Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 226
morals are retroPage 10 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)




This thread just keeps getting better and better.... some have become true rationalization artists :-)





I'm wondering how you determine this.


I'm sure you are and, you're going to be left wondering. But, I'll say this much, it's quite easy.




I wonder why you compare a thief (criminal act) with being a slut (not criminal).


I don't want you to wonder that one. Yes, the analogy is not perfect since, as you correctly point out, one is a criminal act and the other one isn't.

That said, both acts reflect moral values which, to put it kindly, leave something to be desired. Of course, you are going to argue this. After all, there is nothing wrong (for lack of a better word) with a woman who has her itches scratched by every and any guy in Manhattan, NY (including, but not limited to, Tom Dikk and Harry). No doubt, she is a man's dream come true.




And is their a magic "slut" number and your magic slut number might be different than another guy's slut number, for example, your number might be 15 and another guy thinks it's 30.


That's one of the many reasons I don't ask. The exact number is quite irrelevant. What is not irrelevant is the individual's behavior and the meaning associated with it.




I've not been asked this question but I have only dated mature men.


That is so cute. "Mature" men should definitely not concern themselves with the character and moral values of a woman they are considering having a relationship with. Anything else "mature" men shouldn't concern themselves with ?



But you didn't follow your asstard social theory to its logical conclusion, which is that no man goes to bed with a woman he doesn't actually want to screw


I didnt' think it was necessary to point out that, there is quite a difference between wanting to screw a woman and wanting to have relationship with a woman.




Those three are not complaining cause apparently.....they're gettin' all the action! ;) ;)


I'm very pleased Tom, Dikk and Harry are getting the action I don't have any interest in. God bless their little hearts (among other things and regardless of size) ;-)



This whole thing makes me wonder....

Why would women seek a monogamous relationship if there is nothing wrong with habitual casual, meaningless sex .... there seems to be a contradiction in there.

Along the same lines, it makes it hard to understand why so many women have "no hookups" in their profiles. Reading this thread, I get the impression, there is nothing wrong with hookups.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 227
morals are retro
Posted: 6/14/2016 6:33:07 PM
You know what can be kinda cool about not judging people? Lotsa stuff, but one of the coolest things is you don't have to worry about condemning them for stuff you don't know about. Like, say a woman's promiscuity is an effect of her having been sexually abused as a child, or some such. Of course you can still go "She's not for me", but you don't need to judge her to do that :)
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 228
view profile
History
morals are retro
Posted: 6/14/2016 7:04:15 PM

Like, say a woman's promiscuity is an effect of her having been sexually abused as a child, or some such.

Oh you GOTTA be kidding. Do you really not see what's wrong with this?
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 229
morals are retro
Posted: 6/14/2016 7:20:54 PM
^ No? (Granted I can be a bit daft.)
 redryder4u2
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 230
morals are retro
Posted: 6/14/2016 8:40:32 PM
I don't know why they didn't ask. Maybe they don't care to ask, there are only a couple of men posting on here that seem interested in asking (3 actually, the rest seem realistic and mature) or assuming or making up there mind without even asking. Maybe men that haven't been in any long term relationships have esteem issues. For those that feel a need to know, what has been your longest relationship. Maybe because you guys were sluts you think many women are sluts too. Did your girlfriend/wife/mother cheat? Maybe you guys have a few unresolved issues.

The thing is, we can all ask questions of another human being but they aren't compelled to respond. If you or I don't that, we are free to walk away. A couple on here choose not to date a perceived "slut", which is totally up to them. No one is forcing a "slut" on them. It's just like some of us choose not to date azzholes. It comes down to choice and judgment calls. You don't want a "slut" and I don't want an azzhole.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 231
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 3:00:54 AM





Maybe because you guys were sluts you think many women are sluts too.


That isn't the reason. On the other hand, the defensive attitude..... hmmm.

Also, that statement seems to be saying that there are sluts, just not as many as you pretend we think there are.



Did your girlfriend/wife/mother cheat?


In addition to defensive, you seem to be getting a little agitated there.



You don't want a "slut" and I don't want an azzhole.


What a fortunate coincidence, "azzholes" don't want sluts. An "azzhole" wants a lady (and, as the saying goes, preferably a blonde) to compensate for his being an "azzhole".

It's also curious that some who complain about name calling seem to rather freely indulge in its practice.
 redryder4u2
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 232
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 5:48:28 AM
Oh, hardly getting agitated. I do shake my head a lot at the comments, but agitated, nope. I have nothing to be ashamed of nor should be shamed for. I was out of the dating market for 33 years, and haven't had much time to get into too much trouble. I have a pretty good job so haven't had to supplement it by first date dinners or by selling my body. I'm just trying to figure out why someone would ask; maybe they themselves have issues. That's all.

I don't think any of the women responding in here have been agitated, I think they just shake their heads too and wonder "is this 1955 again?" This topic reminds a couple threads where the men were ragging about unwed mothers and abortion while at the same time they were out there spreading their seed or had freely spread their seed in the past. We humans are an odd lot.

And, no one has said you couldn't ask your dumb (IMO) or not so dumb (in 3 opinions) question.
 Red_Fish_Blonde_Fish
Joined: 6/3/2016
Msg: 233
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 7:05:45 AM

I have a pretty good job so haven't had to supplement it by first date dinners or by selling my body.
My female friends & I have treated each other to breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc for birthdays, anniversaries, you-had-a-bad-say, you-had-a-special-good-day, etc.

Does THAT make us a bunch of lesbians???

Paying for/accepting a meal/gift doesn't connote a sexual exchange, it denotes graciousness by both parties.

No person can allow themselves to be used unless they consent to it, so the men who bemoan "dinner whores", well, that is on them...

Paying for/accepting a mean does NOT EQUAL sexual favors. By painting any act of graciousness w/ the same broad brush, IMO it only makes you appear bitter.
 softwinds45
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 234
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 7:46:51 AM
^^^ I think you are totally missing the writer's intent. I read it as - long relationship, good job, hasn't had to do anything untoward and yet not answering the number question makes her agitated? Or ashamed of her past? It seems many on here take one sentence and misconstrue meaning. Are they agitated too? Or bitter?

If we follow the poster Flman, the comments above about paying, "dinner whores" or receiving a gift mean you feel agitated at the thought of how you conduct yourself. See, I don't.
 Red_Fish_Blonde_Fish
Joined: 6/3/2016
Msg: 235
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 7:56:33 AM

See, I don't.


Kudos to you, then.

No act of kindness, sharing or graciousness should be reduced to an ulterior motive IMO.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 236
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 9:12:50 AM


The agitated defensive one left the building but, not before leaving some interesting comments....



I have a pretty good job so haven't had to supplement it by first date dinners or by selling my body.


Does this imply that women who don't have a good job "indulge" into selling their bodies ? I hope not because there certainly are a lot of people out there (women among them) who, while having a job, don't have a "pretty good job".



I'm just trying to figure out why someone would ask;


For the benefit of those who are still in the building, because that someone wants to know what sex means to the woman they are considering as a potential long term partner.

What do some women find so difficult to understand about this ? Why would wanting to know that be stupid ? or make the man "immature" or an "azzhole" ? (good thing that woman wasn't agitated.)

None of the women posting in this thread has given a reasonable, solid answer to any of those questions. So far, only defensive attitude supported by hollow, disingenuous arguments and generous name calling.




Are they agitated too? Or bitter?


Read post 246... it is bitter, agitated, evasive and defensive. So much to be proud of in that post that, shortly after it, the poster left the building. Maybe to reappear in a breeze of fresh recently dated pixels.....



the comments above about paying, "dinner whores"


411... the last few pages have had nothing to do with dinner (whoring or otherwise), therefore noone has gotten agitated or bitter about that in a while (in thread time). You most likely knew that but wanted to give the impression you didn't.
 memtoo
Joined: 6/2/2016
Msg: 237
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 9:35:20 AM

For the benefit of those who are still in the building, because that someone wants to know what sex means to the woman they are considering as a potential long term partner


In my long history with women, I have had sex with women I did not love and I have had sex with women I did love. It seems to me that it is really not hard to tell whether a woman enjoys being with a man or not without directly asking her, and it sure is not hard to know what a woman is feeling if you are in love with each other and sharing an intimate relationship.

So I don't even understand the premise of your ongoing issues you raise here. If you can't tell whether a woman has potential as a long time partner after having a relationship with and have gotten intimate, than you are sorely lacking in the relationship department. We all know there are sexual relationships and then there are the relationships that entail a bonding of souls. Either way . . .if a guy does not have the capacity of determining future potential, than it is the woman who has to worry about his long term potential with her.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 238
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 10:20:50 AM

while having a job, don't have a "pretty good job".


Yah, I hate my job. I have 2 supervisors now. and they ask my "number" daily.
"How many trailers did you bill for?"
"Why did you claim 3 hours for shipping?
Blah blah ........................WTH?
LOL Beavis and Butthead.


......................because that someone wants to know what sex means to the woman

(OR MAN)

they are considering as a potential long term partner


THIS can be answered by both women AND men, without resorting to asking outright, "How many?"

At the risk ..............Oh hell, what difference does it make. I WILL repeat myself. For myself and other ladies here, we have clearly stated, "No one has asked us this question". "We have never asked this question".
Not once. Why? Yah, WHY is that?
For the record, there is no defining determination to be had IN A NUMBER of sexual encounters/partners.
For example:
To the man or woman seeking a virgin, their goal is to find a zero.
You can determine this thru conversation without having to ask, "How many?"
Thru conversation, and observing one's actions, you can come to your own conclusions.
"Is this woman or man, someone I want to know more about?'
"Do I feel good /happy/content when in their company?"
"Do we have similar values?"
ETC ETC.
By asking the right questions, listen and observe.
Keep your eyes open. You will find what you seek.

I don't need to know his f'n number, and apparently neither did he.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 239
view profile
History
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 10:30:50 AM

What do some women find so difficult to understand about this ?


They understand quite well what you are up to, no one is falling for it, it's all quite transparent.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 240
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 10:48:17 AM

I don't need to know his f'n number, and apparently neither did he.


I suppose that would be okay if you were content with a lifeless sex life. People forget that there are other motives for soliciting this sort of information besides Jesus and hand wringing shame. Personally. I like to hear her war stories. Exciting. It is a good starting point for seeing if she likes it in the butt or she likes being spanked or something like that. I also realize that I don't have a monopoly on sexual innovation. I like to get her to re enact some of the most titillating episodes she had with other guys.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 241
Should we know the shoe size of her exes?
Posted: 6/15/2016 10:53:33 AM
I'd hate to disappoint a gal who dated NBA players, so yeah, I suppose I might want to know that up front.

YMMV
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 242
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 12:53:58 PM



Ladyinred0407



it is really not hard to tell whether a woman enjoys being with a man


I agree. It is definitely not hard to tell if a woman enjoys being with a man but, that isn't near the point. I hope she enjoys it.

The point is that a woman who has had 8 different partners views sex very differently than one who has had 80 partners (I hope that is a large number.)



So I don't even understand the premise of your ongoing issues you raise here.


The premise is as stated above and, I believe it is quite easy to understand and, most definitely and obviously true.




(OR MAN)


You're right about that.



THIS can be answered by both women AND men, without resorting to asking outright, "How many?"


I agree. The exact number isn't necessary BUT, if a woman, who I am considering having a relationship with, asked me what my number is, I would tell her. Why wouldn't a woman do as much ? As I stated in a previous post....

I don't consider it (asking for the "number") a stupid question. I would much rather she determine whether or not she wants to have a relationship with me at its very beginning than later when we have both made an emotional investment in each other. That avoids disappointments on both sides. Simply what a mature, logical and honest person would do.

I don't see anything unreasonable in the above statement, on the contrary. There is no reason for that not to work both ways unless someone is trying to hide something they would rather not own.



For the record, there is no defining determination to be had IN A NUMBER of sexual encounters/partners.


What's that supposed to mean ?... are you implying that a woman who has had 80 different partners in a few years isn't a slut ? (no doubt that is the kind of woman every man dreams about.) I picked 80 out of thin air as cut off. I have no doubt that some will ask, what if 75 or 70 ... very predictable.



"Do we have similar values?"


Now we're talking. The difference between 8 and 80 isn't a zero.... it's values.



By asking the right questions, listen and observe.


And it is the woman who defines "right questions" in that sentence. Very nice.



daynadaze



.... that someone wants to know what sex means to the woman they are considering as a potential long term partner.

What do some women find so difficult to understand about this ?


Try answering the question instead of pretending there is some occult, nefarious purpose in it.



Other questions left unanswered so far....

Why would women seek a monogamous relationship if there is nothing wrong with habitual casual, meaningless sex .... there seems to be a contradiction in there.

Along the same lines, it makes it hard to understand why so many women have "no hookups" in their profiles. Reading this thread, I get the impression, there is nothing wrong with hookups.

Are the above going to be answered or is there some occult nefarious purpose in those as well ?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 243
view profile
History
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 1:07:19 PM
Oh what will I do! LOL
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 244
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 1:21:38 PM
"Why would women seek a monogamous relationship if there is nothing wrong with habitual casual, meaningless sex .... there seems to be a contradiction in there."

Cause people want different things at different points in their lives?


"Along the same lines, it makes it hard to understand why so many women have "no hookups" in their profiles. Reading this thread, I get the impression, there is nothing wrong with hookups. "

They write....no hook ups.....cause that's not what they're looking for at this point in their life?


Yeah.....I am going with those answers. Hope that helps! :D
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 245
view profile
History
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 2:51:18 PM
"I don't consider it (asking for the "number") a stupid question."

OMG, I strongly suggest that people who count how many people they have had sex with get a life.

Never in my life have I been asked or have I asked this question. I am quite capable of judging (yes I believe in judging) if a person is relationship worthy or not.

I have to ask. These people who keep score, do they mark their bedroom walls/bedpost so they have an accurate count. No I don't really want to know.

How insecure do people have to be to keep a count? Wow, just wow.
 AgentNinety9
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 246
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 2:55:50 PM

Other questions left unanswered so far....

Why would women seek a monogamous relationship if there is nothing wrong with habitual casual, meaningless sex .... there seems to be a contradiction in there.

This is less like a question and more like covert statement waiting for the answer it wants to hear. Why would you presuppose that women who seek monogamous relationships are the very same women who habitually indulge in meaningless sex? Until you can find a real-life example of that kind of 'contradiction', you're just making shit up. And if you do find an example, the next thing you'll have to presuppose is that she's going to explain all of her sexual motivations to your satisfaction, because you've been waiting for an absurd answer to a stupid question about an imaginary scenario that isn't even close to representing how most women actually behave. Even then, you'd only have her weird answer. So it wouldn't be like she's speaking for the entire gender or every other woman who confused you by saying "no hookups". Over-generalize much?


Along the same lines, it makes it hard to understand why so many women have "no hookups" in their profiles. Reading this thread, I get the impression, there is nothing wrong with hookups.

It's a two-word phrase that's not hard to understand. The only reason it could be so difficult for you is because you aren't willing to take "no hookups" at face value. Seems like you'd rather assume the woman is being contradictory on purpose. Like, "no means yes" or "madonna/whore syndrome". Male fantasies indicating some sort of unresolved psycho-sexual dysfunction.

Can't you discern the difference between things women don't want for themselves and things "there is nothing wrong with" because they happen between others by consent? I'll bet you can.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 247
view profile
History
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 2:56:44 PM

What's that supposed to mean ?... are you implying that a woman who has had 80 different partners in a few years isn't a slut ? (no doubt that is the kind of woman every man dreams about.) I picked 80 out of thin air as cut off. I have no doubt that some will ask, what if 75 or 70 ... very predictable.


How can one's numbers add up?
Take someone 58..... Subtract 18, before they were an Adult....
You now have 40 years... Subtract the 5 years they were married..
You now have 35 years.... Multiply that by 2 per year....
Gee they have 70+.....
Not exactly screwing every thing around.....

Most of the People I know, in that age range, have been together 10+ years...
Why take advice from someone who can't get past the 7 year itch?

Also, like I'm gonna take advice from someone in Flora-Duh....
They can't even properly work a Punch Card Ballot.....
How's Chad doing, still hanging around?
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 248
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 3:45:06 PM



The lame attempts at supporting moral elasticity are getting funnier by the post...




Oh what will I do! LOL


What a great answer. Definitely the kind of answer to be expected from someone who has a solid argument to support their position.





How insecure do people have to be to keep a count? Wow, just wow.


Wow is right. Are you saying you've lost count ?... Most of the women I've known at least had some idea. I guess that is one explanation for why women refuse to give their number... some lost count.





Why would you presuppose that women who seek monogamous relationships are the very same women who habitually indulge in meaningless sex?


Why ? ... very simple, because there are some right here. They seek a monogamous relationship or, already are in such a relationship yet, they staunchly support the practice of habitually indulging in casual meaningless sex. If habitual casual sex is such a great thing why are they in a monogamous relationship or seeking one ?. That doesn't make sense.

The same goes for the no hookups thing. If hookups are so great then, why are they either in a monogamous relationship or seeking one ? Keep hooking up... nothing wrong at all with that.



Can't you discern the difference between the things people don't want for themselves and the things "there is nothing wrong with" because they happen between others by consent?


What is very easy to discern is that you'd really hate it if there weren't some habitual casual sex women around with whom you could have a ONS.





Not exactly screwing every thing around.....


The guy who doesn't read (or pretends not to).... here... I'll repost and bold the relevant part for you....



are you implying that a woman who has had 80 different partners in a few years isn't a slut ?


This time ^^^ pay attention to the bolded part. By the way, the dictionary definition of "few" is at most 5 (and that's only because "handful" is considered a synomym.)

Therefore, the correct (and most flattering) math is: 80/5 = 16 per year.



Why take advice from someone who can't get past the 7 year itch?


Advice ?... quote a post of mine in this thread where I have given advice.



Also, like I'm gonna take advice from someone in Flora-Duh....


LOL... this is really great.... those who complain about a woman being unfairly "judged" as a slut pass judgement on every inhabitant of the State of Florida. The foundation of your argument benefits from a robustness seldom seen even in these forums. Like Moraima above said... Wow! But, to prove I am a good sport, here is something you might want to look into, there is a political candidate that has your exact same way of looking at things and, to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't have a running mate yet.





Cause people want different things at different points in their lives?


That's reasonable. It's practical too... a man could ask for how many points she's got... sounds more sportive than asking for a number.



They write....no hook ups.....cause that's not what they're looking for at this point in their life?


Tennis has match points.... women can have hook up points.... in both cases, those are the ones that really count :-)



Yeah.....I am going with those answers. Hope that helps! :D


Yes, very helpful. It could be further developed.... we could ask for the woman's sexual sign based on her number of points.... for instance, is she an Octagon, an Enneadecagon. an Icosagon, a Triacontagon or a Chiliagon ? Kind of like the Zodiac where a sign belongs to one constellation or another.... any sign past the Sluctagon constellation is part of the tourist area . ;-) Problem solved. :-)
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 249
morals are retro
Posted: 6/15/2016 4:13:54 PM
"It could be further developed.... we could ask for the woman's sexual sign based on her number of points.... for instance, is she an Octagon, an Enneadecagon. an Icosagon, a Triacontagon or a Chiliagon ? Kind of like the Zodiac where a sign belongs to one constellation or another.... any sign past the Sluctagon constellation is part of the tourist area . ;-) Problem solved. :-)"


Oooh....yeah....I think I'll sit that one out. Too complicated for me!


Besides....this Flora-Duh gal is still looking Chad. I think someone mentioned he might still be hanging around.
I haven't seen him yet but you never know! ;)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 250
view profile
History
Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?
Posted: 6/15/2016 4:48:16 PM
It wasn't an answer, it was laughter, did you not understand that? Do you think anyone is taking this seriously? Come on, like I said, it's all so very transparent. But thank you for the entertainment.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?