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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 276
It's still a shameless slut Page 12 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)





I'd question why only 5 or 6 years over "how many".


There you go again implicitly pretending that the only questions that have any validity are the ones you approve of.

On the other hand, the answer usually is, after 4 years or so, they both realized that they were not compatible and would be happier with someone else or by themselves. No revelation there. Since the obvious seems to often require being explicitly said, it is very likely that both would have preferred the relationship not to end.



No one is rationalizing anything.


Of course not.



No one is being dishonest by not answering a question.


Honesty isn't defined as withtholding information which you know is important to your (prospective) partner.



I've seen "must be a god fearing woman" on profiles;


That's just code for "there must be at least one guy she hasn't slept with". That's all. (just kidding... well... almost.)

There is no need to specify a number in one's profile.... asking for a lady (I know that's "retro") says everything a man wants, just as when a woman states she wants a gentleman, it is implied that women-better and cheaters among others are excluded from her choices. (How dare the woman do that !?... pretending there is something wrong with men like that)
 softwinds45
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 277
Ot you could just be a dick
Posted: 6/18/2016 6:13:34 PM

Honesty isn't defined as withholding information which you know is important to your (prospective) partner.


So what HE wants trumps what I want? I don't think so, it's 2016 not 1925 when my grandmother got married and did what "the little woman" was told to do. It's not wiholding information, it's basically saying "I'll decide what questions to answer". He can ask all the questions he wants, I'm not stopping him.

What you want to know is just as valid as what I want to kno about a prospective partner. Getting answers is up to them. Responding to questions is up o me. Honesty has nothing o do with it. Choice has very thing to do with it. If asked "how many?" and I say "that's none of your business", there is nothing dishonest about that response. If asked how many? and I say 10 when the real answer is 18, I'd be dishonest.

The best answer is the one I read yesterday where they said "not enough". That's honest.
 softwinds45
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 278
Ot you could just be a dick
Posted: 6/18/2016 8:03:47 PM

....So, you find out what you want to know and I'll find out what I want to know, as we all should. And none of have to answer any question we think is irrelevant, too personal, idiotic or just (to us) dumb and rude. We are all free to walk away as well.


How many times does this have to be said. I decide, you decide. We can both walk any time we want. And yes, what I want trumps what he wants, I'm the only one taking care of me right now, supporting me, looking after me, paying way, making my decisions. So yes, I decide. And, you should decide for yourself what you want. How easy is that.

And if he walks after he gets a "that's none of your business" reply, he obviously wasn't the right one for me. The right one wouldn't have asked.

Assumptions. Yup. Someone can assume all they want or make up stuff or believe whatever they want, have at it. It means nothing.

When people asked my grandmother how old she was she used to say "as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth." She was being honest. She wasn't lying. It was none of anyone's business how old she was so she answered in a way that worked for her. She was sort of saying "not enough". I come from good stock.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 279
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/19/2016 1:36:41 AM





What you want to know is just as valid as what I want to know about a prospective partner.


A reasonable statement. This one is easy to agree with.



If asked "how many?" and I say "that's none of your business", there is nothing dishonest about that response.


Determining a woman's values and what sex means to her is most definitely a man's business if he is considering her as a partner. If sex means nothing to the woman then the man can get just as much (that is, nothing) from any other woman who behaves that way without taking any emotional risk.

As I stated before, honesty isn't defined as withholding information which you know is important to your (prospective) partner. A man who sees that behavior in a woman is wise to immediately walk away. She is unwilling to own her past behavior, that says everything about her a man needs to know.



The right one wouldn't have asked.


Whether a man asks or not, he still wants to know what kind of woman he is considering.



The best answer is the one I read yesterday where they said "not enough". That's honest.


If that is honest then it would be rather unfortunate. It means quantity, that is number of partners, is what is most important to her.

When most men find a woman like that, they consider the following options...

1. Help her add 1 in her quest to "achieve" that hard (no pun intended) to reach "enough" state or

2. Conclude that adding 1 to "Not Enough" will still be "Not Enough" which in turn means she will be a cheater since she hasn't had "Enough". Most definitely _not_ relationship material.

"Not Enough" would definitely be a great answer, beats any number and makes a man's options very clear.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 280
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:52:33 AM
So FM when you have asked your "potential" partners the Q and they have answered you do you believe them?
I think about 4 pages ago you just started playing to get a rise. Pun intended.
 softwinds45
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 281
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:56:26 AM

On the other hand, the answer usually is, after 4 years or so, they both realized that they were not compatible and would be happier with someone else or by themselves. No revelation there. Since the obvious seems to often require being explicitly said, it is very likely that both would have preferred the relationship not to end.


See to me, the above means you can't commit or you can't select a good partner or you aren't a good partner. You are scratching an itch or have to have a partner to feel whole or partner up for the wrong reasons and then you have multiple failures. IMO, a person who can't make much past the 5 year mark is not the right person for me as I don't like the relationship hopping and I'm not taking the emotional risk on someone who can't manage to keep a relationship longer than I keep shoes.

As for owning past behaviour, why wouldn't I or someone else own their own behaviour? I remember every man I had sex with, mostbinremember very fondly, one was a mistake. I don't know their birthdays or their kids names, but I remember them. I think men fvck more indiscriminately than women, just a guess, have no stats. And does it matter? No. I think women have a more emotional thing happening with the men the have sex with as oppose to men feeling emotional about sex. And does it matter, no.

As for "not enough", if you can't see that this is said tongue in cheek , you're far too serious. Come one, it's funny.

And really you put far too much into what some man wants to know than I do. I don't put what he wants to know ahead of what im prepared to tell. NOT telling has SFA to do with owning past behaviour. Not a damn thing.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 282
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 2:44:08 AM




Ouija2025




So FM when you have asked your "potential" partners the Q and they have answered you do you believe them?


I've never asked that question. I can figure it out without asking.

I seriously doubt asking for a woman's number is an effective way of determining what kind of woman a man is dealing with. As you suggest in your statement, the man is very likely to be given the answer he wants to hear which, may or may not, represent reality.




I think about 4 pages ago you just started playing to get a rise. Pun intended.


The whole thing started on page 6 with this statement of mine as the answer to "why would anyone ask... a valid reason, even a semi-valid reason"....



The reason some men would ask and others, like me, would simply figure it out, is because we like to know what sex means to the woman we are dating. Is sex an activity that reflects demonstrating emotion or simply the meangingless fullfilment of physical pleasure ? There is a big difference between those two and that difference exposes many characteristics of an individual, characteristics that a man should most definitely take into account when choosing a partner.

You wanted a good reason, now you got it.


The reaction was rather surprising... it led to the claim that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the values of a woman that engages in habitual casual sex. That in turn led to staunch support of a woman's right to be a slut and her right not to disclose that behavior to a man who is considering her as a prospective partner. Intermixed within that is the claim that it should not matter to a man that the woman is a slut, If it does, he is "stupid", an "azzhole", etc.

I find pretending that the number of partners a woman has had to be meaningless, as invalid as, pretending that a man who is physically abusive is also meaningless. Both behaviors are, to put it very kindly, highly undesirable to most members of the opposite sex. The concern in both cases is valid and both should make a _reasonable_ effort to determine if the individual indulged in such undesirable behavior in the past.

If a man wants a slut, that's perfectly fine but, the man who doesn't want one should have enough knowledge about the woman to ensure he doesn't end up with one. Any attempt at making it otherwise is, to say the least, unreasonable ("unreasonable", in this case, is really too kind.)



softwinds45



the above means you can't commit or you can't select a good partner or you aren't a good partner.


It could mean that but, it could also simply mean that two individuals made a mistake in good faith and chose to correct it instead of making each other miserable for another 5 or 10 years.



IMO, a person who can't make much past the 5 year mark is not the right person for me as I don't like the relationship hopping and I'm not taking the emotional risk on someone who can't manage to keep a relationship longer than I keep shoes.


IMO, that view leaves a lot of possibilities without being considered but, it is your right to see it that way and proceed accordingly.



As for owning past behaviour, why wouldn't I or someone else own their own behaviour?


Simple... because the person is uncomfortable with mistakes they've made in the past. That's the most common reason.



I remember every man I had sex with, mostbinremember very fondly, one was a mistake.


Sounds very reasonable to me and, I presume, it would as well to most men who would consider you as a potential partner.

The part that I find very difficult to understand is, where does the extreme reluctance seen in this thread, to simply give that information to a potential partner, come from ?



As for "not enough", if you can't see that this is said tongue in cheek , you're far too serious. Come one, it's funny.


I know it was meant tongue in cheek but, there are some things where such answers are very risky. Imagine this... you ask a man if he is a wife beater and he replies "I beat my ex only twice a day". Hopefully it's funny but, the problem is, jokingly he may be telling the truth.



NOT telling has SFA to do with owning past behaviour. Not a damn thing.


You can tell yourself that and some will even pretend to believe it.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 283
Is Richard the proper name, like Shish-Ka-Robert?
Posted: 6/20/2016 6:48:11 AM
not surprised by ^^. Back at university had a female friend hook up with me rather than dump her bf, and at a later date someone asked her her number, and she began listing off names and didn't count mine. I was the "get-over guy" and thus not counted as a bf. She was counting the men she "made love to", not the ones she just laid.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 284
view profile
History
Is Richard the proper name, like Shish-Ka-Robert?
Posted: 6/20/2016 7:22:27 AM
There was a thread quite some time ago about this very topic. It got heated quickly and was ultimately deleted.........

I was blown away at how angry most of the women got when called out on this.

I do think that most women are not honest about the number even if they venture to answer a question like this. I say take the actual number they say and multiply by 3 (thanks American Pie!!) and you get close to the real number.

In any case, If I had any idea on how dishonest most women are about this topic, I would have definitely used this as a filter for those that I dated way back when I first started using POF.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 285
OOPS We're damaged!
Posted: 6/20/2016 9:41:06 AM
The fact of the matter is:
When and IF,
A man meets a woman for the first time, perhaps second encounter
A woman meets a man for the first time. perhaps a 2nd date.
He or she asks of the other, precisely, with no hesitation, no beatin' about the bush,

HOW MANY SEXUAL partners have you had in your life?
THEY, He or she, will want to ask YOU, WHY?

WHY do you want to know? Are you going to judge me? Criticize me?
Will you think I'm a virgin? Will you think I'm inexperienced? Will you think I'm overly religious? Will you think I'm holdin' onto my virginity like a prize to be won?
Are you going to think I'm a slut? A whore? A player? A man whore? (To name just a few examples)

It is apparent from this thread alone, be it a man or a woman, to some, certainly not all, they have his or her own preconceived idea or perception of .......good/bad, acceptable /not acceptable, worthy/unworthy by a number of HOW MANY, IS just right,.... too few........... or too many.

IMO, In this thread alone, there is evidence of the above. Posters have been judged, criticized.

I have always based my opinion, of a man's worthiness on his behavior, his actions/his words, to me, my family, and friends.
That's it. No number necessary!
 softwinds45
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 286
A Dick by any other name is still a Dick
Posted: 6/20/2016 9:41:16 AM
Me

NOT telling has SFA to do with owning past behaviour. Not a damn thing.


Flman

You can tell yourself that and some will even pretend to believe it.


Okay, you live how you want. Believe what you want. I''l live my own truth. And in my world, as I said before, I don't want to spend my time with a man who thinks this is somehow important. I know where I've been, hell, I know exactly where my vagina has been and I have no regrets and neither does my vagina. I won't be with a man who questions my morality, my integrity and my character and that of my vagina. He is not for me as I find this type controlling, holier than thou, judgmental and who needs the bullshyt. If you are the "type" to ask this question, find the "type" that would answer. BTW, I don't answer the "how much do you weigh" "how much money do you make" and "how old are you" questions either. Why would I answer something as personal as "how many" is beyond me. And as I stated earlier - "dated, married for 20 years, dated a bit more" is the only answer I will give and the only answer required. If you want further info, find another woman.

Men lie and women lie about their numbers. They lie because they probably think its no one's business. Men brag more so they probably don't mind being asked this question. I think the majority of us have had sex with someone where we later thought, "that was a mistake" and we moved on. My PAST sex life is none of anyone's business, I'm just an ordinary person with an ordinary life. Just like the majority of us on here.


The part that I find very difficult to understand is, where does the extreme reluctance seen in this thread, to simply give that information to a potential partner, come from ?


Because to a few of you, a simple - "I dated, married for 20 years, dated a bit more" will not suffice to the "how many" crowd.
 AgentNinety9
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 287
Is Richard the proper name, like Shish-Ka-Robert?
Posted: 6/20/2016 12:21:14 PM

If I had any idea on how dishonest most women are about this topic, I would have definitely used this as a filter

How would you ever know you're getting an honest answer?

The entire line of inquiry is built on distrust and a presupposed accusation, and therefore designed to fail. Kinda weird that you don't get how that would bother a lot of people. First you demand a score because you've already assumed a woman might be too libertine for your brand of moral purity, and then you don't believe the answer you get anyway. Why bother? You might as well join a holy roller cult that will issue you a vestal virgin and a white sheet with a hole for your peepee to fit through. She'll probably have some really weird logic to fill your head with too.


I say take the actual number they say and multiply by 3

It's the same math men use to brag to each other about how many women they've banged.
 memtoo
Joined: 6/2/2016
Msg: 288
Is Richard the proper name, like Shish-Ka-Robert?
Posted: 6/20/2016 1:46:55 PM
^^^^^ I've never heard guys brag about how many women they have had, nor have I ever known a guy to concern himself with his woman's past sexual history. I just don't believe normal, well adjusted guys concern themself with this stuff. Well adjusted guys concern themselves with compatibility of course, but also love. "Does she love me or is she just settling for me, and do I love her?" The real problem out there is too little love, not too much sex imho.

And by the way, don't let Flaman fool you. Guys his age know very well know that the sexual revolution was very strong back when he was supposedly going to college. Women back then threw themselves at guys they were attracted to. Lots of them . . Most of them. They were as good as the guys in that regard. I do believe the aids epidemic ended that era . . but it existed for a glorious period of time.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 289
view profile
History
Is Richard the proper name, like Shish-Ka-Robert?
Posted: 6/20/2016 2:46:27 PM
This conversation takes me back to a scene in a movie. One of those silly romantic comedies from several years back. Okay, google to the rescue, “What’s Your number?”, 2011.

Several women (no men) sitting around discussing this topic, and one woman declares that it doesn’t count if he was under 4 inches.
 memtoo
Joined: 6/2/2016
Msg: 290
Is Richard the proper name, like Shish-Ka-Robert?
Posted: 6/20/2016 2:53:45 PM

Several women (no men) sitting around discussing this topic, and one woman declares that it doesn’t count if he was under 4 inches.


I remember my longtime girlfriend telling me that her friends used to discuss guys . . .their size, etc. I thought it pretty low class for girls to do so .. but what i learned was that girls were far more likely than guys to yap their heads off about their sexual partners. I NEVER talked about my sexual partners with other guys. I just thought that showed a real lack of class and I don't remember other guys talking about it either . . . other than to suggest that a particular girl might have a particular talent. LOL.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 291
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 3:37:23 PM
"I've never asked that question. I can figure it out without asking.

I seriously doubt asking for a woman's number is an effective way of determining what kind of woman a man is dealing with. As you suggest in your statement, the man is very likely to be given the answer he wants to hear which, may or may not, represent reality. "



Does this mean that we can all agree that it is a.....well.....for lack of a better word......stupid.....question?


Seems to be the consensus that it lacks reliability to say nothing of validity. :D
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 292
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 6:07:15 PM



kj521



Does this mean that we can all agree that it is a.....well.....for lack of a better word......stupid.....question?


I am not fond of words like "stupid" but...

I can work with that ... see?... I love you like I used to :-) ;-)

That said, the reason some men ask this stupid question is not stupid at all. (there went the mirrors on the ceiling... oh well... I guess I'll just have to be happy with the darn tea)



m_church & gtomustang



I did comment on the number she gave me.... Her reply was priceless... "I don't count the mistakes and the one night stands."




She was counting the men she "made love to", not the ones she just laid.


Amusing examples of how unreliable asking is.



Ladyinred0407



Are you going to judge me?


Of course! ... the man will judge the woman and the woman should be judging the man. That's the only way they can figure out if they belong together.



Criticize me?


That is a waste of time. Criticism does not change the past. Either the individual accepts the other one as they are, flaws and all or, they should go their separate ways.



by a number of HOW MANY, IS just right,.... too few........... or too many.


Too few ?... I suspect there aren't very many men who would consider "too few" as reflecting undesirable values.

Too many ? ... once a woman cannot mentally keep track of the partners she's had without any effort then, she's very likely had "too many".



softwinds45



Okay, you live how you want.


Thank you... very kind of you.



I''l live my own truth.


Yes, I've noticed that "truth" seems to be a relative term around here.



I know exactly where my vagina has been and I have no regrets and neither does my vagina.


That's very nice but, when a woman's vagina is the "love" boat, most men want to know so they don't go on that cruise.



I won't be with a man who questions my morality, my integrity and my character and that of my vagina.


That is not what is happening. The man is attempting to _determine_, not questioning, the woman's values and you are attempting to pretend this is something a man should not do. Your argument is without foundation and without merit. Both, men and women, owe it to themselves to ask all the necessary questions in order to determine mutual compatibility.



If you are the "type" to ask this question, find the "type" that would answer.


As I have stated quite a few times by now, I don't ask and I've never asked. The "type" I consider is, a woman who doesn't attempt to hide what her values are behind the self serving claim that I shouldn't be concerned about them.



... and "how old are you" questions either.


Fortunately, you don't have to answer that one, it is in your profile (presuming it is correct.)



Men lie and women lie about their numbers. They lie because they probably think its no one's business.


No, that is not the reason. They could simply say, it's personal, which would not be a lie. The lie clearly shows undesirable traits and, pretending it was for a reason other than the real one, shows additional undesirable traits.



new statement....

a simple - "I dated, married for 20 years, dated a bit more" will not suffice to the "how many" crowd.


That's quite different than what you said previously, which is....



original statement...

I remember every man I had sex with, mostbinremember very fondly, one was a mistake.


The new statement contains no useful information. The original statement gives information that will likely be enough to most men.

Therefore the original question.... where does the extreme reluctance seen in this thread, to simply give that information to a potential partner, come from ? remains unanswered. Why wouldn't you simply say...



I remember every man I had sex with, mostbinremember very fondly, one was a mistake.


You posted this answer in a public forum, seems like a man interested in having a relationship with you would deserve that "much".

If the man deems the original statement insufficient then it's no loss on your part since you don't want a man who requires a more precise answer anyway. The reluctance to offer the original statement to a man interested in you remains an unexplained mystery.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 293
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 6:34:37 PM
"I am not fond of words like "stupid" but..."

I know, right? Lots of words I am not fond of either! Bet you can guess which one that has been used that is not my personal fav! ;)



Btw.....the mirrors were never an option but you just might earn bonus points if you can figure out what song those lyrics....love me like you used to......are from. ;)
 Justthefactsmamm
Joined: 6/16/2016
Msg: 294
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 8:17:26 PM
^^^^^

Easy peasy..

That's "Love Me Like You Used To" by Tonya Tucker.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 295
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 8:23:43 PM
We need something new to argue about. Like the practicality of mirrors on ceilings. Have we really become so lazy that we need to do our hair lying down??
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 296
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 8:34:19 PM

Like the practicality of mirrors on ceilings.


Well, down here in the lowermainland they tell us not to up pictures on the wall above the headboard for fear of them falling on our heads during our earthquake, when it comes. So, I'm guessing, by default, a mirror above my body is probably not a really good idea. Not only could it fall, I'd have to look at myself while entertaining,,,,,, myself.

Not a good visual is it????


I didn't think so either.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 297
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 8:49:38 PM
Oh, like you're going to create an earthquake?

True story: I visited a house in the lower mainland that had been made into a shelter for youth. There was still a mirror on the ceiling above the jacuzzi. What. The. F*ck. I wouldn't mind an increase in taxes to have that thing removed.
 softwinds45
Joined: 6/9/2016
Msg: 298
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 9:21:00 PM
Flman, "I dated, married for 20 years, dated a bit more" as well as my age are incorrect, probably my height and weight too. Or are they incorrect? Maybe I've be married 3 times. The "I remember every man I had sex with, most I remember fondly, one was a mistake" is correct. A person must be careful what they post for privacy reasons.

And I won't lie but I will say "that's personal" or "that's none of your business".
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 299
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 9:23:17 PM
Please don't ask what I paid for their rings!
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 300
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/20/2016 10:41:03 PM




the mirrors were never an option


Now you tell me... I saved all this money to have ceiling mirrors installed.... plan B... how about a strawberry shaped jacuzzi with reflecting bottom ?... ;-)



you just might earn bonus points if you can figure out what song those lyrics....love me like you used to......are from. ;)


justthefacts beat me to it.... but I bet even he won't be able to find the song with the lyrics below....

From a very playful love song (but surprisingly, not very romantic)...

Inside every girl I've known, it was you I was looking for.

From a traditional romantic love song...

With you I learned, I was born the day I met you

Disclaimer: those come from translations from foreign songs. The second one is easy to find... and unlike in English, it rhymes in its native language.... one of the many interpretation is at

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIIozvN4PEc





That's "Love Me Like You Used To" by Tonya Tucker.


You got that right!





Have we really become so lazy that we need to do our hair lying down??


Lazyness does not necessarily have anything to do with it.... and that is all I'm going to say. ... LOL





I'd have to look at myself while entertaining,,,,,, myself.


In that case, I suggest installing magnifying mirrors...





A person must be careful what they post for privacy reasons.


I agree.



The "I remember every man I had sex with, most I remember fondly, one was a mistake" is correct.


As long as that is true, I believe it would be acceptable and appreciated by most, if not all, men.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?