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 AUTHOR
 LAEPF
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 18
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I came into this late and it appears you have made some changes already. I like all your pics, my favorite is the one of you in front of the statue. Maybe switch it up on occasion..as far as the main picture goes.

Whoever commented on your hair, ignore. Your hair style looks great. I see outdated and/or sloppy hairstyles all over POF, every day and you do not have one, in my opinion.

I think it's a great profile. You write well, I think you talk about your accomplishments in a humble way and I think you will have success. It takes time, that's what I'm finding.

Are you messaging women? If so, are they responding?

Leslie:)
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 20
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/2/2016 8:07:14 AM
If trendy bars work better for you, then I would do that.

For me, I met two men in real life in the same time span that I met almost 100 men from online dating sites.

I still think that if you do have an online profile, it would behoove you to put your best foot forward and have a number of recent, well-lit, attractive pictures doing various activities. I think your write up is great. Your pictures are only ok.

It also helped me to remember that I only needed one.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 22
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/2/2016 8:32:54 AM
I think your first two pictures are fine, and I think the other two are great, too, but they don't look as if they're recent. If they're older than a year or so (some people say six months), they're too old.

You mentioned friends, can't you ask a friend to go out with you and a camera and do some things and have him/her take some pictures?

When a friend of mine needed pictures for online dating, I took 80 or 100 pictures of her over a few days in a few different outfits and she used the best of them for her profile.

I'm just trying to help you. You sound like a great, interesting guy!
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 23
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/2/2016 9:54:23 AM
Hey Eric,

The 2 new pics look so much better--especially the hair!
Always consider your photos a work in progress and remember to take a couple of minutes to have someone snap a few whenever you're out, especially if you're doing an activity. I realize taking pics of each other is not a guy thing, but work at it.
Outdoor active pics always get more attention than indoor selfies. Now that everything is green outside go out and take a bunch of pics--you only need to get 1 or 2 really good shots.

(As an aside to Leslie--I was the one who commented on the previous hairstyle and since you have no idea what I was addressing, it is better to say nothing than comment negatively on that which you know nothing.)

Eric, you still need a tidbit that shows your personality and sets you apart...something that draws her in and makes you memorable.
I find the best way to do that is to relate a story that is funny or interesting.

Your statistics are about average for a man in OLD, but there are ways to increase your message responses and meets.
2 of the male reviewers here (average looking guys) have well above average results and I hope they come along to give you tips.
In your age group, the ratio of M to F is close to even, so you should be getting better results. Often, everybody (both genders) is competing for the attention of the very best looking instead of the best matches, so keep that in mind when you send messages.
Yes, it is a numbers game, but you shouldn't have to send 500 messages to get 1 meet. That means you're doing something wrong.

I believe you will have better results with having improved photos.

This is something I'd like you to think about:
I'm looking for a woman who appreciates a strong decisive guy who believes first and foremost in mutual respect. She is curious at heart and enjoys getting out and exploring the world together. Maybe she has kids, or wants them, or maybe not. She appreciates an articulate man with a natural ability to express his thoughts & ideas, and why he feels that way. Could this be you? Please let's not message/email into oblivion, but let's chat for a bit to get comfortable, and then enjoy a relaxing zero-pressure meet-up over coffee/drinks to see if there's potential for a connection.
In telling about the woman you seek, you made it solely about you, not her. It's self indulgent.
No need to dictate the evolution leading to a first meet, either. Your frustration is showing and it comes off as controlling.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 25
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/2/2016 12:23:48 PM

For me, before I message a woman, I don't just look at her photos-- I read her entire profile text


Really? Even the ones whose pictures you don't find attractive. Maybe you're writing to women you find unattractive, but if you do, you're definitely in the minority. So, out of 100 random profiles, how many are you messaging? More than 50? More than 25? Because that's the same selection process.

The woman you're writing to is one YOU selected based on your attraction to her picture and/or write up. To her, you're just a random guy, just like all those random women to whom you didn't write.

It's really beginning to sound as if you're angry and frustrated with the whole process. When I got to that point, it usually helped me to take a break. Or maybe OLD is just not for you.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 26
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/2/2016 12:27:24 PM
Well Eric
Here's the deal - women gets lots of messages, and there are a lot of Men your age range here on POF. So of course people can't tell about your personality etc from a photo, they can however decide if they fancy you enough to respond to your message :)
If pictures were not so important they would be at the BOTTOM of the profile page, correct?
Did you think by joining a free site and putting up a profile that she would just appear? If you are that naive then perhaps on line isn't for you.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 28
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/2/2016 8:39:20 PM

that nothing much happens anymore.


BINGO !

You should have been around in the glory days.


This leaves a person wondering, for all these women whom I find interesting enough to strike up a conversation with: where I spend my time reading their profile text, and I spend my time writing a thoughtful message-- 95% of them are so uninterested in my message and profile that they have absolutely nothing to say? My opinion is that it's totally unrealistic to get any kind of reading on someone by STATIC photos and STATIC text-- you have to *interact* with someone. Without *interaction*, you have NO IDEA what another person is like. Without interaction, how are these women making their decision on who to date? I guess it's based primarily a static photo, and that's about it-- it's obviously not based on any interaction.

Obviously I don't expect every woman I message to be interested in interacting with me, hell I don't even expect 50% to be interested, but the magnitude of disinterest that men experience from women is astonishing to me. Of course it's true that lightning does strike periodically and lotteries are won from time to time, but do I really have to count on lottery-level luck to find someone who will interact with me at a deep enough level where we can make an honest judgement about each other? I prefer endeavors where I can create my own luck, and thus far online dating has not proven to be in that category.



Tough crowd here--


Yeah, you opened a can of worms AND struck a nerve with that soliloquy.


Lol, no I'm not angry or naive.


It's even more LOL when you read the details of some of the track records on here.


All my friends and family are astounded that I have such difficulty finding someone, given the overwhelming number of women available in various online dating sites. They look at me and say: "You have a successful career, you're reasonably attractive, you're intelligent and have interesting hobbies, you're articulate and can carry on a good conversation, you exercise and work out and have a great physique-- how is it possible that no one is interested?" And I just smile and tell them, "I dunno, it is what it is!" :D


I will tell you what it is.

One group of women taking it so seriously that they will not make anything happen.

And one group of women not taking it seriously enough to make anything happen.


Hey didn't Seinfeld say that 95% of the population is undateable--


"UNDATEABLE !"

Elaine: "Then how are all these people getting together?"

Jerry: "Alcohol".


So, either something is wrong with the system,


The success of any system depends on all of those involved using the system properly.


Anyways, my fault for digressing.


Not a problem.

But back on the topic of review and advice here, the best advice I can give a guy for online dating is to use as much clean humor as possible in profile and messages, and hope it starts to get appreciated again soon like it used to be years ago.
I was there when it was.

Final note:

Is it just me, or does anyone else see the Chuck Norris resemblance in the main pic showing here?
 LAEPF
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 29
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/2/2016 9:38:34 PM
Are pictures important? Obviously, yes. But there is so much focus on this thread on your pictures (get one outside with greenery, take out the ones that are not recent) etc., that I honestly don't think the problems you are having have anything to do with your pictures. I still like the one with you in front of the statue though.

I like what fullmoonguy said about good, clean humor. I think he is spot on. The catch though is it has to really be funny and not cheesy.

Stats show that women do get messaged more than men. However, I think men are led to believe our in boxes are overflowing so much so, that we can literally sign up for POF and be married in a week's time! Just my opinion, but I think it is a marketing ploy. My inbox is not so full I am afraid to open it. However, we are talking quantity vs. quality. I'd rather have less than have hundreds of shirtless guys with beer in hand.

Your problem may lie simply in the messaging. I have answered some messages from guys whose profile pictures were just so-so but they sent killer first messages. The key for me is simple sincerity. A lot of times guys (and I've been guilty of this too) pick out a bunch of stuff from your profile because that's what they have been told to do, and try to BOND over it. Like traveling. They'll say, I see you like to travel, so do I! What are your favorite places to travel to? ( Everyone likes to travel. So, it doesn't come across as genuine to me.)

Personally, the best messages I have gotten, and this has only happened 2 or 3 times, went something like this: "Hi, my name is (whatever). I liked your profile, it was really interesting and you seem pretty cool. If you see something you like in mine feel free to write back, I'd love to hear from you." The last one like this also mentioned he likes 'shenanigans' too which I listed as an interest. That alone told me he 'gets me'.

Why don't you throw some samples down of your messages and let us critique those? Maybe give a little back story on each without divulging too much information?

Leslie:)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 31
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/3/2016 6:28:05 AM
It was thoughtful. However you didn't ask her a question for her to reply to - and like I said be more confident.. example
looking forward to talking to you instead of if you are interested I'd love to hear from you.
Since people go on dates, find a LT partner here and marry from here it has to work, but not as FMG said like it may have in the glory days.
Best messages I have gotten were off beat and funny.
Been with the same Man I met here nearly 3 years..
His opening message was it's a beautiful day let's go to the Beach. So I went :/
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 32
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/3/2016 7:01:59 AM
Right. No question. Nothing to respond to.


Hi [name omitted]-- Love your clever profile approach. It turns out I'd much rather cook than clean! And I wouldn't say you're intimidating at all actually-- a good intellectual debate is healthy for the mind. In fact, I appreciate that you're intelligent and educated. Love to hear back from you if you find my profile interesting!
-Eric


I'm surprised you missed a good opportunity. She loves a good intellectual debate, likes to clean but doesn't like to cook.
What do you do ? ... fail to challenge her.

I would have written. "Huh? What? You love to clean but hate to bake? How can this be? I love to cook and here's my top three reasons why cooking is more fun than cleaning ...." Then you list them out (and her profile consists of a list, so you're appealing to how she thinks, as well. First one might be "Dust doesn't taste good". And end with "So. Can you think of even a single reason why cleaning is preferable to cooking?"

I had a decent profile, decent pictures, but always took my time to think a first message through.
 Scaretale
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 33
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/3/2016 8:26:14 AM
Dude - you have no edge. :-)

Not to mention your profile comes across as very boasting:

"Unabashedly un-pigeonholeable"
"Handyman Incarnate"
VP of a group of engineers
"Kid prodigy"

Etc...

I'm not a girl. Maybe it reads different to the other gender? but to me it's kinda a turn off. Also, scrap the details about how awesome you are and your titles, and make her laugh. Be humble. Challenge her. Stand out.

I'm not saying change who you are. Be you. Just...learn to throw some curve balls. Add some mystery. You tell her everything in your profile because you're trying too hard to pimp yourself...it's boring. It's boring to know everything.

And your message....ack...more unabashedly predictable-ness....


Example:

If I see a girl whose profile I'm interested in, and she's in a photo with her mom, I'll say something like:

Hey, NAME - You have a really nice profile. I really like the pic of you and your mom. She's pretty cute - is she single? lol

100% response rate from that line.

You're in....you're out. Don't get in your own way by rambling on about adult crap like intellectual connections. lol That'll come later. Think of it like fishing...you just want a bite...a response. Reeling it in comes after that. You still need a better profile though, because the first thing they will do after getting a fun message is check out your profile to see if it backs up the quirky message.

I'm not saying YOU'RE boring. You are a very attractive guy, who has his life together, and it seems like you lead a very adventuresome life. Your online persona is what needs a makeover. :-)
 Scaretale
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 35
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/3/2016 12:56:18 PM
It's tough bro - you're competing against thousands of guys' pics and messages.

You can't be average. You have to walk this delicate balance of edgy, opinionated, fun, humble, flirty, bf-worthy, nice guy (without being too nice), confident, funny, sometimes jerky, different...all without crossing any lines that might make you fall into the needy/creepy guy bucket. And even when you do get it perfect...things just don't work out sometimes.

Unless you're just really hot, and then all you need is a profile that doesn't mess things up for you. lol

It takes time to figure it out :-)
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 38
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/3/2016 6:19:24 PM
You turn the 9 upside down and put it in front of the 4. 64 = 41 + 23.


I don’t stay inside the lines like I’m supposed to.


I would have said "I never colored inside the lines".

I don't think I'd include math problems in my dating profile.
 LAEPF
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 39
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/4/2016 11:08:51 PM
SO much better! I love what both scaretale and chromis had to say. I'm biased though because scaretale's profile is my number one fave on POF so far. Maybe until I meet Mr. Perfect Profile, lol.

Yes, take out the math problem. I suck at math and when people throw those things on Facebook and everyone else is going, 'piece of cake' and I'm going, 'I don't get it' it makes me feel stupid.

I don't know about adding the Vietnam scenario. It's very interesting but borders on boasting in my opinion. Like scaretale was saying, there is a balance of humble, funny, aggressive without being offensive, compassionate without being needy etc. that men and women all go through here.

While I was okay with your message, after reading the comments I think you may have missed an opportunity to be witty. Think: BANTER. Basically, it's just light, flirty teasing with a little seriousness thrown in on occasion just so you don't look like an a**hole.

Great revamp! I'd like to hear what everyone else says.

Leslie:)
 Scaretale
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 40
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41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/5/2016 9:00:23 AM
Awww...Leslie...you're too sweet!

We should have lunch sometime if one of us comes up to Denver or goes down to the Springs. We could do Joan Rivers-like fashion police commentary on profiles together :-P
 LAEPF
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 41
41 YO guy soliciting profile criticism-- Hammer away!
Posted: 5/6/2016 12:35:52 AM
Ha, ha, ha scaretale, I just watched an Amy Schumer sketch where she hijacked this chick's cell phone, pretended she was her, and proceeded to banter, reject and roast dudes on Tinder or was it OKC? Hysterical!

Actually, this profile review thing has helped me more than anything else. I'm gearing up to 'make initial contact' with this guy and I'm now more determined than ever to just be my sarcastic self.

Leslie:)

PS- I do love coffee, which is a direct consequence of all these late nights on the POF profile reviews.
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