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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > People who have been single most of their lives.      Home login  
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 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 126
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People who have been single most of their lives.Page 6 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
"So what happens when someone isn't single anymore? Do they suddenly become totally brain dead? Is it totally impossible to have self awareness and personal growth once you meet someone? Do you tell old people that have been married for 40 or 50 years or longer that they missed out on self awareness and personal growth?"

Yet another person who missed the word "many".

Does anyone want to post that there aren't many people who aren't self aware?

"Do you tell old people that have been married for 40 or 50 years or longer that they missed out on self awareness and personal growth?"

Are you really saying that doesn't happen to anyone?

Get married young and have multiple children - many women and men in that situation have little time for self awareness or personal growth. They are too busy working to raise the children. Then working to educate them. Then the grandchildren arrive and the process starts over. I am not blaming them. Simply saying that many of these people just don't have time for themselves. If that is the life people want fine. Not all of us do, and that is our right.

I have to agree with LiliMarleen post 122. Except the fact the widowed people need to repartner to get their spark back.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 127
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 3:02:23 PM

Get married young and have multiple children - many women and men in that situation have little time for self awareness or personal growth. They are too busy working to raise the children. Then working to educate them. Then the grandchildren arrive and the process starts over. I am not blaming them. Simply saying that many of these people just don't have time for themselves. If that is the life people want fine. Not all of us do, and that is our right.


You are childless and talking out of your azz. Your ignorance is showing. So is your arrogance. Many of us managed to raise children, keep a home, hold a job, attend college, live/love/laugh and all the other things in life like vacation, take classes, volunteer....while managing to find out about ourselves, learn and grow. You comments are insulting. Totally insulting.

So yes , some people are alone because no one wants them. Not all, just some.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 128
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 3:13:15 PM
Childless by choice. Keep slamming away, you may believe yourself yet.
Seriously! You don't believe anything I have posted isn't the truth about some/many people.

Sheeples believe what society has fed them. Defend themselves to the death. Have fun.

There are of course, many happily married people, but there are also many happily single people. Just as there are many unhappy married people and many unhappy single people..

Try beating on the truly happily single people if you must, but get used to the fact you can't bully them into your way of thinking.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 129
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 3:14:01 PM

My friends are happy as singles now, but I know they don't feel the delight they used to at being in a relationship with the right person.


Here's what I said, not that anybody needs to repartner to get the spark back.

The people I know are happy single after losing their beloved partner, but they're missing what they had with him or her. Nowhere do I say that they should repartner.

I was merely recounting some personal experiences.

Personally, I don't believe you CAN get back what you lost in with a particular person. You can maybe get something different, maybe something equally delightful, but not that.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 130
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 3:23:28 PM

Personally, I don't believe you CAN get back what you lost in with a particular person


maybe something equally delightful,


An identical twin would be useful in such a circumstance.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 131
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 3:28:14 PM
Moraima,
You don't need to put down or discredit other viewpoints or lifestyles in order to make yours more valid.
That is what you seem to be missing.

Married 7 yrs then single 7 yrs; didn't say how long 2nd marriage was but guessing not long at all if single past 22 yrs.
Safe to say you've been single most of your adult life and prefer it.

Why do you need to defend that?
I saw nobody attacking your choice, but I did see you belittling people who prefer being coupled up and go so far as to accuse them of lack of self awareness.

Whether you use the words all, many, or few matters not. You are making sweeping generalizations about people based on your very small window on the world.
You might have your self awareness, but awareness seems pretty limited outside yourself.



Onyx,
If your eggs taste bad, try organic, free range/pasture raised.
Huge difference and cruelty free.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 132
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 3:40:53 PM

Try beating on the truly happily single people if you must, but get used to the fact you can't bully them into your way of thinking.


No one is trying anyone's opinion about how they choose to live their life - partnered or single.

But you are busy putting down partnered people, people with children, people in happy marriage and people in unhappy marriages.

All I'm (and a few others) are commenting on is YOUR need to say stupid stuff about those that want to be partnered...and now dumping on those who had children.

I stand by what I said - your ignorance and arrogance is showing and you're talking out of your azz. My opinion.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 133
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 3:41:36 PM
Onyx, how come you haven't found the woman that makes good corn bread, soup, calzone, and small/medium eggs in the grocery yet?! You know I tease you cause I am from the east coast also, but why haven't you found your woman?!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 134
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 4:41:30 PM
People who are obsessed about being in a relationship
and people who are obsessed about being independent are...

obsessed.

You can't really talk sense about obsessions when you're living your own.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 135
People who have been judgemental most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 4:54:10 PM
one thing is for sure--anyone that obsessed and judgmental, oh my....aren't they sexy hot? Gotta be droppin' panties from miles away, that attitude is soooo what everyone is looking for in a partner.

:)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 136
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 5:02:30 PM

""It now seems weird to me that many people's focus is totally on being partnered. Like their insecurity demands they have a partner so that they aren't alone, or other people don't see them as single. Afraid to learn who they are, and uncomfortable with themselves. Unable to live alone because they can't face themselves.""


The above is what I'm commenting on. If you stand by these comments, fine. I don't think it's remotely correct and certainly not for the majority of people I know. In my opinion, those comments above are total bullshit. My opinion, no bullying


Oh,,,,it is "correct" in certain situations. To understand, and to know this can be "correct" you actually have to know certain individuals intimately and for a very long period of time. They in turn, will show you the "cycles", and it's actually like watching a train wreck over and over again. A "friend" of mine is on about number 8 "long term partner". Her period of time "without" seems to be around 3-4 months, almost to the day. At no time does/has she given herself the time to discover anything. How can she? There seems to an awful lot of "new" things "others" are offering.

SQUIRREL!!!!!!!



""Get married young and have multiple children - many women and men in that situation have little time for self awareness or personal growth. They are too busy working to raise the children. Then working to educate them. Then the grandchildren arrive and the process starts over. I am not blaming them. Simply saying that many of these people just don't have time for themselves. If that is the life people want fine. Not all of us do, and that is our right.""


You are childless and talking out of your azz. Your ignorance is showing. So is your arrogance. Many of us managed to raise children, keep a home, hold a job, attend college, live/love/laugh and all the other things in life like vacation, take classes, volunteer....while managing to find out about ourselves, learn and grow. You comments are insulting. Totally insulting


Insulting to you, as an individual????? More than one woman has wondered, and even felt regret leaving a life of possibilities to raise a family and/or getting married. No one is saying EVERYone feels this way but, to define the statement as ignorant and arrogant, is wrong, in so many ways. When you, as an individual dive into something, full throttle and give everything you have to this "thing" (be it marriage, raising children, or whatever), you will, by default, "miss out" on other things. You won't know it, cause you haven't done it all. Understanding yourself "completely" is not always easy when others are involved. To say so, well, shows that you may just not understand. It's not a slag.

We all have choices, and yes, we can "love" the life we chose(or given), but, to say we "know" it all, living a life that we do, is basically retarded. A caterpillar can evolve into a moth, or a butterfly. You don't know until it happens. Many don't understand this until staring at your maker.

Too late.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 137
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 5:11:09 PM
I hope I'm a big moth
Walts, where is my smoked salmon?
Lili said it in the bestest way
It will be different
I don;t suppose you all want to hear about my dogs surgery and the fact I have been trapped for 5 days? Only 9 days left.
My Visa will thank me for on line sprees
I think today i said 3 times
" take my money" don't even have it, just filling and emptying carts
Hey
kinda like Life hmm
 hotmerlot
Joined: 3/25/2016
Msg: 138
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 5:50:09 PM
This single thing works well. I think I am the for me.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 139
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/12/2016 9:09:05 PM
Moraima, you came to POF 11 years ago. Your pofile says looking for Long Term and your intent is Ambitious. You originally came here to....date, find a man, find a partner in whatever way you want/need but you came here to find a man. You didn't come here originally for the forums and to check the recipe threads. You came here to date. So were you insecure back then, didn't know your self worth, felt you needed validation by being with a partner....way back, 11 years ago?

What changed? And why think less of others because they now seek what you at one time also wanted....a date, a partner.

I'm sure you didn't join POF so you could check the forums for the best way to de-worm a dog or for a clam chowder recipe.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 140
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 6:20:16 AM

So what happens when someone isn't single anymore? Do they suddenly become totally brain dead? Is it totally impossible to have self awareness and personal growth once you meet someone? Do you tell old people that have been married for 40 or 50 years or longer that they missed out on self awareness and personal growth?

Okay, I shouldn't have said "only". Personal growth and self-awareness can happen in any context. It is self-motivated and self-directed. However, there is a quality to the experience when you are single that is different than when coupled. My point is that many people are afraid to face it, and can avoid it by being in a relationship.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 141
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 6:45:22 AM
I've often said it's not so much what has happened in your life but how you have handled it.
I have liked being in a coupled union and a lot of times I haven't.
I have had a good marriage and a bad one.
I feel people conclude things "differently" ...on whether they "need/want" to be in another relationship or not?
We've all had those friends that never wanted children....remember? I couldn't fathom not having mine but that's their choice.

I can see both sides of the fence...Moraimas not wrong on her way of thinking at all.
I have some friends that just need to be in a relationship....where I don't feel, I need to.
The older I get, the less I feel it's possible for me. Yes, I have a profile too and been around forever too....but my mind isn't where it was 8 years back. The pros to being on my own are outweighing the cons....just the way it is for some.
I am only concerned of my own happiness.
 Hair2day_gone2morrow
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 142
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 6:47:32 AM
Everyone has a right to choose their own flavor of happiness, just don't marginalize others choices...or is it "marmalade-ize"??? ;0P
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 143
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 7:18:16 AM

I don't suppose you all want to hear about my dog's surgery

I do, Ouija. :-) How is your doggy doing?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 144
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 7:35:15 AM
Hair2day_gone2morrow

Congrats on getting married, you look happy.

Very appropriate alias BTW.
 Hair2day_gone2morrow
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 145
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 7:39:21 AM
Well Dragon, TY, I hope to be as happy as you & your bride! I was always very impressed at your authenticity & honest posts about your relationship w/ her!

Yes, my current moniker was drummed up w/ "longevity" in mind ;0D
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 146
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 8:16:25 AM

Sheeples believe what society has fed them. Defend themselves to the death. Have fun.


You don't realize that single people are now the majority in the USA.

Society’s now believes it's become legitimate and viable to be single for a long period of time.

I don't approve of using pejorative terms like sheeples, but since you used it, doesn't that make single people sheeples and married people the ones marching to a different drummer?
 Hair2day_gone2morrow
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 147
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 8:21:10 AM
^^ don't u have a saying u have used in here at least 2 times, about don't attribute something to something when it just boils down to stupidity?

Maybe stupid people (in regards to marriage, if it is stupid) can be happier???
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 148
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 8:37:24 AM
Moraima, its all cognitive dissonance. Some people cannot handle opinions that challenge everything they believe as truth. Many have never questioned their own motivation for their actions, and here you go introducing an idea that is so foreign (to them), that they can't even wrap their heads around it.

You've been here long enough to know that the forums do not thrive on extreme opinions, its sort of Group Think for the most part, and you'll have to measure just how much opposition you want to handle.

I totally concur with the basis of your analysis, because it is founded in psychology. There are many people who have no idea who they are outside of a relationship, because they do not feel adequate unless partnered. Their identity relies on outside sources (family, friends, significant other). They have no idea what they really like/dislike, what they're into, what they want to do in life, because all of those things are tied and dependent upon someone/something outside of them. Like extroverts and introverts, one seeks energy of others to measure their own, and the other seeks it in themselves.

There's an establish order to things, which has been ingrained, enforced, and followed by the masses. Much like the American Dream, something that a majority are striving for because it represents an "ideal". Thinking outside of the box is almost being a heretic. The longevity of your singledom is being brought to question much like the fact that I haven't had a child (and I'm 31) has been brought into question by my family. They don't seem to be concerned about the variables, they are concerned with the fact that time is passing and I'm not interested in a mini-me.

Congrats Hair2day!!!!!
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 149
People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 8:43:35 AM
^^^^

Good stuff.

I've been partnered up most of my adult life.

Being asked what I do for fun? My brain immediately thinks...alone or with someone?

I envy the folks that can travel alone and not be phased by the couples around them.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 150
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People who have been single most of their lives.
Posted: 4/13/2016 8:48:39 AM
"Your pofile says looking for Long Term and your intent is Ambitious."

Intent Ambitious????? I have never seen that option on POF.
I do have myself listed as fairly ambitious, but always thought that meant in lifestyle/finance etc., not in getting a relationship.

"You originally came here to....date, find a man, find a partner in whatever way you want/need but you came here to find a man. "

And you know this how?

I have never dated anyone from POF. If I was insecure, I would make new profile to hide how long I have had a profile there. My profile is designed to cut down to the min. the men who contact me. When I first came to POF, I would have dated if I found someone I was interested in, but I found no one who I was interested in spending time with. First line of my profile is "mostly here for the forum". Do I really have to add, "here to message with friends I have meet here over the years, and the answer Canadians questions about Cuba".

"why think less of others because they now seek what you at one time also wanted....a date, a partner."

You are twisting my words. My comments are about those who are rushing to find their next bad relationship, not the balanced people who think about what they are doing.

If I was to meet a man who could be in a relationship, but maintain his own residence while I do the same, whom I was interested in, I would give it a try. One of the first things I say to man who is interested in me is "you need to know that I am not interested in a live in relationship". What I hear back is that the man only wants a live in relationship. Such is life.

"Some people cannot handle opinions that challenge everything they believe as truth. Many have never questioned their own motivation for their actions, and here you go introducing an idea that is so foreign (to them), that they can't even wrap their heads around it."

Exactly Belle.
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