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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?      Home login  
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 no_to_usernames
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 76
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
bamagrl68 - I have met other people, I have dated, etc etc etc. I have TRIED to move on. The problem is, sometimes the moving on by meeting other people actually backfires. It makes me realise more how much I love her etc, sometimes.

Hence why I have been asking for the opinions of people who have held love for someone for a long time who they are not with. Someone earlier was saying they've had a "the one" every 10 years for about 40 years. Clearly not grasping the question of the thread at all. I have been wanting opinions of others who have been in my position. Who have moved on, but even still remain in love with an ex.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 77
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What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 4:52:17 AM
Of the people i actually did 100% fall in live with. Im still in love with all of the exs who ended it with me. Im not in love with any that i ended it with. Not sure what thats about, self esteeme? How do u deal with it? U cry, u carry on and go through the motions confident that this phase will pass and u will fall in love again with someone else.
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 78
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 5:27:32 AM
Lot different trying to reconnect with "the one" and chasing a woman who never had interest in the first place. I do not believe in the theory people want what they can't have. That's stupid thinking.

I do get the op and where he is coming from...and gave him the best advice possible. Take his best shot while at the same time maintaining his dignity and if it doesn't work out..move on. Whining and staying in place is the worst of all worlds.
 no_to_usernames
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 79
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 5:39:55 AM
I went to her house 3 weeks ago for my closure as she had been emailing me at work but then a friend of mine had seen her with someone shopping. She told me she was in a relationship and its facebook official etc. We have had times apart in the past where she would date and be seeing people. She did get back with her ex for a week once when she was in a bad place but never anything with anyone for an extended period of time or putting hearts underneath their pictures like she is doing now. Due to these cycles its hard to ever let go. She told me I was the one 2 hours before we split and within a week she is with someone else and it has lasted 4 1/2 months so far. So i think this isnt a rebound. This relationship just doesnt make any sense to me for a number of reasons but it has surprised me it has got this far, so maybe I am totally wrong.

Of course I want to move on but words are easy and we cant control our emotions/heart.
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 80
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 5:50:29 AM
You can control your actions though...if you believe she has no interest, it makes it easy to move on. Just start dating other women. Being obsessed over a woman who is no longer interested is just dumb. I'm beginning to believe she sees you as too clingy. That is death to a relationship. Women hate that. Move on. Date others. She may come back, but if not..it shouldn't be hard to fall in love with another women you are regularly having sex with. And at your age, the desire for sex should trump lost love. So love again.
 no_to_usernames
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 81
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 6:01:42 AM
Last year (during our longest split) I was seeing a girl for ust over 5 months who was much younger than me who was absolutely stunning. During and after (shall we say) I thought about my ex, mostly. Eventually I had to break it off as I couldn't commit to her as much as she needed. I'm scared of that happening again because I did really like her and did miss her a lot for a while.
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 82
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 8:01:34 AM
My friend, there is nothing like being with a younger...stunning girl if she is in love with you. Don't give up so easily next time, assuming there is a next time. Are you going to let this lost love ruin your life?
 no_to_usernames
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 83
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 9:53:34 AM
My life has lost all meaning without her. I need some time to find myself again. Find what makes me happy and discover myself and what I want from life. Its only 3 weeks since I found out she has a new boyfriend. Previously its taken me 8 weeks to 8 months to 'recover'. I just need some time to pass at the minute.

I might even just go work in Dubai....
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 84
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 10:21:21 AM
I got to tell you, although I understand what you feel . . . this is nuts. It doesn't matter how much you think you were in love with her, if she does not love you, if she rejects you . . . then there is no reason it should not be easy to get over her. I don't see pining away for a girl who never was in love with you to begin with. If she was in love with you, if you were the one, then she will ALWAYS be in love with you. Women NEVER fall out of love with THE ONE. They move on for practical reasons but that is a different issue. So your job is to make sure she knows you are going to move on and this is the time for her to make a decision. If you were not the one for her . . . .then understand this: SHE WAS NOT AND NEVER WAS WORTH YOUR GOOD THOUGHTS.

You can't make somebody love you. Either she does or she doesn't. If you gave it your best shot, you close this chapter of the book and you move on to the next Chapter. If you don't understand this . . . if you are pining away for a girl to whom you were never all that important, than you really do need therapy because you are now going beyond something even I understand.

There is no way anyone CAN BE THE ONE if they never loved you to begin with. BEING THE ONE requires a bonding unlike any other and that never happens without love. NEVER.
 no_to_usernames
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 85
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 12:24:38 PM
She did love me - I know that and I believe that. I know she did, I saw it in her eyes. During our final argument I said some hurtful things to her - which will have killed the love for me. But I did see it in her eyes the next day and she was emailing me at work for a while afterwards. I know she will feel something for me. But she has made the practical decision to move on. I have been in this 'place' with her before and there is absolutely nothing I can say or do to change her mind or win her over, NOTHING!!! I've tried before, believe me I've tried.

We now go our different paths and I know it is over for now. There's my problem...thinking this 'for now'. I love her and cant let go because we've got back together so many times before and I know she does feel for me. My ex ex, when she moved on I know it was truly over as the love wasn't 2 way. But this ex is different. She goes back to ex's, she's more emotional with her actions in the end. Part of the being not able to let go is because I know we loved each other, because I know she goes back to ex's and because we've broken up so many times before. The only way I am going to get over her is to meet someone else, I think.
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 86
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 3:14:59 PM
Your best revenge is to go out, find somebody else and be happy. Women hate to see their x's happy. It goes against their nature to think they can be replaced. They would rather you pout about them and be miserable. And don't be surprised if she does her best to interfere in any new relationship you find, even if she has no intention of being involved with you again.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 87
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 4:05:49 PM
Lol yeah let's project everything on the girl now.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 88
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 4:35:46 PM
Raise hill, thanks for the chuckle

While I agree that you have described how SOME women behave ( only about 98%, haha ) , I have actually encountered some mature , secure woman who DON'T behave this way.


No really, it's true


Seriously



No dude, I'm being serious


I really am
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 89
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/14/2016 5:14:18 PM
Thank you, Butterchickenchuck,
There is nothing like a man OR a woman who make a statement, about the opposite gender as if they KNOW for a fact how EVERY man or woman thinks/acts/behaves, based on THEIR past experience.

Not once have I sought to interfere in the life of an ex.
I know I'm not the only person, who believes an ex, is an ex for a reason.
When love turns sour, it becomes toxic.
Some people are addicted to toxic/drama/chaos, because it feels "Normal".

Give me peace and harmony.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 12/2/2015
Msg: 90
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/15/2016 7:51:54 AM
I've only ever had one ex and when I decided to leave...I could have cared less who he hooked up with.
In fact, before I had gotten all of my stuff from his house.....he had another moved in...lol.
When I knocked at the door she answered...I introduced myself, told her I needed my golf cart returned and then I wished her "luck".

I actually chuckled to myself....He was the type who couldn't go without a woman to care for him.
Have to give it to her...apparently she hung in there for 4 years...off and on.
Slow learner..
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 91
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/16/2016 8:01:03 AM

I've only ever had one ex and when I decided to leave...I could have cared less who he hooked up with.


I'm talking about a relationship where the woman actually loved the man but decides to move on (as opposed to the typical non-loving relationship so many are in). These women move on but don't want the guy to move on because they abhor the idea he will love somebody other than themselves.

Why do women move on from a guy they love . . . I would say one typical reason is because she does not perceive he is "ambitious" enough for her. Or perhaps her friends do not like him, or she thinks she is simply too good for him.

Just had a middle aged woman lament to me the other day how she broke off an engagement because the guy, out of college, did not have the job she thought he should have . . . of course now he is doing great . . .but its only about thirty years too late to do something about it.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 92
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What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/16/2016 11:25:35 AM
Being in love with someone does not necessarily = happy ever after. Because someone ends a relationship doesn't necessarily mean they never loved nor that they don't love you still. Love isn't enough to make it work, its important and I wouldn't recommend a relationship without it but imo u need more than just love. Have enough wrong with a relationship and it can kill the love, being spiteful verbally is something that can be hard to move on from. There r lines in all relationships that once you've crossed it there is no way back.

However, the good news is most ppl have the ability to love deeply more than once, some ppl even do more than one at a time but that's a whole other subject.

I do agree that some women and men for that fact will move on and not want you too. Ex's do have a habit of messing up willnew potentials. Although I think its up to the person trying to move on to either get rid, or keep at a distance or keep under control ex's. They are the ones moving on, can't blame the ex for overstepping something they should should be takg responsibilty for.
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 93
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/17/2016 7:46:13 AM
Just saw this on Facebook:


Strong People will automatically stop trying if they feel unwanted. They won't fix it or beg. They will Just walk away.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 94
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/17/2016 8:15:57 AM
^True, and it is the most healing route to take.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 95
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/17/2016 8:22:29 AM
When you resist what is you suffer.

Always have a " yes " attitude to the present moment and watch how life begins to work for you rather than against you.


Some wise words from the awesome Eckhart Tolle
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 96
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/18/2016 11:18:49 AM

When you resist what is you suffer.

Always have a " yes " attitude to the present moment and watch how life begins to work for you rather than against you.


Some wise words from the awesome Eckhart Tolle


Did the so-called "awesome" guy ever explain how having a "yes" attitude to the present moment worked FOR the Jews sent to the Nazi gas chambers, or FOR the virgins tossed into the volcanoes by the Aztecs, rather than against them?

Because as far as I can tell, accepting rather than resisting didn't change the end result of suffering much.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 97
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What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/18/2016 1:51:14 PM
I married the love of my life. Three years later he told me he was bisexual and I couldn't handle it. I broke up with him while I was deeply in love with him. I still love him. He died in 2010. There is never a day that goes by that I do not think of him.

Did I love again. Yes, but I did not rush it or seek out love because of loneliness. I spent a good five years being single and taking care of me and I never expected to find what I had with him with anyone else. Each person is unique and love is an experience unto itself.

Did I regret moving on.. Not once, No, never.
 raisehill
Joined: 5/2/2016
Msg: 98
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/18/2016 2:32:22 PM
Which validates what I said. Women move on for practical reasons but never stop loving their true loves. Sorry about your loss.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 99
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What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/18/2016 4:29:59 PM
I cant imagine you would feel that the toxic and unhappy relationship you had was with "the one". You are either a masochist or in the grip of an unhealthy obsession. It is probably mostly physical and that is lust and not real love.
If she is with someone else, you will get over it and hopefully find someone that you can have a mutually satisfying and mostly happy relationship with. I don't know your background but you may feel sub consciously that love has to hurt and is toxic. You do need to get some counselling I agree.
 no_to_usernames
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 100
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/21/2016 2:05:13 PM
PennyAnte- Congratlations on finding that level of love again. A lot of middle aged and older people that I know never found it again. I hate seeing couples in relationships for the sake of it, not in love but together as it is better than being alone.

I have had an unhealthy obsession with this woman. I have been much better the last week or so, hence why I haven't been on here trying to find something to sooth the pain or distract me from hut, by chatting and conversing with online strangers.

Some people move on and find a deep love again, some people do not though. I fear being in the latter group. Yes our love was toxic at times, but give me the toxicity of love filled relationship over a mundane loveless relationship any day of the week. I've had both, I know which makes me happiest and doesnt bore me to death.
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