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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?      Home login  
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 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 101
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it does take one, to recognize onePage 5 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

I highly doubt that anyone can tell a guy/gals sexual history and how many FB's, FWB's or ONS they have unless they told you. And who asks? I've never asked. I've never been asked. And even if asked, how many tell the truth? How many would answer, I know I wouldn't answer if asked. Sounds like a little slut/stud shaming going on here.



Two things that still fascinate me, and probably always will:


I highly doubt that anyone can tell...And even if asked, how many tell the truth?

Two people who're trying to get the closest that people get...have sex...and they aren't able to know each other well enough to tell if they're being completely honest or not about things that they know that the other person considers important, and respect that enough to be forthcoming about it. What a trip. Tis something really wrong with many people.


Sounds like a little slut/stud shaming

Wanting to know some of the very things which are the most pertinent and relevant, in order to make your own judgement which should be your choice, not the other person's...and somehow this is equated with slut/stud shaming; The act of wanting this information is equated with being non-objective or shallow about how you judge the information; Shaming the other person for wanting to get to know you...by labeling their curiosity as shaming, is a poor defense and is probably all the information that is needed. What a trip. Tis something really wrong with many people.
 TheRebelYell
Joined: 5/10/2016
Msg: 102
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 5/30/2016 7:57:12 PM
^^^ That's your opinion. Mine obviously differs. And please tell me, at your age (my age) what difference would it make if a woman said she had sex with 8 men or 18 men? My getting to know a person, getting intimate with a person, sharing myself with a person with the hope of a long term relationship...why would I bring past lovers into my current relationship? isnit the number of lovers? Is it the details? Do you want I conformed that you are the best she's had or your d1ck is bigger than the last guy?

What is wrong with - I was married for 18 years, we had two kids who are both grown. I've been dating a bit now for 5 years and during that time I saw one guy for a year and we broke up.

What more do you want ? What do you think you're entitled to know? If she has a clear medical screening is that not sufficient?

People that need more info are a little controlling IMO. A little freaky. Maybe even have low self esteem. And yes, I'm sure once you know this information, you will judge. and who needs that shyt?
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 103
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 5/30/2016 8:39:24 PM
Sorry to but in. I just couldn't resist this one...


And please tell me, at your age (my age) what difference would it make if a woman said she had sex with 8 men or 18 men?


None. She would be a slut in either case.


My getting to know a person, getting intimate with a person, sharing myself with a person with the hope of a long term relationship...why would I bring past lovers into my current relationship?


Like it or not, they are already there.


Is it the number of lovers? Is it the details? Do you want I conformed that you are the best she's had or your d1ck is bigger than the last guy?


It is to pass final judgement on her behaviour and to accurately evaluate her worth as a person.


What is wrong with - I was married for 18 years, we had two kids who are both grown. I've been dating a bit now for 5 years and during that time I saw one guy for a year and we broke up.


How freaking sorry is that? You must be Canadian to be so warm. So loving. So heartfelt. Begging to be PW.


What more do you want ?


I am content to get the investigation started and see where it leads.


What do you think you're entitled to know?


Whatever I decide.


If she has a clear medical screening is that not sufficient?


It is not.


People that need more info are a little controlling IMO. A little freaky. Maybe even have low self esteem.


The California Psychics take a lot of calls from Canada.


And yes, I'm sure once you know this information, you will judge.


Darn tootin'


who needs that shyt?


I do. Can you think of a better reason?
 TheRebelYell
Joined: 5/10/2016
Msg: 104
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 5/30/2016 9:18:39 PM
^^^. Are you related to NG or just have too much free time? I'd respond in mind but I can't be bothered. The poster I was responding to has around 1 year as a longest relationship, if this is true, I can fully understand why.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 105
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it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/2/2016 9:23:37 PM
TheRebelYell:


And please tell me, at your age (my age) what difference would it make if a woman said she had sex with 8 men or 18 men?

I don't know. What difference would it make? Or rather, is asking what difference it makes relevant here? No, it's not. What's relevant...is it being someone's prerogative to ask the question, and the other one being respectful enough to answer it - and honestly. Or not. It might make this difference to one person, and that difference to another person. Or no difference at all to yet another person. What difference it makes...is completely irrelevant. Furthermore, when talking about the prerogative to ask the question, and someone responds with "what difference does it make"...is obviously to step on that prerogative and make assumptions about whether or not it's important - which is for the other person to decide.

why would I bring past lovers into my current relationship?

I don't know. Why would you? Again, this is a side-step. Why you would do so, and why I would do so, and why the next person would do so...is really just a subject-change. Has no bearing. Who knows why one person or the other would do so. Doesn't matter. What matters is that they might have their reasons, and they might be legitimate to them. Period. End of story.

What is wrong with - I was married for 18 years, we had two kids who are both grown. I've been dating a bit now for 5 years and during that time I saw one guy for a year and we broke up.

I don't know...what is wrong with that? Depends on who we're talking about. Somebody might want more than that. And their reasons might be good reasons. That is their prerogative. If the other person doesn't want to answer these other questions, that's their prerogative. If the first person...the asker...decides to not go any further because the second person doesn't want to answer these kinds of questions, then that is in turn their prerogative. But something that you should not do...ever...is to visit another person's intentions and question their prerogative as if they're doing something 'wrong' or 'dumb' or as if it's against some kind of unquestionable universal etiquette.

Sometimes it's prudent to ask a question about a question that you were asked before answering that question...because you're needing to understand the question you're being asked. Or addressing some game the other person is playing in how they asked their question. But that's different. In this case, you'd be questioning the other person's prerogative, and demanding that they get your approval of their reasons first...and that's just rude.

When the second person is asked something like this, they even have the prerogative to ask why the first person is asking...but NOT because the second person's approval of the first person's reasons are required before answering.

I really don't get why this is so hard to understand for many people.

What more do you want ? What do you think you're entitled to know? If she has a clear medical screening is that not sufficient?

I don't know. Maybe someone just wants to know more. If you want to know what more I would want to know...I could tell you, except that it's irrelevant here. And for me to try and explain it would be to encourage this side-step...that would be me having to justify to you why I do something in order to get permission from you to do something which is already my prerogative which I do not have to defend by getting your approval of my reasons. My reasons might in fact be dumb. But, they do not require your approval first for me to exercise something which is my prerogative.

What do I think I am entitled to know? This rhetoric doesn't really help your case - "entitled"? You're framing it within the perception that this is about "what I feel I am entitled to know"? That doesn't get you any further that the other things I addressed above. However with that said...other than the slightly manipulative language of "entitlement" that you're using here...a person has the right to ask whatever the hell that they want to ask of another who they're considering getting intimate with - and their reasons are totally beside the point. They don't have the right to know just anything that they want to know, depending of course - they may not get an answer, and the other person isn't obligated to answer. And they're obligated to be respectful in some sense in the asking. But when it comes to just asking...they have that right. That prerogative. Now...how this fits within your hokey framework of "entitled"...I don't know.

People that need more info are a little controlling IMO

And there it is. The thing that I pointed out in my previous post - Pretending that the other person is guilty of what you yourself is guilty of. Someone is trying to get close to you, they want information...and you accuse them of being controlling just because they want to get to know you. Being manipulative by accusing the other person of being manipulative...just because they want to get to know things about you. That's just plain weird. The only reason why this could possibly be such an issue...the only reason why this is such a sensitive area such that people impose such manipulative side-stepping rhetoric...is if you feel guilty or insecure about something and would rather hide it. Because otherwise this just shouldn't be such a big deal - someone simply asking about certain information, without you making assumptions about the legitimacy or sensibleness of their reasons, or questioning their prerogative to just do so in the first place.

A little freaky. Maybe even have low self esteem. And yes, I'm sure once you know this information, you will judge. and who needs that shyt?

See what I mean? You're labeling the simple act of asking these things as "freaky", when in fact freaking out over someone feeling like they want to know certain things about you before getting intimate...that's the kind of thing that normal people reserve for the label of "freaky". And then we have "low self esteem". Who would a normal person think most probably has low self esteem? Someone asking these kinds of questions of you when considering getting intimate? Or the person who has this kind of reaction that you're exhibiting when asked those questions? And then we have "and yes, I'm sure once you know this information, you will judge". Really? Exactly how can you know this? You have no idea what someone's reasoning might be when asking you these kinds of questions. You have no idea whether they'll be shallow and ditsy...or objective and wise...with your answers. But you've made this assumption that I'd "judge". You just know that I'd "judge". Which person is it that has the low self esteem? Which person is it that is being kind of freaky?


The poster I was responding to has around 1 year as a longest relationship, if this is true, I can fully understand why.

This is another thing which shows your ignorance and horrible attitude. You haven't the slightest clue why the length of my relationships are what they are. And, it is very irrelevant. It would have no bearing on what we are talking about here, no applicable logic whatsoever. But, the fact that you make a comment like this...demonstrates the kinds of games that you apparently play in your interactions with other people.

I do see that you pussed out though, and your profile ceased to exist shortly after your response to me. Are you here in another puppet? Another profile? Are you able or willing to think about what I've said here? Or will you remain pussed out?
 KatieKat260
Joined: 5/25/2016
Msg: 106
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 7:32:39 AM
^^^ Why would your need to know supercede my need not to disclose? Why is your asking and expecting an answer more important than my not answering a question I think is none of your business? Why is more important that your asking of a question and requiring an answer more important than my not answering? Why is not disclosing what I deem private somehow disrespectful to the person asking? I personally find asking these types of questions disrespectful. That is my opinion. If someone requires me to answer these types of questions and I don't want to answer them, we aren't a fit. I will move on.


What's relevant...is it being someone's prerogative to ask the question, and the other one being respectful enough to answer it - and honestly.


Exactly. I choose not to ask these types of questions and I choose not to answer these types of questions. BTW, I've never been asked, mind you, I've only dated adult men. It is in NO way disrespectful not to answer this type of question. In fact, I find it disrespectful to even ask. It is my prerogative to respectfully decline answering ANY question that I think is none of anyone's business. The other person can then make a decision as to what to do - walk away from me because of my "horrible attitude" or think "I'm a mature human being talking to another mature human being, I'll let this go as really...its not important".

Differences of opinion. We are allowed that. We look for who would fit us in life, I was lucky and had someone for many, many years.

As for length of relationship, I personally, think that holds more weight in what "type" of person I'm looking for than whether or not they had 8 or 18 partners.

These types of questions remind me of the "money" people, you know, the ones that ask you how much you paid for your house or how much you paid for your new vehicle or how much you paid for your new boots or how much did you pay for that engagement ring. I hate that shyt and never answer these questions either. Offering it is TMI and I can say NOYB or NOYFB.


I do see that you pussed out though...

Not at my own hand (this won't last long either), probably been here longer than you.
 KatieKat260
Joined: 5/25/2016
Msg: 107
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 12:30:26 PM
If a man asking and me not disclosing is a deal breaker, we dodged a bullet. I, personally, don't consider a man that would ask such a question...a real man. My opinion. My prerogative. You deal with your life your way and I'll deal with mine my way. And I have no shame and no regrets. I won't tell you how much I paid for my new car either or if I swallow. TMI...NOYFB. Find who fits you.
 lucidbarrier
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 108
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Do most men consider women who are on pof to be damaged goods?
Posted: 6/3/2016 12:54:03 PM
I've been on some weird, weird, weird dates with women that I met through POF. The ones I've met on other sites were kind of "eccentric" as well, if you want to use that euphemistic word. I seem to attract the strangest women or older women. You ever wonder if you are stuck in the clearance section?
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 109
Do most men consider women who are on pof to be damaged goods?
Posted: 6/3/2016 12:56:10 PM
I'm looking for someone to get damaged with.

Let's lick each other's wounds...
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 110
what do most men think with
Posted: 6/3/2016 3:56:12 PM
sorry, cloons, you're too late. they found a man with a small penis to lick the envelopes...
 KatieKat260
Joined: 5/25/2016
Msg: 111
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 4:57:37 PM

It may or may not supercede.... but on the other hand not disclosing may result in the other person moving on...


It works out perfectly - they ask, I don't disclose and we BOTH move on because we are not a fit from the get go. And I'm not the only one who does the "don't ask/don't tell". And I would never ask. Actually, no one has ever given a valid reason TO ask. This topic has been brought up before on many threads and no one has given a valid reason other than "because I want to know". IMO, it shows more about the lack of character of the person asking..are they immature? Insecure? Nosy? Have a magic number in their head? Why would a adult want to know?

Clooney, you're good. Puts a whole new meaning to "lickered" up.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 112
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 7:07:35 PM
It's wine o'clock ladies..
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 113
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History
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 7:29:31 PM

Why would your need to know supercede my need not to disclose?

See what I mean with this weirdness? No where have I said that the one supersedes the other. I even explained to the effect of the opposite, which you even repeat in the rest of your post. So why ask this question?
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 114
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 7:35:17 PM
I can't even follow this. I think I'm getting dumber. Back to Off Topic...
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 115
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 8:02:05 PM
Why should one care if your new partner has been with 2 or 20?
I mean.. they are with you now
People better off to enjoy the day ( or the evening) rather than worrying about numbers
In my head.. darn probably 100, counting Vin and David Beckham numerous times
If someone asked how many men I have slept with
I'd prolly say
Not enuff
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 116
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 8:21:29 PM
^ That I could follow.

To the tune of "Cheek to Cheek" by Frank Sinatra:

Kevin, I've had Kevin
I've had Kevin, Evan, Devan
Frank and Joooooe...
 KatieKat260
Joined: 5/25/2016
Msg: 117
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/3/2016 9:01:58 PM
"not enuff" is the best answer to that question. It's a good answer to all kinds of questions - how much wine do you drink? Not enuff. How many pairs of shoes do you have? Not enuff. I like it, I will use it.

I would still like to know why anyone would ask it. A valid reason, even a semi valid reason.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 118
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/4/2016 10:20:13 AM


The other thing I've noticed, is that more often than not, the women who had been with the most partners were often the worst in bed. Strange, you'd think it would be the other way around...


Sounds like their ex's weren't good teachers.

I would think not knowing the names of your past partners to be a bigger turn off then the actual number.

YMMV
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 119
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/4/2016 10:30:53 AM
OK ,we will go with "valid". As good a reason as any.
In the meanwhile. Not once, not ever, have I asked "How many?"..............."How long ago? Yes, but not "How many?"
Not once, not ever, have I been asked, "How many?" .............."When was the last time? Yes, but not "How many?"

"How old were you when you became sexually active?" Yes, I have been asked and answered and asked in return.
LOL For 40 years, the only person who knows, "How many?" is my daughter and she's not talking! LOL
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 120
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 6/4/2016 11:23:31 AM
Religious reasons? Is there a number written somewhere?
hmm, two good as new
a hundred - wonderous
This is like that meme
" watched my first porno last night.. man I was young!"
Now I have to message Lady and probe :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 121
virgins who went to church
Posted: 6/4/2016 11:50:05 AM
"..the women who have been with the most, did the least in bed"

>>>if they were driven by one due to insecurity, then I guess it explains the other.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 122
virgins who went to church
Posted: 6/4/2016 11:53:24 AM
Just askin'. What "insecurity?"
 KatieKat260
Joined: 5/25/2016
Msg: 123
virgins who went to church
Posted: 6/4/2016 3:01:47 PM
Ummm. None of those seemed remotely "valid" to me. Especially after age 50-ish or so. Other than a 20 year old virgin who wants to marry another virgin..all those "valid" responses sound stupid, IMO. I would never date a man who asked the question for any of those "valid" reasons listed in post 125 as, IMO, a real man (or woman) wouldn't ask them in the first place. So...like I said before, find someone who fits you. All I know is, "not enuff" is a valid answer to a stupid question and if that's not good enough, find someone else that doesn't mind their privacy invaded, doesn't mind a insecure partner, doesn't mind a guy/gal who asked juvenile questions or appears controlling. IMO.

Thank you Ouija for "not enuff".

Really?? A guy in his 50s needs to ask this type of question, SMH.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 124
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virgins who went to church
Posted: 6/4/2016 7:40:35 PM
Oh for pete's sake...

1 - The point is that it doesn't matter if you think a reason is stupid or valid...but that it's a person's prerogative to ask. If you don't like their reasons, or the fact that they even ask...fine. Walk away. But if you don't understand or respect this prerogative of other people...you have a problem.

2 - The people who constantly declare that they've never asked this question and have never had someone ask them...so what? Who should give a flip if you yourself has never been asked or have never asked? God who cares that you haven't personally ran across this? That would have no bearing whatsoever on the legitimacy of it being a person's prerogative to do so. You may have never flown in an airplane...but other people have. Flying in airplanes is still an ok thing to do whether you've done it or not.

3 - And what's up with now stooping once again to the language of "a real man"...as in a real man wouldn't ask this question? A real man? Some of you people are kind of messed up.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 125
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Subject line has been altered
Posted: 6/4/2016 7:45:01 PM
*a real man/woman* Passive/aggressive BS baiting, it has no real meaning
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