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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?      Home login  
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 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 151
Subject line has been altered Page 7 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)



KatieKat260



if I'm seeing someone and we are taking it slow and learning about each other and doing the dating thing, multiple dates


After a few dates and, much before a couple of months have gone by, a woman has (should have?) warmed up a man's engine more than once and can tell if the equipment is in working order or not. Definitely more fun than answering a prosaic question.



The number means nothing.


We most definitely disagree on that point. It means plenty for both genders.



Ask what you want


I don't ask, I figure it out. It's more fun that way and the conclusion is much more likely to reflect reality than the answer I might be given had I asked.



Can you honestly say that every time you had sex with a woman it was an emotional involvement,


Unfortunately, I cannot say that. I've noticed that in those cases, the sex was far from what I would have liked it to be.


Ouija2025



I see. Women should only have sex because of the emotional connection.


Ideally yes and, not just women but men as well. As we all know, reality is not always ideal.



And if she has a scratch to itch, beans to grind, etc


We all have an itch to scratch.... that's no reason to go get it scratched every time it itches.



well then the act is hmm, lessened in some eyes


Not only I'd say it's lessened, I'd say "lessened" is quite an understatement in that case.



Maybe the people who care so much about the number are low single digits themselves.. hence the scorn


It doesn't have anything to do with the "number"... it has everything to do with what we want for ourselves and the habitual "itch scratcher" is simply "itch scratching" material. You may call it "slut shaming"... I call it _reality_.


drinkthesunwithmyface

I agree with what you are saying but, I also think there are more tactful ways of expressing your views on the matter.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 152
Subject line has been altered
Posted: 6/6/2016 7:25:03 AM
drinkthesunwithmyface


Are any of you even capable of comprehending these concepts in the first place? Just admit it - you're casual sexers, and/or careless and irresponsible, and/or pretty damned shallow.


I don't need to admit to anything, and I comprehend just fine.

flman2015

I agree with what you are saying but, I also think there are more tactful ways of expressing your views on the matter.

FROM this thread: How old are you? Anytime I read or hear the word "STUPID", I cringe.
When I was 19 my father tried to break my neck.
He made a remark about my mother, being stupid. I defended her, he physically attacked me.
Could we please not use the word "STUPID" to hurl insults here?

And no GTO I'm not going to "rip you". Regardless of my mother's attitude towards sex, of which she seemed to engage in willingly, her unwillingness came about years later, after years of abuse. And it is never OK, IMO to seek sex outside of marriage due to one's inability to just keep the pants zipped.
Enuff said.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 153
Subject line has been altered
Posted: 6/6/2016 7:26:59 AM

I never asked a woman about the amount of previous sex partners.


The only time I was asked that question was when I was younger. Teenager, early to mid 20s etc.
 KatieKat260
Joined: 5/25/2016
Msg: 154
Subject line has been altered
Posted: 6/6/2016 7:56:12 AM

After a few dates and, much before a couple of months have gone by, a woman has (should have?) warmed up a man's engine more than once and can tell if the equipment is in working order or not. Definitely more fun than answering a prosaic question.


An adult would think that. Others would just add it to a number and slut shame, one way or another.


Quote] Me - The number means nothing.
Flman - We most definitely disagree on that point. It means plenty for both genders.

No, it doesn't mean plenty to both genders. It means plenty to some people, both genders. It also means not much of anything to some, both genders. The trick is to find someone who thinks along the same lines as you.



Me - Can you honestly say that every time you had sex with a woman it was an emotional involvement,
Flman - Unfortunately, I cannot say that. I've noticed that in those cases, the sex was far from what I would have liked it to be.


We don't give in to our "urges" all the time but sometimes, its not a bad thing (unless you're a slut shamer and worry about numbers). It's just sex. Other times, the best times, its making love with someone you totally care about. Adults can do that.



It doesn't have anything to do with the "number"... it has everything to do with what we want for ourselves and the habitual "itch scratcher" is simply "itch scratching" material. You may call it "slut shaming"... I call it _reality_.


Slut shaming shouldn't be reality. If I don't tell you a number, you can't make the judgment whether I'm a slut or not. I remain a person. And if you ask me the question, the reality is, in my mind - you are stupid. Once you put a number to it, it changes the "game" and it is a game, IMO, a childish game. What is a person's cutoff between "normal sex life" and "slut"?? I'm not playing a guessing game. And like I said, I wouldn't spend a nano second longer than I had to with someone who would ask that question. IMO, its a stupid question asked by a fool.

Like I said before, ask away, it thins the herd. I will gladly move on to a more mature, security and intelligent person. My prerogative.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 155
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 8:13:20 AM
Back in time, we used to think smoking didn't cause cancer. we thought that numbers meant something. Now we find that 80% of women over 50 likely have HPV. Are 80% of women over 50, "unselective" women? As for "making love" versus "getting laid" nonsense, its amusing the people who won't count all those times they scratched an itch or gave a BJ or were BUG (bi-curious until graduation) in the number of sex partners. So the calculation is further out of whack.

i'm glad to see people agree with me, that asking annoying questions is a good thing. the sooner we get to know where a stranger's head is at, the better. Avoid all those soap-opera situations where we fall for someone only to find out later we stick on some important topic.

sorry to hear, Red, that your mother was disrespected in many ways. I used to work with a fellow who had a mysogenist attitude and a wife who cut him off, and was never sure which came first...his attitude or her's.
 raisedagain
Joined: 6/2/2016
Msg: 156
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 8:49:10 AM
If some of you were not so judgmental, perhaps you wouldn't need to be on a dating cite trying to meet a partner. When are you people going to realize you are wearing chains of your own making?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 157
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 8:53:56 AM
once those chains stop working for them. There are people of course who seek out "old fashioned values", and certain sentences fall nicely into their ears. There are people who are willing to overlook something, if the package is attractive enough. And there are those who might find those chains to be a wonderful explanation for why things go the way they do.
 KatieKat260
Joined: 5/25/2016
Msg: 158
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 9:03:05 AM

Back in time, we used to think smoking didn't cause cancer. we thought that numbers meant something. Now we find that 80% of women over 50 likely have HPV. Are 80% of women over 50, "unselective" women? As for "making love" versus "getting laid" nonsense, its amusing the people who won't count all those times they scratched an itch or gave a BJ or were BUG (bi-curious until graduation) in the number of sex partners. So the calculation is further out of whack.


Odd thing, HPV can cause cervical cancer, doesn't do all that much in men. And yes, its prevalent in BOTH men and women.

I can't for the life of me see how a man like you, at 46 is still worried about what and who some gal did after high school. Actually, I feel sorry for a few of you...at 46 or 49 or 57 and you have this mindset. Pathetic. You are dating women in their mid 40s and beyond and you think they should all be chaste? virginal? or damn near?



i'm glad to see people agree with me, that asking annoying questions is a good thing. the sooner we get to know where a stranger's head is at, the better. Avoid all those soap-opera situations where we fall for someone only to find out later we stick on some important topic.


LOL. So, you have so many women chasing you that if you found "the one" and then later found out she had 20 sex partners and your magic number is "15", you'd toss her? I'd say - SHE dodged a huge bullet.

And GTO, not many are agreeing with you. You notice its just two men, for the most part.

You know what I want to know before we hit the sheets or form a semi-new relationship - did you beat your wife? did you sexually abuse your sister, daughter or any other female? did you run off from paying child support? are you an alcoholic? are you into drugs?

Those are questions far, far more important than asking him - how many? Some of you have a really screwed up outlook on what you deem is important.

And, if I told the TRUTH and said - "I slept with a few guys before I got married and was married for 31 years and after he died, I slept with a few more guys. I enjoyed them all, respected them all and felt respected by them. I have no regrets." This is the truth and this should satisfy a real man's curiosity.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 159
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 9:38:07 AM

You know what I want to know before we hit the sheets or form a semi-new relationship - did you beat your wife? did you sexually abuse your sister, daughter or any other female? did you run off from paying child support? are you an alcoholic? are you into drugs?


Are you going to do a police background check and demand to see medical records to make sure he isn't guilty of any of those things or has any addictions, before getting into a relationship with him?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 160
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 9:58:40 AM
Well, I can see how for the life of you, you aren't understanding me, since you're misunderstanding me. I believe tying a woman's number to anything makes as much sense as continuing to believe--as some smokers do--that cigarettes aren't linked to cancer, just b/c someone's father smoked all their long life. A large amount of women have HPV, is it b/c they're all loose? I think that question is self-answering--of course not. the men who worry about catching something if they are with a high mileage woman, likely already have the ticking time bomb festering within. life is ironic.

For the record, I haven't dated in the last 13 years (and thus haven't dated anyone over 30), b/c naturally women prefer an attractive man. I don't mind a sensual woman who enjoys sex at all--if it wasn't for them, there would be more years of unintended celibacy. They wanted to have sex, and didn't worry their heads at all about numbers and anyone asking that question. They were neither the people who worry about a high number, nor the people who worry what asking about a high number means. They like sex, they had sex, and what's the problem about it--sex is natural, the animals do it. whoever has a hangup about it either way, has the problem. but its nice to see that the women who worry a man might ask, are now seeing its not an insult--its a quick way to find out where a man's head is at. I'd rather find out at the beginning that someone is an idiot, if there are such things as functioning alcoholics, there are certainly "functioning idiots" :) they seem so normal, and then....

"did you beat your wife?"

>>now, now, the question is, "when did you stop beating your wife?" Apparently you didn't know that classic debate tactic :) to be serious, tho, I find that the best way to learn about someone, is to listen. as the nuns used to say, God gave us one mouth but two ears so we could listen more than we talk. people will talk about their favorite subject (Themselves) if they think they have a RECEPTIVE audience. give them the rope to hang themselves, and all that. then,of course, we compare what they do, to how we would have handled the situation they are talking about. assuming we'd handle it maturely, we can decide if they did by whether or not they seem like us. and all this listening requires time. time wounds all heels, as well as heals all wounds.

you'll have to point out the two men agreeing with me, the ones I see here I've crossed swords amicably with before :)
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 161
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 10:08:27 AM





Others would just add it to a number and slut shame, one way or another.


That statement sounds like you interpreted my words as meaning "having sex". That is not what I meant. A woman can warm up a man's engine (with moderation) without engaging in sex. Feel the hot hard fact (without getting naked) instead of hearing dubious cold words.



No, it doesn't mean plenty to both genders.


There is a lot of disingenuity in that statement. Very few men, are going to be genuinely interested in an ex escort, call girl, prostitute or porn star. The reason is obvious, sex means nothing to them. Granted the example is extreme but, reaching those extremes is not necessary to fairly conclude that sex means little to nothing to a woman.



We don't give in to our "urges" all the time but sometimes, its not a bad thing


The keyword in there being "sometimes". I seriously doubt any man over the age of 20 expects a virgin but, most men, myself among them, want more than a woman who sleeps with every Tom, Dikk, Harry, John, Paul, Ryan, etc, etc. and that is not only perfectly reasonable, it is also very wise. Not only because it is obvious that sex is meaningless for a woman like that but. also because it shows character traits I most definitely don't want in my partner. Among them, obvious lack of self control.

^^^ there you have it, another good reason for a man to concern himself with how many "partners" a woman has had.

Just for the record, I seriously doubt a man has asked a one night stand what her number is. The reason for that should be fairly obvious too.



Slut shaming shouldn't be reality.


If a woman chooses to behave like a slut then, she is a slut. It's not shaming, it's a fact and, it is a fact because she chose to behave that way. She will be "itch scratching" material to most men because that's what she chose to be. If she doesn't like slut shaming then, the solution is simple, don't be a slut.



What is a person's cutoff between "normal sex life" and "slut"??


That determination will vary from one man to another. There is no unique answer to that.



So, you have so many women chasing you that if you found "the one" and then later found out she had 20 sex partners and your magic number is "15", you'd toss her?


One time I was having dinner with a married couple friends of mine.... in the conversation, the woman stated that when she was in college, she routinely had sex with one guy at lunch and another guy in the evening. I had and, never have seen again, an expression of greater disappointment than the one I saw in her husband's face after she said that. The rest of the evening proceeded uneventfully but, it was obvious his disappointment remained.
 raisedagain
Joined: 6/2/2016
Msg: 162
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 10:16:28 AM

Very few men, are going to be genuinely interested in an ex escort, call girl, prostitute or porn star. The reason is obvious, sex means nothing to them.


How could you possibly know this? Have you dated a number of former prostitutes who told you and showed you that sex meant nothing to them? Have you conducted a scientific poll to find out what men are or are not genuinely interested in?

Most mature men are interested, I would surmise, in loving relationships, particularly where they are loved as well as love the woman who is their partner. Since you are talking out of your a$$ I will do the same and opine that well adjusted men who are in loving relationships will not concern themselves with a woman's sexual past. But I admit I have not taken a scientific poll either. I am just applying common sense to what I believe to be human behavior.

That being said, there are fu^ked up people everywhere, and I am sure there are some fu^ked up guys, maybe gals, who would reject a loving relationship because of the sexual past of their potential partners. Their loss. Many people think there are "plenty of fish" in the sea for them, but if that were really true . . . this dating cite wouldn't be necessary would it? My point . . if you find the right woman . . . and you fu*k it up because you are too fu*ked up to realize what you have . . . your loss and that opportunity may never come around again. Just sayin.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 163
view profile
History
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 11:04:59 AM

I think it is just another form of slut shaming.

There we go again. How does this keep getting pulled out of the arse?

I wonder if it's because it applies sometimes? When someone scratches that itch...are they being a bit sloppy about it - does it deserve the alleged scorn because people are being a bit nasty in the larger sociological picture, spreading nasty stuff?

I agree with what you are saying but, I also think there are more tactful ways of expressing your views on the matter.

Oh, you're right. I don't talk this way because I like it. But in this place it always gets to a point quickly where one has to slam it out there, because of the conversational games that are utilized too often. See the above quoted.
 seatac123
Joined: 5/27/2016
Msg: 164
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 11:32:09 AM
Some don't like the word "stupid", some don't like the words "slut shaming", I get annoyed with the petty little twats that nuke people.

Firstly - to GTO, Katiekat owes you an apology, I totally misinterpreted your post and your mindset. I am so sorry. Truly sorry.


And, if I told the TRUTH and said - "I slept with a few guys before I got married and was married for 31 years and after he died, I slept with a few more guys. I enjoyed them all, respected them all and felt respected by them. I have no regrets." This is the truth and this should satisfy a real man's curiosity.


No one mentioned if this was good enough. It is truthful, honest and doesn't require a number. I can't imagine anyone requiring more.

I haven't known an hookers but I've known a couple of strippers and they aren't bad people. And someone who slept with a gazillion guys or gals in the early years and then got their shyt together...why would I judge a 55 year old on what he/she did 25 years ago? And I don't necessarily want to be with a gigolo or male or female escort either but really, how many of us run into hookers/escorts/pimps etc. in our dating lives.

What the hell is wrong with "scratching an itch" or having the odd one night stand, or a 4 date wonder plus sex?

The conversational games? OMG, you're still in high school. It still comes down to why ask?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 165
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 12:32:06 PM
I am glad that some people think fornication should only occur with sanctity of marriage. :)
Wager some good coin that a few were guillible and believed the number she offered up.
What is the magic safe number?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 166
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 12:44:10 PM
thank you, seatle (pity both you and kittie got nuked), but i'll shoulder some of the blame. I don't go into much detail around here, knowing from experience that those with an agenda will read in what they will. But when I do dip into detail, people generally agree with what I said, just from a different viewpoint. That all said, if someone has a high risk tolerance (drinking and driving, etc), tends to not plan things out but waits for fantasies to magically come true, has poor impulse control, etc...I might wonder how well they handle birth control and protection. Sometimes, a cloud of smoke should suggest one look for fire. rather than the magic safe number, i'd look for overall behavior as a suggestion one lacks the self respect necessary for self preservation.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 167
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 1:13:03 PM

You know what I want to know before we hit the sheets or form a semi-new relationship - did you beat your wife? did you sexually abuse your sister, daughter or any other female? did you run off from paying child support? are you an alcoholic? are you into drugs?


And are you going to ask those questions?

And are you going to expect an honest answer if they feel an honest answer of yes will cause them to be judged negatively?
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 168
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 1:50:46 PM



raisedagain



Have you conducted a scientific poll to find out what men are or are not genuinely interested in?


I seriously doubt it takes science to figure out that an ex street walker isn't exactly every man's dream but, I will concede that since I do not have a scientific poll to support that statement, there is a snowball's chance in hell that I may be wrong.

No doubt, every man out there wants to hear his ex street walker whisper sweet romantic nothings in his ears such as... "you'll be my last customer". Definitely the stuff great relationships are made of.



I am sure there are some fu^ked up guys, maybe gals, who would reject a loving relationship because of the sexual past of their potential partners. Their loss.


Make that a Happy Loss. 99 billion served. What a dream!


seatac123



how many of us run into hookers/escorts/pimps etc. in our dating lives.


I doubt this is information those involved in those activities are keen on revealing.


Ouija2025



Wager some good coin that a few were guillible and believed the number she offered up.


Another good reason not to ask. It's much more effective to figure it out.



vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv



but you may have been completely wrong.


Possible but, very unlikely. I very seriously doubt he was aware she behaved that way in college until she made that statement.
 StumbledN
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 169
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 1:58:52 PM

the woman stated that when she was in college, she routinely had sex with one guy at lunch and another guy in the evening. I had and, never have seen again, an expression of greater disappointment than the one I saw in her husband's face after she said that. The rest of the evening proceeded uneventfully but, it was obvious his disappointment remained.

It may have been obvious to you, but you may have been completely wrong. And I may know exactly how he felt. My girlfriend and I had decided early in our relationship that we both wanted to know everything there was to know about each other. So we spent hours on end, sharing past experiences of all kinds. A year or so later, we were at a party of people I knew fairly well but she knew very few of them. Long story short, she had too much to drink. And she suddenly relayed a similar story to a gal standing next to her that she'd been talking to. And the gal she was telling was one that I knew to be the most judgmental blabber mouth at the party! I'm sure I must have had a similar look on my face. I was already well aware of every detail of what she had told this woman. But of all the people at that party, I just couldn't believe she had picked this particular woman to spill that particular bag of beans. aarrgghh!!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 170
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 2:04:30 PM

. if you find the right woman . .


I would hope that for most people, the "right woman" or "right man" is someone who meshes with their own personal standards and values, or there is almost certain to be a lot of conflict ahead.

And if one has NO standards or values, well, there also is certain to be a lot of conflict ahead.
 raisedagain
Joined: 6/2/2016
Msg: 171
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 3:02:07 PM

No doubt, every man out there wants to hear his ex street walker whisper sweet romantic nothings in his ears such as... "you'll be my last customer". Definitely the stuff great relationships are made of.


Yes, this is a very common problem in the dating world. You just never know when your girlfriend was a "street walker" in an earlier life. LOL.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 172
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 4:00:55 PM
Have to say.....I find the question of how many partners you have had rather crass.

But some people love their numbrrs. :)
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 173
Skin in the Game?
Posted: 6/6/2016 4:38:58 PM
If both individuals have the same number of partners, does it ensure a mutually satisfying experience?
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 174
view profile
History
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 4:49:44 PM

once those chains stop working for them. There are people of course who seek out "old fashioned values", and certain sentences fall nicely into their ears. There are people who are willing to overlook something, if the package is attractive enough. And there are those who might find those chains to be a wonderful explanation for why things go the way they do.



And I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this victory song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo, hoo,hoo

Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 175
all lines are blurred
Posted: 6/6/2016 4:58:30 PM
Perhaps rather than worrying about the number..
so should worry about their performance.
I bet after the number Q comes
" but I'm the best, right?"
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do most men consider women who are on pof to be "damaged goods"?