Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Women tend to spend a lot of time getting ready for a date, choosing the right outfit, showering and primping, doing our nails, etc. So, we need time to prepare.


A lot of women do all of that prepping if they're just going to the grocery store or dollar store, just in case they see someone they know. A guy's version of prepping is putting on a shirt and pants that don't smell. If the shirt and pants don't stink, it's a matching outfit.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:07:22 AM
If you insist on a 24 hour notice as a dating policy, try advertising that in your profile - you're going to sound like a player who needs to make sure their calendar and time slots are open to squeeze another date in.

Personally, I love informal dates - jeans and t-shirts, no makeup, and no pretense. I realize for a lot of women, you cannot stop them from touching up in a mirror, even if there is a bomb threat or the building is on fire.

What I need to keep in mind, that 'standard' of beauty has been programmed for decades by society, their peers, and repetition - and people are miserable creatures of habit.

What ladies need to keep in mind, is that 'standard' is not held by every guy, including myself. I want to see YOU, not the facade you want to show me.

The time frame for a date is not the same for any woman, no matter what seems to be constant, so expecting your point of view to be a universal 'policy' for anyone else is really a selfish and single-minded point of view. The world won't change to match your expectations, so the best you can do is play through, TELL people what you expect, and politely say 'No' to the ones you find displeasing.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 28
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:21:22 AM

Also, a friend of mine said that she heard that sex is now expected after a dinner date if things "go well." I've never heard of it being this blatant. Nor have I ever felt obliged to have sex with a man who takes me to dinner.


The only real rule of dating is that there are no rules. YOU make up your own rules and they are designed to attract the type of male (or female) that you desire. Period.

More importantly that following some rules, is to understand the psychology of the type of guy you want to attract. So little by little you start to place in your profile, or in your behavior road block to those that do not fit your interest and criteria.

Many men that want a one night stand, test the waters by asking for dates on the same day. They want and are looking for very impulsive people and are willing to ask a great number of women to achieve that goal. From there the spectrum goes all over, from men that have to communicate online for 6 months to be comfortable to meet, to any variation in the middle.

I for instance adhere to a set of principles. They are not the rules but what worked for me. Start with It's not real until you meet. Meet within two weeks of first contact. Not interested in pen palls, let's hang out friends. When I meet, it's to see if we hare compatible and move the relationship into intimacy. If that spark is not there, that is not a problem or a sign of failure, it's simple that we are not compatible. It also does not mean that I want to be your friend at all. If a woman would tell me that she want to just be friends, I tell her that I have plenty of friends and that she should just move on. People make time for the people they want to see, people that come up with excuses are not that interested so I move on.

From a woman's point of view. If men do not tread you the way you want to be treated, get rid of them. Ignore them. Don't play their game. Simple tell them, that you do not Do same day dates. Period. And the whole dinner and sex, tell them what you think. If they do not like you for that, more power to you.

Personally, I tend to judge people by their actions and unfortunately the sex on the first date comes across as a person that has sex very quickly. And as horrible and double standard as this is going to sound, many men that would sleep with a woman on that first date, would not have a relationship with that woman precisely because she slept with him on that first date.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 29
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:55:35 AM
I don't see it as presumptuous or rude to ask someone out for the same day.
If you're free, why not?
Is it the fear that the person might think you don't have a life?
Is so much prepping really necessary for a simple meal or coffee or whatever? Do you normally look like a disaster to need 24 hr notice?
I don't think I would look too deeply into motive...it is what it is.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 30
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 8:53:58 AM
DATING ETIQUETTE.............? Huh?

I seldom follow the crowd, unless the crowd is streaming into a Moody Blues concert, or is on 2 wheels, then I'm definitely a "follower". Other than that, I do what ever feels right for me, at the time.
I have met a few men from OLD sites, within a couple of hours of first contact. Dated one for 3 months.
I learned a long time ago, as a "Woman on a mission", do my "homework", follow my guidelines, and jump in the shower.
If my work/social schedule is free, I can be ready, out the door, in jeans and boots or dress and heels in one hour.

OP, I comprehend your question, but I don't identify with it.
Who knows what opportunities, may slip thru your fingers, if you follow a set of "rules/etiquette".
I'm not suggesting for a second, you ignore safety "rules". Always follow, that little voice in your head that guides you, for your own safety, but perhaps you could act outside your comfort zone, and Go for it! ????

Do you want to meet? Date? Go out ? GO!!!!!
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 31
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 9:49:25 AM
I exchanged drivers license photos with a gal before taking her on a 2nd-4th date at a wine resort.

Looking back, the big red flag was her not being available to see me again until a week after the 1st date. Apparently making it a weekend getaway instead of a 2nd date was attractive.

For a 'busy' person, she sure as hell had lots of every other day time to see me after that 4th date.

I always found that odd.

Vote YES for spontaneity!
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 32
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 9:57:53 AM

I don't see it as presumptuous or rude to ask someone out for the same day.
If you're free, why not?
Is it the fear that the person might think you don't have a life?


In my case, I did have a life. If someone asked me out the same day, I often had other plans lined up, and had to decline.

I could overlook it if it were just an isolated case, but I met one man who made a habit out of it. I happened to be free the first two times he asked me out at the spur of the moment, so he tried it again. The third time, I wasn't free, and when I turned him down, he copped a nasty attitude with me.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 33
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 10:17:11 AM
We all have lives, friends, make plans in advance, etc.
I was just saying that if you happened to be free, I didn't understand the reason for saying no purely based on some sort of dating etiquette game.

It sounds like that guy just assumed that you would always be free when he decided to contact you and that is a whole other story.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 34
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 11:09:14 AM

It sounds like that guy just assumed that you would always be free when he decided to contact you and that is a whole other story.


Yes, he ASSumed. In other words, he was presumptuous, which was my original point. I can certainly understand women who choose not to put themselves in that position, because they've been burned before---hence they require at least a day's notice for a date.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 35
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 12:28:28 PM
Clooneystutor, that was funny. There is foundation called Revlon Colorstay that will stay on for 24 hours. I suppose a male scientist invented this so women would be "dolled up" in the morning. But, I think women on here are referring to when the dating is in the early stages and we prefer to look nice. After that, we relax our standards.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 36
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 12:33:16 PM
Clooneystutor, that was funny. There is foundation called Revlon Colorstay that will stay on for 24 hours. I suppose a male scientist invented this so women would be "dolled up" in the morning. But, I think women on here are referring to when the dating is in the early stages and we prefer to look nice. After that, we relax our standards.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 37
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/15/2016 2:53:57 PM
Sweet Danimal- "What ladies need to keep in mind, is that "standard" is not held by every guy, including myself, I want to see YOU, not the facade you want to show me. "
This is a comment I see from time to time from some men.
You know what you like and what you don't, so no argument there, but there IS another way to look at it............
Not everyone fixes up as a "facade."
Believe it or not, with some of us, it just makes us feel good to put the extra time in sometimes.
People's motives are not always about someone else.
When I come home, the first thing I do is change into jammies and take off my shoes. HOWEVER, what I had on was not a "facade." It was how I chose to dress in that moment and when I get home, it's about comfort.
There are men who are the opposite of you, who would dislike no make up, jammied, non shoes me, but the thing is, they BOTH are me.
Sometimes people make things about them that have nothing to do with them.
Unless someone goes around stinky and doesn't ever bath or shower, and/or they flat out refuse to dress properly for ANY occasion, I'm not going to make grooming habits that big a deal.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 38
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 5:02:55 AM
With the subject line, do we happen to have this list of so-called "dating etiquette" handy? Or, can we first, at least admit, that not every person out there will have the same expectations ? Can we?


One of the men asked me out at 4 pm on a Thursday to go out later that night, which makes me wonder, why not ask me out on Friday, which is prime date night?


Another expectation, or assumption? I never have looked at a calendar and circled a certain day better than any other as the prime night to be going out on a date.


I feel like if someone is truly interested, he should give me at least a day's notice. Women tend to spend a lot of time getting ready for a date, choosing the right outfit, showering and primping, doing our nails, etc. So, we need time to prepare. Also, giving us some notice makes us feel special, that he's blocking off time in the future to spend with us, not like he's just cramming us into his schedule.


You haven't even met the man, and you want him to make you feel "special" already? And you feel this way when a person "plans" a certain block of their time with you but, not "fitting you into" their schedule which could be jammed to the brim???? Interesting but, I believe contradictory. As in, why just a day's notice? Why not a week's notice? Or how about a month's notice?

I bring all this, and more to the table because I was reminded again yesterday. Another one of my friends passed without any notice at all. He had no choice in the matter.

Think about it.
 c0mplex1
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 39
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 5:29:03 AM
I enjoy the spontaneous. Usually, men want to talk and talk and talk....but NEVER meet...so one's who's interested in meeting sooner rather than later is fine with me. Coffee/drink meet or an actual dinner.....what's the worst that can happen? You get out of the house, off the computer and enjoy being out in public, meeting someone new. If their invite doesn't work with my current schedule, I let them know that too, and suggest another time. And, no, no expectations of sex.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 40
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 8:02:47 AM

Coffee/drink meet or an actual dinner.....what's the worst that can happen?


?The coffee is cold, the drink isn't strong enough, and you found a hair in your food?

LOL, All together a tragedy of course!

As one of the ladies wrote above, it is one thing for a person you have already met, to assume you can drop everything and be available at their beck and call, every time they see fit, but it's entirely another thing when meeting a person for the first time.

A first face to face meet is just that. You are meeting. You have no idea if the person who faces you will or will not be as you have imagined them to be in your head. You could have dinner plans, and this person stands in front of you, and you're thinking, WTH? You could meet for a quick cup of coffee and before you know it, 4 hours have flown by. Who knows?????

As Walts mentioned, life is here one day and you are gone the next. Far too many OLD users are not who they pretend to be, there are time vampires here, and there are those who go "poof". IF someone has the time, if they have asked to meet in a public place, take the chance, go.

BTW Walts, Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 41
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 8:14:14 AM

I can't just jump in the shower and leave the house in 30 minutes. It takes me at least 1.5 hours to shower, shave, wash and condition hair, put on a little eye makeup, get my hair dry, get dressed and make sure my kids are going to be fed while I'm gone.


Not all women need 1.5-2 hours to get ready for a date. The ones that do may have already done these things earlier in the day before they went shopping or had lunch with friends.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 42
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 8:25:46 AM

.....what's the worst that can happen? You get out of the house, off the computer and enjoy being out in public, meeting someone new


When you say "off the computer", does that mean off the cell/smart phone too? It can be annoying if you go to meet someone, and they claim to have a need to have a cell phone sitting in front of them, in case of that constant threat of an "emergency", waiting for an important call, or whatever other excuse they use. Or they have it as a decoy, so if they are not interested in the person they just met, they can claim to get an important call/text and need to leave right away, instead of telling the person they are not interested.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 43
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 8:31:50 AM
One gal took out her phone and was showing me all of the duds that were messaging her.

She then quipped that she should become a dating coach for men.

I quietly farted and went to the bathroom...and left.
 c0mplex1
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 44
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 10:05:47 AM
When I mentioned "off the computer", I was more referring to getting out, meeting and interacting with another human being face-to-face, in real life, in real time. If the man is so ignorant to continue to use his smart phone while he's out with me....he's just rude. And ignorant. And I cut the whole thing short. Again...I'M on here to MEET people. Very few of the meets have turned out to be anything of substance. However, a few did turn out to be dating/relationship situations. But, I (just me, folks), don't require hours to get ready to just MEET someone, whatever food/drink may or may not be consumed. As someone else said, "YMMV"..... (had to look that up lol).
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 45
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 10:46:52 AM

Women tend to spend a lot of time getting ready for a date, choosing the right outfit, showering and primping, doing our nails, etc. So, we need time to prepare.


I might need a lot of time getting ready if I had to dress up for a formal date or event. But not for a first date. Which is usually casual. The only time I would dress up for a first date is when I was coming from someplace else ( like work ) and didn't have enough time to change.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 1:09:19 PM
Back when I actually got dates from OLD, I was the one usually responsible for spontaneity being impossible, because I was working 7 days a week and needed 2 weeks notice to assure I was off on a Friday or Saturday night, or whatever particular night the woman wanted to do it. When I was a film critic, I actually sometimes took my first meets to “work” with me (that is, I asked them to meet me at whatever screening I was doing that night, if they just had to meet me that night). Of course, a movie on a first date usually isn’t very good for getting to know someone. A handful of times a woman just had to meet me a night when I was working and I managed to get my schedule changed to make it happen – usually my managers were pretty sympathetic to the fact that I rarely got dates and were willing to help me out. My most insane date was one initiated by a woman on her second message to me, and we just had to meet THAT NIGHT, which I was working, and she was smoking hot (my only sorority girl/cheerleader date ever), so I made sure that date happened. Let me tell you, there were several times during that night that I thought I was going to die – that girl was INSANE. Should have known from the rush to meet. It was so crazy, I almost declined her second date request (which was also last second, and turned out to be even crazier than first).

For the most part, if I am the one doing the initiating, I will usually suggest a date several days in the future, but I don’t feel like it would be a breach of etiquette to ask for a same day date. If she can’t do it then, okay, let’s do it some other time. I’m not picky about these things as long as it doesn’t conflict with my schedule in an unchangeable way. I, too, am here to MEET people and the faster the better, but I understand a lot of women out there think all men on here are serial killers (thank-you, news from last week) and scam artists so they want to take some time to feel comfortable with the idea of meeting, and I'm fine with that, too.

"The only time I would dress up for a first date is when I was coming from someplace else ( like work ) and didn't have enough time to change."

You don't believe in making a great first impression? Actually, that's true of most women I've met off OLD (probably something to do with the type of women who find me worth meeting) -- I always dress to kill, and then discover my date is wearing ripped jeans, a t-shirt and flip-flops... and actually feel kind of let down, even if she's great otherwise. The ones who really dress up on first meeting, I usually can't wait to see them again.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 47
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 2:23:53 PM
Hawking, glad you like to look nice for a date. First impressions do count.

Another reason I won't agree to meeting on a very short notice is that the city I live in is over 1.5 million in population and growing. The traffic can get very congested in the evenings and I prefer to be on time. Usually, men will ask what part of the city ( not my address but general arer) I live in so they have an idea of how far away we live. I have been asked to meet at Starbucks on the south west side in an hour; a part of down I am not familiar with and quite a distance away. I decline and counter offer that we meet somewhere in between another time.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 48
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 2:45:39 PM

You don't believe in making a great first impression? Actually, that's true of most women I've met off OLD (probably something to do with the type of women who find me worth meeting) -- I always dress to kill, and then discover my date is wearing ripped jeans, a t-shirt and flip-flops... and actually feel kind of let down, even if she's great otherwise. The ones who really dress up on first meeting, I usually can't wait to see them again.


People need to dress appropriate for the venue. If the date is at a low key, casual place ( like most of my first dates / meetings ), I wouldn't care if she is wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Provided that she is neat and clean.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 3:04:35 PM
Hmmm.

I dunno. Dating etiquette?

When I was a kid growing up, I was interested in girls from a very early age. Kindergarten. So I paid a LOT of attention whenever someone claimed to be teaching me how to do things the right way, and how to get women to recognize me as having class, and so on.

But when I came of age, it chanced to be during the Great Upheaval of the 1960's and 1970's. Unfortunately, that meant that 100% of those lessons I thought I'd learned about dating etiquette were down the drain. Plus, I found out that some of them were just plain out of my lower class expense range. The "guy has to think of where to go" part meant that I had to have access to the kind of knowledge easily available on the internet today, but invisible to anyone who didn't spend their entire days going from place to place in a car, back when I was a kid.

Then the sixties and seventies hit, and girls were off to the races to go with which ever guy struck their fancy, and the rush was on. Anyone who like me, grew up learning etiquette and protocol, were labeled quickly as being out of it, behind the times, and worse.

Eventually, I realized that "dating etiquette" is not only unique to each age, it's unique to each class, and each locality. Good luck guessing what expectations someone has for you, when you live in an international mixing bowl place like Washington DC.

I have finally concluded one thing for sure: anyone who leaps to a definitive conclusion that there's something fundamentally wrong with me as a person, because I failed to guess whatever sense of timing and cost ratios they had developed, was never going to be a good match for me to begin with. So if they say no and cut me off, that's a GOOD thing for me.

By now, if someone takes offense because I talk to them too long before proposing a meet, or too short, or too intimate, or not intimate enough or WHATEVER, I conclude the same thing: not a match.

Post a thread looking for rah rah support for your particular set of rules if you like. I would probably like them too, since I've always felt I should have been born in the nineteenth instead of the twentieth century, but I warn you: I've never even ONCE seen any such calls for "improvement" from the people who you don't care to associate with, result in any of them complying.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 50
Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?
Posted: 4/16/2016 3:54:28 PM

It takes me at least 1.5 hours to shower, shave,


Yeah, that five o'clock shadow can be a real pain in the butt to get rid of.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Does anyone follow DATING ETIQUETTE anymore?