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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into      Home login  
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 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 51
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date themPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
No.

MOSEKI.

MOney, SEx and KIds. How someone over 45 handled all 3 of these in a past LTR/any past LTRs is "likely" the main reason for their current living arrangements. They are likely still the main/root causes of two people in a Relationship deciding to go their separate ways.

But just ONE bad decision somewhere along the line in all those years and/OR extenuating circumstances completely beyond their control concerning Relatives of all kinds and BOOM. Living arrangements MIGHT change suddenly and drastically for the "worse". Unless one is sinfully rich and/or simply cold hearted. ALL Relationships will require sacrifice at some point. Life being fair is not an inalienable "right".

Like almost everything concerning OLD, [IMO] being completely Closed Minded and or seeing various issues as ONLY Black or White will likely result in a poor OLD experience. Every person is unique.

Thank goodness.

Recognizing that makes doing OLD far easier.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 52
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/23/2016 2:01:14 PM
Clooney, you did offer some constructive thoughts. What if the guy got life insurance from his deceased spouse, paid off his house, quit his job and then was looking to marry someone to get on her health insurance policy? Ulterior motives, yes. But I did check my policy and guess what?? If I remarry I lose my health insurance ( which is very inexpensive) unless the man is retired military or active duty. So, the guy you mentioned won't benefit from marrying me!

I will gladly pay for all our dates if I win the lottery. I will admit I did buy a lottery ticket recently when the jackpot was astronomical. Paid $9.00 for three numbers. Obviously I did not win. But the lottery ticket now makes a nice book marker.

Yes I do understand the reasoning behind putting one's status as " widowed" on dating sites in case scammers are trying to see if the widowed person had some life insurance from the deceased spouse. I have changed my status from widowed and back to single many times on here. I am on another dating site and there is no status for widowed, just divorced, single, in a relationship, etc. I do think some people perceive widowed people as in mourning, gullible and terribly lonely. Not always the case. I have never had a problem with "widowed" as my status on here; the other dating site is so full of flakes and scammers it is laughable. But I am changing my status on here back to single which is what I am.

Thanks for the input.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 53
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/23/2016 5:26:02 PM

But I am changing my status on here back to single which is what I am.


I can understand why one might not want to list their Marital Status as Widowed, But....
Singleness is like Virginity, once it's Gone, You can't get it back...
When You pick one of them, you're picking Your Legal Marital Status...

For myself, just as in Living Arrangements, I'll Judge this, Case by Case......
 StumbledN
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 54
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/24/2016 4:48:01 PM

Singleness is like Virginity, once it's Gone, You can't get it back...

Sure you can.
According to the IRS, you're either single, married, head of household, or qualifying widow(er) with dependent child. No mention of divorced on a 1040 .... I'm guessing because "divorced" is past tense. It's a legal action that took place in your past. And it makes you unmarried and single again. Simple.
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 55
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/24/2016 5:02:24 PM
I say "single" on here too. I think I put "widowed" on my tax return but that's about it. I am single, no one else is living here with me or making me dinner, doing my laundry or paying my bills.

And really, if you haven't had sex in two years, you're a "born again" virgin.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 56
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/25/2016 8:24:20 AM

Singleness is like Virginity, once it's Gone, You can't get it back...


It depends on your definition of Singleness-or more specifically, loss of singleness. There are a lot of people who live common-law, and live just like a married couple would. But legally, they are single. They can spend their entire lives living common-law, have 10 kids together, but they will always be legally single-even if they have their own version of a commitment ceremony instead of a government approved Christian wedding ceremony.

There are thousands of boat people daily who float around in the middle of the ocean in dinghy's, waiting to be rescued and start a new life in a western nation. Their only possession is the clothes on their back, and they have no ID. After they're picked up, the government that rescued them is just trusting them to give honest information about their names, birth dates, family members and marital status-if they came with what appears to be a spouse-since they have no way of proving or disproving any information given to them, including not knowing if they ever married-or at least properly married by western standards. Where are they on the Singleness scale?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 57
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/25/2016 10:23:36 AM

Lilydreams
I say "single" on here too. I think I put "widowed" on my tax return but that's about it. I am single, no one else is living here with me or making me dinner, doing my laundry or paying my bills.

And really, if you haven't had sex in two years, you're a "born again" virgin.


Is that now the accepted definition, 2 years? If so, then I am saddened to report that I have been "born again" a couple of times in my life.

But I am very happy to report that is NOT the case now!
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 58
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/25/2016 5:18:09 PM
I think there are lots of situations in which older people living with room mates is not weird. Some people like to have the company, some cities have insane housing costs. I also know people in my age group who have had to move in with parents to help them. I think it is very much situational.
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/19/2016
Msg: 59
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/25/2016 7:35:53 PM
I have a male acquaintance who is 50 years old. His permanent residence is a 25 foot travel trailer which he pulls with a Ford pickup truck. He's been married and divorced four times and says he will be living in the travel trailer the rest of his life. He has an older girlfriend in another city I believe she's in her 60s and usually goes and stays with her.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 60
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/25/2016 7:43:31 PM
^^^^
Do his exes live in houses?

Hahahhahaha
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/19/2016
Msg: 61
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/25/2016 7:53:37 PM
Don't know but it wouldn't surprise me if they did.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 62
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/25/2016 9:49:22 PM

If I didn't have my kids, I sure as heck wouldn't want to live in a house by myself. I'd either buy a condo or rent.

You'd pay more for a condo, pound for pound. Why would a condo be much different than a house, except being smaller? I can understand not wanting to live in a house OR condo out in the boonies (lonely). And living in a busy area when living alone is a good thing, house or condo. But living in an apartment complex / condo complex -- I don't see how that solves lonliness besides maybe hearing footsteps above or slammed doors once in a while, and the occasional monthly 'get together' it may or may not have.

Several women have admitted that they are turned off by renters, yet, some are receiving alimony or inherited the house after his death.

Turned off by renters, huh? Well, if one's still got a mortgage to pay -- they're basically renting, with owner's rights -- as long as they pay their landlord (bank). :) Hence, people getting livid when the bank takes their home, and have to be reminded it's not yours if you don't pay your monthly rent (loan). But I guess it's a positive-by-association thing. Of course for those middle-aged or more, when the kids are out, their next place probably isn't going to be like younger folks where they may only be there for 4-5 years where renting could be a smarter choice, depending on their options.

Of all the middle aged+ women I've finagled with, from college to now, I never ran into one who had a roommate... although in real big cities, I could see that would be more prevalent. Almost all the time it was an apartment or a house (with kids living in or kids moved out). When it came to them living alone in a house, there was never any desire expressed about feeling too alone. Of course, when they were bringing home younger guys, I guess that cured their loneliness. :)
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 63
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/26/2016 7:33:43 PM
Condo/apartment vs house - At the apartment,I don't have to take care of the yard and I have a pool which someone else takes care of. Maybe I'm too much of a fluff-bunny, but I have no idea how to even use a mower or a trimmer. I'd probably inflict terrible damage on myself.

Maybe that's why it doesn't matter too much to me what the living arrangements are for a person because a lot of times it's a preference or there's a priority behind the decision.
As long as the second date is not him moving in with me.
 13pearls
Joined: 5/7/2016
Msg: 64
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/11/2016 5:07:13 PM

But does it make or break a decision to date someone based on who they are currently living with?

YES! I used to be a believer in the "case by case" scenario... but I have been down that road, and won't go there again.

I have seen it from many angles, and bottom line, a relationship will not work if you aren't coming from similar places in life.
- If he is living with the folks or is sharing an apartment with someone, when/where do you get "alone" time? At your place?... thus making the relationship being conducted primarily out of your home? That does not make for a balanced relationship.
- If he cannot afford a place of his own and you can, again it creates an imbalance, and in my estimation, the relationship is doomed to fail.
- If he has adult children living with him, and yours are of similar ages but are on their own, it probably points to a different set of values.... again, probably not gonna work.

If a relationship is going to work, there has to be a certain amount of common ground... and if I am living in "single ground" I expect him to be to.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 65
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/12/2016 8:14:34 AM
Another living arrangement that can play a factor in a relationship is person's family dynamics. There are families where all family members live in the same area, same neighborhood, where a person's siblings and/or cousins could be next door neighbors, where they often gather and share meals together or just get together all of the time. It's probably more common is smaller communities, where ancestors owned a farm or large tract of land that was later divided up into house lots for the family members to build a house and raise a family in.

At first, it might seem like a cozy arrangement to an outsider, meeting someone in this situation-especially if a person doesn't have family close by or comes from a small family. But, at least for me, the lack of privacy and everybody knowing everybody else's daily business would outweigh the advantage of having everybody being close by. I think I would get antsy if a neighbor's house or a house close by me was for sale, and a family member was considering buying it.
 13pearls
Joined: 5/7/2016
Msg: 66
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 12:22:01 PM
I have to agree with you /\ /\ /\ maleman999/\ /\ /\ - I was in a long term relationship with a man whose cottage was next door to his uncle's. While it was great if only the uncle was home, every weekend, all summer long, there was all the cousins, in-laws, etc. next door. You could not have a fire or even a meal without them knowing (or asking) what you were doing. There was zero privacy, so if you wanted a romantic weekend away, it was definitely not there. While this was only a cottage, I cannot imagine what it would be like if it was the long-term, permanent living relationship.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 67
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 12:31:31 PM


I think that at the age of 45 it's very unusual to have a roommate.


To be honest, I've met a few female home owners that rented out rooms to help with their mortgage. Made sense to me. These few women actually preferred to date a renter with the hope he'd move in with her later and she could stop needing the roommates rent money.

I've also seen older (55+) women banding together with other older women or relatives to help each other out. Very humane if you ask me and I wouldn't be surprised if some of us end up in the same boat down the line.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 68
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 3:58:37 PM

It's nearly impossible to entertain with any amount of freedom if you have a roommate.

Depends on what you mean by entertain, and also the size of the place. If one lives in a spacious 3,000 sq foot house, I think it'd be pretty easy if said roommate's a good friend. If you're talking about 'romantic entertainment', yeah, it's going to be really difficult in just a 2 bedroom apartment. Or you could do the "There's Always Something In Philadelphia" move... bring a girl home to watch a movie and pizza, and have your roommate in the living room claim he can't go in his bedroom as there's a bee problem in there. So you bring her into your room to watch the movie. :)

Isn't that why people are dating- to fill that void of being alone, among other thubvs?

You don't need a Relationship to avoid being alone. Just an active social network IRL will do. It'd be sad to find out a GF only wanted to be in a relationship with ya because she didn't like being alone (but hey, learned to like ya -- for now?). I think some people, IMO gals more than guys, will go out on dates out of loneliness. It'd also be sad to find out a date was only willing out of loneliness... and having to pick up her tab 'cause I'm the guy. Of course, if I brought her home, even to a roommate who'd us out of the living room and into my bedroom, and fun things ensued -- then I wouldn't mind so much. ;)
 Unfinished_Chapter
Joined: 5/4/2016
Msg: 69
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 4:12:53 PM

IMO gals more than guys, will go out on dates out of loneliness. It'd also be sad to find out a date was only willing out of loneliness... and having to pick up her tab 'cause I'm the guy.


There's a whole contingent here that champions "dutch"....exactly how many times have you experienced the "lonely" date? Who on planet earth has ever had a date say.. "I only went out with you because I was lonely"? I'll guess.. NONE.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 70
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 4:46:54 PM

exactly how many times have you experienced the "lonely" date?

That her willingness/desire to go out on a date was driven by loneliness? I don't know. To say that's Never been, given the high number of 1st dates from gals who I don't know, would be pretty far out. I'd bet on a few past ones that came to mind, that that was the case though.

Who on planet earth has ever had a date say.. "I only went out with you because I was lonely"? I'll guess.. NONE.

Who ever says to a date "I think you're ugly in person, now that I've met you" or "I'm driven by trying to make my ex jealous?" -- or more commonly than the latter "I'm driven by loneliness to go out on this date"? Very very very very few. What someone says is different than how they/think feel.
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 4/29/2016
Msg: 71
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 5:39:26 PM
The home I purchased in my late 20's was as an investment. I did not have help from the father of my children; he passed away. It is currently a rental due to the high taxes (which I really cant afford alone), here in the NY area. I stay in the garage studio my family, and I once used as a quiet place for visiting relatives. Dates find this very strange, but I am not here enough to lose great tenants Ive had for 15 years. Other homes I have had over the years I was either living with someone (with my late fiancé- it was his), renting, or buying. I tend to travel a LOT, so room mates are a good option.

For me this is a very big issue. Financial security is something I have worked very hard to attain, and even my children will say I worked too much. I wasn't always around to be the best parent, but they always had what they needed. I sacrificed a LOT to have the comfort of knowing I have property to sell and comfortably retire. Most of my life was spent being self employed, so it is all I really have.

So by golly Im not putting myself in the position of jeopardizing my retirement. Period. Ive buried both the men Ive loved in life, and Im just fine living alone for the rest of my life. Its not so much where someone lives, but how secure they are financially. Someone deep in debt is certainly not the one for me. I am a very responsible spender, quite minimalistic, and have never lived outside my means. I can respect the choices others make as to where they choose to reside, but I do not have to respect their personal spending habits. There are some great men still in my life I no longer date because of this very issue. Just like men don't want to drag around a boat anchor, there are many women that don't either. Water seeks its own level.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 72
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 5:46:42 PM
The implication that someone is in debt because they rent or have room mates is interesting.

Well, not really.

Another reason to put check boxes indicating Own/Rent, Room mates and White/Blue Collar on profiles.


 Unfinished_Chapter
Joined: 5/4/2016
Msg: 73
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 6:11:51 PM

to say that's Never been, given the high number of 1st dates from gals who I don't know, would be pretty far out. I'd bet on a few.



I bet you would considering that was your insinuation. No basis for that, but since you think it's happened it has to be a given at least hypothetically.


What someone says is different than how they/think feel


Really? So we'll just assume lonely was the real reason regardless of what they actually may have said.

If you were remotely the lady killer and dating aficionado you would like others to believe, you wouldn't be here, you'd be out doing instead of talking. Just a wannabe talking out the arse on virtually every aspect of the female perspective on dating....and at excruciatingly great lengths. Little over the top for a 5. ;)
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 4/29/2016
Msg: 74
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 8:54:58 PM
I will have to disagree with the check box thing. Just because I date a man doesn't mean I want a long term relationship with him. It means I enjoy his company. Falling in love doesn't always happen thank goodness; you cant force chemistry. I find most men I have dated want BAM! chemistry, and a ready made relationship. In the dating process I will still remain smart enough to protect what I have worked my entire life for. There are only three things I look for when dating. #1- They have to be a practicing Christian. #2- If they have children, they must be independent adults (mine are; its a matter of place in life). #3- They have to have financial security.

I read many threads about all kinds of things. It doesn't matter to me if someone is short, fat, bald, bla blah bla.....
If we get along, we enjoy each others company, we can agree on things we find important, I'll give love a chance. What do I have to lose? Time? Really now. Im twice a widow, although I was never married. Maybe one day I might want to wear a dress. Im starting to change my mind set on that one.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 75
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 5/13/2016 8:58:49 PM
I don't see many threads mentioning a man seeking 'financial security'.

Or 'solvent'.

But you'll stuff your face with Sea Bass or a bottle of wine at sunset.

Spare me the bullsh!t

If getting laid meant something, I'd be off the dating sites already.

YMMV
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