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 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 25
I am bit confusedPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

Found out she cancelled our date to go on another date which didn't work out, i am not laughing honestly :)


So what! Don't tell me you have not done something similar. Or had a conversation with four women, asked one out, and because she took too long to answer, you asked the other and that date panned out. So when the first one said okay, you relegated her to a second or third choice. I have done it, it has been done to me as well. They don't owe you s h i t. You don't owe them s h i t.

I would instead ask her how was her date? I would then ask her out? If she says NO. Fair enough, goodbye. If she says yes. Then try it out. And tell her that YOU too have a life and date other people. In fact tell her on the date, that she should not get offended when after the date, even if it was an awesome date, you are going to get online and answer emails to other women. So when she pretends that she is not getting on line, and gets pissed off, to realize she is doing the same thing. And tell her, that if things progress well, then you will hide your profile to the point that you may go exclusive by having THAT talk, and deleting your profile.

Until then, it's all fair game. And you're nothing but a package that someone saw on line and sort of like it. Until you meet in person, and start the real communication, this is all it is.
 StumbledN
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 26
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 9:36:16 AM
OP, I have no clue why your credibility is being questioned, simply because you "found out" something about someone you have blocked. Personally, I can think of a dozen ways that could happen, so just blow all that b/s off.

Otherwise, I'll go with what IG said in Msg#25. He pretty much nailed it.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 27
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 9:56:32 AM
"Found out she cancelled our date to go on another date which didn't work out, i am not laughing honestly :)"



Maybe he made bigger planes than you ?
To some women , size does matter
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 28
view profile
History
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 10:03:43 AM

Msg. 25: So what! Don't tell me you have not done something similar. Or had a conversation with four women, asked one out, and because she took too long to answer, you asked the other and that date panned out. So when the first one said okay, you relegated her to a second or third choice. I have done it, it has been done to me as well. They don't owe you s h i t. You don't owe them s h i t.

… And you're nothing but a package that someone saw on line and sort of like it. Until you meet in person, and start the real communication, this is all it is.

According to the opening post, they had a great day out for a first date, so the real communication had already started.

Although I agree that expecting exclusivity too early in dating isn’t realistic, an attitude of, “You don’t owe (her) sh*t” regarding a woman being considered for dating is deplorable, even if it’s technically true. It would be appropriate to think a man doesn’t owe a woman exclusivity or a particular type of date, but if he genuinely wants to date her (as opposed to any attractive-to-him body with a vagina) and he hopes for a quality relationship, he should treat her well and think of her in respectful terms.

A man who asks a second woman out (for the same date/time) before he has an answer from the first woman is behaving like a cad, and a man who repeatedly treats women disrespectfully is a cad or worse (and vice versa).

Msg. 21: Found out she cancelled our date to go on another date which didn't work out

The OP was smart to lose interest. She has shown what appears to be an unattractive character trait.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 29
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 10:46:02 AM
Kay's showing her nails this morning!

hahahahahaha :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 30
view profile
History
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 12:01:05 PM

an attitude of, “You don’t owe (her) sh*t” regarding a woman being considered for dating is deplorable, even if it’s technically true.

Yeah, but look -- you're just highlight one side of it, though. He said They don't owe *You* sh!t, first. He's not implying him to say something like that to the other person, either. It's a statement about the reality of the situation, which is the point. It's not just technically true -- it is true (when applicable). You don't owe them sh!t, they don't owe you sh!t in certain situations. That's not deplorable nor anything against women. He's clearly saying it about People (men & women).

According to the opening post, they had a great day out for a first date, so the real communication had already started.

Well, whether they already had a date before is neither here nor there. Whether it's for a 1st date or 2nd date is no matter. It's a date set with someone in which they're not an item on any level... so whether they cancel it because some friends' plans that sounds more exciting comes up, or a potential date with someone else comes up -- if it makes them put in proper perspective that they're not That into that person, that's Good they canceled it. If they still were into the person they had a date set with, they could postpone it. You don't Owe them a date. In fact, dare I say this -- if anything's owed, you Owe them to cancel things between you two if you're truly not that into them -- and not go out with them when you're not truly interested (whether it be the initial scheduled time or a possible postponed time).
 StumbledN
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 31
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 12:17:16 PM

an attitude of, “You don’t owe (her) sh*t” regarding a woman being considered for dating is deplorable, even if it’s technically true.


This is just one guy communicating in "guy talk" to talk to another guy. He probably just forgot he wasn't in the locker room and you weren't supposed to overhear that. oops! LOL!


he should treat her well and think of her in respectful terms.

IG can speak for himself but I absolutely agree with this.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 32
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History
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 2:03:14 PM

Msg. 30 (quoting me): According to the opening post, they had a great day out for a first date, so the real communication had already started.

I added that line because it seemed Inner Gorilla had overlooked that the couple had already met. I hoped his stance would soften if he realized they had a great first date.

Msg. 30: Well, whether they already had a date before is neither here nor there. Whether it's for a 1st date or 2nd date is no matter. It's a date set with someone in which they're not an item on any level... so whether they cancel it because some friends' plans that sounds more exciting comes up, or a potential date with someone else comes up -- if it makes them put in proper perspective that they're not That into that person, that's Good they canceled it. If they still were into the person they had a date set with, they could postpone it. You don't Owe them a date. In fact, dare I say this -- if anything's owed, you Owe them to cancel things between you two if you're truly not that into them -- and not go out with them when you're not truly interested (whether it be the initial scheduled time or a possible postponed time).

From my perspective, daters shouldn’t be thinking in terms of what is owed to the other person. They should be thinking in terms of what is best for the other person. Sometimes, the best thing to do is not date at all or even avoid the other individual, but it’s a character issue to think it’s okay to schedule a date and then cancel it because something or somebody else came along. A person of honor keeps his/her commitments, whenever possible.

StumbledN (Msg. 31): Thank you. :)

I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping in the locker room. I’ll leave quietly, now.
:)
 HereComesYourSun
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 33
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/3/2016 10:25:26 PM
Bottom line is that is just didn't work out.
It goes like that sometimes, well mostly.

You're old enough to know (and so am I!) what it looks like when it does go well. Wait on that.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 34
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History
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/4/2016 12:48:46 PM

I added that line because it seemed Inner Gorilla had overlooked that the couple had already met. I hoped his stance would soften if he realized they had a great first date.

I don't see how his stance was harsh. He was being 'loud' with words to the poster to get his point across, not his date. Again, whether it's an initial date or a 2nd date, is neither here nor there as far as canceling or not canceling is concerned.

From my perspective, daters shouldn’t be thinking in terms of what is owed to the other person

And yeah, that was IG's point. Nobody owes anybody anything... but I get where you're saying right here...

They should be thinking in terms of what is best for the other person.

Where sometimes you Do owe someone something. Like courtesy, the bill when you Specifically Said you were going to Take Them Out, etc. Those doesn't apply here, tho, just an example of "owe" isn't a bad word if/when the concept applies.

A person of honor keeps his/her commitments, whenever possible.

If a commitment is to be honored, you owe that person honoring the commitment. I don't see why 'owe' is a 4-letter word. :)

I agree it's about what's best for the other person, as you said. And what's best for the other person (OP), is that she canceled the date. It Is better than going out on the date with someone you realize you're not that into -- correct?

And as a side note, thinking that someone is "dishonoring a commitment" because they're canceling or postponing a 1st or 2nd date with someone is a bit over the top. Especially in that phase, dates are canceled/postponed, etc. They're not written binding contracts. :)
 Cindi_loo
Joined: 11/3/2015
Msg: 35
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/4/2016 1:09:36 PM
I don't think she dishonored a commitment either. People make plans, things change and they have to cancel or reschedule. If she just no-showed, then that would be a different story. I would definitely not invest a lot of energy in being hurt or angry by someone I had only gone on one date with.
 MssKS55
Joined: 8/13/2015
Msg: 36
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/5/2016 7:29:49 PM
She definitely is confused! How can you be a favorite but she doesn't want a second date? I would ask her what was that for!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 37
view profile
History
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/5/2016 9:54:36 PM

Inner_Gorilla
So what! Don't tell me you have not done something similar. Or had a conversation with four women, asked one out, and because she took too long to answer, you asked the other and that date panned out. So when the first one said okay, you relegated her to a second or third choice. I have done it, it has been done to me as well. They don't owe you s h i t. You don't owe them s h i t.

I would instead ask her how was her date? I would then ask her out? If she says NO. Fair enough, goodbye. If she says yes. Then try it out. And tell her that YOU too have a life and date other people. In fact tell her on the date, that she should not get offended when after the date, even if it was an awesome date, you are going to get online and answer emails to other women. So when she pretends that she is not getting on line, and gets pissed off, to realize she is doing the same thing. And tell her, that if things progress well, then you will hide your profile to the point that you may go exclusive by having THAT talk, and deleting your profile.

Until then, it's all fair game. And you're nothing but a package that someone saw on line and sort of like it. Until you meet in person, and start the real communication, this is all it is.

Interesting. Last Sunday, I was conversing with a woman over on Ok*Cupid. We exchanged a half dozen messages between 10 and 11 a.m., then she went silent. I went off to exercise at the gym and do other things myself. Sunday evening, I had a casual dinner with someone new from the same site. After I got home, around 9 p.m., I heard from woman number one again. We exchange a few messages, she talked about having an initial meeting with someone that afternoon who was really creepy.

I mentioned that I had just gotten back from an initial meeting myself.

Her: So why are you texting with me if there is someone else

Me: It was only a meet-n-greet. I though you said that you did a coffee date earlier today?

Her: Hi did but remember mine did not go well at all I could not get away fast enough

Interesting point of view. It’s okay to mention a meet-n-greet, but only if it went badly? At any rate, I never responded. I’ve already met with enough crazy women from OLD, I don’t need to meet anymore!


 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 39
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/6/2016 5:01:17 AM

Interesting point of view. It’s okay to mention a meet-n-greet, but only if it went badly? At any rate, I never responded. I’ve already met with enough crazy women from OLD, I don’t need to meet anymore!


LOL I never, ever gave out this type of info. Good meet or bad meet. Nope, my lips were sealed.
From another thread. Didn't ask, didn't tell.
If my time came into question? A conflict of time.?.................."I have/(had) a prior commitment"

My viewpoint: A stranger has no need to know my whereabouts.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 40
I am bit confused
Posted: 6/6/2016 9:02:54 AM
(^^^^good post by lady in red)

She does not like you very much if she canceled your date to go out with someone else. You did the right thing by cutting contact. Don't let anybody play with you.
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