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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How can i ask my co worker out?      Home login  
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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 24
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How can i ask my co worker out?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

My first response would be never EVER date someone you see around work

I don't think it's an absolutist rule at all. I think err'ing Toward that notion is a good idea of course. But if it's someone working in a different dept in a big company, who you've rarely noticed before, I believe in the Possibility. IMO, it's best to only do so if you two click really well when mingling outside work, and both approach it (verbally discussed) to approach it cautiously. Kind of like dating someone in your social circle. Bringing this awareness and everything to prevent a Bad breakup is a good idea. It will also make each person pay attention to their Ps and Qs and avoid 'games' too, as a by-product of approaching it with caution and no-big-expectations.

Situation, Bobby & Sally meeting at a local bar near the big company:
Bobby: Oh, you work for ABC Co too? What Dept?
Sally: Accounting, what about you?
Bobby: Oh, I work in the tech department. Rarely see/deal with you guys. We probably crossed paths.
Sally: Yeah
[....fruitful conversation goes on for a good long while, flirting happens, good chemistry....]
Bobby: You seem like a great gal Sally. At the risk of sounding forward, since we do have work ties, I'd like to take ya out sometime. But no big expectations at all..
Sally: Yeah, that does make it a little (giggle) complicated... I would like to, and yeah we wouldn't want to ruffle feathers.
Bobby: Exactly. Hey, no expectations. Even if we're the worst compatible match in the world as a couple, our main goal is to be on genuine friendly terms, first and foremost. We just bear in mind that it's different than just another guy or gal we met at the bar.
Sally: Agreed. And hey, it's just a date. No expectations should really be had anyway, right?
Bobby: Exactly. (smile)

I think the concept should be reiterated when it Actually comes into play, if they start going out on dates and begin to be datING. At that point, they can have interesting/fruitful talk about stuff.

OP:

For the past week, I've been trying to get his attention by talking to him more but I haven't been getting back any signs that he's romantically interested in me .

By default, realize a guy's NOT going to want to chase a girl at work just by her being cheery/happy around him. He's going to need more than that. I would say stick to that at work, but at the GYM, bump into him and just tell him that you wonder if he'd like to grab a drink some time after work. That's it. See what he says. :)

The under-the-same-roof thing throws out the concept of boy-has-to-always-ask-girl-out.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 25
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/25/2016 12:15:58 PM
Well, since the agenda seems pretty clear, this is how you can go about it.

1. Go job hunting for another job, secure that job, pass probation at that job.
2. Reach out to the guy in question and ask him out...you know...like "would like to go to blah blah place on Friday night at 7pm?"

or.........you can use common sense and simply forget about him and put your job before anyone and anything.

I've done it plenty of times, I've chosen my job over any slight interest (whether mutual or not). I've turned out co-workers, supervisors, students, patients. You name it, I've turned it down. I like total strangers, that's why I always good at meeting strangers on the internet I knew nothing about. That's how I like it. My last 2 boyfriends (plus current) were fished from online. No conflict of interest (as long as they did not attend the University I work for, the Rehab I work for, etc).

I'm not sure I understand the whole allure of the "co-worker", I always thought it was the lazy approach to dating. It requires no effort to look a few feet away, flirt, get to know them, and you know the rest. Where's the challenge or mystery in that? In Spanish, we call that approach as "a ti te gustan los mangos bajitos", meaning something who goes for low hanging fruit, because it's easy.

It is generally not a good idea to mix pleasure with business, something gets compromised. Then when things don't work out or he starts acting weird, and you feel rejected, you're not even going to want to be at work.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 26
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/25/2016 3:55:15 PM
No caga donde come? Ups, that is an English expression.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/25/2016 4:06:30 PM
What happens if he turns you down if you ask him out, or you go out a few times but it doesn't work out? Are you going to feel comfortable seeing him around at work?
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 28
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/26/2016 9:03:40 AM
Maybe I should have omitted the fact that we work for the same company?So that way people would actually answer my question on how to pursue it other than giving me lectures on why I shouldn't date a co-worker.-Its getting redundant at this point.

That said,I've had 4 co workers ask me out within the last few years I've been working for this company.I wasn't intrested in any of them so I politely turned them down.We're still cordial towards one another--no awkwardness or tension.


MY sister is married to her co worker and they have 2 children.I also know people that are married or in a relationship with someone they had worked with..I don't think I should miss out a chance just because we work together.My interest in him eclipses the risk .Even if he turns me down,I'll know where I stand,I'll get over it.

On the other hand,I dated a co worker few years ago at different company.The relationship didn't work .We stayed friendly towards one another--no problems.Things are not always black and white
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 29
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/26/2016 9:35:01 AM
"Then today, when he saw me he was like" I made myself some hamburger yesterday when I got home because of you"




To which you could've responded with something like " Well, maybe we should go get a burger together , sometime ? "


Next time he says something, take the opportunity to say something similar to suggest some kind of date.


Maybe he's shy and waiting for you to give him a crystal clear sign ?
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 30
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/26/2016 9:37:38 AM
It's definitely not black and white. A job more important than a partner? One of my coworkers quit our job and got another because we have too much overtime and her husband wanted her home. She said: I can get another job any day, but my husband is my husband.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 31
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/26/2016 9:47:37 AM
And maybe you should branch out of work to find someone to date, instead of looking for romance at work. Work is for work.

I work at a rehab, it seems perfectly normal for patients to seek romantic relationships while they just got out of detox and they are starting their journey in recovery. So instead of focusing in the discomfort of having to now live a different life, they leap for what's comfortable, shifting the focus to seeking romantic relationships with another train wreck who also doesn't have it together yet. After all, it seems merely a coincidence they all happen to be there, right? Those kinds of relationships are just as frowned upon as people meeting up at work and starting relationships on company time.

So what if it seems a regular thing that there are no boundaries where you work? That's not an excuse to promote that kind of behavior. But since you are hell bent on making this mistake, just ask him out, plain and simple. It shouldn't be too hard, its not like others haven't asked you out at work, right? So use the same approach they used on you.
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 32
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/26/2016 10:17:25 AM
@Butterchickenchuck,thanks that's good idea...I'll use that opportunity next time.I can't directly quote you for some reason
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 33
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/26/2016 10:34:11 AM
"@Butterchickenchuck,thanks that's good idea"




COURSE IT'S A GOOD IDEA !


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-iWe4qXUD8



; )


Good luck !
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 34
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/26/2016 10:38:49 AM
OP, lecturing is common on this board. :)

Butterchickenchuck offers a good suggestion!
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 35
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/27/2016 1:45:25 PM
Here's reality.

One third of people that get married, did so by being introduced by a friend, online dating is taking about another third and the last third, guess what it is. Yes, you guess it. Work.

I would tread carefully if they work on your same department and YOU happen to be their supervisor. But even if they did exactly what you did, but for different accounts and they didn't report to you. Go for it.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 36
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 4/30/2016 3:01:53 PM
Like people have said, if you do date and then breakup, it's gonna be torture when you have to see him at work everyday. Don't poop where you eat.

If you are still intent on catching him...... doll yourself up, wear a bright colored dress, such as yellow or red..... walk by him, drop something, bend over to pick it up and put your butt in his face.

If that does not work, he's dead.
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 37
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 5/11/2016 8:05:32 PM
UPDATE

So I finally saw him today after 28 days off from work due of an unexpected injury .
'
The first thing he said was "hey where have you been?"its nice to see you".Then I proceeded to explain to him the reasons why I was absent. Then he said again that" It is good to see me back".We chatted briefly and I asked him if he has been at the gym lately and he said he hasn't been in 2 months because of other obligations,then I told him that he still looks great so no worried ...he didn't get to answer my compliment because other co workers showed to ask me about work related issues.At that point he had to go back to his department.


I was just wondering because some of my co workers were indifferent about absence ..they didn't really question me about it.He even said"you haven't been around for almost a month now huh?Not to mention that we work in different departments and we run into each other few times a week.We work in a big building.The fact that he noticed my absence raised my suspicion

Opinions?
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 38
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 5/11/2016 8:35:27 PM
Things haven't moved far. Please update us again in 6 months.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 5/11/2016 10:01:02 PM

he didn't get to answer my compliment because other co workers showed to ask me about work related issues.At that point he had to go back to his department.

Geeeez. :) Okay, realize that "tradition" of "boy makes first move" is out the window in the workplace (see lawsuits & complaints as just one example). It's not a traditional environment to delve into, therefore there is no boy-makes-first-moves game to be played. You're on equal footing, sister. :) And it's supposed to be that way.

So, in essence, you can't rely on him. You have to show him you like him in-that-way if he doesn't, which gals will still do a lot IRL anyway. You could have jokingly razzed him in a tongue-in-cheek way by Sarcastically saying "Well, you could have hit me up and helped nurse me back on my feet -- a lot less time & effort than a bunch of weights. I'm not That heavy am I? (wink)". Planting the seeds via harmless flirtation. It's called feeling out someone out. Try to be in the same spot as much as ya feasibly can... make direct eye contact and smile openly. Do that for a while until you see a comfortable opening when a lot of people aren't close around (you don't have to be in an empty cellar by any means), and just ask him if he'd like to grab some lunch (if it's around/near lunch time) or a drink after work to shoot the sh!t. Meaning, in a casual, non-chalant way -- as if he's a guy you do know better in the office that you don't really consider any more than an office friend.

You just can't sit on your hands and wait for him to rush toward you. :)
 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 40
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 5/24/2016 9:55:29 PM

The first thing he said was "hey where have you been?"its nice to see you".


He sounds interested in you to me. He noticed you were gone for a long time and missed your little encounters. Just come straight out and ask him to lunch or coffee (burnt bean water). You don't have to mention it being a date or that you have a school girl crush on him. "I think it would be cool if we..." or "Would you like to go get a cup..." etc etc.

I remember there was this girl that I flirted with at work for the longest time. She would get extremely nervous when I talked to her and turn red and start to shake a little. Like if she was drinking from a cup, you could see her hand visibly shake. I thought it was the most adorable thing until it started to make me nervous too.

If it turns into something, it turns into something, if it doesn't it doesn't.
 Telly986
Joined: 5/13/2015
Msg: 41
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How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 6/2/2016 9:31:23 AM
Thank you guys for your replies .Yesterday, I ran into him in the stairway on my way back to my floor after my lunch.I said hey and asked him if he's on his lunch to which he replied yes.Then proceeded to tell me that he is going to grab a sandwhich at the food court across the street.I then said "enjoy"Then he asked me if I'm taking my lunch as well and I said 'unfortunately I just finished and I have to go back on my floor...I was already running late.He looked disappointed and said "OH NO! i think he wanted to ask me to go with him.


The thing is, it is rather difficult to talk to him given we work different departments. Whenever I do run into it's either I'm in hurry to go back on my floor or he's busy with a client. Somedays I don't see him at all.He also takes his lunch time different from mine. I'm unable to take my lunch at the same as his since we work in completely different departments.So I'm going to give him my number tomorrow if I do see him.If I don't see him during work hours ,would that be okay if I wait for him when he fishes work?.I finish an hour before him...so if I wait for him after my shift and wait outside our building to give him my number? I don't want to make him uncomfortable ?
 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 42
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 6/2/2016 9:51:27 AM
^^I wouldnt hang around an extra hour to wait for him. He may think thats weird. Why not just call his desk phone near the end of your shift to suggest meeting for a drink?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 43
How can i ask my co worker out?
Posted: 6/2/2016 10:19:56 AM
Don't wait outside like a stalker

Try this instead :

Wait a considerable distance from the door he exits from, when you see him coming out the door, begin to walk toward him with your head down, look up and act surprised to see him and say something like " oh hi ! I forgot something at my desk . What are you up to ? "

Or, as Irish suggested, find out his work number and call him. Maybe pretend to be a customer with a funny voice when he first answers just to get a laugh.
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