partner ( almost ) every day while others are okay with seeing them 1-2 times a week. I tend to be in the latter category. I don't think one way is necessarily better than the other. People just need to find someone that matches their beliefs or is willing to make some type of compromise.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 58
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 9:02:00 AM
"They stayed at home to raise the kids"

Women who are willing to do this deserve a lot of credit. Lots of women would rather jump off a bridge than be locked up in the house with little kids 24/7 without any money of their own. Brrrrr
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 59
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 9:15:22 AM

Msg 4:
...a friend of mine lost her long-term partner. her devastating sense of loss felt like a freezing, black, suffocating cloud that will never lift for her. her partner died suddenly and it will take my friend a long, long time to process the loss. she may never heal from it. she may never adjust to it.

i can't imagine loving someone that deeply...
although it seems so cynical to say it, this incident shows me how dangerous it can be to allow someone to get so close to you that their loss destroys you.


Do you wonder if she ever regretted loving her partner so much, and that she should've loved the partner less? The nerve of the partner-dying suddenly. If a child/young person dies from illness or accident, and the parents are totally devastated, do you feel the parents should never had kids in the first place, and and should've remained childless, since they have trouble coping with the loss? Do you feel people should love their kids less, in case the kids die, so it's easier to handle? If you want to put up a barrier to prevent anyone from getting too close to your heart, that's your right.
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 60
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 9:25:19 AM
When my husband passed away many years ago ( I was only 29) - we were not doing so well in our marriage Working on it - but it just wasn't at a good place. I was angry for a while because I wanted to grieve more than I did. I needed to be able to. It took many years for that angry to turn into moments of actually missing him
I also lost a child
I would not switch one single moment of having my two Robert's in my world for anything. Grieving is part of life. It makes you appreciate the mundane days and the joyful moments. You see the world through different eyes and it is precious.

Being single now - I am used to it. I am content BUT- I would also love to have someone to share those mundane days and joyful moments with,
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 61
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 9:46:34 AM
It is a pity you cannot imagine loving someone that much
Probably the best gift Life can hand you
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 62
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 10:02:33 AM

I'm just talking about intertwining your lives and having one life together...

Sounds all... tangly.


Gotta ask, who is the one doing the determining if we are mentally healthy or freaky weird????

I'm pretty sure we've covered this before. I am.


I'll share some money with you if you're nice to me :)

I don't think that's even legal.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 63
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 10:29:35 AM
I'm 51 and I was married for 5 1/2 years.

Doing the math...

I qualify for this topic! What do I win?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 64
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 10:47:10 AM
Saying someone who can't get over the loss of a loved one is someone who loves more deeply doesn't necessarily compute. That would mean that someone who does get up after grieving a loss, and can move on, must not love deeply, again that simply isn't true. One thing does not mean the other, there are many reasons why one person can't move on and another one can, their love of others is not the real factor, there are many other things going on.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 65
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 2:03:46 PM
I have done both but unlikely to live with anybody again, my mindset these days, which could change way later...
I actually don't care, either way. It would be such a miracle to like mutually anybody that much, the arrangements don't concern me. People get agitated not finding " the one".
I would need proof they exist before getting worked up. Until then, just enjoy what you enjoy and love friends and family vs thinking of some mirage.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 66
view profile
History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 2:32:54 PM
First woman I had ever lived with was a divorcee.After a year of
de briefing and all her friends that were also divorced or in
progress.I never saw a need at 28 years old to ever go through
it.It's the best decision I have ever made.You still
have those that think there is something wrong with that.
and I laugh and I laugh.The times we're living in
presently works perfectly!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 67
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 4:32:11 PM
cookymaker- (post #62) You moved me to tears with this. Beautiful and SO true. :)
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 68
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 4:49:22 PM
Has anybody noticed that you can't find small or medium size eggs in stores...only large, extra large and Jumbo...and they taste horrible.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 3/25/2016
Msg: 69
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 4:55:10 PM
I was briefly married but hated it. I'm one of those people that loves to be alone.

Once in a great while I enjoy male company but after a couple of hours I need to be alone again. I find most guys need a lot more than that.

I don't think you are weird at all.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 70
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:15:54 PM

has anybody noticed that you can't find small or medium size eggs in stores...only large, extra large and Jumbo...and they taste horrible.


Yes, kinda like condoms...they don't make them in small or medium....and never have. It's called "marketing".


Once in a great while I enjoy male company but after a couple of hours I need to be alone again.


I wish people would put this kind of info on their profiles. I think it's really important. Two people need to want the same thing, especially something as important as living together or marriage or NOT wanting to live together or marriage. I'd rather know this than if you own a car or have brown eyes.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 71
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:26:18 PM
^^^
How to word that?

Seeking a companion for 2 hours, 3 days a week. Bring your own food, booze and condoms and be commitment oriented.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 72
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 7:04:31 PM
^ Don't be so cynical. Sleepovers are permitted :)
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 73
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History
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 7:28:49 PM

= Has anybody noticed that you can't find small or medium size eggs in stores...only large, extra large and Jumbo...and they taste horrible.


They do sell medium eggs, I was at the store yesterday and saw them at 59 cents a dozen.

But a chicken laying mostly small eggs is, uh, removed from production. Those small eggs that are produced are mostly sold in liquid form to manufacturers, i.e. removed from the shell and shipped in tanker trucks.

Did you know they also have peewee eggs?

It's all kept hush hush, since it's really genocide, and this is all just more examples of heightism.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 74
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 7:46:40 PM
".....this is all just more examples of heightism."

I have to agree with you Dragon, I'm not quite 5'1" and it's a tough road. I just had to use an egg flipper to reach something on my second shelf in the kitchen.

As for part time partners, isn't there a song about this - Stevie Wonder, Part Time Lover.

I still think you should put it in your profile.

VVV. I know what you mean, I don't want to mess with my profile either. And I didn't mean "you", meant the Royal "you". And, I think if that's what you want, that's what you have to find.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 75
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/10/2016 7:51:01 PM
^ Fair enough. I just hate to mess with my profile. It's... inspired.
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