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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!      Home login  
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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 26
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
hmm, so some answerers think that guys actually read profiles? :)

ida know, I have an attractive female friend, and we used to hang out every weekend (she has a kid, and now a bf)
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 27
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Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/18/2016 7:36:42 AM
“If this is a repeating pattern, then I suspect you're attracting men with options.”

I agree with this. People with lots of options tend to mess around with people a lot more than people with few options. The upper echelon of men in OLD are juggling dozens of smitten women at once and if something goes wrong with one of them, they usually don’t care and are very casual about the situation. Whereas some guy like me who rarely has ONE woman to juggle on here, much less multiples, tends to be a lot more attentive to individual women, since we have a lot more time to concentrate on them. It has little to do with personalities – if I suddenly had lots of options, I’d undoubtedly start juggling women, too, even though in general I try to avoid being “that guy.” Women with lots of options tend to behave quite differently than men with a lot of options, since women are usually only looking for the one perfect man, though I have been a juggled ball to a few women who have issues rejecting nice but not particularly attractive men.

I don’t think it has much to do with what’s on your profile. You think men read profiles? (Near simulpost with GTO there – I see a consensus building here.)
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 28
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/18/2016 7:53:22 AM

if something goes wrong with one of them, they usually don’t care and are very casual about the situation. Whereas some guy like me who rarely has ONE woman to juggle on here, much less multiples, tends to be a lot more attentive to individual women, since we have a lot more time to concentrate on them.


Hawkings, I can't believe that I actually agree with you. Yet while you have hit the nail on the head, I don't see why you do not join the dark side. But you are also correct, when you smitten a woman or let her know how much ga-ga you are going for her, you become an option.

This is going to sound sick to the ladies, but back in the day when all I wanted was to date, I would keep a rotation of three. One that I was going after, one that I was ending it, and one that I was in the middle of it. The best part of it, was that they knew I was doing that.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 30
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Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/18/2016 3:30:35 PM
Whenever someone starts talking about people as though we are members of a coordinated club, or that we can be measured and dealt with on a group by group basis, I tend to get rebellious.

Trend? No such thing as "trends," in the sense that a person can recognize one and take advantage of it in an individual situation.

One of the trickiest things to explain and understand about humans, and dealing with us, is that recognizing collective behaviors is exclusively an AFTER THE FACT exercise. Think of it the way that percentages in gambling work. If you flip a coin enough times, and it isn't rigged, it will show heads and tails an equal number of times overall. However, for each flip, no matter how many times it has been heads in the immediate past, there is still only a fifty percent chance it will be heads again.

In dating, that means that no matter how many times you connect with someone who looks interesting online, and they turn out to be ...defective in some way, the probability that the NEXT person you meet will be the same way, is entirely unrelated to the first one. Unless they live together. Relating this to dating: if you have a lot of negative results, it might indeed be because of a repeating mistake you are making in who you take a shot with. I've seen a lot of that. It can also simply be that you haven't taken ENOUGH shots yet. Like the coin flip.

Best way to try to use your experiences, isn't to examine the GUYS you chose in greater detail, it's to examine what attracted you to them in the first place.

Real things I've seen women do wrong again and again: mis-deduce the meaning of a given behavior in a guy. Usually because they are already physically attracted, and so they WANT to think positively about the guy. Example, an attractive guy communicates tersely. When the woman doesn't care for him, she may deduce that he's surly, and maybe even label him as rude. But when she likes his looks, she might label the exact same behavior as indicative of strength, even decisiveness. At the other end of things, a woman who is attracted to a quiet, gentle guy, might laud how careful and thoughtful he is, and wait patiently for him to work things out: but when she isn't "feelin it," she might deduce that the exact same behavior means that the guy is weak, unfocused, lacking in drive or energy.

In short, I recommend you look carefully at what turns you on, and think about the possibility that the indicators you have selected to search for those qualities, might be the wrong ones. You know what you like, but your method of detecting it could be faulty.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 31
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/18/2016 6:38:43 PM
AchorusLine28- Sometimes both sexes are guilty of what I call "script thinking."
Meaning the type of thinking that says: I do that, so now they should do this, they did this, so now I should do that and if a step is missed or the script isn't followed, something must be wrong.
Let me confess: I'm a thinker, a worrier, I could manage to worry about worrying, shocker alert, I have insomnia issues. :D
Still, if I OVER thought OLD that much, the men with the white coats would be on their way to escort me to a padded cell!
Am I saying flakes don't exist?No. Am I saying players don't exist? No. I have said more times than I can count that these types are out in DROVES.
However, sometimes people don't call or text right away because they have LIVES.
Lord, some of you HAVE to be using Maalox by the gallon, the way you stress and over think EVERYTHING.
The only way I can see NOT to do this is if someone doesn't call or text, RELAX. Give things time. Maybe they had to work, maybe they are sick, who knows.
My rule of thumb is any thing can happen once. (the exception is a no show with no phone call, then they better be dead).
I will give someone the benefit of the doubt a second and sometimes a third time (with a VERY good explanation). After that, yeah, you are dealing with a time waster and THEN it's time to cut bait.
In the beginning, it's too soon to think the worst, so I don't think the worst.
Its saves me some sleepless nights and trips to the pharmacy for Maaloxx. :D
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 32
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/19/2016 6:48:03 AM
^^Truly happy for you, Karma. All sounds good with this man.

Don't put up with poor treatment - be OK being single until you meet someone who is worth it and treats you right.

Couldn't agree more!!
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 33
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/19/2016 7:51:12 AM

Don't put up with poor treatment - be OK being single until you meet someone who is worth it and treats you right.


lol, yet you put up with it a week ago with this guy and his texts and now you're all happy because you've ignored him....for a week.

But, you are absolutely right, be happy and content to be single. If you're not happy and content and truly who you are single, how can you be happy with a partner. Having a partner is icing on the happy cake of life.
 AChorusLine28
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 34
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not a lady, don't even play one as a sock puppet
Posted: 4/19/2016 10:37:17 AM
Hi Ladyinred,

I agree with some of your suggestions, but the thing that my struggle with relationships in the past have developed too quick, too soon. The mention of "Friends" is probably misleading, but I really want to avoid the "Yeah, it turns out I'm not going to put out until I fully trust you, thanks-" as a pick up. However, I do see what you mean.

Does father count? LOL! No brothers, cousins are too far apart (in Canada).

Thanks for the sensible advice!

As far as the thread...not a lady, don't even play one as a sock puppet? I have no idea!
 AChorusLine28
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 35
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Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/19/2016 10:53:55 AM

Let me confess: I'm a thinker, a worrier, I could manage to worry about worrying, shocker alert, I have insomnia issues. :D


That is relatable!
And yes, I had a no show with no phone call and they were blocked.
I just can't get past the "whatever" attitude that some people have.
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 36
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/19/2016 10:59:09 AM
Women are easily forgotten, which seems to be the case here...the guy that actually took you out, then left you burning on the side of the road...what happened ?

Somewhere...you did something to chase him off...there are miles of threads like this here, with all the women claiming to be a delight and have no idea why the guy launched....

I ain't buying it....
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 37
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/19/2016 12:35:52 PM
I read in some book, maybe by gallop that there are particular patters that humans and society tends to follow. You start with the Revel, he or she is out there doing whatever they do to the extreme. The problem with them is that they burn very fast. Then there are the Mavens. Mavens have ideas but they are not extreme. They become friends with the revels and together come up with more mainstream ideas. For instance Kurt Cobain was a revel, his band members were Mavens. Jim Morrison was the revel, the Doors were the mavens. Then you have the mainstream where you have leaders and followers. Neither one creates anything new, they just take what the Mavens have filtered and then channel it to the masses.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 38
not a lady, don't even play one as a sock puppet
Posted: 4/19/2016 4:33:05 PM
the thread title is a insider-reference, apparently people create alternate profiles--sometimes not even the same gender-- to post in here, and the expression for that is a "sock puppet".

as for peoples' "Whatever" attitude, yeah, its annoying. contrary to popular opinion, it wasn't created by the internet, schoolkids used to have to be penpals with people living abroad as a learning experience, or with soldiers at war, and some would also have that "whatever" attitude. In the 1970's when CB radios allowed strangers to talk, there were also cases of human beings...being idiots. some people just can't help that they...suck.
 AChorusLine28
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 39
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not a lady, don't even play one as a sock puppet
Posted: 4/20/2016 9:50:42 AM

the thread title is a insider-reference, apparently people create alternate profiles--sometimes not even the same gender-- to post in here, and the expression for that is a "sock puppet".


Got it! Thank you for the clarification. This sort of reminds me of the "catfishing" trend (yes, it is a trend!).

Anyway, thank you all for your thoughts, reality checks and I do appreciate some of you sharing a part of your stories and experiences as well.

I LOVE being single, I just HATE dating due to all of its uncertainties. The key for me is to learn to embrace the unknown, but that takes practice.


I Ain't buyin' it


To you sir, I say: Ya not buyin' cuz I ain't sellin' ;)

Good luck to all!
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 40
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/20/2016 3:02:32 PM
Are you trying to say Rebel, IG..? Sorry I know in Spanish b & v are essentially indistinguishable.
Both Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison died at 27, in the 27 Club..not the best to emulate perhaps. That sounds similar to marketing stuff, innovator, early adopter, etc..
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 42
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/23/2016 9:40:58 PM


I am out of his league and not the other way around.


Physically out of his league?

Why would you try to date a man not as attractive as you.

Ya know, in the same...league?

Anytime a woman out of my league sends me a message, I always wonder what the motive is.

I must lack confidence, eh?

Knowing what league/lane you're in helps to weed out agendas.

Whether that agenda is sex or money is the million dollar question :(
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 44
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/23/2016 9:53:33 PM
Extreme vanity is a disgusting trait.

If you think men not as attractive as you will commit easily, you're probably...broke.

YMMV
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 46
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/23/2016 10:43:11 PM
Thank you for clarifying Leslie.

Yes, some men will be intimidated by confident and intelligent women.

I find it sexy myself but I admit, it can be a tad intimidating when us men are used to meeting women that expect men to take the lead so to speak.

You're supposed to act dumb and aloof, remember?? (sorry, bad joke)

I've gotten 'cold feet' before and it was always because I was trying to date too soon after a break up.

I don't get cold feet anymore.

YMMV
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 47
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 1:09:23 PM
Try to deal with guys who show more genuine interest. Here are a couple of new rules for you:

1) Look for guys who ask YOU for a date, without you having to set it up. Most good guys will anyway.

2) Deal with guys who call for a date, rather than just text. It's easier to text than to call.

3) Look for guys who offer to pick you up from your home after you have met them. If you would feel more comfortable meeting them a second time rather than having them pick you up, that's fine, negotiate - but look for them to offer to pick you up.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 48
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Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 1:50:58 PM
You'll run into this once in a while. But here's the thing: Is Always running into this the norm? NO. Especially for a pretty gal like yourself in a decent age-group. So it has to do with you and your choices, that you are unaware of, if this happens too often.

Shows that he is fully interested → Try to plan date → Date fizzles out → I figure they are not interested → Somehow, they find themselves back to me, saying hi on text or give me a flirt on POF.

Basically interest Drops, but not necessarily at zero. If you end up in this pattern, there are two main possibilities when it's a pattern:

a) There's something about you that you say, explicitly or implicitly -- or only availability when it's in prime free-time for folks, that turns them off as you being a prime option.
b) You're aiming for guys who are a bit out of your league.
c) A date wasn't Really set in stone, but to you it was; to him it wasn't set in stone

'c' will be more prevalent when they have lack of interest of course, which is where this whole concept buds from. 'b' is probably the main thing and/or 'a', and they can coincide.

If you're going after the small % of guys who have a lot of pretty-girl attention on here, he wouldn't have to be out of your league per se, but if you say some things about yourself, like "I like to be friends first," or "I don't sleep with a guy on the first date," that can turn them off -- even when they weren't banking on literally having sex with you on the 1st date (but a gal saying that cries out 'hoops' to jump thru in general), it turns them off, while another gal within your greater league and Available will be a higher priority. I don't know what's said and whatnot, but don't rule out how you come across as being a factor.

Also, availability: Only being able to see a social guy for the 1st time on a Fri or Sat night isn't always the best. You shouldn't see an always-happens pattern, but it will contribute to it, especially when he's a social guy liking the single life + you're not out of his league or anything.

In order to see the true reasons why/how, one would have to see all emails/texts + the other guy's profile (and yours of course) -- to be able to see why it's a pattern and not a classic once-in-a-while-happens sort of thing. If it's Always happening -- it's not randomness of POF's fault. :)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 49
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 2:23:44 PM
Okay Mr. Norwegian......what the heck does this mean?


"or only availability when it's in prime free-time for folks, that turns them off as you being a prime option."
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 50
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 2:35:35 PM
Man, that's some deep jargon.

There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.


- Rumsfeld
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 51
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Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 2:37:40 PM

"or only availability when it's in prime free-time for folks, that turns them off as you being a prime option."

This alone won't make one's dating situation lack altogether, but for guys who like to and do go out to hit the town on weekend nights, they may not want to sacrifice a fun Saturday night out on the town for a 1st date with Sally who's cute and all, but not out of his league or anything nor revealing signs that naughtiness would be sooner rather than later.

I rarely get to the point to cancel dates for Fri or Sat nights, but interest fizzles if the gal can ONLY go out on Fri or Sat night when most my Fri/Sat nights are set to be Enjoyable. With Sally who's not out of my league nor seemingly having a naughty side to her -- I'd rather have a quaint date set up during the week or Saturday afternoon. I haven't met this girl yet -- she's cute and all, worthy of going out on a date with -- but to me, it has to be a Great Catch hardly found for a Fri/Sat night date. That's my point.

I've analyzed it (at least in my situations) as this: I am out of his league and not the other way around.

I Strongly disagree with this. Yeah, given enough dating situations, one may run into this once in a great while. Or if you're WAY WAY out of his league that's too intimidating, it won't be so uncommon. But other than that, no. I'm not trying to be negative on you at all, I'm just being honest about it -- it's in the opposite direction if anything. I think a strong personality may turn a guy off, and one could say he's intimidated by that (but will be more willing If she is a real looker).

The motif of online dating in reference to guys not landing dates isn't "I get too scared to go out on dates with girls who are a great catch looks-wise." Not at all. :)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 52
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 2:42:59 PM
Wow! I had no idea!

So you're saying there are some girls that are iffy (or most ladies for you) so you're not sure if you want to waste a precious weekend night with?

I had no clue that men thought like that.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 53
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Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 3:36:08 PM

So you're saying there are some girls that are iffy (or most ladies for you) so you're not sure if you want to waste a precious weekend night with?

They don't have to be iffy, though. Again, I haven't met them yet. On Fri/Sat night I'm set to meet girls, too. If a guy's active on Fri & Sat nights hitting the town, where he's going to have a lot of fun AND meet girls -- he's Definitely Rather going to have a date with a gal he hasn't met before not on those select nights. It'd be much like canceling plans. Sure, you'll do it for a great catch. But, say, the gal has kids & can ONLY go out on Fri/Sat night -- there's going to be a Lack of interest in meeting her on your Booked Fri/Sat nights, if she's not seemingly a Great catch (but still solidly worthy of a first-meet-date in general).

I had no clue that men thought like that.

I think we (and women who are in the same position) haven't really thought of it, even though that's how it flows, to Some degree. I've talked to girls who were real cuties, but they'd be tied up for Fri/Sat nights. Those are ideal for me when they Are a great catch, because a better lengthier date where drinking and unwinding is had can lead to a more fruitful experience between you two. Many times those girls are very socially active nightlife gals having fun, and I'd only be an option on those nights if their weekend night was to be low-key (thus no 'plans-that-arent-really-plans' to cancel). They'd be willing to meet up during the week. Again, they haven't met me yet, and I'm not some Wow catch compared to them. Makes sense, right?
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 54
Dating Trend? Ladies please step forward!
Posted: 4/24/2016 3:59:15 PM



hemingway234

3) Look for guys who offer to pick you up from your home after you have met them. If you would feel more comfortable meeting them a second time rather than having them pick you up, that's fine, negotiate - but look for them to offer to pick you up.


A gentlemanly thing to do but, I don't think it is a good idea to offer to pick her up at her home before having gone out on a few dates first. A smart woman would definitely not accept the offer and, IMO, it comes across as being unreasonable given the obvious fact that the woman does not really know him. A woman should be cautious when dealing with anyone she doesn't know.




norwegianguy456

if you say some things about yourself, like "I like to be friends first," or "I don't sleep with a guy on the first date," that can turn them off -- even when they weren't banking on literally having sex with you on the 1st date (but a gal saying that cries out 'hoops' to jump thru in general)



A woman who makes it explicitly clear that she wants to get to know the man before being intimate with him is making the guy jump through hoops ? ... maybe gyms should add hoops to their equipment... for guys to get good at it, just in case "the one" would like to see her suitor's hoop-jumping abilities.




c) A date wasn't Really set in stone, but to you it was; to him it wasn't set in stone


Unless she is dating Moses, I don't think there is much chance of the date being set in stone. Past the biblical times, usually when two people agree on a date and time then they are supposed to show up as previously agreed upon.





Only being able to see a social guy for the 1st time on a Fri or Sat night isn't always the best.


Amazingly, "some" people have a life to take care of, such as a regular job among many other things. Fridays and Saturdays are usually the days that most "normal" people have available for other activities such as dating.




they may not want to sacrifice a fun Saturday night out on the town for a 1st date with Sally who's cute and all, but not out of his league or anything nor revealing signs that naughtiness would be sooner rather than later.


Sacrifice ?... sacrificial dating ? (I don't think even the Aztecs did that) ... are you saying that if the potential for a Friday or Saturday night stand isn't there then it is a "sacrifice" ?




Sure, you'll do it for a great catch.


How can it be established if she is a great catch without dating her ? ... or is the definition of "great catch" strictly based on her looks ?
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