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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > People who have been single most of their lives.      Home login  
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 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 101
People who have been single most of their lives.Page 5 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Can't compare widowed to divorced, also can't drag the past into the future.
I have no need to mirror what I had before, I also think what ppl did 30 years ago is going to be harder to do now.
If ppl have been single most of their Lives then why should they suddenly have to change their mind set?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 102
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/11/2016 7:15:26 PM

I liked living like that, as two in a home.

I think that's a key difference for some people -- they like living that Way #1, and the who, although very important, #2. I can understand the positive-by-association to some degree. But some chase the concept, not so much the person -- as the person is the means to the ends, not the ends (but will unknowingly associate the two as the same thing).

Others have been solo far longer than partnered, that is their normal.

But some may not like it, and want to be partnered with someone (but can't find anyone fitting) -- which is why those stuck-on-living-with-someone scratch their head when they Are Content Not chasing said 'correct' concept. Also, those who have been partnered for a long time but not liking it, aren't wanting that to be The way either. And some people have had long-term experiences in both lands (or not so much), and see the grass can be green on either side of the fence... and there is no universal one yard VS the other that's better.

It's all situationally conditional as to whether one is Objectively Better than the other. And my clear POV is that settled into a doable & content long-marriage-length relationship is not necessarily Objectively Better for some. Most of us are raised that it Is Objectively better. Either one for someone can be Objectively better Or worse. Sometimes, people go for the Worse -- whether that's settling in with someone, or avoiding situations where settling in with a particular person in their dating life was passed up. But again, either one of those choices could be for the Better or Worse. It's all on a case-by-case basis.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 103
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/11/2016 7:22:05 PM
Calzone is good Onyx. I have made it before. Now we have a trifecta going here on food: eggs, cornbread and calzone.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 104
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/11/2016 7:36:01 PM

Sorry, but women that have been single most of their life are extremely promiscuous


Look. I don't want to get into how you weren't breast fed, and the ways in which that led to your becoming fixated in the phallic and anal stages of psychosexual development... That's between you and your Mom. And probably a few other relatives ;)
 hotmerlot
Joined: 3/25/2016
Msg: 105
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/11/2016 8:07:18 PM

EDIT
Sorry, but women that have been single most of their life are extremely promiscuous...they toss and go like pizza dough...lol....sausage in...sausage out....never being satisfied with the same...calzone !!!!


Someone has some emotional baggage. I do have the luxury of turning down decent guys, bad guys, any guy I want to.


.in which case they should just go out...pull her dress up and ring the dinner bell.[/end quote]

You might want to make sure you permission before trying this.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 106
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/11/2016 8:36:37 PM
Anybody in here craving Pigs in a Blanket yet?
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 107
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 12:12:33 AM
Well i have been living on this planet for 40 yrs.
and for 40 of those yrs. i have been single..!!!!! So in my lack of dating experience that does not go down well at all....

Sometimes i wonder if i am seen as not fit for being with someone or just to old for this Relationship crap ....
As most of my friends Relationships long term and short have all come crashing to a painfully emotional end....

From a far it all looks very overrated anyway....
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 108
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 2:10:37 AM
Perpetually single people, later in life, never make good partners. If they are not addicts, hook-up, maybe. Day to day routine stuff: no. Having to keep someone else in the loop: no. They feel they have to "ask permission" and "loose control" over "their" lives. lol They don't know what "sharing lives" is all about. True story!
 BBWloverIsHere
Joined: 4/9/2016
Msg: 109
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 8:54:43 AM
I've been single most of my life, I don't let the loneliness get in the way of other things I like to do. We only live once after all, there is no point in wasting time thinking in the "what ifs", and if you end up all alone and old, hey, at least you're still alive better be happy while it lasts.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 110
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 10:35:17 AM
“In other words, you'd make the perfect boyfriend.”

My one real ex-girlfriend would probably tell you otherwise. But that was not in any way a normal dating situation. I would like to think in a “normal” dating situation, I would be a good boyfriend, but I’ve never had a normal dating situation and I’m pretty sure that day will never come because of the messed up ways I’ve had to get my dates, so there will always be some abnormal stress in all of my relationships that will undoubtedly lead me to being a “bad boyfriend.” When you have as few mutual attraction options as I do, you will inevitably find yourself in mostly badly matched relationships... or alone for 9 consecutive years. At least.

“I used to be a homebody (not exactly by choice)”

I spent the first 18 years of my life on a remote farm in rural Alabama. EVERYBODY in that area was a “homebody” because there was nowhere to go and nothing to do. It is a life I never want to live again. (Of course, I don’t want to live my current life either but at least this life is somewhat my fault – I had no choice in the first 18 years.)

“Perpetually single people, later in life, never make good partners.”

I fear what you say is true, and even if it’s not necessarily always the case, that’s certainly the perception among the general population and quite difficult to overcome. A comparison of my two best friends: one has been continuously in relationships since middle school, most of them lasting many years, so she really knows how to stick it out even when times are tough, vs. the other who despite being a gorgeous woman, has been perpetually single her entire life, with almost no “relationship” (if you can call them that) making it past 3 months – does this mean she can’t make it work when she finally finds “the one”? Impossible to say, but I don’t think it’s looking too good. Some people just seem wired for relationships and some people just seem wired for singledom – the big problem is being wired for one but longing for the other, regardless of what other people think about your status.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 111
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 10:49:28 AM

Like their insecurity demands they have a partner so that they aren't alone, or other people don't see them as single. Afraid to learn who they are, and uncomfortable with themselves. Unable to live alone because they can't face themselves.


Well, none of that applies to me.



It now seems weird to me that many people's focus is totally on being partnered


It seems quite the opposite to me. Profile after profile of people essentially saying that they need their space, how they enjoy their independence, that they want someone to complement them, not complete them, etc., all designed to create and enforce a distance in the relationship. Like everyone is super jaded.


while in the honeymoon stage of a relationship, partners might be joined at the hip


Over ten years for me.


"Condescending bullshit."

In your opinion, not mine.


Just proving my point about being seen as weak and immature.


fixated in the phallic and anal stages of psychosexual development...


Do people actually still adhere to Freud?

You do realize that married people are known to be happier and healthier than singles, right? No man is an island.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 112
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 10:57:35 AM
Who has actually been single longer than they were partnered? Say starting at age 24, enough to get you out of university or college or your parents house. So, who has been single longer than partnered?

Right now, I have been partnered longer than I've been single.

I think this makes a difference, IMO. And is telling. Maybe not to others.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 113
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 11:14:44 AM

It now seems weird to me that many people's focus is totally on being partnered. Like their insecurity demands they have a partner so that they aren't alone, or other people don't see them as single. Afraid to learn who they are, and uncomfortable with themselves. Unable to live alone because they can't face themselves.


Wow, if everyone had your attitude, most people wouldn't have bothered getting married or starting families in the first place. In fact, you probably wouldn't be here today. Your theory about people seeking partnership due to "insecurity" and "fear of being alone" just doesn't pass the reality test.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 114
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 11:39:22 AM

It now seems weird to me that many people's focus is totally on being partnered. Like their insecurity demands they have a partner so that they aren't alone, or other people don't see them as single. Afraid to learn who they are, and uncomfortable with themselves. Unable to live alone because they can't face themselves.
Sounds like someone who needs to make excuses for being single.
People in partnerships are insecure, weak, and can't face themselves?
Sounds bitter and jealous to me.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 115
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 11:54:39 AM
Starting at age 21, when I was married for the first time in 1985 until now, I was partnered approximately 17 out of those 29 years, and single for about 12.

In my opinion, having done a lot of work on myself to the point where I no longer NEED a partner to be happy, being single is happier for me than being with the wrong person (this was not necessarily true before I did all that work because until I did, I was very needy and addicted to relationships and thus unhappy when I was single).

Today, my husband feels very much like the (or at the very least a -- I don't believe there's necessarily only one) right person, and being with him is delightful. It's much more fulfilling than being single, and it's not confining or claustrophobic at all. I don't know how much we're the honeymoon phase still because it's been over five years, but our relationship seems to get more, rather than less, exciting as time goes on.

Of course we're old boring people, and our idea of exciting may not be anybody else's.

I have seen people who had this kind of relationship and were widowed struggle to find equilibrium as single people again, and I admire their strength.

It appears that once you find a way to be happy, however, you level back out to this set point, even though it may take years after a significant loss. My friends are happy as singles now, but I know they don't feel the delight they used to at being in a relationship with the right person.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 116
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 12:01:11 PM
" Your theory about people seeking partnership due to "insecurity" and "fear of being alone" just doesn't pass the reality test."

"Sounds like someone who needs to make excuses for being single."

"Sounds bitter and jealous to me."

Many coupled people seem to think it is okay to disrespect single people, but God help any single person who points out that many people are partnered for the wrong reason.

Many people just can't fathom enjoying living single, and not be focused on find their next partnership. With time, they may learn to enjoy not being partners, or not. Some may die still searching for their soul mate, while never enjoying their single lifestyle.

ps: When assessing my comments, it would make sense to take into account that I am widowed from a happy marriage, and have already lived/loved my soul mate.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 117
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 12:19:42 PM

but God help any single person who points out that many people are partnered for the wrong reason.


I'll give you that one. I find it is mostly true of women looking to have children that will fool themselves into overlooking the obvious fatal flaws of a relationship in order to have them. It only leads to bad outcomes. I also agree that there are many who are afraid of self awareness and the personal growth that only happens when single.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 118
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 12:21:52 PM
^^^ How long were you married? If memory serves me, you weren't married all that long...7 years? 8 years? You've been single for 22 years.

And I don't think anyone is making light of the single folks. ALL of us have been single or are single. I really e joy being single, but I'd love to be partnered again with the right person. I haven't found the right person yet so I'm content on my own, I work, I travel, I do charity work, I own a home, I have extended family and friends. So nope, no disrespect for the single. But you might want to rethink how you word things like "insecure" because you come across and cold, remote and unapproachable. And while there may be people out there that are partnered for the wrong reason, there are just as many who are single because no one wants them. Just a thought.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 119
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 1:15:22 PM
So, you want me to qualify to have an opinion in this thread. No problem. I was married 7 year, and divorced. I stayed single for 7 years before remarrying my late husband.

Imo, I wanted/need be married as a younger person, but I want/need to be single as an older person.

"you might want to rethink how you word things like "insecure" because you come across and cold, remote and unapproachable."

So by saying that many people are insecure that makes me cold, remote and unapproachable. Interesting!

This is another example of "I don't like your opinion so you are unacceptable. ie. Peer pressure.
"No one wants you, so do as I say because I know more than you do!" ie. Bullying.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 120
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 1:21:23 PM
I don't think it is fair to say that some people are single because no one wants them.
Some people who " wanted " me - no, no thanks
Like the old joke about the couple celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 121
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 2:02:25 PM

It now seems weird to me that many people's focus is totally on being partnered. Like their insecurity demands they have a partner so that they aren't alone, or other people don't see them as single. Afraid to learn who they are, and uncomfortable with themselves. Unable to live alone because they can't face themselves.


The above is what I'm commenting on. If you stand by these comments, fine. I don't think it's remotely correct and certainly not for the majority of people I know. In my opinion, those comments above are total bullshit. My opinion, no bullying.

And I don't think anyone here is saying someone MUST be partnered or MUST be single. I think all of us would agree that we all have to find/do what suits us. No one is foisting a lifestyle on anyone.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 122
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 2:06:01 PM

Msg 124:
I also agree that there are many who are afraid of self awareness and the personal growth that only happens when single.


So what happens when someone isn't single anymore? Do they suddenly become totally brain dead? Is it totally impossible to have self awareness and personal growth once you meet someone? Do you tell old people that have been married for 40 or 50 years or longer that they missed out on self awareness and personal growth?
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 123
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 2:12:49 PM

I don't think it is fair to say that some people are single because no one wants them.


I think it's equally unfair to state that many single people who seek partnerships do so out of insecurity. Unless you can get inside people's heads and read their motives, it's not fair to generalize and paint everyone with the same brush.

Yes, there are some who are single because they want to be single, some who are single because they haven't met the right person yet, and still others who would like to be partnered, but haven't met anyone who wanted to be partnered with them.
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 124
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 2:38:29 PM
MSG-110
I can't believe that there are so many women here that are bitter biddy's...yet surprised that they are the dreadful seasoning in their own Soup....Soup is better when shared...but only good soup is worth sharing....start making good Soup...and he will come, and once he gets there...you'll never let him leave...like in that movie, "MISERY"....

 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 125
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 2:42:11 PM
Well some single people complain about being single,some married people complain about being married.
And of course everyone complains about the high cost of groceries!
I wonder if a viewpoint changes when it is the second ( or third) time around?
Personally I don't like when I hear people say their are looking for companionship.. they should be looking for love imo
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