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 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 100
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?Page 6 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
How many went on 3rd dates knowing there would be no 4th on the 1st?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 101
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/17/2016 9:27:28 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7vySQbgXI
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 102
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How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/17/2016 10:00:32 AM
This is an interesting thread for me. Because my experience has been so different.

I have probably only met 30 maybe 35 women in my lifetime for a first date. OLD I got turned down by the first 2 women for a meet, but I lacked experience with OLD and one was in Canada, the other lived 2 hours away.

From those I did meet with while online dating, there were 4 women in 18 months, 2 or 50% were much longer than 2 dates. I think of those as more rendezvous than meets, since we had already planned at least 4 days of dates before our first meet.

One women I did a "meet" with because I didn't' think we would work out but I was curious so it was a meet at a local pub. One I could have had a series of dates but by the time we had our first date I was due to leave the country in a couple of weeks on dates. I didn't want to get involved and have to explain why I was going back to Thailand for the second time in 6 months.

I think over my lifetime of 30-35 dates it was about the same average, 45-50% went on to more dates. About 30% of those, or 5, went on to be LTR of over 1 year up to 13 years.

I don't have much expectation of what will happen when I go on a date. I only think about the future when and if it gets serious enough to discuss marraige or moving in together.

Obviously I haven't causally met with women, if I had to go on dates again, I would give the future more thought sooner rather than later. Maybe I would ask more women out considering how few I have asked out on a date.

But I can't imagine going on 70 or 100 or more meets.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 103
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/18/2016 9:38:55 AM

Overall I think 10%-30% of first dates going to a second date is normal.


That's about the general percentage for people I know that have used online dating. I think people being impatient / wanting instant gratification along with the "a kid in a candy store" attitude that is prevalent for online dating are major reasons why the percentages for a second date are low.
 IronHibiscus
Joined: 6/13/2016
Msg: 104
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/18/2016 12:47:21 PM
I would imagine this happens a lot to a high majority of people. E-mails, meeting and actually connecting in person just doesn't happen that easy. And the high majority of liars on dating sites is common. Very time consuming, and not for me anymore. But the FORUMS are fun :)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 105
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/18/2016 2:23:06 PM

And the high majority of liars on dating sites is common.


I met a few women that were dishonest about their appearance. Not a large percentage though. Perhaps it was because most of my first dates / meeting were with women from Match instead of POF.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 106
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How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/18/2016 5:52:01 PM

with decided that they weren't ready or available for a possible relationship

Although a lot of times that's a BS excuse -- "not ready for a relationship" thing + not wanting to see you would = them getting Offline STAT. Unless of course you distinctly expressed "Want Relationship or Bust" in how you'd come across. That's why I say not to express that vibe even when you are... having a more open approach when a gal says "what are you looking for?" One thing I learned is that it's a myth that (vast majority of) girls just want a relationship happening -- even the ones who are sick of guys just trying to get a ONS. They certainly can be game for something casual -- but they want respect even if they are fling-willing and usually not Just a ONS (unless that's all they want; there's more of those than would show up in polls).

I rarely ask a woman out on a second date during the first date. That would probably increase the amount of times a woman would agree to a second date that never happens.

Well, if the 1st date is lengthy and going well, and ending well, I always believe throwing out the Notion of getting together some time at the end. Then on your next actual conversation, you bring it up (within pretty near future). I understand for a kinda awkward dates it'd be not-so-fitting, but ruling it out a vast majority of the time would only a gal with options who sees your date as "Yeah, it was a date. It was cool," as having her eye on her other options more. If that made her feel more "pressure", then she wasn't that into you anyway. Again, it's not setting up a date -- but the mere notion, is all (Especially when it went Well; that moves things in the Positive range).

I will also add that I never had a second date with a woman from POF.

Not even a "Yeah, I'm not about her so much, but I'm feeling frisky and there's a decent shot at porking."? From my experience, yes, Match brings better results than POF... but to never have had a 2nd date via POF, I would assume you haven't met too many off POF?

from Match, then percentage of these dates going to a second date is about 20%

How many of the 4 out of 5 times did another date not occur because You weren't interested in it (or not interested enough where lack of chasing aided it naturally fizzling)? And plus, the willingness to go out on a date. I know at certain periods of time, I'd be Not picky to land a mere date of great convenience. These days, during the week I'm not that picky, but she still needs to seem to be viable to be date-worthy (or a clear stand-out in looks).

So, if I'm at 20%, where 1 out of 5 times there's another date, 1 out of 5 times she's not interested, but 3 out of 5 times she Is interest but I'm *not*, and there's a trend like this going over time, I'd have to say that I'm aiming for too many dates for the sake of a date (or college-horny and wanting to get myself out there indiscriminately). If I'm not interested 1 out of 5 times, but they're not interested 3 of those 5 times where I truly am -- then my aim is off in another way. Of course, it doesn't have to happen distinctly in either of those two directions -- many times it can just result in apathy 3 out of 5 times, seemingly on both sides... where another one or two Could have been made, but wasn't due to the mutual apathy on some level.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 107
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/18/2016 11:21:25 PM

Although a lot of times that's a BS excuse -- "not ready for a relationship" thing + not wanting to see you would = them getting Offline STAT


Of course it could be BS. Just saying it's a possible reason why a person would agree to another date and later change their mind.



Well, if the 1st date is lengthy and going well, and ending well, I always believe throwing out the Notion of getting together some time at the end.


I could see that if it's obvious a woman is clearly interested in you. Otherwise I would probably bring it up 1-2 days after the date if I had any interest on another date.



How many of the 4 out of 5 times did another date not occur because You weren't interested in it (or not interested enough where lack of chasing aided it naturally fizzling)? And plus, the willingness to go out on a date


About 40% of the time she wasn't interested
About 20% of the time I wasn't interested
About 20% of the time there was mutual disinterest


I used to get rejected much more often. These days, I am much better at picking up clues, and if she isn’t interested, then I don’t ask, so a lot less rejections


I'm better at this as well. But I will never always be correct about reading women's clues. There are still instances when I thought a woman had some interest and I got the "Your a nice guy but..." text / email when I asked her out on another date. Maybe she was just pretending to be interested during the date. Maybe she was actually interested during the date and later changed her mind. Who knows.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 108
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 7:50:19 AM

Not even a "Yeah, I'm not about her so much, but I'm feeling frisky and there's a decent shot at porking."? From my experience, yes, Match brings better results than POF... but to never have had a 2nd date via POF, I would assume you haven't met too many off POF?


Forgot to answer this earlier. Yes I had a lot more dates from Match than POF. That's because I got a lot more emails and initial interest from women in Match.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 109
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 8:46:22 AM
I never had that problem. On first dates I've gone on, I was usually told "I'll call you later." So I would just have to wait for the call. But if one of them was to call me now, I would question why it took 10, 15 years to call me. There are a lot of procrastinators on dating sites. (lol)
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 110
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 10:33:27 AM
A few men have told me that they would call me at the end of a date. Even asked me out on another date and I agreed. Then I never heard from them again. Even when I called them to make sure the next date was still on. Obviously people can change their mind. But I think there is some truth about people pretending to be interested in order to avoid some type of negative reaction from the other person.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 111
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How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 11:25:42 AM

I could see that if it's obvious a woman is clearly interested in you. Otherwise I would probably bring it up 1-2 days after the date if I had any interest on another date.

For me, it doesn't require Clear Solidified Interest to throw out the notion of getting together again at the end of the date. What I mean by that is, I've gotten/given a kiss at the end of the night when later it's realized that there's muddy-water interest where a 2nd date didn't formulate (or sufficient interest and it does happen).

For me, if I do like her, that's all it takes to throw out the notion of going out again some time. Especially when there's a good chance it's going to be closer to 48 hours than 24 hours later that I would actually ask her out (and she flipping thru dudes online to Meat up with). IMO, it helps give a little wind at your back, so given enough dates, it can mean the difference between one fizzling to getting a 2nd date.

There are still instances when I thought a woman had some interest and I got the "Your a nice guy but..." text / email when I asked her out on another date. Maybe she was just pretending to be interested during the date. Maybe she was actually interested during the date and later changed her mind. Who knows.

A lot of times it's being interested in the outing and not really the guy much underneath it all -- but in the spirit of Enjoying the outing, projecting her like about him, as he's associated with the outing (and usually set it up). Especially if there's a few drinks had. With that said though, a gal can truly Like the guy during the date -- and even text/chat here and there afterwards with interest -- but said interest fizzles out due to maybe a little distance or scheduling, and hot dudes online she likes scrolling thru. :)

Forgot to answer this earlier. Yes I had a lot more dates from Match than POF. That's because I got a lot more emails and initial interest from women in Match.

Have you been aiming much over the years on POF, tho -- or was it more apathetic due to Match actually being a better well to drink from (which is generally true)? My luck on POF, and I'm sure most others', is that it takes more targets to email to get a response, and it takes more targets to have a back-n-forth with to get a date. But it hasn't been an Empty well -- just a deeper well to draw from requiring more work (and the water a little dirtier - lol).

On first dates I've gone on, I was usually told "I'll call you later." So I would just have to wait for the call. But if one of them was to call me now, I would question why it took 10, 15 years to call me. There are a lot of procrastinators on dating sites. (lol)

About a year later, I would call them up and leave a voicemail: "Hey, this is Bob from POF... I was waiting for your call a year ago last June. I've been sitting by the phone in my living room and never did get a call from ya. I don't have a cell phone, but I am up on technology with caller ID, and texts go to my email with the Inter Net. My mom said I should actually call you up, as she reminded me that maybe you got a busy signal. Even though I'm not a busy guy, I am on the phone with maw quite a bit. Due to this, I'll call you every other day until we --- MOM! Stop listening in on my phone calls! -- (pause) -- Hang up Mom!! -- (pause) (sigh) -- until we reach each other and talk about going out soon to TGI-Fridays. Thanks, Brenda!"
 Red_Fish_Blonde_Fish
Joined: 6/3/2016
Msg: 112
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 1:08:53 PM
He's Just Not That Into You

https://youtu.be/3_DHhPckJNo

(even Scarlett Johansen got rejected)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 113
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 2:46:21 PM

Have you been aiming much over the years on POF, tho -- or was it more apathetic due to Match actually being a better well to drink from (which is generally true)? My luck on POF, and I'm sure most others', is that it takes more targets to email to get a response, and it takes more targets to have a back-n-forth with to get a date. But it hasn't been an Empty well -- just a deeper well to draw from requiring more work (and the water a little dirtier - lol).


I was an active POF user off and on for multiple years. Maybe it could depend on location.


IMO, it helps give a little wind at your back, so given enough dates, it can mean the difference between one fizzling to getting a 2nd date.


I guess my experience has been different. If a woman loses interest sometime between just after the end of the first date and 1-2 days later, I think it's often because she spent some time reflecting on how the date went. Not because I suggested going out on another date 1-2 days later instead of bringing it up during the actual first date itself.
 Red_Fish_Blonde_Fish
Joined: 6/3/2016
Msg: 114
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:07:13 PM

Not because I suggested going out on another date 1-2 days later instead of bringing it up during the actual first date itself.


A man who is gaga over a woman will ask her out before the 1st date is over & may even propose within the 1st month.

I've heard of many married couples who said that the man proposed as early as the 2nd date.

One family member told me her husband proposed after he knew her 9 days.

When it is right, it goes very smoothly & quickly.

Scientists (evolutionary) have determined that it takes LESS THAN ONE SECOND for a man to fall in love.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 115
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How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:20:20 PM

If a woman loses interest sometime between just after the end of the first date and 1-2 days later, I think it's often because she spent some time reflecting on how the date went.

I think a lot of that reflection is steered by her other dating options. If you at least give a date some sort of fuzzy aka quantum position -- when reflecting upon her dating options and that 1st date went well, you'll hold more weight. I've made the mistake during stretches of dating where I didn't hoist up a lets-get-together-again thing when it seemingly went well, and my returns on 2nd dates were lower. Part of that though could have been a reflection of possible standoffishness about dating in general -- which would get lower #s anyway. Sometimes we'll be in gears (without necessarily knowing it) where we'll want good opportunities to roll toward us VS the gear of reaching out toward them.

Although waiting 32-48 hours later to ask them out again isn't letting solidified interest fade at all -- I do believe %-wise it will help unsolidified interest wilter, where placing a lets-do-things-again/ill-hit-ya up to cap off the 1st date will help %-wise of having a 2nd date, if she did have some legit interest during that 1st date... because her interest probably waned due to Other Options (but you're now a more solidified Option, even though her interest interest isn't so solidified [yet?]).
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 116
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:20:40 PM

it takes LESS THAN ONE SECOND for a man to fall in love.


I can't imagine that not being an incredible turn off?
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 117
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:22:47 PM
My orgasm takes more then a second...
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 118
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:26:41 PM
^ Maybe you're supposed to fall in and out of love super fast?
 SrqDJ
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 119
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:27:43 PM

it takes LESS THAN ONE SECOND for a man to fall in love.


I think it's more than likely LUST...and sure I can believe it takes less than a second for that type of "reaction" lol
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 120
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/19/2016 5:32:29 PM

A man who is gaga over a woman will ask her out before the 1st date is over & may even propose within the 1st month.


The point was a woman that likes a man probably isn't going to lose interest in him because he asked her out on another date a day or two after the date instead of during a date. If he waited a week, then that might kill any momentum they had. The rest of your examples are extreme and probably very rare. Few people would decide to get married after 2 dates or 9 days.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 121
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How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/20/2016 10:44:53 AM

it takes LESS THAN ONE SECOND for a man to fall in love.

LOL - that's ridiculous, tho. You obviously had to read that wrong. Of course, if you mean *LIKE* -- sure. Actual Love? No. For both men & women, when observing/interacting with most others (not all), their Interest will be determined Real Quick. That's not to say said Interest can't fall off rather quickly once getting to know them somewhat -- but Real Attraction is there Falcon Fast. Moreso than some want to believe, because to some, that's 'degrading' in some sense, and makes them feel less unique and more animalistic, so they deny it.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 122
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/21/2016 6:54:56 AM

I've heard of many married couples who said that the man proposed as early as the 2nd date.

One family member told me her husband proposed after he knew her 9 days.


Huh? I know she has left the building. But how long did these marriages last? If they are still married, are these couples truly happy? I guess there can be rare exceptions. But I would think these types of marriages would have a very high divorce rate. After 2 dates, I'm often still trying to figure out if I want a potential LTR with another person.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 123
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/21/2016 7:24:39 AM
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2016/05/31/marriage-online-dating_n_10220830.html
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a43608/first-date-ideas-that-resulted-in-marriage/
https://www.quora.com/What-extremely-quick-marriage-proposal-stories-can-you-share

Just to show a few examples, of quick engagements and /or marriages that appear to be going strong.
Over the years I talked with, many older folks who met, married quickly due to the war. For the most part they were "Happily ever after".
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 124
How many times have you gone out on a first date that did not go further?
Posted: 6/21/2016 7:39:55 AM
The Huffington Post and Cosmo articles were more about what married couples did on their first date. The quora article did give examples of successful quick marriages. However an internet search showed there are about 60 million married couples in the USA in 2015. With a sample size that large, of course you can find examples of successful quick marriages. I still think that applies to a very small percentage of overall marriages in modern times.

http://www.statista.com/statistics/183663/number-of-married-couples-in-the-us/
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